Liara

I could not describe the emotions that filled me when I watched the Normandy fly away. Through the lightning storms perpetually over the planet, I kept my gaze fixed to the ship until I could no longer see it. My heart felt cold in my chest. It had not been so long ago when Miranda Lawson hailed me and begged for refuge and a place to tend to the wounded when they came back from the relay. Once again, I had been forced to watch over my lover as she lay on the brink of death.

I understood Shepard's reasons for leaving. I allowed it, but…but I wanted to be with her in the way I'd been when first we met. I longed to be on board that ship with her, facing the hardships and the battles and the pain. My place was by her side, to be her refuge and her strength and her shield. It was still too early for me to leave. Through murder, I gained an empire, an empire with an empress who sometimes looked at the magnitude of all her rank contained and trembled with the fear of the unknown.

In many ways, I thought as I continued to stare out the window, though the Normandy was no longer in view, I am still that naïve archaeologist that Shepard rescued in the mines of Therum. Now, I run the greatest criminal empire in the galaxy. My name is feared. I am both myth and legend, but…but all I want is to be Liara T'Soni, lover of Commander Shepard.

That wish, however seemed as though it was not meant to be. I loved a soldier and, at the end of the day, Serena could be nothing but that…nothing but her definition of a soldier. That definition frightened me, perhaps more than anything else ever had. Because of my time on the Normandy, I had seen many soldiers. The sole similarities between all of them were the uniforms they wore and the oath they made when entering military service. I could not speak for every soldier, of course, but I could speak of those I knew.

Some soldiers were like Ashley Williams. They swore their oath because it was their family tradition, one in which they believed upholding, continuing in honor of their ancestors. Other soldiers were like Executive Officer Pressly of the Normandy SR-1. He swore his oath because he needed an occupation, and a way to get out from under the tightened fist of his horrific father. Of all of those in uniform I had met, of all of the stories I heard, I had met no soldier like Serena Shepard.

No soldier I have ever met thinks so often about peace. No soldier I knew begs for there to be a world where no soldier is needed. There is no other soldier who would do what I have seen Shepard do...and despise themselves for it. So very often, she is in the right of the situation but…but that makes no difference to her. She still suffers with every life taken.

I shook my head and turned away from the window, returning to my office and the work that would never end. My thoughts were unwelcome company as a cold knot settled in the pit of my stomach. As a soldier, Serena had been taking lives for over ten years, and still she suffered from her actions, new and old. Three years had gone by during which I'd held a weapon, during which I'd taken lives…I felt no remorse. I remembered so very few names and faces. Even when I did, they did not haunt me in my dreams. Not any longer.

Days Later

[I have to admit, you don't look so good.] Zhira's voice crackled over the comms. [Are you taking care of yourself, Li? Did something happen, besides the obvious, of course?]

My friend smiled at me and I shook my head. "It is simply the obvious." I explained. "Feron is making certain that I eat, but other than that…" I trailed off and saw empathy in Zhira's amethyst eyes.

[You're doing what you do when you worry.] Zhira shrugged. [Which is throw yourself into work. You mean there's been no word from Shepard? Not even a quick message?]

"No." I sounded exhausted, even to my own hearing. "There's been no communication at all. To be fair, I've been so busy that I've not sent a message either but…but I'm afraid."

Zhira smiled and I knew that, were she standing next to me, she would wrap her arm around my waist and allow me to rest my head on her shoulder for comfort. [Well, you have reason to be.] She told me. [The last time she left you, she came back in critical condition. It makes sense for you to be worried, Liara, and as long as you aren't hounding her about it or endangering her with incessant attempts at communication, I am quite certain she will keep her promise and come back to you.]

I offered my friend a weak smile in return. She always knew the proper things to say in order to impart comfort. And comfort was something I so desperately needed here, in the most secure, hidden place in the galaxy. My surroundings were efficient, but austere, and I had no one for companionship now that the Normandy was gone. It felt odd to walk through the halls and hear no voices. Even Glyph, the VI, had commented on the silence that pressed in all around us.

"Thank you, Zhira." I whispered, and she winked, such a singularly human gesture that it made me smile and long for my Shepard all the more.

Just a word, Serena. All I need from you is a word.

I heard the mumble of a public announcement system in the background and Zhira looked up, her eyes scanning something before looking back to her omni-tool screen.

[It's what friends are for. I have to go now, Li. The transport is boarding. I'll let you know when we reach Earth.]

"Go in safety, Zhira." I bade her. She nodded and disconnected the link.

I sat down and sighed, tapping my foot on the floor in a rapid staccato beat. I did not like being this way. I did not like my own heart wrapped so entirely up with another's that worry gnawed at me every moment they were gone. The last few days had seen the restfulness of my slumber decrease and the number of fearful dreams rocket skyward. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, willing the soothing sounds of the ship in motion to lull me into a short period of rest. An hour or so spent resting would do no harm, and it would keep Feron from nagging at me in his over-protective manner.

I closed my eyes when my omni-tool beeped, alerting me to a call on my private channel. My throat tightened and my heart fell into my stomach. Two people alone knew of this chanel, and I'd stopped speaking with one of the mere moments ago. I opened the screen and engaged a video call, shocked by what I saw.

On the other end of the connection, I saw Shepard. Her face was paler than I remembered, the still-dark slice of scar tissue across it standing out in stark counterpoint. Her eyes were ringed by dark circles that looked more like bruises. Her lips were chapped, her hair lank, and the silver of her eyes looked dull grey. Lifeless. Listless. Cold.

"Shepard?" I asked through the knot in my throat. "Shepard, can you hear me? Is everything all right?"

Are you injured? Are you hurt? Please come back, come home, let me see you. I need to see you and take care of you, I need to make sure you are okay.

[I can hear you, Liara.] Shepard's voice sounded haggard and rough, as if she had been barking orders across a battlefield. [I'm sorry, alaínn anam. Everything's not all right.]