Fate is a funny, fickle thing. When I was a kid, all sorts of strange (almost paranormal events), well, just happened- like the way Helga had found my missing hat. Like the way we always crashed into each other around corners as if drawn by opposing magnetic properties. Or how when my Grandpa took us to stay at the beach, Helga and her family had been staying at the same duplex. It was downright uncanny how Helga would always be around the corner any time of night or day. It was especially, well, almost creepy how an egg we were responsible for over a weekend hatched or how Rhonda's marriage predictor had said I would marry Helga not once, but a hundred and ten times. You would think that all this pressure from fate would make it easy for me to marry Helga but oh, no! The day I tried to propose to Helga for the first time was uncanny only in its disaster.
The day began bright with joy. I woke with Helga snuggled up against my shoulder. I stretched, then scooted far away enough to gaze lovingly at her face as she slept. There is a beautiful smile there that makes my heart warm every time I see it. When Helga woke up, I smiled, then left the bed. It was my hope that Helga would take her time getting up because I was expecting the doorbell any minute.
When the doorbell did ring, I was almost too excited to figure out how to turn a doorknob. I fumbled it open and there stood Mrs. Johanssen, my best friend's mother. As a child, I had stayed over at her house a million plus one times. I knew without a fragment of a doubt that she would make an excellent babysitter.
"Here we are!" said Mrs. Johanssen, beaming. I started when I spotted my best friend, Gerald, lent against the lowest stoop.
"Gerald, you came, too?"
"I came to...uh... wish you good luck on your big day," Gerald said awkwardly. He unfolded his arms and prowled up the steps to offer our secret thumbshake. I had never forgot it.
"Good luck, brother," said Gerald giving me a hug before wiping a solitary tear from his eye.
"Thanks," I said. I meant it.
"I'm here for you, man." Gerald said. "No matter what's the answer."
"Hey don't jinx it!" I laughed. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't.
"Look at you!" said Mrs. Johanssen enveloping me in a warm maternal hug. I lowered my head with a smile as my best friend's mother dropped a kiss in the middle of the top of my head. Then she stepped back and tilted my chin up with a finger to get a good look at me.
"You are a good, strong, brave boy!" Mrs. Johanssen declared of me. "Don't ever let anyone tell you different! Now get out there and make us proud!"
"I will Mrs. Johanssen," I said with a soft smile. I was touched. When I had been growing up I had latched onto all sorts of role models and Mrs. Johanssen had been one of them. She was especially a role model now since she had been so supportive of me when I had returned to Vine Street. To hear her say good words of me made me feel ten miles tall.
"Hello?" came my real mother's voice from down the hall. I turned swiftly towards her stricken face and felt guilty all over again. Here I was being open and kind with a replacement mother. But my real mother, well, I had just never let her in. I wouldn't have stepped into her arms for a hug like that. My tongue felt stuck to the roof of my mouth. But Mrs. Johanssen knew what to do.
"Hello," she said shifting her purse and holding a hand out. "I'm Mrs. Johanssen. Let's all go into the kitchen and I can tell you about your boy…" I tensed, then relaxed as the voices rumbled out of my earshot. I was dazed. Mrs. Johanssen had proved she knew the answer to everything once again. Gerald made a fist and got my attention by hitting my shoulder with it. He had that annoying smirk.
"Uncle Gerald's got it covered, man!" he said. "Go on and get moving with your date!"
"Oh. Right!" I said peeling myself free from my reveries. "Helga…"
I crept down the hall and entered our bedroom. Helga was still lounging in bed in her little pink nightdress. She snored. I rolled my eyes at my beloved, then nudged her. When she stirred and rubbed her eyes I gave a brief tickle to her ribs.
"Wake up, darling," I said playfully, hoping she was in a good mood. "I've got a surprise for you today!"
"What? Huh? Um?" Helga muttered, perplexed. I sat down on the bed next to her and gave Helga a quick kiss.
"Mrs. Johanssen is here to babysit for us. Let's go out on a date today!" I declared. "We haven't been on an outing together, just you and me, for a long time!" I explained. It was more than true. My relationship with Helga hadn't followed an ordinary course. We had skipped dating entirely if you don't count the week we had run away together. After that, there had been a young child in our lives so we didn't exactly schedule romantic dinners. As Stinky would say, we were, "just a couple of homebodies."
"What?" said Helga still dazed from sleep. "Okay." I grinned and waited for Helga to get ready.
I had big plans for today. The first step was to take Helga out to breakfast. On the corner of one of the streets was a Cafe named Bigal's. It was so near to my house that I had walked past it a million times at night with a flashlight. As a kid, I had never had cause to go out for breakfast, much. My Grandma had always made me breakfast. Or I had eaten the tasty sugar-coated cereal I was so fond of. But now, as an adult I had begun appreciate the flavor of coffee and so Bigal Cafe had begun to have certain appeal to it. I had stopped by Bigal's a few times to discover they served not just coffee, but some baked goods and a few breakfast sandwiches. Best of all, it had large windows facing the street ideal for soaking in the warm morning sunlight as it filtered through the warming glass. It was a perfect place to take Helga out for a special, romantic treat.
"Wait here, Helga," I said, taking Helga by the arm and guiding her to a sunny, comfortable-looking booth inside. "I'll go get us breakfast. What would you like?"
"Oh," Helga said thinking it over at length. "See if you can get me a donut, I guess. You know, one the pink-frosted kind."
"With heart-shaped sprinkles?" I asked giving her an affectionate kiss to the top of her head. "This isn't Dolly's Donuts so you may have to settle with an ordinary donut. Is that okay?"
"It's fine, Arnold," Helga replied with one elbow up on the counter top and her chin rested on top of her fist. With a thoughtful expression scrawled across her face, Helga looked out into the morning beyond.
Parting from my lovely lady, I stepped to the counter to place my order. It was two coffees, two donuts, two blueberry muffins, and a single bagel. When all had been rung up and paid for, I moved the plastic serving tray with my food to the other end of the long serving counter, away from the cashier and her line. But I did not return to Helga yet. I had big plans for this morning. Instead, I opened a small lunch sack I had brought in under one arm. From it, I removed a half dozen roses trimmed so that no stem remained and a number of Hershey kisses. I place these all around the muffins and Helga's white-frosted donut. Finally, I took a velvet box out of my pocket. Delirious with excitement, I placed the velvet box with an engagement ring in it the very center of the tray so that Helga would see it the moment I set our breakfast down in front of her. My grin was very broad. I just knew she would accept. But my heart hammered in my chest just the same.
It was as I carried the tray bearing both a ring and food towards Helga that something awful happened. As I passed the large cashier's line a bunch of musicians carrying too much equipment with them entered the coffee shop. The crowd jostled one another too fiercely. A broad-shouldered man from the edge of this crowd stumbled into me and knocked my elbow. All of my our coffee and breakfast food landed in a mess on the cafe floor.
"Oh no!" tore free from my lips. I lent down and quickly snatched up the velvet box with the engagement ring in it. I stuffed it safely in my pocket just in time to hear one of the people who worked there say, "Are you okay, sir? Do you need help?" My face must have looked pretty miserable.
"No, I'm okay," I said trying to brush the upset expression off my face. "I'm not injured or anything. Thanks for asking. What a mess, though," I said looking at the floor.
"Don't worry about it! I'll get a mop. Stephen here will get you a replacement for your food. It's the least we can do," the cashier said with a perky voice.
""Um, thanks," I said trying to make the best of it. After all, the day was young yet. I had all day to try to ask Helga to marry me.
Helga and I ate our new breakfast quickly. I was particularly eager to leave the site of my recent failure behind. The broad sidewalks of the town were much more inviting. It was time for me to show Helga her next surprise.
"I'm planning on taking you to Dinoworld today!" I said folding her arm in mine. I knew Helga had a lifetime pass to the place but it had been years since she had used it. I hadn't bothered to ask where it had gone to. I had brought money for her pass instead.
"Dinoworld?" asked Helga. "I think the last time I went to Dinoworld was when I was eleven. Don't you want to go to a museum or something for our date, Arnoldo?"
"Nah," I said. "We can go to the museum afterwards you like. Or next date. I think Dinoworld would be fun. It will bring back childhood memories. Good ones!" I promoted. I was eager to take Helga to Dinoworld because I was falling back on my propose-on-the-rollercoaster plan.
Helga claims to have been sneaking into Dinoworld at age five. I don't doubt that it was possible. She is one independent-minded individual. But my memories of Dinoworld were mostly of Helga, Gerald, Stinky, Sid, Harold and me going to the park as one great big group. Sure there was the time I had been stuck on the Scarosaurus-Rex coaster with Eugene but the memories I had were mostly good ones. I had even become friends with the park's owner through a strange twist of fate and ridden the rides him. But mostly I recalled Helga spinning in the teacups beside me and 'accidentally' sliding against me as the ride jostled us. I recalled how much she liked to buy food from the vending stalls and would stand on one foot eating it, one hand braced against the side of the vending stall. I remembered how her chin had looked with cotton candy stuck to it.
Helga had never been scared of even the worst of the amusement park rides. Back then, she had been paired in my car or behind it many times. Only this time we would ride together on purpose- my arm wrapped around her shoulder. I took a deep breath of joy.
"Which ride would you like to go to first?" I said smiling my very best to Helga. She reflected on it for a good long minute, then finally looked up.
"Let's get a map first. It's been a long time, Arnold. We should look up all the new rides."
"Sure," I said nabbing Helga's hand so that I we could stroll together as a couple. My heart felt light.
It was a glorious morning. There were a ton of new rides to try out so we jogged from one attraction to the next. All the time I kept my hand in Helga's. On some of the rides I was able to hold her snugly against me with one arm. In a reciprocal mood, Helga rested her head lightly against my shoulder.
After a light lunch of two chili-cheese dogs, a Yahoo soda, and a soft pretzel Helga and I were running low on attractions we had not seen. Some of the fervor of coming here had lulled so I said to myself, "it's time."
"You liked the Turbo-Tricerotop Coaster a whole lot, right Helga?" I said throwing my Yahoo soda bottle away. "Let's go on it one more time!"
"Sure," said Helga. She offered her hand to mine and I pulled her along with me through the crowd.
I managed to get us a seat right in the front. Our ride was flawless. When we rolled into the station at the end of the ride my stomach was turning from something other than the the ride. I pulled a velvet box out of my pocket and Helga stared curiously at it. I was just preparing to kneel when another unanticipated disaster happened.
"Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bunny!" a yellow-shirted girl screamed. She flung her favorite toy animal all over the place. The scene had caught my attention so I simply stared at the girl's tantrum until one of the toy's stuffed feet whipped up into the air so fast and so hard that it boomeranged the ring box right out of my hand and into the now-departing coaster.
"Damn it!" I cursed under my breath. "Helga...sweetie...darling? Would you like to get another snack? There's something I left on the roller coaster. I'm just going to stay here a few minutes to look for it." Helga's very expressive brow was lifted to one side so I knew that my odd behavior was not all too convincing. But she shrugged and, mercifully, went along with my suggestion.
"Alright, Arnoldo. If you say so," she said. "I'll buy you a cotton candy." I breathed a sigh of relief and went to ask the ride attendant to fish my ring from their ride when it next came in.
I began to worry that fate was conspiring against me. But I was determined to try again. It was getting to be about one in the afternoon but I wasn't about to give up yet.
"There's someplace else I wanted to check out today, Helga," I declared. "Let's go there!"
"Where is it?" said my lady-love with some suspicion.
"It's a surprise!" I said faking a smile.
I had chosen another site we shared in common from our childhood- the train station. When Helga and I had been children, Grandpa had spun us a tale about a haunted train engine. Full of myself, I had dared Helga to go with me and Gerald to look for it. We had crawled through a gap in the boards of a rundown old station filled with cobwebs and screeching bats.
Years after that, the railroad station had been demolished. In its place now stood a modern, two-story travel center from which both buses and trains departed. It looked and functioned a lot like an airport. In the upper floor, there was a gift shop and a small restaurant with wide, open-air balconies from which to 'enjoy' the scene of trains wandering in and out of town. I wanted to take Helga there. This time I pulled the ring box out of my pocket before we even had time to order drinks.
"Helga, there's something I've been meaning to ask you," I said. Helga had been looking in the other direction for a waiter but her head whipped around at my words. To my horror, it seemed I was having a jinxed day, for at that exact moment an errant bottle-cork boomeranged around the restaurant and shot the ring box out of my hand, over the balcony rail, and onto the railroad tracks. I heard the squeal of train wheels along the track as I looked down.
"Aw, crap!" I whispered. "Ah, Helga? I'm just going to go to the restrooms. I'll be right back!" I said before hustling down to the first floor of the station. I found the ring, alright but I didn't like what I found. It had landed squarely on the railroad tracks and been flattened. I hopped the track to retrieve it. A passing train had run right over the ring, box and all. The metal was flattened almost as thin as a sheet of paper.
"Either I have bad karma, Eugene's luck, or really, REALLY, bad tidings for my future," I fretted. I placed a hand on forehead to steady myself. My nerves were shot but I had to put on a good face for Helga so I returned upstairs. I ordered a light salad but I could hardly eat a bite.
"Something wrong, Arnoldo?" said Helga leaning across the table towards me. She peered deep into my eyes and lay her hand on top of mine. "You don't look well."
"I'm not feeling well all of a sudden," I gave as my excuse. "Maybe we should head home."
I looked so horrible that Helga made me take an asprin and lie down. But while she was occupied watching movies with Alfred, I snuck out. I went straight to the nearest jeweler's shop. It was the same old man who used to clean Grandpa's pocket watch every year. I felt it was my own funeral as I lay the demolished ring on his countertop.
"Hm," said the gray-haired jeweler taking out a small, circular monocle and fixing it to his eye to study the wreck closer. "It's just as well that this happened. You say you bought this for your girl four years ago? It's likely her finger has gone up a ring size since then."
"I hadn't thought of that," I said with a jolt. Either way, this day would have ended poorly.
"Besides that, whoever made this ring sold you poor workmanship."
"What?!" I exclaimed a bit too loudly.
"This IS a gold ring," the jeweler said. "But if somebody told you this is 14k, they're lying. It's really only 18k. There is quite a bit of supplemental metal in it. If you agree to it, young man, we can fix this ring. But we have to melt it down to begin with!"
"Okay," I said with a sigh. "What are you going to do?"
"Well, I'm going to have to melt the ring down in a crucible and separate out some of the impurities," said the jewelry. "Then I'll have pour it into a mold, cool it, and polish it. There'll have to be a new setting for stones. I can set more diamonds into the design, if you like. Tell me about this woman you're planning to marry," he added with shrewd interest. I sighed and tried to explain Helga to him.
"She's a dancer now," I said within my long monologue. "She did Swan Lake a little while back."
"So you'd say she's a graceful sort of person?" the jeweler said rubbing his chin. "Graceful, graceful. I think I can do something with that. Come back tomorrow at three o'clock and I'll have your ring ready for you, son. You can count on me."
I was almost too nervous to return the next day. What if my bad luck followed me like it had yesterday? Yet I felt immensely better when the local jeweler waved me into his shop with a smile.
"There she is," said the jeweler unlocking his glass case with a key. He removed a small paper box with tissue matted inside. Helga's ring hid in the paper, only this time it was larger and had more diamonds adorning either side of it, like a pair of swan's wings.
"It.. it looks great!" I said, allowing myself a smile.
"Rings are like marriage," the jeweler boasted of his art. The ring in his hand glimmered as he turned it under the lamplight. "Every now and again, they need to be melted to purest metal and reforged to make them stronger."
"It's perfect," I said, overjoyed. It was a much better ring than it had originally had been.
"All it needs is its good luck polish," said the jeweler with a wink. "Wait here!" He took a little tin canister out and shook its dusty contents on the newly recast ring. Then he rubbed the engagement ring all over with a cloth.
"With this ring, you'll be lucky, son, I guarantee it. It's got my charm in it." The jeweler finished with another wink. "Oh and Arnold? That's two-hundred ninety-nine for your bill." I was in no mood to argue. It might remove his blessing. Obediently, I got out my wallet.
"Whatcha doing there, grandson?" asked Grandpa a few minutes later as I tried to sneak back in the house, unseen, through the kitchen door. I nearly hit myself on the door frame as I started. "Got yourself another woman then?"
"No! Our course not Grandpa!" I said quickly sitting down at the kitchen table across from him. Grandpa had been confined to sitting pretty much all day while he healed up. Puzzle pieces lay strewn all over the kitchen table. I picked up one of the paper pegs and held it up to my eye to get a better look at what he was working on.
"No, well, you see I'm having problems. I tried giving an engagement ring to Helga yesterday," I said, "but I didn't even get a chance to ask her. I kept dropping the ring everywhere."
"Oh? The big question's got you gutless?"
"Grandpa!" I said narrowing my eyes. "I am not gutless!"
"Nobody's saying you don't have reason to be," said Grandpa ignoring me. "Marriage isn't fun all the time, either. Why, there were periods of my time married to Pookie when we couldn't stand one another and I wanted nothing more than to escape off into the Himalayas with an elegant, female tour guide! We loved each other but we had our spats, too. But after all the fighting and clawing and thinking up bad names for one another you know what I found?"
"What Grandpa?" I said setting down the puzzle piece in my hand.
"I found out that when we fought our marriage wasn't exactly the same as it had been. But when we worked out all our differences, it was stronger and that makes the hard times easier to bear. Does that makes sense, Shortman?"
"I guess so, Grandpa."
"Besides that, there are all the good times to look forward to, too. I got some of the best things in my life out of marriage. Company for seventy years of my life and the best grandson I could ever ask for!"
"Uh, that's really nice of you to say that, Grandpa."
"Who says I was talking about you?" I grimaced.
"Just kidding, Shortman. "You are my greatest-ever-grandson. Every day I see you I have reason to be grateful for all I've had. You have an idea of what's that like, too," Grandpa continued. He pointed to a family photo I had hung in the kitchen a few months back. "You have Alfred and Cecil and your girlfriend, Helga. You just need to do what you can to make sure they stay with you forever."
"I know, Grandpa," I said standing up to look at the photograph up close. "I will, I promise."
"So did my little pep talk cheer you up?"
"A little," I said with a wane smile as I folded my hands behind my back and continued to stare at my family portrait.
But I has missed my opportunity to ask for the moment. Helga had to work in the morning and I was supposed to be sick in bed. So I pretended I had only gone out to the corner grocers and back. It was a half-truth. I had picked up a few little things. But the groceries were really all a cover for my trip to the jewelers.
When the morning came my headache was real. I washed down two asprin with a glass of water. When breakfast was cooked I stacked it all on the stove and lay down on the couch. The stress of the last two days was really getting to me. As I lay there, I felt a hand brush back my bangs. Helga lay her cool, slender palm against my forehead.
"Ah, Daddy must not be feeling well, today, Alfred," Helga guessed with beautiful affection pouring through her words like melody in music. "Why don't you come to office with me today?"
"I'm okay, Helga," I protested sitting up. "Just a bit tired. I can still watch Alfred!"
"Are you sure?" Helga said pursing her lips.
"I'm sure."
"Well, just to be sure I'll try to be home by four."
"Sure."
It was an office day for Helga. I practiced playing the piano with Alfred despite my headache. I fed Cecil a bit of rice porridge although mostly she just spit it out on me. Then, I read the paper wondering if it was time for me to go out in the world and find a job. At the very least, I should place an advertisement in the paper looking for two more tenants. It was as I sat there with one leg propped up on my knee and my arm propped against that and my chin in my hand (a very thoughtful expression) that my mother came down for her share of the breakfast. She and my Dad were still visiting in hopes we could all warm up to one another.
"So. How are things going today, son?" she asked me leaning over so that her eyes could meet mine despite my slouch. I shifted back into an ordinary sitting position and held her gaze.
"I'm just staying home today," I said simply. "How about you? What are you doing?"
"I thought I might do a little bit of baking," my mother, Stella, said. "You work so hard, son. While I'm here, I'd like to make the housework a little bit easier for you."
"You don't have to Mom," I said. "No, really. But if you want to bake something go ahead."
"Great," my mother Stella said with a heart-warming smile. I buried my nose in the paper again because I was somewhat immune to it.
A few hours later the kitchen was filled with a warming, delicious smell. Mom had made some kind of cupcake for our dessert tonight. I gave my mother a rare smile. It seemed like we were all starting to get along after all.
"Look what I've got!" Helga's voice echoed from the entrance hallway of the house at fifteen minutes past four. "Dinner!"
"Um, that's really nice, Helga," I said trying to peer into her jumbo-sized take out bag. "What is it?"
"Hot-buttered-lobster tails, coleslaw, rolls, and sausage-gravy," she boasted with a wide grin. I blinked.
"That sounds really...expensive," I said awkwardly.
"Aren't you glad I'm your sugar-momma?" she said cozying up for her welcome back kiss. It was an awkward truth. Helga had ten times the fortune I did- even if I did own a boarding house.
It was a bit too early to eat dinner so I put it in the fridge to reheat later. When dinner time came, we all sat down and for once we were all in a friendly mood. The feast Helga had brought had helped with that. But so had the cupcakes my mother had made. Grandpa was especially greedy with the lobster and I chuckled at him for gulping down as many lobster tails as he could get his hands on. Alfred was more interested in eating the rolls slathered in sausage gravy.
My stomach was full and I was feeling pretty good about things when misfortune struck again. Helga picked up one of the cupcakes and bit into it. "Yum," she said. "Pretty good. Vanilla, right? What are these chewy bits?"
"They're vanilla and strawberry cupcakes," my mother said, beaming. "Do you like them?"
"S...SS...STRAWBERRY?" Helga uttered clutching her throat. "I ALREADY ATE ONE OF THEM!" I dropped my fork in horror. Helga had a very rare, severe allergy to strawberries.
"You gotta be kidding me!" I said fumbling for the phone. Things had gone further downhill. Before the end of the day, I would start yet another argument with my parents, but at least Helga and me would finally get engaged!