Liara
I felt cold bands of steel wrap around my heart, constricting the muscle's every beat. In the background, my screens began flashing, the speakers rang with choppy static sounds. I looked to my galaxy map, only to see that the Bahak system had gone…had gone dark. Confusion swirled in my mind as the patches of static coalesced to a dull roar and the lights flashing and the voice of Glyph repeating.
"Shadow Broker, there are no signs of life from agent Alpha Seven, Delta Two, Foxtrot Thirteen, and Tango Four. I repeat, there are no signs of life. No signs of life. No signs of life…"
"Shepard, what happened?" I demanded, hearing the caustic edge of fear in my voice, threatening to take over everything.
Her silver eyes pierced me across the vid-link and the cacophony of digital sounds blaring behind me faded in the ferocity of her gaze. I remained still, letting all of my alarms shriek, letting Glyph repeat his terrifying report ad nauseam. I did not know what had happened, but I did know that the reason for it sat before me, star systems away, a pain in her eyes so deep that I swore I could see her soul bleeding in the dulled grey…a blade still sharper than any in the galaxy.
[Hackett asked me to go to the Bahak system to rescue Doctor Amanda Kenson from a batarian prison. I didn't know what I was looking at, so I went in solo.] Her words were dry and lifeless, like the chill of a bitter wind. [I found Kenson and got her out. Turns out she's an Alliance doctor out of Arcturus Station. They found a Reaper artifact in the system.]
The frost around my heart spread further, venturing from the pit of my stomach down into my legs, freezing me to my spot as reports came in from my operatives all across the galaxy. Behind me lay a maelstrom of questions, wonderings, I heard a masculine voice shouting about the state of the Bahak system, an almost incoherent scream of an inquiry about a wife and child. I could do nothing but stare at the haggard face of the woman I loved and listen.
[Kenson…Kenson took me to the project base, where she and her team were studying the artifact. They had it wide out in the open, Liara. There was fuck all I could do…Kenson seemed reasonable until then…the same kind of reasonable that…the same kind…]
Her eyes sparked, but not with the righteous anger I knew so well, not with the zeal of a soldier who took weapon in hand to save lives. No. Her eyes sparked with tears…the tears of someone with conscience who was responsible for…responsible for so much death, so much destruction.
"The same kind of reasonable that Benezia seemed, before she broke away." I spoke of my mother where Shepard could not, and realized that, even two years removed, even after death and being reawakened, Serena still felt sorrow over the actions taken that resulted in the loss of my mother.
How much more can her soul endure? I wondered. How much pain can you amass in such a short lifespan. Eighty to one-hundred and twenty years…that is nothing to an asari but it is all most humans ever realize. Surely not all of them know this level of pain, this manner of loss and destruction…surely they cannot…they would all perish from the weight of an invisible burden.
"Was she indoctrinated, Shepard?" I asked, attempting to lead my lover down the path of this story, whose pain and ghosts I could see already looming in her gaze.
[Yeah.] Serena sounded tired, defeated, and more soul-weary than I had ever seen her. [Yeah, she was fucking indoctrinated. When I realized what she was doing, that she was preventing us from stopping the Reaper's arrival, I did what I had to do but…but they overpowered me.]
The word "overpowered" struck me as odd and I frowned. "Shepard, are you well? Are you physically hurt?"
[She wouldn't let them kill me.] Shepard's tone darkened. [She wanted me kept alive. They always want me alive.]
Her words sent shivers down my spine. They made it seem as though she did not wish to be alive, as though she wanted to close her eyes and never open them again. In spite of the frigid metal bands encasing my heart with an emotion that could be known only as dread, I felt the organ begin to race. Blood pounded through my veins and I clenched my hands into a fist. I could not force her to speak, but I needed to know. I needed to know so that I could answer the questions blaring behind me with more urgency and fervor.
[I found out from Joker…Kenson kept me sedated for two days. When I woke up the Reapers were an hour from arriving through the Alpha Relay in the Bahak system. I didn't have a choice, Liara.] Her voice cracked. [I have to follow through on what Kenson's plan was from the beginning. I…I crashed an asteroid into the Alpha Relay.]
I went deaf to the noise surrounding me. I stared at Shepard, feeling my lips parting in shock, horror, and fear. For centuries, we'd believed the mass relays to be indestructible. But with enough propulsive power, a sizeable asteroid would…it would be able to commit such an act of destruction. However, the mass effect energy that would be released upon the relay's destruction…
Goddess…
"Shepard…"
[I made a decision, Liara.] Shepard's words were hollow, devoid of the emotion I knew she was drowning in. [I made a decision that ended over three hundred thousand lives. The Bahak system is…it's gone. But I did what I had to do, Liara. I bought us some time. The Council still doesn't believe the Reapers are a threat. If they ever thought so, our return from the Omega relay lulled them into some sort of idiotic stupor. I had to kill three hundred thousand people to make them see…worse is coming.]
"Serena…" I reached out and touched the screen, wishing more than anything that I could be there with her; that I could take her in my arms and let her weep the tears she would share with me alone. No one, human, asari, krogan, turian, salarian…not even a vorcha could live with that much blood on their hands. How much less so could my Shepard, who suffered enough already, who had borne the pain of seven lifetimes already. "Serena, where are you?" I asked, making the decision. "Tell me, and I will come to you. Keep the Normandy safe and just…give me your coordinates. I'll be there as soon as…"
[You can't, Liara.] Shepard's words struck me like a bullet. [This isn't something I can hide from, even over Hagalaz. Miranda, Jack, Samara, Thane, Tali, Grunt, Kasumi, Zaeed, and Grunt are already gone. I tried to make everyone else leave too but…but Chakwas and Joker refused. Hackett's on his way, Liara. I'm afraid…I'm afraid I can't keep my promise, alaínn anam. I'm afraid I won't be coming back to you.]
"Don't be foolish, Shepard!" I shouted, remembering the memories she showed me, memories of her courts martial, when the Alliance attempted to blame her for the massacre at Akuze. I would not let the military take her and imprison the sole soldier they had with any goddess-damned sense. "I can get you out of this, you know I can!"
[Liara, even the Shadow Broker can't resurrect a star system.] The pain in her voice struck me like the fangs of a serpent, sharp and piercing. I watched as glittering tears began to fall from her eyes. She was alone, I realized. Alone and speaking to me…perhaps for the last time. [I have to answer for this.] I knew her honor spoke for her, and I loved her even as I despised her for it. [If I don't take the fall, the Batarian Hegemony will use this as an excuse to begin a war with humanity that we can't afford. The Reapers are coming…we'll all need to ally with each other against them. So let them think that Commander Serena Shepard went off and used this opportunity to get revenge on the race that obliterated Mindoir. I'll be all right. Hackett isn't unreasonable…he believes me. It won't…it won't be so bad.]
"Stop lying to comfort me." Tears of my own were falling now. She would be taken from me. She would be taken away to answer for her crimes…crimes she had been forced to commit. "They could…they could execute you for this. You already committed treason, Shepard. You…you worked for Cerberus! You were, for all they care, a terrorist in the galactic community! They could…they could so easily make a martyr of you! You realize that, don't you? You realize that you could lose everything by answering for this!?"
[I'm not a fool, Liara.] Her voice whipped through my fear. [I'm well aware of the potential punishment for this. That pales in comparison to what I just did. The necessity of the evil I perpetrated on the galaxy,] Her words grew rough and I watched her tears continue to fall. She grew paler as blood drained from her face, [it makes me sick. Literally sick. I was sedated for two days…if I'd been conscious, if I'd had time I could have…fuck. I could have figured out a different way. I could have changed something but I…I fucked up. I didn't have a choice.]
I brushed my tears from my cheeks, bewildered and in pain. She would not be returning to me. We'd only just come together again and now she was…she was leaving me and going into a future and a trial that I could not be part of. I needed to stand in front of her, to know she was all right, to pull her into my arms and somehow share this burden…all the blood on her hands…the blood of men and women and planets and stars.
[I don't have much time, Liara.] Shepard's voice pulled me from my thoughts. I looked back at the screen in time to see her succumb to a fit of coughing. She looked wan and drained, so fragile as her body bent, wracked by a vicious paroxysm. I held my breath until it ended, then felt my body go numb as I watched Shepard wipe blood from her lips.
"Serena, are you…are you all right?" I reached out and touched the screen again, as if I could somehow reach through it, touch her, reassure her, and myself, that all would be well.
[I'm fine.] Shepard muttered. [One of the bastards got a lucky shot, hit one of my armor's weak points and broke a rib. Nicked a lung. Chakwas patched me up, but there's still some blood to clear out. I'm fine, Liara. I promise. But I…] I heard a crackle over the Normandy's PA system. […I have to go, Liara. I'm sorry I can't come back. I'll try to contact you when I get to Earth, but I'm not sure what they'll allow.] She reached out and touched the screen, her eyes filled with longing and remorse. [I love you, Liara T'Soni.]
"I love you too." I murmured, devastated when the connection went dark.
I stood at the console and leaned on it, lowering my head, attempting to process the life and the expectations now shattered. The chaos and cacophony rang in the background. Agents reporting in, numbers of losses, countless operations now rendered useless and gone awry. I needed to manage it all. I needed to…
"Glyph, have one of our agents on Earth be ready for Shepard's arrival. I need a tail on Admiral Steven Hackett as well. Whatever they're doing to her, I want to know every moment. Every word, every gesture, every clipped nose-hair. Make it happen."
"As you wish, Shadow Broker." The VI drone hovered away and I inhaled, deep, attempting to center myself.
There will be time to grieve and process later. For now, I must attend to the chaos caused by Shepard…all the lives lost…Goddess, please…please give her peace. Please keep her safe. Let those who will try her understand that…that she did the unthinkable in order to keep an eventuality even more unthinkable from occurring without warning. Help her as she is judged. Let her be granted mercy.
Even as I prayed, I felt the words fall and drop, useless, to the ground. I learned many things since the day Shepard saved me from the mines of Therum. Chief among them was this…mercy, in truth, no longer existed.