Hi guys!

Here's the thing: Some stuff happened concerning White Knighting over on Ikasury's stories and comments, that has left a VERY bitter taste in my mouth I am days later still upset enough to no longer wishing to have my traffic direct to FFN over the matter.

My own result of this is: Yeah, I will post some of the chapter here, but I am moving my future and continued work over to Archive of Our Own. I simply don't wish to support a site that can habour a community that supports the stifling of creative process. (Also, AO3 allows me to more directly interact with my readers, so there is that.) - Edit: Yes, same handle as here... same handle as I use all over, heh.

October 3rd, 2011

Sleep had not come for her and since Narukami had left the previous evening, she had been by herself. No one had come to visit, no one had called or texted her. This had left her with a vast abundance of time to go over the notes she had written while they spoke, time to look into Carl Jung and his theories, time to read up on basic psychology on shadow, persona and the possibility of enantiodromia.

Unfortunately, it had also left her with too much time to think on the other matter her senpai had brought forward. At first it had felt like Narukami had delivered his speech, set the barbs of insult and humiliation into her flesh and then simply left.

None the less, it had been more than that. He had left her alone with her thoughts and the knowledge of what his words truly meant. Now her thoughts kept refocussing on the core statement he had made yesterday, and this had possibly been his actual goal in his speech and leaving the way he did.

It could be, that the teens rejected her further involvement into the case.

Hostile. Abrasive. Hurtful.

These were the words he had used to describe her actions. To describe her behaviour and her manner of interaction with her peers. Had pointed out to her how she should reflect on his words, on her actions, on the reactions sparked within the team.

Naoto sat in her living room. She was perched on the corner of her couch, elbows on her knees, staring sightlessly at the floor before her.

Hostile. Yes. She could see that. She had thought it being an obvious reaction, too, to the way her home had been invaded by them. Repeatedly even! She had been given no say in the matter and… Wait. Had I no say in the matter? I did not at first, true, and I had relented. But had I no say on later days? Had they not spoken to me? Had I not the chance to point out to them my true unease about the situation? My own feelings? My shame? My embarrassment?

No… those are excuses. If she had to be honest about the matter, all of these are just presumptions about her status and her situation. The junior Shirogane had actually simply assumed. Assumption, she knew, was the bane of any investigation and no professional should ever let themselves get pulled into that dark morass. But it happened. The right thing to do was removing oneself from it without too much embarrassment.

The same held true for abrasive, she knew. Instead of actually saying what she should have, politely, if curt, she had fallen into the trope of being sarcastic and cynical with those who would fight to ensure her safety. Instead of being grateful, instead of being thankful, instead of acceptance for the help provided willingly, she had sought ulterior motives; had cast to find a way to belittle and lessen the care they had shown her.

I've been such a fool… Her lack of social tools notwithstanding, she should have realized sooner what her actions actually caused. Her problems at the police station? Her own doing. Her troubles fitting in with her peers? Generated by her conduct.

Try as she may to find a plausible excuse for her actions, she could not escape the one true fact of the matter. She had caused hurt to those who had risked their lives to save her. Every single one of them had been present to not only see her shame and her secrets revealed. They had also stood against numerous odds to rush to her side – and with possibly the sole exception of Tatsumi, none of them actually had spoken to her previously, or had known much about her.

Hurtful. In my own pain, I have sought to ease my pain by passing it on to them. In case of Satonaka-senpai, that hurt seemed to have passed on to her fully, forcing a deeply emotional reaction. I must find a way to make amends. But how?

Letting her head sink lower, she heaved a depressed sigh. Why is this suddenly happening to me? She had never asked for friends. She had not wanted to be part of any social net – at least not for reasons of companionship. She had her case in mind. Her one goal: To solve the case presented and to move on to the next case.

Now a new way of solving a case was shown to her, one she had so far avoided at all costs. She was offered hands of friendship; offered to have a team of emotionally bonded peers to help solve the mystery.

In fiction this had been introduced as a basic concept to her previously, she knew. Many a time where Watson was not only influential in solving a crime, but instrumental. The Maltese Falcon was not tracked down solo. The Name of the Rose was elaborate and run by one master of the detective arts, but even Baskerville had not acted fully on his own, even if he had rejected earthly love in the end.

Maybe that was the key. Allow some, but refute the shackles that come with it. Remain cerebral while allowing for laughter.

Naoto was unsure if she could walk that narrow path, but she was determined to try walking it none the less.

October 4th, 2011

Walk the narrow path, Shirogane… you know you can walk the narrow part. Oh gods, they are starting up again…

Again, apologies for cutting away. If something changes here on FFN to make the place feel more welcoming again, I am sure I'll post again. For the time being, I'll direct my traffic to other sites which allow authors actual freedoms and protection from bullies. If you guys would like to join me over on the other side, you're welcome to, if not, I'll see you guys when there was a change on FFN I can support again with web traffic generated by my fics. :)

Thanks all!