Chapter 13.
Tony had been asleep for almost two hours when Gibbs heard a soft knocking on the door. He turned around and saw Abby standing there with McGee and Ziva behind her.
"Can we come in Gibbs?" She whispered. He nodded, and then quietly stepped into the room. Ziva closet the door carefully behind her. Abby went around the bed and found a chair and sat down opposite of Gibbs. She lightly stroked Tony's cheek, careful to not wake him up. McGee and Ziva stood at the foot of the bed.
"How is he?" She asked?
"Not good, but better than before."
She watched him and the sleeping man.
"Yeah I can see that. Oh my god Gibbs! I mean, you are holding his hand!" She exclaimed as she hid her face behind her hands. "Gibbs, what happened? Is he in pain? Is it the drug?"
"Abbs, shhh calm down. He was upset when I got back here. But he said that he wasn't in any pain. He will be fine Abby."
"But you are holding his hand! That means it has to be really bad. Oh my god!" She whispered this time.
"Yeah Boss, is it a side effect of the drug?" McGee asked.
"I don't know, McGee. Do I look like a doctor to you?" There was no force behind his words. Gibbs looked down on Tony. He didn't show any signs of waking up. He was aware that he was still holding on to his hand, but felt really reluctant to let go. So he decided to just pretend that it was nothing.
"Eh no Boss, of course not. I was just wondering if you knew that's all."
"I don't."
"Yeah okay."
It got quiet after that, the four of them watching Tony in the bed. Ziva didn't really know how to react. She had never seen Gibbs like this before, the way he was holding Tony's hand. Or the way his gaze didn't leave Tony. But she wasn't that surprised, after all she knew that Tony meant a lot to Gibbs, she just hadn't seen him show it before.
After a few minutes the door opened and a nurse stepped inside, she paused and look surprised to see so many people gathered in the room. She told them that she didn't really appreciate so many people at once, but allowed them to stay. She checked her patients' blood pressure and pulse before leaving again. When the door closet behind her Tony gave out a moan and suddenly opened his eyes. As soon as he saw his collages next to his bed Gibbs could feel his grip around his hand tightened. He looked around at them with wide eyes.
"Hi DiNozzo. You with us?" He said quietly. Tony looked at him and then noticed that they were holding hands. He immediately let go of Gibbs' hand.
"Yeah boss, I'm fine." He then made an attempt to sit up, only to have both Gibbs and Abby hold him back.
"Oh Tony I was so worried!" Abby exclaimed and leaned over and hugged him carefully. "You are not in any pain are you?" She asked.
Tony brought his arms up and returned the hug. When he had woken up he had felt confused and as soon as he saw his company and noticed his position he felt a bit ashamed as well as vulnerable, just laying there with all of them standing around him as he had been sleeping. And he was holding Gibbs' hand! What had they been thinking? But as he hugged Abby he felt himself relax a bit, and she seemed to notice because she gave him a big smile as she let go of him.
"You okay then?" She asked? He nodded and smiled back at her.
"Hi Ziva, probie." He said and waved at them.
"Hi there Tony. I'm glad you are feeling better." Ziva answered and McGee waved back.
"So, what's going on with the case guys?" He said after a bit of uncomfortable silence. They explained a bit about what had happened, and they talked awhile about Susan Andersson. Tony found that he had a bit of trouble to follow in the conversation, and found himself zoning out. He was sure that the other noticed it too, but they didn't comment.
"Tony!"
"What?" He exclaimed. It came out harsher then he had intended. He didn't know where the anger was coming from.
"Well, sorry..." McGee said. "I asked you twice what you thought, but you didn't answer."
"I don't care Tim, okay?" He said without looking at him.
"All right, fine! But you don't have to..."
"Tim. That's enough." Gibbs interrupted, sensing Tony's mood. "Why don't you and Ziva head home?" He looked at Abby, and she nodded towards him on the other side of Tony's bed. The two agents bid their goodbyes, all though a bit reluctantly and left.
Abby managed to engage Tony in a conversation for a while, and Gibbs sat silently beside them. His phone beeped and he saw a text from the director demanding his presence. He cursed silently to himself, he had a feeling that DiNozzo would not want him to leave. But he thought that if he left now while Abby was here he could come back after meeting the director. As he stood up DiNozzo immediately turned his attention to him.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"Abby will stay with you DiNozzo."
"Not what I asked Boss. But fine! Go ahead and leave then, I guess you have somewhere else better to be. I get it."
"I'll be back later DiNozzo." At his agents words Gibbs had stopped in the door to answer him. He almost changed his mind when he saw the look on Tony's face when he asked where he was going, but now he just looked angry. He expected Tony to say something more, but he didn't. And he turned his head away from the door. Gibbs left.
"Hey, Tony? Are you okay?" Abby asked him.
"Sure I am." He answered her and took her hand in his and gave her a faint smile. The truth was that he wasn't. He didn't want them to leave. He wanted them to stay, all of them. Especially Gibbs. But clearly that wasn't happening. He hadn't said anything when Gibbs ordered McGee and Ziva home, even though he had wanted to, but they had looked tired, and they would have thought that he was nuts. But Gibbs, he really wanted Gibbs to stay. But he guessed it was his own fault. He had snapped at McGee, and had basically told Gibbs to leave. Abby interrupted his thoughts.
"You look tired. Do you want to sleep a bit?" She asked him.
"Nah, I'm good." he said. He didn't want to sleep. He didn't know what he wanted. He felt weird. Just then the door opened again. Was Gibbs back already? But it was his doctor.
"Hi Tony! I can see that you are doing better than last time we saw each other." He said. "Do you feel any pain?"
"No, not really, just a bit. But I think the drugs you have me on is working."
"Good to hear. Now I want to examine you and ask you a few questions, okay?"
The examination took about 20 minutes, and he got to answer a lot of questions, not just a few.
"Well, Tony. I think you still are suffering from side effects from what you are describing, so I want to keep you here a bit longer. We don't know how this will develop."
Tony just nodded without saying anything. He knew that nothing he said as this point would matter. He didn't want to be here but they wouldn't let him leave. He knew that. And if he was honest with himself he didn't think that he would be able to get out of bed and leave by himself. His body felt too weak, which was something he was not comfortable with at all. The doctor left the room after that and Abby and Tony was left alone again.
Abby sat down and dragged the chair as close to the bed as she could. She watched him for a while, and he felt bad for not acknowledging her. She signed a bit and took his hand in hers. He let her, but didn't say anything.
"Tony? Do you want to talk about it?" she said.
"Not really Abby. I'm not really feeling a hundred percent right now, you know."
"Yeah I get it, it's okay. You don't have to talk at all if you don't want to. That's fine."
He squeezed her hand.
"Do you want me to talk then? Because I can talk for both of us if you like. Did I tell you about last weekend?"
He shook his head, and Abby started telling him about her weekend. Tony felt how he slowly drifted to sleep at the sound of her voice. She didn't let go of his hand.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
He was waken some time later by Abby shaking his arm carefully. For a moment he felt panic rushing up in his chest before he realized where he was.
"Hi Tony, I'm sorry but I have to go now. They are kind of kicking me out now. Visiting hours are over a long time ago apparently. I tried to make the let me stay, but they wouldn't let me. But I will be back as soon as I can tomorrow, okay?"
"What?" Was all he got out. His voice was raspy. He didn't understand what she was saying.
"I'll see you tomorrow Tony."
"You are leaving?"
"Yeah. I don't want to though."
"Then don't. Abby, stay." He said and grasped for her hand, surprised when he miscalculated and missed it. She notices his attempt and grabbed his hand in both of hers.
"I wish I could Tony. But I will see you tomorrow, okay?"
"But I want you to stay." He whispered, but didn't meet her eyes. He didn't know what this need was coming from.
"Oh Tony, please. I tried telling them that I really needed to stay, but they said that I couldn't."
He looked up at her face and saw that she was upset. She looked close to tears. He was making her cry. He couldn't do that. What was he doing?
"Oh, okay Abby. It's fine."
"No, it's not."
"I'm just going to sleep anyway. And I will see you tomorrow." With that he let go of her hand and did his best to smile up against her. "It's fine, Abby." He repeated.
She didn't look convinced, but bent down and kissed his cheek and said goodnight. She looked back at him and waved from the doorway, before she closed the door behind her, and he was alone. As soon as the door closed he wanted to call her back. He wanted her back right now! But he didn't. He knew that it would make her even more upset. He couldn't be responsible for Abby being upset. But what about him? He was upset too.
The doctors had said this was some kind of side effect. Him feeling this way. But knowing that didn't really lessen the feeling of desperation he felt when Abby left. Being alone was something he was used to. He had learned not to depend on other people early on in his life, and that was something he had lived by. But that didn't mean that he liked it. And right now, all he wanted was someone there with him.
He closed his eyes and tried to calm down enough to fall asleep, but it wasn't working. He felt tears stinging behind his eyelids, and he contemplated on pushing the bottom for the nurse. But he stopped himself. What would he say? He wasn't really in pain, there wasn't anything physically wrong with him. They wouldn't like that he called for them just because he felt lonely. For that he was very thankful, the pain he has been in earlier had probably been one of the worst he had ever experienced.
He looked around in his room, and his eyes fell on a phone on a table to his left. He reached for it and without thinking he pressed Gibbs' number. Maybe if he just talked to his boss for a while he would feel better. But that didn't really work, as soon as he heard Gibbs voice answering tears started to fall down his cheeks and he did his best to hold the sobs he felt coming from his chest at bay.
"Hi boss." He managed.
"Tony. You okay?"
He found that he couldn't answer. He drew in a few deep breaths and tried to calm down.
"Tony? Hey! Answer me. What's wrong?"
"Abby left." was all he managed.
"Okay."
"Boss. I'm here alone now." he said.
"Yeah, DiNozzo. Visiting hour's over?"
"Yeah."
Neither of them said anything for a moment. Tony was starting to regret calling. He felt so pathetic. Crying to his boss that he was alone. He couldn't take the silence anymore.
"You know, I don't know why I'm calling even. You must have other things to do boss. Building a boat or something."
"Boat can wait DiNozzo."
"Yeah, but you know boss, it's nothing really." His voice almost broke here. "My doctor said it is some sort of side effect or something. It messes with my head."
When Gibbs didn't answer, he added. "Sorry for calling Gibbs."
Gibbs reply was soft. "Do you want me to come Tony?"
He couldn't hold back the sobs anymore now.
"Yeah" he whispered and pressed the phone hard against his face. "Can you? Please boss."
"I'm on my way."
"Really?"
"Of course DiNozzo."
"But what if they won't let you in boss?" he was crying into the phone now.
"Then I'll make them, Tony. I will be there soon. You got that?"
"Yeah I got it."
"Good." Tony heard the click of Gibbs hanging up. He put the phone down and turned on his side so that he was facing the door. Then he waited.