Ezra's POV
Aria always refers to our child as "he", but I like to think of the baby as a "she." Every time I imagine our unborn child, I imagine a little girl with hazel eyes and beautiful brunette hair. I know that most men wish for sons, but I want a tiny Aria to love and protect. How could anyone possibly blame me for wanting a carbon copy of my wife? Aria is the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on, and having two of her seems far too good to be true.
Right now, Aria is laying next to me in bed and sleeping soundly. Her breathing is always heavy at night, and I find it absolutely adorable. I bend down to kiss my wife's forehead and she does not stir in the slightest. After I kiss Aria, I rest my head over her nearly flat stomach. When will Aria's form begin change? I personally cannot wait to see the evidence of her carrying my child. I cannot wait to see my child period.
"Hi there baby." I whisper into Aria's stomach.
"E-Ezra? Are you still awake?" Aria grumbles as her hazel eyes flutter open.
Strangely enough, I am still awake. I am absolutely exhausted from work, but I have not been able to shut my mind off. Heck, I have not been able to shut my mind off since Aria told me about her pregnancy two weeks ago. Even though this is the most joyful time of my life, it is also the most stressful. What if I'm a terrible father? I am absolutely terrified that I will let this baby down, just like how I let my men on the battlefield down. What if the baby is a little boy who I'll have to send to war? The thought of my child going through what I went through makes me absolutely sick...
"Ezra?" Aria asks as she begins to raise her voice.
"I-I am sorry, my darling. I did not mean to wake you. I have not been able to fall asleep this evening." I say as I pull Aria's petite body close to mine.
"Do not worry about waking me, darling. I am only worried about you. Why haven't you been sleeping?" Aria questions as she buries her face in the crook of my neck.
"I-I just cannot stop thinking." I confess.
"About?" Aria asks as she raises an eye brow.
"The war. Do you ever think about it?" I question.
"I cannot say that I do. The war is over, and I have spent the last few weeks thinking about our child. I suppose I understand why you cannot stop thinking about it though. Ezra... You lived on the battlefield for years. It was your entire world at one point. The good and the bad parts of that war will always be with you." Aria says as she stares into my blue eyes.
"Oh my darling, you have no idea what it is like out there. I thank God everyday that you did not have to experience the horrors I went through, but I do not know if I will be able to provide our child with such a luxury." I say with a breathy sigh.
"Ezra, what in the world are you talking about?" Aria questions as she furrows her brow in confusion.
"If this child is a boy, all of our relatives will expect him to go to West Point just like I did. If he goes to West Point, he'll be forced to fight in the next war." I say with an involuntary shutter.
"I-I never thought about that. I do not like the idea of our child going to war, but at least he will be educated at West Point. He will have the best training that America has to offer, and there might not even be a war that he's eligible to fight in." Aria says as her face begins to fall.
"Honey, training doesn't matter. I grew up around men who lived and breathed war, and I ended up spending a year of my life in prison camp. Aria, I was a lucky one. I could have very easily been killed the night I war captured." I murmur as I run my fingers through Aria's silky hair.
"Like I said before, there might not even be a war." Aria says as tears begin to form in her eyes.
"Oh Aria, every generation has a war to fight. Sometimes they are important battles, but most of the time they are petty fights that we bring upon ourselves. Men get so hung up in the game." I say as I shake my head slowly.
"What game?" Aria asks with confusion in her voice.
"It's a game, Aria. That's all war is. Men become convinced that the only way they can bring honor to their country is by putting their lives on the line for the "cause." We flaunt our uniforms and our West Point degrees and feel like we've accomplished something great... That we're fighting for the greatest country in the world. No country is truly great, Aria, and wars are even less great then the countries who initiate them. At the end of the day, war is just death. Senseless and preventable deaths." I say as tears begin to form in my eyes.
"E-Ezra, please do not cry. It's going to be okay." Aria says as her voice begins to soften.
"Aria, you simply cannot understand. I do not want our son to waste his life just as I have wasted mine." I say with a sniffle.
"Ezra, what are you talking about? You have not wasted your life. I am so proud to call you my husband, and not because of your uniform and West Point degree. I am in love with you because you are the kindest person I have ever met. You are so good to me, Ezra, and you are going to be an incredible father." Aria says through her tears.
"I have killed people you know." I tell her grimly.
"S-so?" Aria asks with a slight tremble.
"I just want you to know that I am not an innocent man, Aria. I am responsible for ending several people's lives.." I start to ramble.
"Ezra, I know that. You are a soldier. If you did not kill, you would have been killed." Aria says as she begins to run her hand up and down my arm.
"No, that's not necessarily true. I have done some terrible things during my career, Aria. One time a Confederate soldier snuck up on me during a battle, and we got into a wrestling match. I ended up pinning him to the ground, and pointing my gun directly at his forehead. Do you want to know what his last words were?" I question, as I stare directly into my wife's eyes.
"W-What?" Aria asks as her eyes grow wide with fear.
"He said "Please do not kill me. I have a little girl at home." Guess what I did, Aria? I laughed and spat on his face before shooting him twice. I-I did it because I was trained to hate the enemy. I convinced myself that he was a soulless person who deserved to rot in hell. B-but he wasn't, Aria. He was just a man. A man who had a little girl waiting for him." I say as even more tears begin to spill out of my eyes.
"You had to have that mentality, Ezra. You would have been killed otherwise." Aria says as she wraps her arms around me.
"That doesn't make it right though, does it? My lowest point was probably the battle that I was captured by the enemy. Before they got me, I missed my target and shot a little drummer boy. He was probably ten, Aria. I had killed a child. We were supposed to be protecting women and children, but there we were killing sons and husbands... I finally couldn't take it. I got on my horse and abandoned my troops. My horse got shot down while I was fleeing, and then they tied me." I say as I cover my tear stained face with my hands.
"Y-you fled from the battlefield?" Aria asks with shock in her voice.
"Yeah, I did. I abandoned the men I was responsible for in the middle of a deathly battle. I suppose it doesn't matter though. I'm still a war hero, aren't I?" I ask with bitterness in my voice.
"Please, Ezra. You mustn't been so hard on yourself. You were a young man who was put in a terrible situation..." Aria starts to ramble.
"Stop. We both know I'm a monster. How can you even bear to look at me right now, Aria? You're perfectly aware of everything that I've done." I say with shame in my voice.
"Oh Ezra, every man who fought in that damn war has something to be ashamed of. The people in power pitted you men against each other, and as a result you all have innocent blood on your hands. T-There may have been a time in your life when you weren't an angel, but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm looking at you, Ezra, and I see an angel with the most pure soul to have ever graced the presence of the Earth. I love my angel, and I don't care about what happened during the war. If I raise my son to be half the man that you are I will be incredibly proud." Aria says as she gently strokes my cheek.
"How do you still love me? I just told you all of those things..." I start to ramble.
"Love doesn't need an explanation, Ezra. I love you. It's as simple as that. I just wish I knew what triggered all of this shame." Aria confesses.
"I cannot give you a definite answer. I suppose that the thought of having a child to care for has triggered some of it. I just- Just promise me that if we have a son, we won't send him to war. I do not care if we shame my family's name, Aria. I just do not want him to kill or be killed for a useless cause." I say with a sniffle.
"Ezra, we will figure it out. If you do not want our son to fight, he will not fight. If we have to move to Europe, so be it." Aria says with a shrug.
"I-I love you so much." I say as I wipe away some of my tears.
"I love you more. Now please get some sleep. I do not want you to be tired in the morning." Aria says as her tone turns serious.
"O-Okay. Stay with me all night?" I ask as I stare into her beautiful eyes.
"Where else would I go, Ezra?" Aria questions before resting her head on my strong chest and closing her tired eyes.
Aria's POV
Usually, I wake up to the feeling of Ezra kissing my forehead softly. Today, I wake up to the sound of him screaming. The shrill noise causes me to sit up in bed, and glance over at my husband who is tossing and turning shamelessly.
"E-Ezra..." I say as I rest a hand on his shoulder.
"N-No! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" Ezra cries out in his sleep.
"Sh-sh, you're okay. It's just me, Ezra." I whisper as I begin to stroke his sweaty check.
Ezra's blue eyes flutter open, and both of us let out long sighs of relief. Thank God that's over with! My husband immediately sits up, and wraps his trembling arms around my body. I don't think I've ever seen Ezra this... Shaken.
"Are you okay?" I ask him gently.
"Yes, my love. I am perfectly fine." Ezra says as he forces a smile.
"Ezra, you were screaming in your sleep. Were you having a nightmare?" I question.
"I already said I was fine!" Ezra shouts abruptly.
I gasp, and tears begin to well up in my hazel eyes. Ezra never raises his voice, let alone shouts at me. Did I do something wrong? What if he's falling out of love with me? I know what happens when men fall out of love...
"Oh, darling. Please do not cry. I did not mean to snap at you. I'm just tired." Ezra says as his voice begins to soften.
"Did you sleep at all last night?" I ask with a sniffle.
"No. Not really." Ezra says as he shakes his head slowly.
"Oh Ezra... Why don't you stay home from work today? You should just relax, and try to catch up on sleep. You haven't been yourself the last couple of days, and I'm worried." I confess.
"I-I can't miss work..." Ezra starts to ramble.
"Yes you can. Just say you're feeling ill. I will speak to your parents at breakfast." I say, trying to convince my husband.
"I just don't feel like teaching young men how to kill today." Ezra says with an involuntary shutter.
"I know you do not. Just lay here, love. I will speak to your mother and father." I assure him.
"Thank you. I love you, sweetheart." Ezra murmurs before closing his blue eyes.
"I love you too." I whisper before tip toeing out of the bedroom and walking over to Charlotte's room to get ready for the day.
Line Break
Dianne looks incredible distraught when I arrive in the dining hall. This is a usual occurrence, but she seems even more overwhelmed than she normally does this morning. Perhaps this is not an ideal to time to speak with her about Ezra...
"Good morning, darling." Brian says before springing to his feet and kissing my hand tenderly.
"Morning, sis." Wes murmurs without making eye contact with me.
"Good morning, everyone. What a pleasant day it is." I say as I force a smile.
"Where is Ezra?" Dianne asks me shortly.
"Ezra is not feeling well this morning. He tossed and turned all night, and we both decided that he should spend the day in our bedchamber." I say as bravely as I can.
"Is he okay? Should I send for a doctor?" Dianne asks with panic in her voice.
"No-no, do not bother the doctor. Ezra's illness is nothing to worry about. I believe that he is just overworked." I say, trying to calm my hysteric mother-in-law.
"Overworked? By you?" Wes asks with a smirk.
His words cause a deep blush to form on my cheeks. I do not want to discuss my personal business with my husband's family... It is rather uncomfortable.
"Wesley Fitzgerald!" Dianne shouts as she turns to face her arrogant son.
"What? Aria is having a baby. It's not like their secret is well kept." Wes says with an eye roll.
"Wesley, you know that gentlemen are forbidden from discussing such things in the presence of a lady. Please apologize to your sister." Brian says as his tone turns serious.
"Sorry, Aria." Wesley murmurs as he avoids looking into my hazel eyes.
"It is quite alright." I say as I shoot him a triumphant smile.
"Ezra is fine thought, right?" Dianne asks as her tone turns serious.
"Yes, I am fairly sure. If he comes down with a fever or the chills I will notify you." I assure Dianne.
"Thank you, darling. This is quite a relief. I have important matters to deal with today, and caring for Ezra would have been quite burdensome." Dianne confesses.
Huh. Usually Dianne is eager to wait on her baby boy hand and foot. If she is unwilling to care for him today, something important must be going on.
"I do not wish to pry, but is everything alright?" I ask Dianne curiously.
"Y-yes, Aria. Everything is more than alright actually. Veronica Hastings sent a messenger to the estate this morning before you awoke. Spencer went into labor last night, and she delivered a healthy little boy. I thought you'd be please to know." Dianne says as she grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.
"S-She did?" I ask as tears of joy begin to form in my hazel eyes.
"Yes. His name is Peter Tobias Cavanaugh. Spencer was asking for you. Apparently she really wants you to meet him. I am taking the carriage over to their estate this morning, and you are more than welcome to join me." Dianne offers.
This is... Strange. Dianne is never this kind to me. I suppose my mother-in-law has been more bearable since she found out about the baby. I only wish I had gotten pregnant sooner!
"I would love to accompany you. Are you sure it is alright?" I ask as my tone turns serious.
"Yes, dear. It is quiet alright. Why don't you tell Ezra where you are going and then meet me down here?" Dianne suggests.
"Okay, mother." I say before springing to my feet and hurrying upstairs to tell Ezra the delightful news.
Author's Note: Obviously something serious is going in with poor Ezra. What did you think of his behavior in this chapter? Did you like his conversation with Aria? Will she be able to help him heal, or is the trauma too severe? In the next chapter, Aria will meet Spencer's baby boy. Please review and tell me your thoughts on the chapter :)