Chapter Three: Kira's Bad Day

Colonel Kira Nerys of the Bajoran Militia sits in her office overlooking Ops on Deep Space Nine. It's been several months since the costly war against the Dominion came to an end, and several months since the Emissary joined the Prophets in the Celestial Temple. Command of a now peaceful station has fallen to her. Though no stranger to leadership, the logistical and diplomatic matters associated with a heavily traveled and strategically significant space station present an entirely new set of challenges.

Admiral Ross said you recommended me, Benjamin. I'm not sure you made the right choice. I've been…

Kira sighs.

You're the Emissary, I'm sure you had your reasons.

Kira takes a sip of raktajino and continues to brood about the end of the war. She doesn't question that the war coming to an end was a good thing, but the same several months since the Treaty of Bajor was signed are the same months that have passed since Odo returned to stay with the Founders in the Great Link.

Most everyone found peace, but… I lost you.

The exiled tailor, Garak, is back on Cardassia to pick up the pieces after the Dominion tore their empire apart. Worf is on Kronos, working to ensure a lasting peace between the Federation and Klingon empire. Mile O'Brien is on Earth, teaching future generations of Starfleet engineers.

They all found their purpose. It's all thanks to you.

The entire Alpha Quadrant is in Odo's debt for convincing the Founders to end the war without fighting to the last man. The Treaty of Bajor is in place and the Alpha Quadrant is safe, but Kira misses Odo terribly and the safety of the Quadrant is tremulous. On selfish days like today, she'd trade the Quadrant in a heartbeat for a chance to see him again.

Kira holds a steaming mug of raktajino in one hand and Benjamin Sisko's antique baseball in the other. She slowly turns the ball in her hand and stares into a corner of her office. There, a framed picture sits alone on a small table. Vic Fontaine, a sentient hologram, captured the touching image of the first dance she and Odo shared in Vic's holographic lounge set in 1962 Las Vegas.

Vic has proven that, even though he's 'just' a holosuite program, he has the ability to access numerous systems across the station. When Kira returned from taking Odo to join the Founders, the ornately-framed picture was waiting within the replicator in her quarters. She still finds it ironic that the holosuites she'd avoided for so long were instrumental in connecting her with her true love—a love now so very far away.

I miss you so mu…

Kira's pining is interrupted by the flashing lights and piercing klaxon of a red alert. She curses at the burn of spilled Raktajino.

"Dammit! What the hell?!" Kira jumps from her chair and bolts from her office. "Report!"

Several blank stares is not the response Kira would've preferred. She repeats her command more forcibly. "Status report. Now!"

As eyes frantically turn to consoles and displays, a crashing sound echoes from an open access panel. The red alert ceases.

"Got it, sir!" cries an unfamiliar voice.

"Who's got what?!" Kira fumes as she searches for the owner of the voice. "Someone tell me what's going on!"

Before the red alert, Kira had been wallowing in the emptiness that Odo left behind. The interruption had soured her mood further, and none of the faces in Ops seem willing or able to explain what caused it.

There better be some Breen itching for a fight or a station reactor on the verge of a meltdown.

"Anybody?!" Kira yells as she scans anxious faces once more.

"Ensign Williams, sir," an Andorian answers nervously as he emerges from behind the access panel. "I was, uh… performing routine maintenance on some… some power couplings and… it just went off. But I fixed it… sir."

Kira closes her eyes and mouths a three count to contain a meltdown of her own. She misses Odo terribly, but Chief Engineer Miles O'Brien is a close second at times like this.

Though Kira is no longer yelling, her intensity increases ten-fold. "Ensign, I want you to grab your things and leave Ops as fast as Andorianly possible. You can finish up whatever the hell you thought you were doing on a watch other than mine." Kira pauses for an angry sigh. "And have the doctor take a look at… that."

Kira points to her own head to signal that one of the Andorian's antennae has been singed in the mishap. She takes a slow, deep breath as he scurries back under the console for his tools. She shakes her head, thinking about the many new personnel who've joined station ranks since the end of the war. She wonders how an Andorian, with their long antennae, expected to safely work maintenance in the tight confines of this Cardassian station.

And what the hell kind of Andorian name is Williams?

After another long breath, Kira turns to Ezri. "Dax, run a full diagnostic. I want to know if anything other than Williams' head got fried."

"Yes, sir. On it," Ezri nods and gets to work.

Kira is relieved that Ezri chooses a short and formal response instead of launching into any kind of lecture about taking it easy on green ensigns. Ezri has spoken to her on numerous occasions about how she's become more irritable, but in front of a gawking crowd in Ops is not the time. The end of the war brought an end to a very long and stressful time for everyone, but taking command of the station while several senior officers moved on is proving to be extremely stressful for Kira specifically.

Who am I kidding? It's because I miss Odo too damn much.

Kira remains in her office and avoids conversation for the remainder of her watch. The false red alert pushed her over a ledge of frustration that she's been approaching more closely every day since Odo left. She's had good days and bad since then, but the bad have been starting to outweigh and outnumber the good.

Ducking out of Ops a few minutes before the end of her watch, Kira feels only a tinge of guilt about her deliberate move to avoid Ezri. She knows Ezri would only want to give her grief about riding the Andorian too hard, or worse yet, try to counsel her about it. In all honesty, the Andorian had very little to do with Kira's outburst, so talking about a non-issue would only frustrate her further.

Kira decides to head back to her quarters and stay in for the evening, skipping what has become a habitual gathering at Quark's. Julian and Ezri don't need her wretched attitude ruining their day as well, and she isn't in the mood to hear anything out of Quark.

After a simple meal alone, Kira meditates. She hopes it'll provide some peace or clarity at the end of a chaotic day. As is becoming all too common however, all she can think about are past relationships.

Kira and Shakaar ended their romantic relationship mutually; they were friends before and remain close friends to this day. She does her best to cling to memories of that friendship—she even manages a smile. Her smile fades quickly when her thoughts turn to Bareil. She loved Bareil deeply, and his loss was devastating. But, heart-wrenching as it was, his passing was a complete and final loss. She learned to accept it and move on. But Odo… Odo is still out there.

Odo is in the Great Link with 'his people'. Kira knew he had to go to them; it was the deal he made to end the war. Kira is a strong, independent woman, so jealousy is an unfamiliar feeling.

This person needs you too.

After several months, Kira can barely comprehend how she ever understood the need for Odo to stay with the Founders. He'd convinced the female Founder on Cardassia Prime to stand down and surrender herself within seconds of linking, so would he really be gone the rest of her lifetime to teach the remaining Founders that they could trust solids?

It was the cure. She stood down in a heartbeat because Odo promised the cure. Still… how long would it really take to change their minds? How many years? Why not just a few more months? Why can't we have more time?

After a longing sigh, Kira dwells on how oblivious she'd been to Odo's feelings for so long. Had he really been that good at hiding them? It took an older version of Odo who'd been missing her for two centuries on a planet lost in time to provide the initial revelation. And it took Vic Fontaine, a manipulative hologram matchmaker, to make her realize how they truly felt about one another.

If only I'd known sooner…

In recent weeks, Kira has begun to have compelling daydreams that Odo will come back to her, if only for a visit. She's found herself softly calling his name in empty rooms when a trick of the mind gives her the sense she's not alone, tapping at random objects like a game of hide-and-seek. She's been torturing herself with these thoughts and she knows it.

This isn't helping.

Kira checks the time and realizes she's been dwelling on the past much longer than she'd thought— the hour is quite late. She more surprised she hasn't had a call or visit from Ezri to discuss her outburst in Ops.

She probably knows I'd ignore her.

Kira blows out her meditation candles and walks to her bedroom. She runs her fingers along the rim of Odo's bucket as she passes through the doorway. She's been keeping it on a small table just inside the bedroom door. She never walks in or out without caressing it. Kira knows this ritual is counterproductive in dealing with Odo's absence, but she can't imagine not doing it.

"Not yet," she always tells herself.

Kira glumly changes into her nightgown and climbs into bed.

"Lights," Kira commands softly. She sinks into the mattress with a heavy sigh.

Kira searches the stars beyond her windows for a long time before finally drifting off.

A bright light surrounds Kira that's offensive to her sleeping eyes. She's not immediately aware that she's no longer in her bed.

"Computer, li…" She begins as she opens her eyes.

Prophets! It's…

Kira blinks and searches the white expanse in awe.

…the Prophets!

Kira has had several orb experiences in her lifetime, and she's passed through the wormhole in ships since its discovery seven years ago, but she's never been within the Celestial Temple itself. Between Bajoran religious texts and Sisko's description of it—and more recently Kasidy Yates'—Kira knows exactly where she is. Excitement overwhelms her.

The Celestial Temple! Their home! The home of The Emissary! I have so many questions!

Kira searches the expanse with more anticipation.

What will they…? I almost forgot! Benjamin said they looked like people he knew.

Her mind racing, it feels like an eternity that Kira is washed in light—alone.

Why am I here? Maybe… maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is an Orb Shadow?

Sisko had spoken of an 'Orb Shadow'. An image of Kai Opaka appeared to him after he briefly stepped aside as the Emissary. An Orb Shadow is the Prophets' way of telling you to snap out of it and get your act together. After his Orb Shadow experience, and Akorem Laan's disruptive acts as Emissary, Sisko reclaimed the mantle with renewed vigor. Kira knows she needs to get her act together as well, but she would've expected to hear it from Ezri Dax long before hearing it from the Prophets.

Before Kira can hypothesize further, Julian Bashir appears before her.

"You were the vessel for the Reckoning," the image of Julian states plainly.

"Y-yes. Yes I was," Kira stutters with a combination of awe and surprise. She also feels guilty: guilty that the war and thoughts of Odo have pushed something so monumental to the fringe of her memory.

"I was blessed to be chosen," Kira adds with a bow of her head.

Kira looks back up to see her friend Dax.

"The Sisko has chosen you for another task," Ezri's image says flatly.

Again, Kira feels both surprise and awe at the statement. "I… of course. Anything for the Emissary," she says as she bows more completely.

Quark now speaks the Prophets' words. "There is a visitor among us that does not belong. It cannot be returned from whence it came."

Before Kira can inquire about this 'visitor', or what she is being asked to do, Kai Winn continues. "The Sisko asks thatyou receive this visitor and help it adapt to its new existence."

Kai Winn's appearance unsettles Kira. She was never fond of Winn, and the deceitful woman disappeared on Bajor around the time the Emissary joined the Prophets in the Celestial Temple. She knows Benjamin went to the fire caves, so it's been Kira's guilty hope that Winn was punished by the Prophets or Pah-Wraiths in the course of whatever events transpired that day—she doesn't really care which.

"Of course." Kira bows her head and chokes on guilt under the scrutiny of her gods. "I'd happily receive any guest of the Prophets."

Williams, singed antenna and all, speaks when Kira looks up again. Seeing his face stirs even more guilt given her outburst in Ops.

"At the Sisko's direction, the visitor has been prepared for its arrival," the Andorian says.

Kira swallows her guilt and considers what's being asked of her. She quickly poses some pertinent questions. "Prepared how? When will they arrive? How will I recognize them?"

Odo steps into view. It tears at Kira's heart to see him. He appears so real, yet she knows he's still so far away.

Do the Prophets realize the pain this likeness inflicts?

Kira swallows hard and stands straight.

Of course they do. I have to find meaning in their lesson.

"With knowledge," the Prophet appearing as Odo says. "Soon. It knows you."

The Prophet answers all three of Kira's questions in turn, but the responses are vague. Before she can ask for clarification, the image of Odo fades and the bright light dims.

"Odo! Please don't go…" Kira laments as the Prophets gently return her to her slumber.