Aria's POV
Waking up in Ezra's arms is a strange new sensation. Usually, it takes me a few minutes to locate my husband after I wake up. This morning, however, is an entirely different story. Ezra is holding me close to him, and staring at me as though I am a strange or foreign object. Perhaps he's not used to be being this close to me either.
"Good morning, my darling. How did you sleep?" Ezra asks me softly.
I slept like a baby. Heck, I do not think I have slept this well since Momma passed. Perhaps it is because I cried so much yesterday? No, I have cried much harder than I did last night, and I did not sleep that well. Obviously Ezra being in the bed with me helped somehow. He kept me so warm last night.
"Very well." I mutter, before planting a soft kiss on his forehead.
I know I do not have to kiss Ezra this early in the morning, but I wanted to. He was so kind to me last night. Ezra is a true gentleman. Maybe that is why my cheeks feel like they are on fire this morning. My husband pulls me closer to him, and I can feel my eye lids becoming heavy. I close my eyes, and doze for a few minutes, whiles Ezra strokes my dark hair. My eyes shoot open when I realize that Ezra has not left yet. He usually leaves for work while the sky is still pink, and right now the sky is bluer than the ocean.
"Ezra, why aren't you at work?" I ask him curiously.
"I am not feeling well." Ezra responds.
"What ever is the matter?" I ask, with concern in my voice.
"It's my darling wife. She was incredibly upset last night, and I couldn't possible leave her side today." Ezra says, as he stares into my hazel eyes.
His words cause my jaw to drop. Ezra cannot miss work because of me. I would feel incredibly guilty...
"Ezra, I am quite all right. You do not have to stay home with me." I say, as tears begin to form in my eyes.
"Hush, Aria. Do not cry anymore. I want to spend the day with you. I have barely gotten to see you since we returned from our honeymoon, and that is something that must be fixed. It is a beautiful day today. Have you been to the lake on the estate? Maybe we could have a picnic there." Ezra suggests.
"Oh, Ezra! I absolutely adore lakes, but I was not aware that your family owned one!" I exclaim, as my eyes grow wide with excitement.
"Why yes, my darling. It is a lovely lake indeed. The only problem is that the walk is rather strenuous. We can take the horses though. I know how you love to ride." Ezra says, with a small laugh.
"That sounds heavenly! I have not gone ridding since I married you! I am so excited... Oh, Ezra! Are you sure you don't mind?" I ask him softly.
"How could I possibly mind spending the day with you, Aria?" Ezra asks, before kissing my forehead softly.
Line Break
The more I see of the Fitzgerald estate, the more impressed I become of it. Their grass is long and thick, and unlike some of the other places in New York, it is full of birds and other wild life. I kick my horse gently, and she begins to canter with even more pace. My heart leaps with joy, and I begin to feel like a young girl again. I miss the days of ridding through Pennsylvania, without a single care in the world. I turn my head slightly, and giggle when I realize that Ezra is lagging behind. He is such an old man sometimes.
"Hurry up, slow poke!" I call out to him, as I slow my horse.
Within seconds, Ezra is caught up, and he looks terribly embarrassed. Maybe he likes to ride slow? But what is the fun in that? Ridding is not ridding unless the only sound you can hear is the wind. I doubt Ezra could hear the wind at the speed he was going.
"Your horse is much younger than mine, Aria." Ezra mutters with a blush.
"Really? Are you sure that is the problem?" I ask, as I raise an eye brow.
"Quite sure, actually. I'll race you too the lake!" Ezra shouts, before kicking his horse, and taking off.
"You cheater!" I shout, before kicking my horse roughly.
Within seconds, I am only a few feet from Ezra. I kick my horse forcefully so I can pull ahead, but she bucks angrily, and I go tumbling to the ground. Luckily grass is so long, that it softens the blow of the fall. I begin to laugh hysterically, and Ezra immediately stops ridding. I look up at his face, and realize that he's absolutely terrified. Poor Ezra is worried for me! Before I can tell him not to fret, I come up with a brilliant idea.
"Oh, my shoulder! Help me, Ezra! Please help me!" I say, as I attempt to stop laughing so I can appear injured.
Ezra immediately jumps off his horse, and comes running over to me. I have to keep it together here. I will not let him beat me.
"Darling, are you okay? I am so sorry! I should not have been so childish! How badly does it hurt? Did you hear a pop?" Ezra ask, as he kneels down beside me.
"Surely it is broken! I do not think I have ever felt this much pain in my entire life." I say, on the verge of laughter.
"Oh, sweetheart! Sit up for me. I shall look at it, and then take you to see a doctor immediately. I am so sorry." Ezra says, as tears begin to form in his eyes.
Goodness! Is Ezra honestly crying? I must be giving him a terrible fright. Still, I want to win...
"Actually, it feels much better now. See you at the lake!" I exclaim before standing up, and hurrying onto my horse.
"Aria!" Ezra shouts furiously.
I giggle, as my horse takes me far away from my husband. I arrive at the lake within minutes, and Ezra trails close behind me. Fortunately, he does not seem angry anymore. In fact, he is laughing along with me.
"That was terrible, Aria. Do you have any idea how worried I was? I don't know what I would have done if you had gotten hurt!" Ezra exclaims, as he walks over to me, and helps me off of my horse.
"I am sorry." I say, before standing on my tip toes and kissing his cheek softly.
"Well, you should know that I was going to give you the beautiful horse you just rode. Now I am not so sure." Ezra says, in a fake angry voice.
My eyes dart over to the black horse I just rode, and my heart immediately melts. She is so perfect. Not only is she beautiful, but she's fast, and she's the right size for me to ride.
"Y-You're going to give her to me?" I ask, as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Was. Like I said, I am not so sure anymore." Ezra says, in a teasing voice.
"Ezra!" I say, as I hit him playfully.
"I was just playing with you, darling. If you want her, she is yours." Ezra says, with a charming smile.
I respond by throwing my arms around Ezra, and resting my head on his strong chest. The horse is the best present anyone could have ever given to me. Now I can go ridding whenever I please.
"Thank you. She's incredible." I say, as I stare into his piercing blue eyes.
"Do you have a name for her?" Ezra asks me, curiously.
The first horse I ever had was a gift from my mother. I could not have been older than five years old at the time, and I was just learning how to ride. My mother went ahead and named the horse Freedom for me. According to my mother, the only time you're truly free is when you are sitting in a horses' back. After today, I must admit that I agree.
"Freedom. Her name is Freedom!" I declare.
"Freedom? That's wonderful! It suites her perfectly. Why don't you have a seat, while I tie the horses?" Ezra suggests.
I nod, and make my way towards a lovely willow tree that overlook the crystal blue lake. I take a seat underneath it, and about a minute later Ezra joins me with our blanket and the food. I stand up so Ezra can set the blanket down, and after he does I collapse on top of it.
"Wow! All of that ridding must have worn you out." Ezra says with a chuckle.
"It did!" I say, as Ezra sits down next to me.
My husband doesn't respond. Instead, be wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. Strangely enough, I am starting to get used to the feeling of being close to him. Dare I say it, I am starting to enjoy the feeling of being close to him.
"Thank you for taking me out here, Ezra. The lake is absolutely stunning." I tell him truthfully.
"Of course, sweetheart. I knew you'd like it." Ezra says, with a content look on his face.
"Do you come out here often?" I ask him curiously.
"I'm afraid I do not. I used to, but not anymore." Ezra says, with a breathy sigh.
"How come?" I question.
"I'm afraid this place makes me feel rather depressed. I used to come out here nearly every day with my friends when I was a boy, but then I got shipped off to West Point. After West Point was the war, and you know first hand how dreadful those few years were. Now every time I am at the lake, I think of how things were before the war. Things were so much less complicated then." Ezra says, as he stares down at the ground.
"I always though men like you enjoyed war." I confess, as I rest a hand on my husband's shoulder.
"Men like me?" Ezra asks, with confusion in his voice.
"Military men. You know, the ones whose grandparents have been going to West Point for generations." I clarify.
"Oh. Well, I suppose we do. As a child, I was taught to love war. At West Point, I was taught to worship war. After experiencing war, I've decided that I despise it. I wish I hadn't gone to West Point." Ezra says, with bitterness in his voice.
I stare at my husband in complete shock. He does not like war? Maybe that means he's not a real soldier. If he's not a real soldier, maybe Momma would have given him her blessing. Maybe, she would have even liked him.
"If you could be anything in the world, what would it be?" I ask, as I stare into his sad blue eyes.
"I would want to teach, like I am doing now. I wish I could teach about something other than war though." Ezra says, with a small laugh.
"Yes. That is understandable." I say with a nod.
"What about you, darling. What would you want to do?" Ezra asks, as he strokes my cheek gently.
Is he honestly asking me this question? He knows what I'm going to say. Heck, I have been taught to say this for years.
"I want to be a good mother." I mutter, as I suddenly jerk away from my husband.
"A good mother? I am sure you will be an amazing mother, but that is not exactly what I was asking. If you could have any profession, what would it be?" Ezra asks, as he scoots closer to me.
"What a foolish question. I will never have a career of my own, and we both know it." I say, with an ounce of bitterness in my voice.
"Aria, what would you do if you could." Ezra says, with a bit more force this time.
"I would want to write." I blurt out suddenly.
"Aria... Why did you not say something earlier? You could easily write if you wanted to. We have all the tools to help you succeed. I can hire someone to come and teach you while I am at work, and I will buy you a brand new typewriter!" Ezra exclaims.
"Ezra, you are forgetting that I am a woman. No one would ever read something written by me. It's a hopeless case." I say, as I shake my head slowly.
"But Aria, that is not true. There are plenty of female writers, and I would read everything that you publish. You are the wisest person I have ever met, and I have met many people." Ezra says, as he stares into my hazel eyes.
I lean into Ezra, and kiss him with as much force as I can muster. Ezra kisses me back, and lays me down gently. Then, he crawls on top of me and continues to kiss. I have never felt this way before. I feel... Desperate. Like I need him to keep kissing me, or I'll explode out of frustration. This feeling is surely sinful. Women are not supposed to feel these things when their husbands kiss them. The pleasure of kissing was made for men.
"Ezra, you can take of my dress if you would like." I say, as I slowly breaks the kiss.
I know he wants to take my dress off. His you-know-what is pressing against my thigh, and it is as hard as a rock.
"N-No. Not here." Ezra says, as he gently pushes me away.
"Why not?" I ask, with an ounce of disappointment in my voice.
"Because you deserve a bed." Ezra says, before kissing my forehead softly.
Line Break
Ezra and I don't say a word as we enter our bedchamber. Instead, he holds my hand, and leads me to our cozy bed in the center of the room. I know this is it. This is moment I've been dreading ever since I said "I do" in the chapel. Strangely enough, I do not dread it anymore. Every married woman I have ever met has done what I am about to do. If they got through it, so can I. Especially since I have Ezra.
"A-Are you sure you are ready?" Ezra asks, as he unlaces my green dress.
"Yes." I say, with a small nod.
Ezra kisses my forehead, before taking off his own clothes. Moments later, Ezra is completely naked. Though I have been naked with Ezra before, this is the first time I have truly seen his unclothed body. The times we tried were at night, and the room was completely dark. Now it's mid afternoon, and the sun is still bright. Maybe that's why I can see the purplish scars that run along his muscular stomach. What are those from? Earning those scars must have been excruciatingly painful...
"They're nothing." Ezra mutters, obviously picking up on the fact that I've noticed his scars.
For some reason, I feel inclined to know what happened to Ezra. I want to know Ezra, period. But I know better than to argue with my husband. If he does not wish to discuss his scars, I will not question him.
Ezra sinks down on top of me, and begins to kiss the area below my jaw line. It feels... Nice. Surprisingly nice. His you-know-what is getting harder and harder, and I know it is only a matter of time before he enters me.
"A-Are you ready?" Ezra asks, as he stares into my hazel eyes.
All the sudden, I feel frozen. What is wrong with me? Seconds ago I felt fine, and now I feel like I am going to faint. I know I cannot keep doing this to poor Ezra. I have to toughen up, for both of our sakes.
"W-Will it hurt a lot?" I ask him nervously.
Ezra sighs, before nodding his head slowly. My husband looks so upset, that I worry he might start crying. If he starts crying, we will never get this done, and I will never have a son of my own.
"It is okay. I can endure it." I say, trying to convince him and myself.
"I will be gentle with you, Aria. If you want me to stop, I will stop. I promise." Ezra says, before kissing my cheeks softly.
"It will be fine. I am ready whenever you are." I say, as I force a smile.
Ezra wipes the smile right off my face when he thrusts into me the first time. It hurts so badly, that I let out an audible whimper. I try to control the tears, but I cannot. Within seconds, they're pouring out of my hazel eyes.
"A-Are you okay?" Ezra asks, with concern in his voice.
"Y-Yes. I am absolutely fine. Do what you need to do." I tell him softly.
Ezra begins to move in and out of me gently, and the pain slowly starts to pacify. Still, it hurts, and Ezra asks me if I am okay every twenty-seconds or so. Towards the end of it, he speeds up, and stops checking up on me. My husband makes a primitive noise, and I feel his seeds easing into my body. Finally. We did it. The worst of it is over. After Ezra catches his breath, he climbs off me, and cradles me in his arms like I am a small child.
"A-Aria, I am sorry if I hurt you. I promise it will not feel so terrible next time." Ezra says, as he begins to rock me gently.
"It did not feel too terrible. I am sorry if I didn't do it right." I say, as my cheeks begin to turn pink.
"Don't apologize, Aria. You were absolutely perfect. The best I've ever had." Ezra says, as he takes a piece of my hair, and tucks it behind my ear.
For some reason, his words cause my heart to jerk. He's had other women before. I do not know why this bothers me so much. Obviously this is to be expected. Ezra is a West Point man, and he probably had women giving themselves to him every night during the war. For some reason, it still makes me feel sick. It reminds me that I'm just another one of the many women he's touched. I was not the first, and I certainly will not be the last.
"H-How many?" I ask, as more tears begin to form in my eyes.
"A lot, but-but I would take it back if I could. If I had known about you, I would have waited for the rest of my life because... Because I love you, Aria. I love you so much, that I'd go back to war if it meant keeping you safe and happy. I love you. God knows how much I love you." Ezra says, as he avoids looking into my hazel eyes.
W-What? Ezra loves me? But why? I suppose this means that Charlotte was right after all. How could this be? Ezra was supposed to be a heartless monster. He was supposed to beat me every night, and make my life miserable. I was supposed to hate him. The most troubling part of all of this is that I don't hate him, even though I should. Ezra is not going to love me forever. This is a phase. It is just a phase, that he will get over once I start having children. But until the phase passes, would it be terrible if I let him love me? What if there was a part of me that loved him, and enjoyed everything we just did? I know I should tell Ezra the truth about my feelings for him, but I cannot. I cannot tell Ezra I love him because it would be breaking my promise to Momma. I cannot break my promise to Momma. I know I cannot.
"A-Aria I..." Ezra rambles nervously.
"Hold me, please." I mutter, as I avoid looking into my husband's eyes.
Ezra does not say a word. Instead he stares at me absolutely speechless. Poor Ezra is probably surprised that I did not slap him for making such a confession to me.
"Hold me." I say, with a bit more force this time.
Ezra finally obliges, and I sigh in content. Lately, I've felt safe in his arms. I do not think that anything bad can happen to me with Ezra here. I have not felt this secure since Momma died.
"I love you, Aria. I promise I'll always be here." Ezra whispers into my ear.
For half of a second, I truly believe him.
AN: They finally did it! Do you think the timing was right, or should they have done it earlier or later? What did you think of the Ezria scenes in this chapter? Aria is obviously starting to warm up to Ezra, but will she express that to him soon? Were you surprised that Ezra built up the courage to confess his love for Aria? I think you'll be happy with how their relationship progresses, for now at least. Not trying to scare anyone, but you all know how my stories are. There's never an easy road for anyone ;). Please review and tell me your thoughts. Thanks for reading!