Chapter 14.
Gibbs had somehow expected Tony to call. If he was honest with himself he felt a bit bad about not going to the hospital earlier so that Tony wouldn't had have to call him. As soon as he answered the phone he could hear on Tony's voice that something was wrong, but stubborn as DiNozzo was he didn't say what he wanted, or in this case needed.
It weighed heavy on Gibbs' heart when he understood that the man on the other end of the line was trying not to cry. But as soon as he asked Tony if he should come he could hear the relief through his voice and he didn't hide how upset he was any longer. He had been worried that they wouldn't let him in, but Gibbs knew that there was no one that was going to stop him from seeing Tony. It was where was needed, so that was where he was going to be.
He thought briefly in the car if he should call Abby, but decided not to, it would probably only end up in her feeling guilty for leaving Tony without realizing how much he had needed the company. She would probably be upset and she would need him to comfort her and reassure her that it was not a big deal. That would remove focus from Tony. It was better to just leave it be.
He couldn't remember a time when he actually had seen Tony cry, it was a strange to even imagine it. And by the sound of it Tony had found it strange himself. He had been apologizing for calling him, he hadn't wanted to bother him and at the same time he wanted him there. Gibbs found himself thinking that Tony was a person that was not comfortable with showing emotions, but now, this drug was making him lose the control of holding it inside. Gibbs wondered how long Tony had been holding his emotions inside. Since he was a kid?
When he got to the hospital he didn't bother with announcing his arrival to anyone, instead he just search his way to Tony's room. He stopped for a while outside the door and listened, but it was quiet. He carefully opened the door incase Tony was asleep. But he wasn't. He was lying on the bed facing the door. He had drawn the hospital blanket all the way up to his chin and was clutching it tightly. He was staring at Gibbs by the door and had an expression of such a relief and that Gibbs was slightly taken back by it. His eyes immediately started to tear up and he did nothing to hide it.
"Boss…" he whispered and untangled on of his hands out of the blanket and reached out to him.
"Hi Tony." He whispered back and went over to the chair next to the bed. He took Tony's hand in his and put it back on the bed.
Tony wouldn't look at him, and was repeatedly biting his lips. He only looked at their intertwined hands. He was gripping Gibbs' hand hard. A silence fell between them as neither man spoke.
"Are you going to stay?" Tony eventually broke the silence, still not meeting Gibbs' eyes, even though the older man tried to catch his gaze.
"Yes."
"Okay." They were once again quiet. Tony took a few deep breaths, as to calm himself down.
"Thanks for coming Boss. I really appreciate it." When Gibbs didn't say anything he continued. "I don't know what's going on with me. I was fine an all, but then Abby left and I just felt like all I wanted was for her to come back, just so I didn't have to be here alone. And I didn't know what to do!" As he was talking he was getting worked up and was breathing harder.
"Hey. It's okay." Gibbs squeezed his hand a bit harder to get him to focus on something else.
"No boss, it's not! I don't know what's going on with me." He said and a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He angrily wiped them away.
"Didn't your doctor say it was a result of the drugs?"
"Yeah, but it's just so stupid I should be able to handle it!" his voice was increasing in volume.
"DiNozzo, calm down."
"Calm down! What do you think I'm trying to do Boss? But I can't! I can't relax because when I try I just start to think about how…" He interrupted himself suddenly and angrily turned on his back on the bed.
"I can't do this! I feel so stupid!"
"You are not stupid." Gibbs told him calmly, his patience starting to running low with this.
"Yes I am!" Tony almost screamed. "I'm acting like a total kid, calling for his daddy. Damn!" he swore and released Gibbs hand, he almost threw it away from him. At that, without being able to stop himself Gibbs felt anger surge through him.
"Maybe you should call your dad next time then DiNozzo!" He snapped, but at the look of Tony's face then made him regret it instantly. He looked heartbroken. Desperate. He started chewing on his lips again, sitting up on the bed. Gibbs could see water accumulate in his eyes. But before Gibbs had time to do anything else Tony dove down on the bed and curled up with his face pressed into the pillow. He started shaking.
"Tony…" Gibbs said slowly.
"You should just go Gibbs. I'm sorry I called you, okay." He heard Tony murmur from the pillow. Gibbs sighed. He wasn't really sure what to do at this point to be honest. They had never been in this situation before. But he knew what Tony was doing. He knew that Tony didn't want him to leave. But he had obviously been really hurt by the comment he made about his dad. They both knew that had Tony called his father, he wouldn't have shown. Instead Tony had called him, and here he was screwing it up. He decided to go with a new approach to the situation and stood up from the chair with the intention on walking around Tony's bed to sit down on it. But as soon as Tony heard the scraping sound of the chair moving he was in motion. He sat up and threw the blankets aside clearly with the intention of following Gibbs wherever he was going.
"No, boss! Don't leave! I'm sorry!" He uttered desperately. He reach out for Gibbs and made a move to get out of the bed. Gibbs reacted quickly, not wanting Tony to get up, and was at his side at the bed in moments and he grabbed his arms. Tony grabbed back, and tugged them against him.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled "I didn't mean it. I don't want you to go. I don't want to be here. I want to go with you. Please. I'm sorry Gibbs…"
He would have continued if Gibbs hadn't stopped him by removing his hands from Tony's arms, and then pulled him towards his chest as he wrapped his arms around him. Gibbs didn't know how Tony would react to this. He felt him stiffen in his grip, he was panting and his body trembled.
"It's okay Tony." Gibbs whispered in his ear and hugged him a bit closer. "It's okay."
A few more moments Tony stayed as he was, but then he suddenly sagged into Gibbs' shoulder as if he accepted what was happening. He brought up his arms around Gibbs' back as he hugged him back. The tension disappeared from his body and he started crying. At first the sobs he emitted were quiet as he was trying to control them to some extent, but after a while the sobs got louder and more desperate. He didn't care anymore.
Gibbs found himself sitting there on the bed occasionally whisper some comforting words or stroke Tony's back in slow circles.
Gibbs lost track on time on how long they sat there. Tony didn't seem to want to let go. He was still crying. Gibbs could feel dampness on his shoulder where Tony's face was buried. Eventually he made a move to lower Tony down back on the bed. Something that proved to be a mistake from his part, as Tony clearly thought he was going to leave, something he probably should have made clear already that he wouldn't.
"No Gibbs," Tony struggled to remain in his boss' arms. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry boss. I didn't mean…"
"Tony listen to me." It seemed like he was. "I'm not going anywhere. You have nothing to be sorry about."
"But I said…"
"I don't care. I shouldn't have said what I said."
Tony had to draw a few breath to be able to answer. "I don't want you to go." He whispered.
"I'm not leaving you. I told you. You are stuck with me here now."
"Thank you, Boss."
They sat there for a few minutes longer as Tony calmed down. His breaths were getting deeper, and the flow of tears lessened and eventually stopped.
"You want to lay down?" Gibbs asked. Tony nodded.
Gibbs remained sitting next to him on the bed. They locked eyes.
"I'm sorry." Tony said again.
"This is not your fault Tony." Gibbs answered.
"But still. I totally lost it back there."
Gibbs smirked. "You think, DiNozzo?" It earned him a small smile from Tony.
"I just feel very weird boss."
Gibbs nodded before he answered. "Which is not your fault."
"I guess not. I just wish it would stop." He sighed and closed his eyes. "It's exhausting."
"You can have tomorrow off DiNozzo."
"Oh really?" Tony opened one eye and looked at Gibbs.
"I might as well do the same." Gibbs said and manage to draw a smile from Tony.
- NCIS -
Tony relaxed into the pillows. He really was exhausted. He felt much better now actually. Maybe all he had needed was to let it all out, and now when he had he would be fine and everything would go back to normal. That was all he wanted really. He had felt so alone before Gibbs had arrived. As soon as he had seen him he just felt so relieved, and he suspected that Gibbs had been able to see it on his face. But right then he hadn't cared. All that mattered was that Gibbs was there. He had reached out to him and he had come. That had meant so much to him that he would never be able to express it in words.
He had felt insecure even though Gibbs was sitting next to him on his bed in the middle of the night. He had to reassure himself that Gibbs really was intending to stay with him. But then he of course couldn't keep his mouth shut and had made Gibbs angry, causing him to say that thing about his father. It had really hurt to hear that next time he should maybe call his dad. Was Gibbs angry because he thought that Tony actually should have called his own dad? But had he done that he would never have shown. Not knowing what else to say Tony had told Gibbs to leave, something which he regretted saying instantly, and when he heard Gibbs' chair move as the other man got up he had totally freaked out. He had thought that Gibbs actually took his words seriously and was going to leave. But he didn't. He had stayed and he had let Tony cry on his shoulder. All the while when he was trying to apologize for his behavior. But Gibbs wouldn't have it and after a while he had been able to calm down. He was having a hard time staying awake at the time. He could feel Gibbs' weight still on his bed next to him. He didn't say anything, and neither did Tony. He just found comfort in Gibbs presence, and he fell asleep aware that Gibbs would be there when he woke up again.
- NCIS -
Gibbs remained sitting on the bed until he was sure that Tony was asleep. He had struggled a long time with trying to staying awake, but now his features were relaxed just as the rest of him was. Gibbs was just about to move when the door opened and a nurse stepped into the room. She gave out a shriek when she saw him and took a few steps back. She glanced at Tony and then asked Gibbs how he was. It was easier than he expected to get permission from the nurse to stay in Tony's room. She even got him a cot to sleep on after she had checked on Tony. She said she thought it would do more harm if he left at this moment, after he had explained why he was there. Tony didn't wake up, not even from the noise they caused as Gibbs and the nurse put up the bed Gibbs was going to use. Gibbs moved his bed so that when Tony woke up he could easily see him. He laid down and waited for sleep to claim him.
Hej guys! Thank you so much for reading this story and reviewing. I really appreciate it :) It was really about time that I updated this story. Anyone got any suggestions on what might happen after this? I really like to explore emotions. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!