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Chapter 29: It Happened

Full Moon. For Remus those two words meant a night where he wasn't in full control over his body. For Mandy, those words had meant disappointment and irritability for the past five months. Now though, those two words didn't bother her or Remus that much. For Remus this full moon meant no more worrying about hurting the other boys. For Mandy it meant not having to watch the empty lawn from her dormitory window. Tonight the two of them would be reunited and Prongs and Padfoot would have extra back up if the wolf was feeling cranky.

Mandy, though happy about being able to join the Marauders in the Willow, was still worried how Moony would react. For all she knew the wolf took as a personal insult that she hadn't been there for months. It wasn't really her fault and it wasn't like she could have predicted it happening. Then again it could turn out like her last transformation had. He could be extremely grateful that she was there and they could end up playing the whole night. Either way the only way she would find out would be when she showed up that night.

All day she tried to put it out of her mind, but every now and then it crept up. Especially when she felt the baby move. Suddenly it hit her that she would be putting the baby in danger. She didn't know how much danger, but it was enough that it made her reconsider going. By dinner time, Mandy finally decided that she was going no matter the danger. James and Sirius were big enough that if she felt scared they could always hold him off and she could run for it.

Thankfully that night when Mandy did show up, Moony wasn't feeling cranky; in fact he was frolicking like a puppy. None of the other four had seen the wolf so happy. He was nearly bouncing all over the room ready to play. His tail was wagging, his tongue hanging from his mouth and his eyes dancing. Padfoot responded in kind and Prongs and Ursa the bear shared a look. They joined in the fun running all over the shack, upstairs, downstairs, only having one minor problem when Moony went too close to the tunnel but a quick warning bark from Padfoot sent him running back into the house.

The following morning after everyone had transformed back, Remus wrapped Mandy in a hug. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

"What are friends for?" Mandy answered. Remus smiled and led them out of the Willow. Remus made his way to the hospital wing as the rest made their way back to the Common Room.

A week later, a week that was fraught with contemplation largely on Mandy's part, was Mandy's transformation. All week long she found herself drawn to Sirius's side, often taking his hand, and occasionally kissing his cheek. She didn't know what had come over her but she supposed it was the part of her that wondered if showing how much she loved someone was a bad thing. She figured she could ride this out and see where it went. When she did transform she was once again protective of Padfoot but this time wasn't quite as standoffish to Prongs.

On the first of May as sunlight poured across the soft ground, Mandy took Sirius's hand. They were on their way inside to the hospital wing in the early morning light after Mandy's transformation.

"He is ours," a voice practically purred. Mandy's head jerked around, looking in every direction trying to figure out where it came from. All she saw though were James and Sirius but the voice didn't sound like either one of theirs.

"Did you say something, James?" Mandy asked, looking at him on her left.

"No," James answered, shaking his head.

"Sirius?"

"Yes, I'm serious," James said softly as they reached the doors. She gave him a look and then turned to her boyfriend who shook his head. "No one said anything," James told her. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Think I'm tired though. It's been a long night."

"It wouldn't have been if you'd stop fighting it, you stupid witch. He's ours, just admit how we feel." Mandy looked around confused. There was no one else that she could see and now a voice was talking to her.

"Mandy?" Sirius asked, reaching for the door handle.

"I—Don't think I'm mad, but there is a voice talking to me and you two just said there's nothing talking to me," Mandy said.

"Perhaps it's in your mind. Sometimes there's this little voice in my head telling me not to do certain things," Sirius answered.

"Maybe you're right." Mandy nodded and Sirius pulled opened the door.

"Of course he's right. I am in your head."

"If you're in my head, then who are you? The only time I've ever heard a voice like this in my head was well, I can't think of a time but Jason tells me that's what it feels like under the Imperious Curse."

"I am ... I believe you call her Stripes. I'm not sure I like that name though."

"Stripes? But Stripes is just a form my body manifests at the end of the month as night falls. Stripes isn't—"

"Shut up, Witch. I am very much real, with my own personality. The bite mutates cells in your blood and eventually becomes like a living being all month long. You may control this body, but you can never shut me out completely."

"Is that why I've been more public about my affection for him?"

"For Sirius? Part of it. Embrace who you are, witch. Embrace your love for him."

"Love can be used against you. If those who want to harm you know you care deeply about someone they will use it to their advantage."

"You're not worried about that with James."

"James can handle himself. Besides I'm not in love with him. I love him like I love Jason. I know Sirius is a capable wizard but he doesn't display the same kind of talent James does."

"How would you know what kind of talent Sirius has? You've not been allowed to see anything because of the growing cub."

"But before this, there's been no indication. They probably think I'm mental." Mandy shook herself out of her internal conversation to see James and Sirius holding a nonverbal conversation over her head. "Boys?" she asked aloud.

"Are you quite sure you're feeling alright? You looked like you're not quite with it," James said.

"Yeah, fine. I told you, it's been a long night." Mandy shook her head and the mounted the stairs to the fourth floor.

"He's ours witch and I'll make you see that."

"Good luck with that." Mandy answered that voice in her head. They reached the fourth floor and Mandy turned to Sirius. She looked up at him, observing him and considering everything the voice had said. She didn't want to name that voice or give it any power over her but maybe the voice, like everyone she had questioned, had a point. Mandy stopped Sirius with a hand on his chest then stood in front of him. She bit her lip as she looked up at him. Finally after several long moments she reached up, cupping the back of his head then pulled his head down and kissed him hard. She pulled back and looked up at him. "I lo—"

"Shh," Sirius said pressing a figure to her lips, effectively cutting off her proclamation of love. James had continued up to the tower when they started kissing. "If you tell me you love me right now, I will not believe you." He had seen the look in her eyes when she had pulled back. It was the same possessive, protective look that he had seen when she had been in tiger form the night before. It wasn't his Mandy. "The look in your eyes, it's not you. I love you, Mandy, but I want you to be you when you tell me you love me too. Even if you're tapping into Stripes's personality, I want you to look at me with your eyes. Your pupils are so dilated right now that you're not you. Not really."

"But I—" Mandy tried to say.

"I know, just not yet. You love me, or want to, but the look in your eyes isn't you." Mandy sighed and they continued on to the hospital wing. Unlike usual, Mandy had no qualms with resting up. As she did rest she thought about everything that had happen over the past month and a half. By lunchtime Mandy hadn't gotten anywhere with her thoughts. So instead she thought about the voice in her head. That too didn't get her anywhere but she did come to the realization there was someone she could talk to about the voice. Though a werewolf was a beast of a different color so to speak, it was still a were-animal and it was possible they shared some of the same experiences. Maybe Remus could offer some advice.

Mandy convinced Madame Pomfrey to let her leave the hospital wing that afternoon, after eating a full meal even if she was still a bit tired. The first place Mandy checked was the library knowing that Remus preferred the quiet after a long day of classes. That was something he couldn't get in the Common Room or out on the grounds. Mandy checked with the librarian who told her Remus had been in, but had only checked a couple books out then he had left. Mandy walked to the window and was surprised to find Remus sitting on the lawn alone when she looked out. Sure, he liked the warm sunshine of early May as much as anyone but she never figured he'd be studying outside when he had a perfectly good library at his disposal.

Mandy went out and sat down next to him. "Feeling better?" Remus asked, marking his place with a finger.

"A little. I want to ask you something but I fear you'll think I'm mental," Mandy answered.

"I promise I will not think you are mental."

"Okay. Do you—I mean does he—uh, have you—"

"Take a deep breath," he coaxed when he realized she was struggling with what she wanted to ask. It was obviously important to her, he could tell that much by looking at her, but she was also very nervous to ask.

Mandy took a deep breath then slowly let it out. "Does Moony ever talk to you, up here?" Mandy tapped her temple.

Remus stared at her for a moment then smiled gently. "She has a voice now?" Remus asked, remembering how Mandy had explained that Stripes was just an alternate form that her body took and not an actual being. "When I'm in human form he does from time to time," Remus went on. "He never tells me anything I don't already know, it's more like he's prodding me to follow my instincts. When I first started to fall for Shelly four months ago he'd tell me to go for it and remind me how I felt, about my jealousy, things like that. What'd she say?"

"I've only heard her once." Mandy explained what had happened earlier that day. "I thought I was losing it. I kissed Sirius before I got to the hospital wing and when I pulled back I wanted so bad to tell him I loved him but he wouldn't let me. He told me that when I finally said those three words he wanted me to be me."

Remus could see how confused she was by Sirius's words. "Have you seen me really angry?"

"Yeah, when you found out what Sirius had done to Snape last year."

"You saw the look in my eyes?"

"It was furious ... and your pupils. They had dilated beyond anything I had ever seen. There was like barely any color left."

"The wolf had taken over. I mean he hadn't shoved me out of my own mind but when I get that angry or feel that strong of an emotion, I don't think quite as clearly. I give in to him a little more. Almost like I'm not myself."

"Oh, you think that at that point it was almost like she was more present than I was?"

"Yes, it is possible. If one gives over to their wolf, or in your case tiger, side and embraces it fully, what it can do, they act more like a dangerous wolf person than a normal person. Giving in completely isn't a good idea."

"But accepting what you are isn't a bad idea."

"No, I suppose not. Are you okay?" Remus asked, looking at her.

"Just thinking about everything," Mandy answered.

"Being in love doesn't make you weak," Remus said, shaking his head. Mandy looked at him in shock, wondering how he knew what she was thinking. "You just had this look on your face. Mandy, being in love—Love is a powerful emotion. It can be used against you yes, but it can also be a driving force. Let's say you have a child a couple years from now and it's in danger, you would do anything in your power to protect it right?"

Mandy thought the question over. Down the line when she had more children she'd always want to protect them, wouldn't she? The answer was so simple that she blurted it out before she could really weigh the options. "Yes. I would."

"That's love. Think of it that way instead. If they, whoever they are," Mandy knew he was talking about Voldemort and his Death Eaters, "try to use someone you love to get you to do something you don't want to do, turn it around. Use your love for them to either get yourself out of that situation or to drive you to defeat them."

"When did you get so smart about love?"

"Comes from listening to James and Sirius. They love you and Lily and they talk about it a lot. I mean a lot."

"I would rather die than let something happen to James."

"I know. And we all hope that one day you feel the same about Sirius."

"Maybe I already do," Mandy said, looking over at him.

"See, you said that and all I saw in your eyes was you," Remus said as he smiled softly. "That's what Sirius was talking about. Your big blue eyes shining with love without a trace of possessiveness or protection."

"Do you think you'll ever marry Shelly?" Mandy asked.

"I don't know. Marriage and children, I don't think it's possible for someone like me."

"Because of him?" Mandy asked.

"Yeah. I used to think about it when I was little. My parents were so in love even though my mom was a muggle and my dad was a wizard but now—I can't. It'd put her in danger."

"Like it or not, we're all in danger. You know there's nothing in any of the books I've read on werewolves that say they pass it on." Mandy had lowered her voice to make sure they weren't overheard even though there was barely anyone on the grounds. That was strange for a day like that. Normally students would be all over the grounds studying, but today it was nearly empty.

"Yeah, and how many of those books have been right based on what you see from me?"

"Few, but that doesn't mean that there isn't some truth behind it. You should at least consider being happy with her. She loves you. I know. You know Shelly's a half-blood. Her grandmother on her mom side was muggleborn, her mom is a witch and her dad is a muggle. Being with you doesn't put her in anymore danger."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Marriage. Couldn't you be happy settling down with Sirius?"

"There'd be no settling there. I mean yes, if we got married we could definitely be happy but our lives wouldn't settle down. I'm going to be an Auror and he's going to be busy doing—whatever it is he's doing. I could be very happy with him."

"Can you see your life without him?"

"I don't know. I don't like thinking about it. There's just something in the air. It feels different than it used to. Ever since we found out about Voldemort and what's going on with him and all these disappearances, I don't like thinking about the future."

"But if he wasn't around?"

"Maybe. A lot of things wouldn't be the same without Voldemort. When I was younger, when I first started Hogwarts I wanted to be a magizoologist, now all I want to be is an Auror. Life changes and there's no way to see what may have been. We shouldn't think about that either. We don't really have time for that. I'm more of a here and now kind of person. Not someone who focuses on what might have been or what could be."

"I understand. Just think about what I said. Love can be a driving force, not always a weakness."

Mandy nodded and looked up to see dark clouds rolling in. "We should get inside, it looks like it's going to rain," Mandy said. Remus agreed quickly packing his books and they bolted inside making it just before the rain poured down. "Thanks Remus. It really means a lot that you'd open up to me."

"It's what family does. Just keep that in mind." Remus cupped her cheek and he watched her eyes as she took in what he had said. He was a bit shocked when she nuzzled against his hands until she looked up at him. Her eyes were nearly completely black. There was only a small sliver of color around the very edges. It was almost as though she was standing in a pitch dark room. He pulled her into a hug.

A few moments later a throat was cleared behind him. They both looked and saw Lily. "Uh, I'm not interrupting am I?" Lily asked.

"No, not really," Mandy answered. Her eyes had gone back to normal but Remus growled so low only Mandy heard him. "Back down, Moony," Mandy hissed in his ear. She didn't mean his nickname either. She could see the wolf in his eyes. "What's up?"

"Uh, Remus, the boys were looking for you," Lily said. Remus blinked a couple times then nodded and walked off. Lily turned her gaze to Mandy. "Everything alright?" Lily asked.

"I think so. Lily, do you love James?" Mandy asked, linking her arm through Lily's and leading her through the castle.

"Yeah, I do."

"How do you know?"

"I can't picture my life without him. He's sweet and every time I'm around him I just feel like I can do anything. He is absolutely—You know that gut feeling? Things you just know? That's what it feels like. I love him. I just know it," Lily said.

"Would you die to protect him?"

"If it came right down to it?" Lily asked looking at Mandy. "Yes, I would."

Mandy looked up at her. "You've been in practical classes, especially my brother's."

"Sirius is as talented as James is. Well, in your brother's class, Sirius wants it more. That's what your brother said once. It's like most of us want to learn to protect ourselves and he's learning to prove he's not like his family. He also picks things up faster. It's really interesting though to watch them, James and Sirius, in Charms. They're almost evenly matched. I was always jealous, though don't tell them that, when they could walk in the room and just suddenly know it. Now, I kinda get it. They are really good. Are you worried about him?"

"For some reason, I feel like no matter what anyone throws at James he'll handle it, but I don't feel the same way about Sirius."

"Can I prove it to you?"

"I don't know how, short of them actually dueling in front of me, which my brother would never allow." They slowly made their way to the Great Hall where dinner would be served shortly.

"I'll figure something out," Lily answered. Mandy smiled and they went quiet for the rest of the trip.

Does Lily have an idea how to help? Remus and Mandy getting along. Do you like it? Hate it? Comment below please.