It takes a week for the clothes to come in the mail. During the time of waiting, Kise goes to school and ignores everyone who asks or says things to him along the lines of, "What'd your tweet mean?! Kise-sama, please answer!" or, "Are you ever gonna model again? If you don't, it'll be a right shame; you had a great body, a nice smile." ('And I was a great fetish,' Kise thinks once the third year stops talking).
Kise waits and waits for a call or text from the Teikou group (he tells himself he's waiting to see if Rima-nee-san has texted him about his clothing shipment, but he really just wants to know if that damn Aominecchi has texted, worrying about him; or if Akashicchi has called, wondering what preposterous idea Kise had in his mind to quit modeling. Or maybe, if Midorimacchi has texted him his horoscope for the day, because that's how Midorimacchi shows his love-)
He receives nothing besides a text from his cousin. And all it says is "Stay happy. I'm worried about you."
Kise wonders why the friends he spent his last two years of middle school with haven't texted or called him. He wonders if they actually know he quit; if they seen his tweet.
Because if they didn't, wouldn't that be a mistake on his part? To blame them for something they're ignorant about? It grates heavily on Kise's nerves to think he's been blaming them for something they might not know about, and it serves to make him feel like he's the one in the wrong.
Because, he thinks, this puts a whole new light on the situation. If they didn't know, he can't hold them accountable. And-
Kise's been forgetting a bunch lately that he's not supposed to be talking to the Miracles much anymore and doesn't need to care about their opinions or feelings (it just goes to show how dependent on them he's become. It irks him, like an itch that he keeps scratching but won't leave. He knows that sometimes, he'll get especially furious at the Miracles, when he's reminded of his cruel treatment at their hands, but other times, he'll still long desperately for them to all come together again and be friends).
When his clothes come in, he takes them to his room. He tries them all on, and when there's nothing wrong with them- nothing wrong with the way he looks, he doesn't look ugly, he puts his clothes in his closet and smiles. It's genuine, something he can't say about most of his smiles nowadays, and on impulse he pulls a pastel pink oversized sweater out of the closet, with his tights that are black, up to his thighs, where they have cat ears and eyes in the fabric, and puts them on, snapping a picture with his phone in the mirror.
He pulls up the Teikou Group Chat on Kik, where the Miracles (including Kagami and Kuroko) are already talking, ready to hit send and ask if he looks cute, but stops suddenly and deletes the message, hoping no one saw that it said, "Kisecchi is Typing" at the top.
Kise feels angry at himself because he's not supposed to be trying to communicate with them anymore; they're not good for him and he's probably not good for them, so it's a win-win situation that they're unofficially ignoring each other as of the present. But his chest feels heavy and it shouldn't, considering the fact that he's already done with the group- they don't have the privilege to talk to him anymore- but it still does and Kise's happy mood is gone now.
He taps back on the group chat and clicks the top right-side button, then clicks again when it says "Leave Group".
He's not added back in for another hour.
(in the end, he sends the picure to Rima-nee-san, asking for her opinion. When he receives several heart-eyes emojis in response, he feels like he's not ugly, and like he deserves to wear this type of clothes).
Incoming Call: akashicchi!
Kise declines the call. They had their chance, he thinks bitterly behind a mask of silent tears. They had their chance, two weeks ago, to text me, call me, whatever, and they didn't.
So I won't talk to them either. I'll never utter another word to them all until they apologize. And until they do, they won't know why I'm giving them the silent treatment. They won't get an answer when they ask what's wrong, and they won't get a "yes" when they ask me to meet up for streetball. They'll feel sorry for ever ignoring me, and bullying me, and hurting me, and being mean and not caring for my feelings when all I've ever done is care for their's and them themselves. And while they feel guilty, I'll come out on top, because it's not going to be me this time- I won't be the one who's the butt of jokes, or the one everyone makes carry the bags, or the one who's coerced into paying for at least a 1850 yen of food. It won't be me, and damn it all if they think it will be. I won't be a toy they can play with until it breaks and then be thrown in the trash like it's yesterday's news. And so what if it's selfish- so what if I'm being selfish for wanting some amount of love and attention from them- the only people outside of my mom and sisters that I truly care about the opinions of.
Kise stops thinking because it hurts to realize everything.
(He didn't think his plan through very well. He should have realized that when he declined Akashi's call, it would raise eyebrows and annoy the declined teen- who'd gather the Miracles up and parade them to Kise's house, hellbent on punishing the blond for ignoring him).
a/n: hello it's me again. i'm gonna try and leave this short- i'm responding to a review.
review: This story(i feel anyway) is super important! Youre tackling something that a lot of people struggle with! Not just people like Kise, who have been told to act/dress a certain why by society, but just normal people too! Syruggling with yourself, how you feel, your concern with people's opinions, its something we all worry about. Youre really making him realistic(maybe not canon) but realistic. I love it.
thank u. Okay, so in the beginning, I legit like shit this out when listening to knb character songs and reading a genderfluid!eren yeager story lmao. I kept writing the story because I thought of Kise's characterization and how he was treated, and thought about writing a story concerning him. I hope I've incorporated the struggling/feel/opinion worrying, because it was what I was going for but I'm a pretty shit writer so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk. I like that I've made him realistic, and tbh i would make him canon but idk how to, considering this isn't a canon-compliant kise lmao. Thanks for your feedback and support, it means the world to me!
p.s. when i first started writing this story I didn't expect any reviews/follows/faves, but i want some so hand them over rn guys ok
also ive hit my quota of 2 chaps a month