Aria's POV
When I was a small child, the most beautiful sight in the whole world was that of my momma. Every night when I curled up next to her in bed and smelt her familiar scent, I was sure I was in heaven. I am now eighteen years of age and the memory of Momma is still the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world. Even though Momma will always be the most beautiful thing in my life, I have learned that there are many beautiful things in the world.
Peter Tobias Cavanaugh is one of those things. He has his daddy's blue eyes and his momma's tiny nose. As I hold the microscopic creature in my arms, it occurs to me that aside from Momma, he is the most beautiful of them all. He is not my child, yet I love him so dearly. For half a second, I despise Spencer. For half a second, I wish her offspring was mine.
"What do you think of him, Aria?" Spencer asks as she sits up in the bed she just gave birth in.
"He is absolutely perfect, Spencer. So perfect that I'm envious of you." I confess as I rock the little boy gently.
"Envious of me? Why? In a few months you will have a child of your own to love and protect." Spencer says as she furrows her brow in confusion.
Spencer's words cause a frown to form on my face. Lately, I've felt a sense of uneasiness every time someone mentions the child in my womb. The child that Ezra always refers to as a "she." Surely God wouldn't give me a daughter after I've spent my entire life praying for a son. I want to believe that he'll have mercy on my poor soul, but I have the strangest feeling that my child is a baby girl.
"Aria, what's wrong? You seem upset." Spencer says with concern in her voice.
"Spencer, I think my child is a little girl." I say with a breathy sigh.
"Aria, that's ridiculous. How can you be so sure?" Spencer asks as she furrows her brow in confusion.
"I've been having the most vivid dreams since I found out about the baby. Every night I dream that I'm in labor and after I push for a few minutes, someone hands me a little girl. She has my hazel eyes and my nose. Spencer, she looks just like me." I say with a shutter.
"Aria, that seems like a wonderful dream. I cannot imagine why you seem so upset over it." Spencer says as she furrows her brow in confusion.
"Because I can't raise a daughter, Spencer. I want a baby boy. No. I need a baby boy." I say as my tone turns serious.
"Honey, that is surely not true. When I found out I was with child, I prayed every night that it would be born a girl. A few hours ago I found out the child was a boy, and I could not have cared less. Holding Peter in my arms for the first time was the most magical experience of my entire life even though he wasn't the girl I had dreamed of. You'll love your child regardless of the gender, Aria, I assure you." Spencer says as a smile begins to form on her face.
I want to believe Spencer but the logical side of me cannot. Deep down, I know I will not be happy with a girl. I cannot tell my friend the truth though. Surely if I did, she would judge me harsher than God will.
"Surely you are right, Spencer. I have just felt on edge lately. I am terribly worried." I blurt out suddenly.
"Aria, what are you worried about?" Spencer questions.
"Ezra." I say as I avoid looking into my friend's eyes.
"Ezra? What is wrong with my darling cousin? He has not fallen ill, has he?" Spencer asks as her eyes grow wide with worry.
"No, not exactly. Ever since he found out about the baby, he's been acting strange." I confess.
"Strange? How so?" Spencer asks me softly.
"He's been having terrible dreams, Spencer. Every night he cries out in his sleep and he's not any easier to be around during the day. Ezra always seem tense, and I'm worried that I've done something to upset him." I say with a breathy sigh.
"Oh, darling! Ezra's behavior cannot be blamed on you. Once Ezra was released from prison camp, he started having incredibly vivid nightmares. He wasn't himself for months and my poor aunt and uncle were incredibly worried about him." Spencer informs me.
"T-They were?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Yes! Has Ezra not spoken with you about this?" Spencer asks me curiously.
"Never." I say as I shake my head slowly.
"He probably doesn't want to worry you. You know how Ezra is. He's such a protector." Spencer tells me.
"Indeed he is. Now that I'm pregnant, Ezra clings to my side like a child does to his mother." I say with a slight smile.
"How sweet! He's going to be such an amazing father, Aria. I'm sure you're both so excited for the baby to arrive." Spencer squeals.
"Ezra definitely is. I, on the other hand, am rather nervous about the whole ordeal. How badly does it hurt?" I ask as I glance down at the precious baby in my arms.
"Aria... I don't want to frighten you." Spencer says as her voice begins to soften.
"Really, Spencer! I need to be prepared." I say as my tone turns serious.
"Let's just say it hurt worse than anything I'd ever experienced. I was convinced that the pain was going to kill me." Spencer says with an involuntary shutter.
"I know the feeling." I say with a sad sigh.
"Y-You do?" Spencer asks as her eyes grow wide with shock.
"Never mind." I say as I internally scold myself for saying such a thing out loud.
"Okay. Well, before you go, I have a rather important question to ask you. Peter is getting christened next week and Toby and I want you and Ezra to be his God-parents. God forbid if anything ever happened to me and Toby, I'd want you to raise and protect my son." Spencer says as she stares into my hazel eyes.
"M-Me?" I ask in shock.
"Yes, you!" Spencer exclaims.
"I don't know what to say, Spencer. I already love this baby boy so much, and I promise I'll do everything that I can to keep him safe. I'm honored that you trust me with something this important." I confess.
"Well, I'm honored that you're now my son's God-mother." Spencer says as tears begin to well up in her eyes.
"Peter Tobias Cavanauh, I love you more than you'll ever know. I promise I'll always be here for you." I whisper before kissing his forehead softly.
Ezra's POV
I forgot how it felt to be this depressed. Before Aria came along, I spent most of my days fidgeting in bed and thinking of all the ways I could end my own life. Some afternoons I would get a knife and hold it against my chest while I imagined what it would feel like to die. The only thing that stopped me from plunging those knifes into my chest was the pain it would cause my darling mother. Today, I don't even allow myself to think of the sharp knifes laying in the dinning hall. I couldn't even dream of leaving Aria alone with our unborn child.
"Darling, are you still in bed?" Aria asks as she barges into our bedchamber.
"Yes." I say, as I glance up at my frantic wife.
"Are you feeling okay?" Aria asks as she walks over to the bed and places a single hand over my forehead.
"Yes, I feel fine." I assure her.
"Well, are you okay?" Aria asks as her voice begins to soften.
"I just told you that I felt fine." I remind her.
"Emotionally, I mean. You seem... Distraught." Aria murmurs as she avoids looking into my blue eyes.
Why is Aria asking me such intrusive questions? I know she's trying to help, but I don't need my wife mothering me. I don't want to burden Aria with my problems.
"Well, maybe I am feeling a bit distraught today." I tell her shortly.
"Do you- Can we talk about it?" Aria asks me softly.
Aria's words infuriate me, and I have no idea why. She is only trying to help, yet I feel so much anger towards her. Maybe it's because I know she couldn't possibly understand the trauma I went through. I was a prisoner of war, while she was a teenage girl prancing through the fields of Pennsylvania.
"Why do you want to talk about it?" I ask as I try to conceal my frustration.
"Because you're my husband, and I love you. I'm worried, Ezra." Aria tells me shyly.
"Well, there's nothing to worry about. I'm fine and even if I wasn't, you're the last person on Earth I would talk to about it." I snap.
"W-Why?" Aria asks as he chin begins to quiver.
"Because you would never understand what I went through. While you were being pampered and spoiled by Daddy and his money I was being tortured. Tortured, Aria. How could you possibly relate to me?" I spit out.
To my dismay and surprise, Aria bursts into tears. Oh. My. God. What on in the world was I thinking? I just made the love of my life cry. Why did I have to lash out on her? Aria has been nothing but a sweetheart and none of this is her fault.
"Aria, don't cry. I'm so sorry. I'm a jerk. That's what I am. An idiotic jerk!" I exclaim as I spring to my feet and scoop her into my arms.
To my surprise, Aria doesn't respond. Instead she cuddles close to me and begins to sob into my chest. She seems really upset. I hate myself for this.
"Please say something, love. Tell me that you're going to be okay." I say as tears begin to form in my own eyes,
"Ezra, I might not be a West Point graduate or a war hero, but I know exactly how it feels
to hurt. I know that I'm just a stupid and spoiled Rosewood girl, but my life hasn't exactly been a bed of roses either. After Momma died, I was so sad. I couldn't get out of bed for weeks, and I would wake up screaming nearly every night." Aria says through her tears.
"Baby girl, I am so sorry I said those things. I know you endured a lot too, and my problems shouldn't diminish yours in the slightest. I just love you so much, and I don't want to burden you with my problems." I confess.
"Your problems do not burden me, Ezra." Aria says with a sniffle.
"They don't yet, but I'm terrified that will become a burden in the future. Let's just... Let's not worry about anything right now. How about we get you out of that uncomfortable looking dress and hold each other for a few hours?" I suggest.
Aria nods before turning her back to me. I stand up before unzipping her dress and helping her out of it. After that's taken care of, the only thing covering Aria is her creamy corset. She's so beautiful. I instinctively bend down to plant a kiss on my wife's shoulder blade, but she pulls away almost immediately.
"Please not today, Ezra. I am so tired from the baby." Aria says with a whimper.
"Do not worry, Aria. I completely understand. Just lay down on the bed." I instruct.
Aria nods before laying down and curling up under the covers. I lay down next to her before pulling her shaking body close to mine. What can I do to make her feel happy again? To make her feel loved again?
"Tell me about Spencer's baby." I say as I tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear.
"The baby is absolutely perfect, Ezra. His name is Peter Tobias Cavanaugh." Aria says as she stares into my blue eyes.
"Does he look like Spencer or Toby?" I ask my wife curiously.
"A bit of both I think. His eyes are blue like Toby's, but his nose looks just like Spencer's." Aria says after thinking about it for a minute.
"That sounds like a pretty good combination to me. How is Spencer? Is she still sore from childbirth?" I ask with concern in my voice.
"A little. She said it hurts a lot." Aria says with an involuntary shutter.
I sigh when I think of how much pain Aria will have to endure when she delivers our baby. I wish I could take all of the pain for her but that's obviously impossible.
"I'll be by your side the entire time. That is, if you want me there." I say before kissing Aria's forehead softly.
"Of course I want you there. Don't be silly." Aria mutters before resting her head on my chest and closing her hazel eyes.
I begin to stroke my wife's hair as my eyes start to drift shut. Before I can fully fall asleep, Aria sits up and begins to shake me gently.
"What is it? Is everything okay?" I ask with panic in my voice.
"Before I forget, Spencer and Toby want us to be the God-parents! Isn't that great?" Aria squeals.
"That is great." I say as a smile spreads across my face.
"Wait until you meet him, Ezra. He's so precious... I know he's not mine, but I love Peter so much." Aria says with a deep blush.
"I know you do, sweetheart. You are an incredibly loving person. It's one of the reasons you're going to make an amazing mother." I say as I stare into my wife's hazel eyes.
"Y-You think I'm going to make an amazing mother?" Aria asks as her voice begins to soften.
"I think you're going to be the best mother that the world has ever seen." I tell her truthfully.
"Oh, Ezra! You're going to be an ever better father. I cannot wait to hold our little boy for the first time!" Aria exclaims as she throws her arms around me.
"Or our little girl." I say with a chuckle.
"Don't be silly." Aria mutters before closing her eyes and falling into a deep slumber.
AN: What do you think? We're seeing a new side to Ezra. How will Aria react to his outbursts? Did you like the Aria and Spencer scenes? Should the Fitz baby be a boy or a girl? Please review and tell me your thoughts. Thanks for reading!