Informing the others had been a painful affair, not helped in the least by Dorian's constant smirking at the sight of the Commander. Eventually everyone not left on duty retired to their tents. A young soldier timidly offered the commander a bedroll but she didn't say where he expected him to sleep. The soldier kept glancing at the Trevelyan, she felt uncomfortable, wondering what the soldier must be thinking. Cullen and Trevelyan remained standing next to the fire. Trevelyan felt nervous because she had just realised why the soldier hadn't told Cullen where he could sleep.

"You can stay in my tent if you would like to get some sleep," Trevelyan said eventually.

"In your… What?" Cullen looked flustered.

"I wasn't suggesting… I just know that there isn't any room anywhere else. I am the only person who has a private tent – Maker knows I tried to tell them I didn't need one – that means my tent is the only one that has any space left."

"Oh. Thank you," Cullen said. "I would like to get some sleep before traveling back to meet the men and send them back to Skyhold."

Trevelyan nodded. "All right then," she said, feeling awkward. "I'll just go first I suppose," she quickly got into the tent, she decided to keep some clothes on while sleeping, more than she would usually. She was lying down, covered from her toes to her chin when Cullen entered the tent, presumably he had waited this long to give her a chance to get undressed without his presence. He nodded at her and moved to the other side of the tent, he was carrying a bedroll under one arm. Once it was spread out Cullen sat down and started to take off his armour. The speed with which he could do this amazed Trevelyan, so much that she forgot that staring at him while he got undressed might be rude. Eventually Cullen got down to his shirt, which he took off, he fumbled with his trousers before looking back at Trevelyan, rethinking it and getting into bed with them still on.

Cullen turned so he could face Trevelyan. "Tomorrow we should try to find out what happened here, what the plan was. I will concentrate our efforts in Skyhold and you – "

"Do you ever sleep?" she jokingly asked him.

"We cannot effort – "

"Don't worry, I want to know as much as you do," Trevelyan reassured him.

"I'm sorry," Cullen said, "I suspect I could try and delegate some things."

"Probably, but I do like your passion for the Inquisition," Trevelyan said. She looked at him, he meanwhile was studying his left hand as if it held great interest for him. She felt the need to say something. "I feel we owe more to you than is recognised by most, especially by you yourself."

Cullen looked up. "Err… thank you, still without you – "

"Cullen, please, just take the compliment."

Cullen smiled at her, "all right then."

They looked at each other in silence.

"It is strange to have you in camp," Trevelyan said.

Cullen chuckled. "Yes, well… despite the company, I cannot say I regret not spending more nights in tents, I was relieved to have a bed in Skyhold, as was my back."

"You mean to say you slept in a tent in Haven?" Trevelyan asked surprised.

"Beds were very limited, I stayed with the recruits," Cullen answered.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

"No?"

"No, you inspire great loyalty among the men, I doubt you would if you were not loyal to them in return."

Cullen smiled again. "You inspire loyalty as well, you realise that, right?"

"Only because they think I'm the "Herald of Andraste." It is the Andraste part that inspires them, I'm just a vessel for that to them."

"I feel it's more that they believe that the Maker sent you to us."

"Ah, that is so much more comforting."

"You do not believe the Maker sent you to us?"

"'Us'? The Inquisition? No, I mean… I don't know… if I necessarily believe in predestination."

"But you were exactly what we needed."

Trevelyan shook her head. "That's what Cassandra keeps telling me, I don't think anyone realises how much I need you – the advisors I mean – and Cassandra, or everything will fall apart.""

"Maybe, but that doesn't make you any less of a leader."

"I prefer to think we lead together, calling me the Herald places unjust weight on me."
"And that scares you?"

"Of course it does!" She propped herself up on one elbow. "And not just because that kind of pressure is terrifying, but also… also because if you place that much value on me, what happens if I fail, or get killed? What will happen to the Inquisition, to Thedas? I fear that people would lose all hope if the 'Herald' is killed rather than just another member of the Inquisition."

"Hence the effort we put into keeping you alive," Cullen said.

Trevelyan laughed a little, but Cullen's remark helped remind her of memories she'd tried to bury. "Cullen," she said, serious again, "I do not want you to come after me again, even if I really am captured." She sat upright. "Please listen," she said, waving away his protest. "If I die, the Inquisition needs a new leader, I don't know if that would be you, but I do know that you will have to take the position until you find one; you are the commander of our forces, the soldiers would look to you. And so you cannot risk yourself."

Cullen was sitting upright by now as well. "I wouldn't have come if I believed the risk too high."

"You would have," Trevelyan said with absolute certainty.

"I am not reckless," Cullen said tersely.

"You can be."

Cullen shook his head. "When have I given you reason to – "

"Redcliffe," Trevelyan blurted out.

"Redcliffe?" Cullen looked puzzled. "I have never been to Redcliffe with you, or the Inquisition."

Trevelyan looked at him and wondered whether she should just stop this conversation here, but if she wanted to convince him, she needed to be honest. "Not yet, and probably won't, not anymore." Cullen still looked puzzled, not surprising as even Trevelyan herself didn't feel like she was explaining this very well. She shifted, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "It was in the future I saw in Redcliffe."

"You saw… me? That was not included in the report I read," Cullen said in a tone of voice that almost made Trevelyan think he was about to lecture her poor reporting.

"The report wasn't exactly complete," Trevelyan admitted. "When I wrote it, I asked Dorian to keep certain things to himself so I wouldn't have to include them. I didn't see the point. Why tell all of you how I saw you in this future, I was going to stop it from happening and I was afraid it would be too much. Too much darkness."

"And part of what you left out was about me?" Cullen moved a little closer, clearly very interested to hear the whole story.

"Yes. Not just you, but you were there as well. I left out everything that wasn't vital to either stopping the future or explaining how Dorian and I escaped." Trevelyan looked down at her marked hand. "Maybe I just didn't want to think about what happened because I failed."

"Did you… did you see me there?"

"I didn't think there was much point. Why keep retelling the same thing? I'd already explained how the red lyrium seemed to grow out of people. How I saw with Fiona! Why tell it again?" Trevelyan was rattling, but Cullen understood. "Oh," he said.

"I'm sorry," Trevelyan said.

Cullen shook his head, "It never happened remember. It probably won't," he said. After a short pause he added: "Tell me… everything."

"Why?"

Cullen looked up, he seemed upset, slightly angry even. "You should have told me. I need to know."

"Fine," Trevelyan said, though she wasn't sure of his motives.

"In the report I wrote that we only found Sera, Vivienne and Iron Bull, in the cells, and Leliana eventually, in the torture chambers. Of course we also saw Fiona, but… well, we saw more people than just them." Trevelyan glanced up at Cullen. "You all assumed I had only found the people who were in the throne room with me when he cast the spell, but I saw the others as well, they were all dead already, left in their cells. It was… I didn't want to have to recount it, it didn't tell us anything we could use to stop it from happening. But you… you weren't dead, you were still alive, just… not in a way we could help you or bring you with us."

"Because of the red lyrium?"

"Yes," Trevelyan shifted. "We had just left Fiona behind, we were trying to find out what had happened, Fiona knew you and Leliana were in the castle. The whole castle was bathed in red light, there was so much lyrium growing from the walls, it seemed, but after seeing Fiona… the lyrium was growing from her, or through her at least, I feared we'd find others like her. Most of the people we found were already dead but in one part of the dungeons we found you.

"I heard someone say my name, as I passed one of the cells. I hadn't spotted you in there because there was so much red lyrium you were almost invisible behind it. I rushed to the cell and asked Sera to pick the lock. At this point I believed we could take you with us, that maybe you could even help us fight, but when I entered the cell… when I was finally standing face to face with you, I could see the Lyrium was growing from your back, the same way it had grown from Fiona's body. You were still conscious, but you looked exhausted," Trevelyan paused, "I'm sorry, that's a strange way to put it, but it's the best way to describe it, it looked like you were fighting to stay conscious.

""Where have you been?" you asked. I explained the situation and you immediately accepted it. "Can you go back? Can you still fix this?" you asked.

""I hope so, we'll try, if it's even remotely possible I will fix this."

""That's good… Trevelyan, I am sorry I couldn't fulfil my duty. I am sorry I let the Inquisition fail."

""You didn't fail, you fought."

""You don't know that."

""Of course I do! You would always fight." I said, I wanted to comfort you… help you, but I couldn't see how." Trevelyan paused. "I failed you. I let you stay in that cell, I let you end up in that cell. If I hadn't been so reckless to walk into Alexius' trap…"

Cullen leant forward and took her hand, he gave it a little squeeze. Trevelyan weakly smiled at him. "I asked you what had happened and… and this is where I really failed you all, because you told me," Trevelyan took a deep breath, "you told me that Haven was destroyed, that after I disappeared you had taken a large portion of the men to free me from the castle, but while you were away from Haven, Corypheus attacked and burned it to the ground." Trevelyan's eyes filled with tears. "Don't you understand Cullen? I could've prevented it, I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't even include it in the report and then… then it happened again! Because I didn't stop it despite knowing what was going to take place." She had started crying by now, this confession was something she'd kept close to her heart, she had never discussed it not even with Dorian even though he had been there with her in Redcliffe. "Trevelyan," Cullen said softly and he moved closer so he could wrap his arms around her. She let herself relax against his chest. "I believed I had already stopped it. I thought if you would never leave Haven with those men to free me, Haven would never be left vulnerable and – " she shook with silent sobs. "It all seems so stupid now, I should've known he had enough power to attack even with the soldiers still there."

Cullen was stroking her hair. "If you didn't believe Haven's destruction was my fault in that future you saw, you can't believe it was your fault in this timeline." He kissed the top of her head. Trevelyan moved in his arms so she could look up at his face. "That's pretty sly of you, Commander, I can't blame myself without blaming you?" Cullen smirked at her. "I thought it was pretty clever of me."

Trevelyan freed herself from his arms, because she felt embarrassed at letting herself cry like that in front of him. Cullen let her go and sat up a little straighter. "Was there anything else I said or…?"

Trevelyan took a deep breath. "You said you and Leliana were captured at the same time, you didn't know whether she was still alive or not. Apparently they tried to deny you lyrium, in an attempt to break you, but you said it hadn't work."

"No, it wouldn't," Cullen said.

"And then they… they started to force you to take red lyrium."

"Ah – "

"And that was when they put you in that cell and just left you there. Cullen, you'd been in there for almost the entire year. After that I had to leave you behind. "Is there anything I can do, before we leave?" I asked you. "I don't think we could take you with us, but – "

""You have to fix this, fix what happened, this isn't the right."

""I'll try… I will. I am so sorry Cullen, I… I'll see you when I've fixed all this."

""Trevelyan, I – Ah… it doesn't matter now."

"And that's the last thing you said to me, after that we left you."

Cullen nodded. "I can see why you would leave this out."

"And can you also see why I don't want you, or anyone at the Inquisition risking everything to get me back? What happened, because of an attempt to save me – and I wasn't even the leader then – "

"Maybe not officially, but many were already looking to you for leadership."

"But you understand, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, but I…" Cullen took a deep breath. "I don't think I – " He reached out to touch her cheek. "I want… I – " he leaned in and for the briefest of moments their lips touched. Trevelyan covered Cullen's hand with her own. "Cullen, please," she said. He looked hurt, or almost angry really, but he listen and leaned away from her, he slowly moved back to his bedroll. Trevelyan lay back down on her bed roll, and Cullen laid back on his own. The last thing they should be doing was kissing here, the idea was to make Cullen less vulnerable to attack not more, to try and downplay the rumours not reinforce them. She'd tell him the truth, she had to after this, but only at Skyhold, and only when he wasn't angry with her anymore, if that ever happened. After all this he had to be furious with her.

It was quiet for a long time and Trevelyan felt herself slowly drift to the peaceful stillness of her dreams. Then from the dark a soft voice spoke, "why did you leave that morning, before we could speak."

Trevelyan felt her heart speed up. She hadn't even thought he had wanted anything that morning, except for her to leave. Once he felt like he was himself again he'd seemed so distance. "Why didn't you say anything," she replied. Cullen had only repeatedly said sorry, but not said or done anything to stop her. But if he hadn't wanted her to leave that morning, that meant he had still felt everything, even without the potion, she knew this before but had not wanted to fully acknowledge what that meant, somehow this seemed a confession to her. Nevertheless, neither of them spoke again, neither of them knew how to say what needed to be said.