Chapter Fourteen: A Doctor Walks into a Bar…

Per Kira's request, Julian refrains from using comm channels to locate Chris. Knowing what someone with security clearance is capable of monitoring, he doesn't ask the computer for his location either. After checking Chris' quarters and the replimat, Julian pokes his head into Quark's. It doesn't take long to spot Chris as he's engaged in a rather boisterous, though decidedly one-sided, conversation with Quark.

"I waz geddin' preddy good in dere, don'd you thingk?" Chris asks loudly with a heavy slur. He makes a pistol shape with his hand and points it at Quark.

Quark rolls his eyes and does his best to ignore Chris and his erratic finger gun.

As Julian approaches, he spies a large steak, massive baked potato, and huge dinner roll on a platter in front of Chris.

"There you are, Chris," Julian says. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Chris spins on his barstool, now wielding two finger guns. "Pew, pew!" Chris giggles.

Julian halts and blinks in surprise.

"Don't be alarmed, doctor," Quark shakes his head. "He couldn't hit you if those were real and he were sober."

Chris spins back around and grabs a bottle while giving Quark a nasty and unsteady look.

From the mess on the platter and the man hunched over it, Julian can see that Chris has put a sizeable dent in the oversized meal. "Are you working on bringing that 'pumpkin' back, Chris?"

Chris takes a long drink from a bottle then gulps to speak. "Well, shir, I god no one here to impresh!" He swings the bottle wildly, sweeping a pointed finger across other patrons in the bar.

Julian starts to speak, but Chris blurts out more words.

"An hey! Why didn'd you jush call me?" Chris clumsily smacks his combadge with his free hand. The resulting beep startles him, causing him to drop the near-empty bottle. "Oopsh."

Julian looks to Quark with a raised brow. Quark makes a drinking gesture in return, implying that Chris has been hitting the bottles pretty hard.

Julian rolls his eyes. "I can see that, Quark, but why? What did I miss?"

"Ohh, I'd shay I mizzed aboud fiddy-fiddy," Chris responds, "though I thingk I did bedder wid thad liddle Rommmulan number."

Quark cocks his head at Julian and blinks. "Surely you're familiar with this condition, doctor. The signature aftermath of self-loathing? I figured your 'enhanced intellect' would've offered a swift diagnosis." He shakes his head. "You disappoint me."

Julian reviews the spectacle before him and affirms the assessment. "Ah, I see."

"Oh yeah, big time," Quark says. "He's in deep. He wants to be a knight in shining armor, like when you and O'Brien used to save whoever from the Jerry-somethings in the holosuites. But after his demonstration with a phaser, I decided he's better off passed out at the bar."

"You're sho unshuppordive… Cork." Chris points his fork at Quark. "Fork… fwark." He eyes the utensil closely and snorts.

Julian ignores Chris and speaks to Quark. "But… I thought his feelings for Kira were just echoes of the memories the Prophets implanted?"

"Maybe at first," Quark shrugs, "but he's hopeless now."

"Sheeze bootiful," Chris slurs, "really, really bootiful. And she shod ad me." He lets out an emphatic sigh.

"You mean to say: she shot you down," Julian corrects.

"Nno," Chris makes a finger gun again and pokes Julian's chest. "She lidderally… shod ad me."

"Ah yes, she did at that," Julian recalls the story of Chris' unfortunate welcome.

Julian sighs at Quark. "Emotional baggage or no, we need him to identify a traitor."

"Him?" Quark blinks and points at Chris. "That man couldn't identify himself in a mirror right now."

"Ohhh," Chris' head makes a slow droop to the side. "Why'd she hafta go and tell you aboud da mirror?"

Julian and Quark shrug at each other.

"Let me take it from here, Quark. I'm a doctor, remember?" Julian pries the fork from Chris' hand. "We need to go now, Chris."

Quark puts his hands up at shoulder height. "Suit yourself, but I claim no responsibility," he says while stepping back from the counter.

Julian helps Chris from the barstool and steadies him as they head to the door.

"Julian," Quark calls after them. "I was counting on him living long enough to pay for this eventually." He points to the large spread of food empty bottles. "If he gets himself killed, I'm putting this on your tab!"

The blur surrounding Chris gets horribly bright as Julian leads him out of Quark's bar and into the Promenade. Julian has a firm hold of his left arm to support his shaky steps, so Chris raises his right arm to cover his eyes. His coordination suffering, his hand bounces off of his forehead before settling into a shielding position.

"Are we going to she Nereesh?"

"Yes we are," Julian grunts as he fights to keep Chris on course.

"I don'd thingk she likes me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Mmduhh… she shod ad me."

"That's ancient history, Chris… relatively speaking." Julian qualifies the statement considering he's talking to a relic from centuries in the past. "I'm sure she likes you just fine."

"Bullshid," Chris spits as he teeters. "She leff me."

"She left you? What do you mean?"

"In opsh… affer the bomb."

"Ah," Julian nods despite having no idea the circumstances under which Kira 'left' Chris in Ops. "She's working on something very important, Chris. I'm sure she didn't…"

"Oh… thersh no queshsion she hades me."

"She may not feel how you feel, but I highly doubt she hates you. Right now, she needs your help. She asked me to come find you. That counts for something doesn't it?"

"Waid," Chris stumbles to a stop. "She can'd shee me lide dis. I godda lie down. Promish me she won'd she me lide dis."

"It's not time to rest yet, Chris," Julian fights to compensate for Chris' abrupt halt. "Don't worry; I'll fix you up. We need you to have a clear head. That's why we're going to the infirmary first."

"Oh! I todally know thish one!" Chris's eyes open wide and he thrusts his free hand towards Julian. "You can usze thad shtuff Shisko and MIlesh used to shtay shober on blood wine!"

"That's very good, Chris. That's exactly what we're going to use. However, that substance was designed to prevent inebriation. We'll have to see how quickly it helps to counteract it."

"OK," Chris transforms his open hand to a point, "bud don'd tell Nereesh I shaid she wasz bootiful."

Julian manages to guide a stumbling Chris to the examination room of the infirmary. Being preoccupied with his patient, Julian fails to notice the Andorian in the room.

The Andorian had been rummaging through medical supplies, but Chris' drunken ramblings gave him ample warning to ready a phaser.

"Hands up!" the Andorian commands as the pair staggers in. "No sudden moves."

Julian puts his hands up as commanded, but narrows his eyes with a scowl. "Ensign Williams…"

Without Julian's support, Chris melts to the floor, almost pulling the doctor down in the process.

"What's wrong with him?" Williams demands.

"You've never seen a drunk man before?"

Williams chuckles at the moaning jumble on the floor then winces.

"And what, may I ask, is wrong with you?" Julian inquires.

"It seems one of your security officers was on to me. I don't know how, but it doesn't matter. I escaped with this." The Andorian turns to reveal a wound consistent with a grazing phaser blast.

"And the officer?"

"He didn't."

Julian's jaw tenses at the finality of the statement.

"I was trying to find a dermal regenerator," Williams says while aiming more deliberately. "Get one for me. Now."

"Alright," Julian shakes his hands to emphasize his obedient pose. "Let's not do anything rash."

Julian glances down at Chris as he heads to a medical cabinet. Chris looks up and makes an incoherent hand signal in the Andorian's direction. Julian fears that the incredibly drunk man is having delusions of grandeur.

"Just stay put, Chris." Julian shakes his head and signals for Chris to stay down.

Though unable to physically intervene in the tense situation, Chris' next act proves… sufficient.

"Juli… Julienn… I don'd feel sho good."

Chris' gut churns uncontrollably. Unable to stem the inevitable tide, he begins to get sick on the floor in glorious fashion.

While the Andorian is repulsed and shocked by what's happening, Julian takes advantage of the situation. When Chris' retching finally subsides, Julian is standing over the Andorian, covering him with the phaser.

"Well done, Chris. Excellent diversion."

Chris manages a pathetic grin at Julian and prepares to speak, but instead gets sick on the floor yet again.

"Oh, God," Chris moans with one hand on the floor and the other waving, outstretched as he pleads. "If I live, you can'd… tell Nereesh aboud dis."

Julian keeps the phaser directed at the Andorian while he retrieves the drug he came for.

After Chris' stomach stops churning, he distances himself from his 'distraction' and props himself against a wall. He clutches his gut and groans. Julian kneels down to administer the hypo-spray, keeping a close eye on his captive.

"I hope this works quickly, Chris, for your sake, and because I don't believe we have an abundance of time before the others suspect ill has become of us."

"Sorry aboud your car…" Chris fights another convulsion and swallows. "Your carped." Chris groans and looks disgusted.

"No worries. We'll have our 'guest' clean it up later. Here," Julian hands Chris a stack of absorbent cloths. "Try and tidy yourself up."

The drug begins to work quickly, as hoped, and Chris cleans himself up.

In the meantime, Julian tosses a dermal regenerator to the Andorian. "You don't deserve this after what you've done, but we can't have you bleeding all over the place. The colonel will surely want to have a word with you."

"You don't really expect me to answer any questions, do you?" the Andorian scoffs.

Julian narrows his eyes at Williams. "Oh, I somehow doubt that she'll have any questions."

The indirect threat adds a hint of concern to the Andorian's face. Kira does have a reputation.

Still glaring at his prisoner, Julian calls over his shoulder. "How are you coming along, Chris?"

"I think I missed myself for the most part. And… I'm starting to feel like myself again—only worse."

"Worse?"

"Well, physically… I think I'm fine," Chris grumbles, "but I feel rejected, pathetic, and embarrassed. All things considered, we're getting ready to meet the last person on this station I want to see right now."