Do you know how it is how when you think you have enough problems in life another one comes along and makes things astonishingly worse? That was the kind of day I was having when Grandpa broke his second hip. His first one had been replaced by plastic many years ago and it was clear now that he had needed a second one.
I was horrified to the core of my soul to find Grandpa laying on the living room floor. He was weak and in obvious pain but we could not try to move him. His hip hurt that bad. So we waited for the ambulance with trepidation. Two medics came and strapped him into a carrier, then loaded him into the back of an ambulance. My father got to ride with him. Grandpa was his Dad after all. I realized I was pacing and took a deep breath. Helga lent me her hand and clutched it. It was time we followed after my Dad and Grandpa to the hospital in the Packard but I was a little shaky.
"I'll drive," said Helga snatching the car keys from me. I was glad. We had Alfred and Cecil to take with us, after all. Plus my mother.
When I got to the hospital to see Grandpa my stomach churned. They had hooked him up to all kinds of IVs and I feared that something else was seriously wrong with him. But the attending nurse took the time to explain his condition to all of us. Grandpa had been a bit dehydrated and gotten dizzy. It was a common condition with old folks, she said, who need to drink a lot more frequently. She recommended that Grandpa be "encouraged" to drink some water every two to three hours. But Grandpa still needed his hip repaired so he was in for a lengthy hospital stay.
Some of the cold dread that filled my heart abated. After all, Grandpa had always believed in a family curse that no one in his line could live past the age of ninety-one. He was ninety now and always supposing that he would croak any minute. I had feared for a moment that he had actually turned out to be right.
"Yeah, they all croaked at ninety-one because they probably all fell and broke their hip," said Helga with a sarcastic grin. She squeezed my hand tightly. "Don't worry, Arnoldo, the doctor said he's fine otherwise. Just a damaged old fossil."
"Yeah," I said trying to take her words of cheer to heart, as sarcastic as they were. We had brought Alfred and Cecil along with us, so Helga took them to sit in a small waiting room that doubled as a play area. It had lots and lots toys. Alfred was quite pleased with it.
"I'm going to sit with Grandpa," I said heading back towards his sick room. My mother and father were there and they turned and gave me a long stare. It was the stare that felt like they were looking at me from a faraway ocean. They just didn't know what to do with a son like me.
"Grandpa?" I said addressing him from the doorway of the room. I swallowed down my tears of relief. He was awake. Grandpa looked pretty okay despite everything.
"Son," said my father standing up on his own two feet. "Don't worry, your grandfather is doing well. I can tell this been difficult for you. Maybe you should go back to the waiting room and rest." But I astonished myself with a fierce, savage, carnal, animal, "No!"
I found myself with my hand wrapped around my father's wrist shoving him and his wall away. I was on the verge of snapping. I forced my hand to let go of my father and dropped it, breathing heavily.
"No," I repeated but there was no hope for it. I was now unglued. "No," I said. "Phil is my real father. You're just a stranger to me. You..won't..stop..me!" I ground out striding across the room and taking the chair nearest to Grandpa. If they wanted me to leave they'd have to throw me out by force.
"Now, now, Shortman," said Grandpa with rare sternness towards me. "You're not being fair. After all, I think I did a much better job raising you. I wasn't such a good father the first time. Plus your personality is a bit more like mine. Your father, well," said Grandpa scratching his chin, "I don't know where he gets it from. Must be your Grandmother's side of the family. Well, the point of is you should go easy on your father. He is doing the best he can after all."
"Okay, Grandpa," I said feeling rebuked.
"Well, Shortman, sit beside me and comfort me in my last hours of life."
"Grandpa," I said rolling my eyes and thinking, 'not this again'. "The doctor says you're healthy except for a broken hip."
"Well, it's good to have a trial run for the real thing," said Grandpa with the senile humor that my father did not understand and which sometimes drove me crazy.
"Anything you say, Grandpa," I said since that at least, felt true.
"Well, now's as good a time as any to spill the family secrets," said Grandpa. "Like, remember how I told you that story about how I single-handedly won the Battle of the Bulge and brought about victory over the Germans in World War II? Remember what I told you about stopping at a farmhouse cottage with a girl named Monique? Well, turns out you're not my only Grandson, Shortman. There's nine of them in the south of France. If you don't believe me check out the postcard in the green lockbox in my office. That's why you shouldn't beat yourself up too much, Shortman. Having children outside of marriage isn't a shame, Arnold. It's a family tradition!"
"Grandpa!" I said feeling thoroughly scandalized. Although I made a promise to myself to look for the postcard as soon as possible.
"But I'm still your favorite, right?"
"Absolutely, positivoulety. And since you're my favorite, I want to make one last request of you. You see Arnold, I can't believe your parents didn't name you Phil- after me! So I want you to promise me before I join the choir invisible that you'll name my next grandson, Phil. It's a good name, don't you think?"
"Grandpa," I said pulling my hand away from his pleading reach. "I'd have to ask Helga about that. Besides, what's to say it wouldn't turn out to be a girl?" Grandpa reflected on it for only a moment, his eyes rolling up towards his bare head before he came up with his own, sudden, wacky inspiration.
"You could name her Phil, anyway! She'll get used to it!"
"Grandpa!" I said. But a small smile had worked its way back onto my face as Grandpa had teased me. "Maybe I should wait in the waiting room after all," I said giving my Grandfather a kiss on his bare head. "I'm glad you're feeling better.
"Don't sweat it," Grandpa said with his usual good humor. So I exited the room and ended up pacing around with my phone. I called Gerald and he put me on the line to speak with Phoebe.
"I'm definitely losing it," I said over the phone to Phoebe. "I mean, for a second there, I was almost angry enough to punch my father," I said stressing how ridiculous I had acted. The cruel words I had said replayed in my head: 'You're just a stranger to me.' Phoebe breathed out an anxious, exasperated sigh at her end of the phone line.
"Arnold, at this point, I definitely recommend some professional psychological counseling."
"Maybe," I said noncommittally as I roughed up my hair with one hand.
"If you act now, you can probably get on a new patient's list for an appointment in the next eight months."
"Eight months?" I said staring at the phone, my eyes rounded and my jaw slack. "That's a long time to wait for an appointment isn't it?"
"Can't be helped," Phoebe explained on with little reaction to my feeling. It was her academic monotone. "Today's mental health services are painfully beleaguered with large numbers of patients and few providers."
"Right," I said thoroughly unconvinced that Phoebe's advice would be the manner in which I made peace with my parents. "I guess I'm on my own here. Thanks for trying, Phoebe."
"You could start with a simple apology," Phoebe squeaked. I sighed. I knew apologizing was the right thing to do, too.
"I'll take them to a restaurant. But then what?" I said resting my hand on the bridge of my nose. "How do I keep this from happening again?"
"Well, you can start small. Like asking what your father's favorite color is."
"Okay, Phoebe." I sighed. "I'll try it your way. But that reminds me. You and Helga haven't spoken to each other for years." The phone fell silent.
"R.. ," Phoebe stuttered eventually. My face became happier again.
"Well, maybe it's time YOU and Helga made up. Gerald and you and Helga and I could go on one of those double dates. I'll talk to Helga about it."
"Maybe," Phoebe blurted quickly. "Only I can't just now. I'm too busy with schoolwork."
"Well, just let me know when. It was nice talking to you. Bye."
I knew that the rift between Phoebe and Helga would be healed eventually. I felt it in my bones. The two had been inseparable as children and now that Helga had me back she had no cause to be jealous of her former best friend, Phoebe. I just hoped the two girls would be able to forgive whatever horrible things they had said to one another before parting. But for now I had my own apology to give.
"Look, Mom, Dad." I said before we left the quiet corridors of the hospital. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk. Let me make it up to you by taking you out to dinner."
"You don't have to do that, son," my Mom said with an awkward smile. I could tell we were both trying here.
"I know I don't have to," I said scratching the back of my neck. "I want to. Besides it will help me remember the lesson if I'm out a bit of pocket money." My parents both smiled and I had hope that we could all get along after all.
We all pretended I had done nothing horrible as we exited the hospital. On the surface, we were all one big happy family. No tensions, no grudges. Our visit to Grandpa had extended into supper hours so I got out my wallet to pay for a meal for all of us.
I looked around the business district near the hospital. There were a number of restaurants to choose from. Bagel shops. Bars. Sandwich Bistro's. My eyes settled on a sign that perked my interest best.
"El Patio's," I said twisting my head around. "I thought they closed years ago!"
"Just moved across town, I guess," Helga speculated while bouncing Cecil up and and down gently to keep the bored and tired baby from dissolving into a caterwaul. It was way past her bedtime for Cecil. Even Alfred was misbehaving due to being out and about town too long for someone his age.
I recognized the name El Patio, alright. Mr. Hyunh, one of the old boarders at the Sunset Arms, had been the head chef at a restaurant with the same name three blocks away. An anxious knot formed in the pit of my stomach. But as Gerald would say, I needed to 'stay cool'.
"Nothing's wrong," I fibbed to Helga when she noticed I was tense again. We sat down at the largest table in the restaurant. I scanned the walls for decorations. In the old El Patio Restaurant, Mr. Hyunh had kept a photograph of me, Grandpa, Grandma, and all the fellow boarders on the wall. We were his treasured family. No body was broken up more than Mr. Hyunh when my parents had decided to move me away from Hillwood. I had been like a nephew to him. One of the waitresses moved around the table pouring water into the water glasses from her pitcher. I cleared my throat reluctantly.
"Uh, Miss?" I said testing my daring. "Is there a Mr. Hyunh here? If there is, can you please tell him hello from Arnold? Arnold Shortman?"
The waitress didn't favor me with a reply. Instead she stared back at me- the confusion of a seventeen-year old working her first, low-paying job and having to deal with the ridiculous requests of countless customers. Nonetheless, she disappeared back into the rear of the restaurants along with her water pitcher. I was astonished when twenty-minutes later, four waitresses headed for our table instead of one, all bearing platters filled with food. Then the head chef of the restaurant rushed out of the kitchen.
"Oh, Arnold!" said Mr. Hyunh. I had to stop and process for a minute that his Vietnamese accent had disappeared. His American English was flawless now. But it was him. "I can't believe it is really you! I have missed you so much! It hurt so much when you moved away! You were always like a nephew to me!"
Mr. Hyunh was an emotional guy, so I did not blush that he shouted or that he took off his glasses to wipe tears from his eyes. Instead, I stood up and embraced my old adopted Uncle.
"I'm really glad to see you again, Mr. Hyunh. I never thought you'd still be in the area," I said thinking back to the days when Grandpa had closed down the Sunset Arms to follow me to Dakota.
"Oh, we did not close," said Mr. Hyunh following my line of thinking. "We moved to a much bigger restaurant. We make more money being close to the hospital. Here, you eat!" said Mr. Hyunh gesturing to the tremendous diversity of food that took up every square inch of the table. "It is all free! You can come here, anytime! It's all free!"
"Mr. Hyunh, you really don't need to do that," I said embarrassed but grateful. I picked up my fork.
"Here," said Mr. Hyunh grinning ear to ear. "My address. My telephone number. You can visit me anytime. Where are you, Arnold? Are you visiting town?"
"Actually…" I said dragging the truth out. "I own the Sunset Arms now. I've moved back there. With my family. Mr. Hyunh, I'd like you to meet Cecil. And Alfred," I said reaching over to Helga's lap and wiggling Cecil's dainty little fingers. Mr. Hyunh's overexcitable nature kicked up a whole degree.
"Oh my gosh, Arnold!" said Mr. Hyunh practically breathless. "Are these your children? They are so cute!"
"Yeah. I guess they kind of are," I said in a much more modest tone. But I wore a proud and tranquil grin as my old friend stuttered over my children.
"Oh, Arnold!" Mr Hyunh said waving a pasta spoon over his head so that a bit of tomato sauce splattered all over his chef's hat. "I guess this makes me a great uncle!"
"It guess it does," I relented, thinking. "Say Mr. Hyunh. Would you like to come over on Saturday. My family and I have been having a barbecue on Saturdays and I thought, maybe you'd like to come to the next one!"
"Would I?" Mr. Hyunh exclaimed. "Would I? Of course I will!" He clasped my hands and shook them both thoroughly.
"Well," I said sitting down although I could have chatted with Mr. Hyunh for hours. "I'll eat my food now." My stomach still grumbled although my heart now felt fuller than it had been in years.
"Yes, yes. You eat," said Mr. Hyunh still smiling. "I have to go back to work in the restaurant. But you eat- it's all free! It's all free!" My dear uncle gestured triumphantly, then walked back into the rear of the restaurant. The spectacle of our reunion had disturbed the other diners but the rumors slowly died away. I dug my fork into my plate and enjoyed my meal. In fact, there was no steak and black bean burrito I have enjoyed more.
"Well, that worked out!" exclaimed Helga. "Who'd have thunk you'd run into an old friend, eh?" She was too calm to be awestruck but near to it. My parents fidgeted nervously at the other end of the table.
"That man. He seems a bit emotional," my mother judged with a frown. 'Ah yes', I thought to myself folding my napkin after I had wiped my mouth. I had forgotten about that. The old boarders had terrified my parents. They had been eager to move partly because their son had adopted such strange role models in their absence.
"Yes, he is emotional. And a Vietnamese immigrant," I said refilling my plate. "And," I said stressing my last words most, "he is a good man."
"Arnold," my mother said leaning across the dinner table. "Your father and I have come to realize that our move was too sudden. We shouldn't have separated you from all your friends."
"You shouldn't have separated me from ANY of my friends," I uttered tensing up. I felt the old rage of past wounds building up inside me so I excused myself to the men's room to lean against one of the marble sinks. I gazed deep into a reflection of myself.
Who was I? My head was the same foot-ball shape that Helga had teased me about as a child. Below it, my shoulders had grown broad and strong so that it seemed well-proportioned. My legs had shot out not as much as some would hope, but enough so that I was not the absolute shortest male around Hillwood. When I moved, there was a catlike grace, not the clumsiness of my father or the adventurous dash of my mother. My eyes were the green emerald of the jungle I had been born in and no one else could match eyes like mine. My hair was luxurious, springy, and rogue. Forever I was trying to tame it by comb and hair gel but within few hours of inattention, it rose like fields of golden hay towards a warm summer sun. I gazed into the mirror at El Patio and said it out loud. "Helga loves me for what I am, and so do I."
But there was a Darker Arnold there, too. It haunted the corners of my eyes. The deep hurt. The brooding. My occasional whiplash rage. Insecurity, rebellion, and even lust. As I matured into a man I realized there were bad parts of even my heart; my heart, when others in my childhood had called me a saint. But I had had my share of ill-behaved misadventures with Gerald. He and Helga both knew I had never been an angel. Yet, I needed to be one now. I needed to control the rage that my misunderstandings with my parents invoked.
I took a deep breath. I forced myself to remember that most of the people I had lost in my life had now come back- even Mr. Hyunh. There were even new people in my life to be grateful for- my son Alfred and daughter Cecil. When I had calmed enough that I could fake a smile if I had to, I returned to the table. The waitresses were clearing plates. I carried an enormous box of takeout food in one arm and Alfred in the other.
We found the old, green Packard in the parking lot before sunset. I was glad to get home. The kids were already asleep in our arms so Helga and I tiptoed to the nursery next to our room and tucked them both in for bed. Then, worn with the strain of the day we retired for the night. I waited, seated at the edge of the bed while Helga changed into a pink nightdress.
"Rough day?" asked Helga.
"You don't know the half of it," I said before explaining what I had said to my father. Coming off the tip of my tongue, it was even more shocking how cruel I had been. But Helga was never one to shrink from cruel words and deeds. Instead, she wrapped her arms around my head and kissed my neck in several places.
"There, there, Arnold," she consoled me. "We all misbehave sometimes. Anything else you want to spill?"
"Well," I said fidgeting my fingers along the smooth of her back as I held her. I coughed to clear my throat. "Well...ah...yeah! Grandpa gave me his 'last dying request'. He expects me to name our next kid Phil." Helga frowned.
"Does it look like I'm pregnant here?"
"Well...no," I said fearing that I had gotten Helga angry. "It's just that if we had a third kid, it'd kind of be a nice thing to do to humor him. If it's a boy that is. Not that we have to," I amended before Helga turned wild and fierce as a cat with water poured on it.
"Oh, curse that Grandpa!" said Helga. "Now look what's he's done! I know you, Arnold Shortman! Once you've got 'baby' stuck in your mind there's no way to shake it out! I'll tell you what, Football-Head, when I turn twenty-one, we'll work on making baby number three. But after that, I'm working full time at Big Bob's Beepers. After all, if I'm going to be in charge of the whole Big Bob Beeper's Emporium someday, I have to step up! And moreover," Helga's voice lifted a subtle octave, "we really should…." Helga's eyes grew round and she paused.
"Really should what?"
"Never mind, it's nothing," said Helga laying down across the bed and turning so that I could hold her if I moved to.
Nevermind? Nevermind?! That was exactly the kind of word to be feared. I had learned over the years that it was a giant red flag to that Helga was hiding something. Like her feelings.
"Yikes!" I thought with a jolt. Was that what Gerald's mother had been talking about?! Was that a hint? My mind reeled. There was so much to do. I couldn't just rip the ring out of my wallet, could I? That was too lame. I had to call a restaurant. I had to hire a violinist. Or do something at least that was unique and special and.. well romantic. Maybe I could take her to Dinoland and propose to her on the end of her favorite coaster. Or give it to her in the tunnel of love. Or maybe I should take Helga down to the beach for a picnic and and swim. So many possibilities swam through my mind. I froze up.
"Something, wrong, honey?" Helga asked and I stuttered.
"Nnnn...nothing's wrong!" I leant down and pulled the covers up around me and Helga. I would have to worry about marrying Helga tomorrow. There was the woman I had to tend to first. She was expecting her goodnight kiss.