Chapter 3

Rated M

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own it and while I'm a tremendous Jacob fan, I do love that she wrote it. I'm not sure she would have inspired such passion for a character otherwise!

Bella and Jacob sat together at the table. Jacob's milkshake was gone and Bella had taken a sip or two of hers. She'd come to terms with the fact that she had to tell Jacob everything. He had a right to know and Alice was right—Edward was gone. He had wanted her to remain happy and human.

"I, uh, I don't know how to say this exactly," she began.

Jake swallowed thickly. He instantly regretted finishing that milkshake because he had a feeling he was about to see it again.

"That kiss on the mountain top," she took a deep breath and chanced a look at Jake's face. He watched her warily and she realized she'd better not drag it out. "Well, that kiss was amazing. Life changing, really. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I felt so guilty that Edward sacrificed his life for mine. It didn't feel like I should move on from him."

Jacob interrupted. "Bella, he wouldn't want you to spend your life pining after him or mourning him."

"I know, Jake," she gave him a teary smile. "I know he wouldn't. What I'm trying to say is that the day of the newborn battle, I had made a decision. I wasn't going to marry Edward. I'd decided to stay human."

Abruptly, Jacob shot up from the table and stepped outside, vomiting the contents of his stomach into the grass beside the house. All this time! An entire year he had spent feeling torn inside about Bella and Edward. The last time he'd seen Edward was after their kiss and he'd been a smug teenager about it, rubbing it in knowing the vamp could read his mind. It was an embarrassing moment to have relive over and over in his mind. Jake kept thinking how one of Edward's last thoughts must have been about him and Bella kissing.

Wiping his mouth, he went back into the kitchen to the sink, rinsing his mouth.

"Sorry, Bella. I know you feel terrible about that day and miss Edward. I've been torn up about how things went that day ever since. It's not that he was a bad guy, but I didn't want you to become one of them. I wasn't thinking the nicest things that day." Jacob kept his body turned away from her, ashamed of what he was admitting.

Bella got up from the table and wrapped her arms around Jacob's chest. Her forehead rested in the curve of his spine. Her fingers opened and closed, gripping and releasing his t-shirt in her grasp.

"Jake, I've spent a year feeling guilty that I wasn't going to choose him. I thought he knew. I thought all this time that the last memory he was going to have of me, was me choosing you," she said softly, the dread washing over her. "Of course, I cared about him. I will always care about the Cullens. They were special to me. It's not something I expect you to understand."

"I'll admit, Bells, I don't really understand your easy acceptance of the vamps. But I respect it and I'm thankful for it because I'm not completely human either," Jake spoke to her before turning his body and wrapping his arms around her. "Do you want to tell me about the letter they sent you?"

"How'd you know?" she asked. He simply sniffed.

"Oh, of course. I don't know. It was from Alice. She says that Edward didn't know I'd changed my mind, but he would've wanted me to be happy."

"Are you happy?" Jake asked.

"I feel like I could be one day," she admitted truthfully.

"That's good, Bella," he answered, leaning down and resting his cheek on her head.

"It's that I wanted to end things on my own terms, you know? Now I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing I never got to say good-bye to him," she continued.

"Unfortunately, Bells, that's the way it goes sometimes. I never got to say good-bye to my mom either. I would give a lot to have 5 more minutes with her to tell her all the things I never got to tell her."

"I know you're right. I do. I guess there were so many unresolved things in my life at that time."

"Tell me what you pictured happening after it was all said and done," he prompted her.

She sighed. "I don't know exactly, but one way I saw it going was me explaining it to Edward. That I loved him so much, but in spite of that love there was more that I would need from life. I needed my family and friends. I couldn't leave Charlie and Renee behind. You, the pack, or your dad. I knew that he would understand. I thought I could keep in touch with them by email or phone at least. I wanted to have them in my life somehow. But I would go to college and have children one day."

"That would have been good, Bella. I can see that having made you happy. Plans change though. Even if Edward had lived, it may not have gone that way. What if he couldn't accept your rejection? What if you'd have married him anyway or the Volturi forced you to be changed?"

Silent tears trailed down Bella's face. Tears of sorrow and tears of guilt. She had to let it go. It was time to move forward.

"I think it's time for me and Charlie to go home," she said.

Jake didn't move. He was scared. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave. He'd gotten used to being with her every night. What would he do without her? Instead of trying to stop her, he didn't say anything. He would find a way to convince her to stay.

Grabbing her hands from behind his back, Jake held them in between them.

"I love you, Bella. More than I can say, more than I have ever said because I didn't want to scare you away when you needed someone. I will always be here for you."

"I love you, Jacob." Bella placed two kisses over Jacob's heart and walked to her room. She began folding clothes and piling them on top of the dresser she'd been using. Again, she felt sad. Why did she say they needed to leave? She didn't want to leave Jake's house. Who would hold her at night when she woke from nightmares of Edward's death or of Jane coming and killing her in the night? Why didn't he object? Was he ready for her to leave?

Standing in the doorway, Jake silently watched Bella begin to pack her things. He had to stop this. Without telling her, he left the house to talk to Charlie. He wasn't sure where he'd gone off to after dinner, but often the men of the house could be found with Sue Clearwater. So he decided to try their house first.

Before he reached the door, he could hear the voices of the three adults talking. Of course, they were talking about Bella and how she hadn't really seemed to move on from her grief. Jacob let himself in the front door. They all turned to look at him.

"Bella said she wants to go home, Charlie. But, you guys can't. Please, please don't leave. I don't know what I would do without Bella now," Jacob begged, not at all caring if he looked like a kid. His eyes traveled between the three adults imploring them to make sure Bella stayed.

"I've got to admit, a year of sleeping on that couch has been rough, Jake," Charlie said.

"I'll bring your mattress down and put it in my room. I'll take the couch. Or we can put bunk beds in Bella's room."

"Oh, I don't think so," Charlie huffed.

"Come on, Charlie!" Billy scoffed. "You know he's spent almost every night of the last year in that room with her and nothing has happened."

"Yet," Charlie bit.

"Charlie, it's not like that between us," Jake replied.

"Yet," Charlie hissed again.

"What makes you so sure?" Jacob asked, getting a bit huffy.

"I can see how close you two are. It's only natural that it would progress into more."

"You and Sue are close friends. You and my dad are close friends. Does that mean one of those relationships would develop into something more?" Jacob asked.

The adults started talking at the same time, disagreeing with Jake's statements.

Billy finally won out over them. "Jake, you know that what you and Bella have is special. The 3 of us are close friends, but we're not like the two of you. If Charlie walked around with his arm around Sue or holding her hand all of the time, she'd sock him one in the gut." Sue nodded in agreement.

"Dad, do you think it's best for her if they leave?" Jacob asked.

"Maybe she needs to be able to survive on her own and not have to lean on you for support," Billy suggested.

Jacob sank down into a chair, his arms crossed on the table and his forehead resting at the edge of the table. He concentrated on controlling his breathing. Part of him knew that what Billy said was right, Bella did need to grow up and be a normal teenager. Yet, the supernatural part of him was louder and knew that there was no longer a "normal" life for them. That ship had sailed long ago.

"Do you think she would be doing this well if it were just her and Charlie at home? Whenever Charlie went to work, she would have been home alone. There wouldn't have been anyone around to make sure she ate, that she got showered, that she got out of bed or did anything. I did that. I took care of her. I'm asking you not to leave. Maybe one day, but not yet. She's not ready to be on her own yet. She'll be the catatonic mess she was a year ago when he died and they left!"

Growling in frustration, Jacob stood up and left the house. He rushed to the forest and stripped his clothes off, phasing as soon as they were strapped to his leg. The wolf started running as soon as it was free. Racing through the trees, pushing back the feelings of hurt and rejection, along with guilt that he couldn't do more to help her. Feeling the way he was, Jacob ran around for a long while. Usually he ran the perimeter of Quileute territory, but this time, he skimmed the yards of his people.

Jacob thought he knew every house on the reservation but he was surprised to find a house he didn't remember, for sale. He looked around and realized it was empty. So he phased back and walked up to the house. Peering in the windows, he was curious about this house he didn't remember. It was somewhat hidden in the woods, back off a dirt path. The house was vacant and all of the blinds were open so that people could see inside. Once Jake had circled the house on the covered porch, he came around to a little plastic mailbox filled with fliers. He took one out and read it. He hoped he had a solution to things after all.