Thanks to all of you who read and to EternalVeritie for your review. Sorry if it was unclear last time but when Harry asks when Mandy stopped running to his dad and started to trust Sirius completely, Mandy meant that she didn't trust Sirius until she no longer had James. Sirius and Mandy broke up the first time in 1980 which was before the Potters died, and then didn't trust him completely again until after he was released from Azkaban.

Chapter 34: Trust Him

"Momma," Devin started. "I mean Mum," he corrected seeing the curious looks everyone was giving him, "how come it sounds like you and Dad did nothing but fight? I mean this story is about how you got together and fell in love, but you make it sound like you did nothing but fight and that's not what love's about."

"We did fight a lot that year. My pregnancy with your brother threw my emotions all over the place. Your dad was patient though. Sometimes the only way I could express myself was through anger and arguing; at least when it came to Sirius," Mandy explained.

"I knew that and knew that if she was yelling at me at least she was expressing herself and getting it out in the open," Sirius added.

"But that's not love," Devin insisted.

"It's not your typical fairytale type of love, no, but for us it's the way we were back then," Sirius explained as he sat back down on the couch.

"There are many different types of love. The arguments were one way for us. Now let me guess you're thinking that there had to be one time where it was Cinderella, Snow White, mushy, gushy, fluffy type of love?" Mandy asked.

"A galleon she says it wasn't," Harry whispered to George who nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Well," George fished in his pocket for the coin as Mandy drew the word out, "there were a couple of times," Mandy finished. George withdrew his hand from his pocket and stuck it in front of Harry. "Never bet against me, Potter, you know that."

Suddenly Sirius flashed back to all the previous times Mandy had said those eight words. "What is it with Potters betting against you?" Sirius asked.

"I guess they just have no faith in me," Mandy said.

"It wasn't against you, Mandy—" Harry started as he took the coin from his own pocket and passed it to George.

"You just have no faith in our ability to be romantic with each other. Well, the day I was released from the Hospital Wing turned out to be one of those days. I just don't like talking about it because it does nothing for the plot," Mandy said.

It was Wednesday afternoon when Madame Pomfrey released Mandy from the hospital wing, but she had warned Mandy she was not to return to classes until Monday. Though a bit upset Mandy agreed that it would give her time to catch up. She didn't tell the matron this for that very reason. If she was held out of classes then it was obvious Pomfrey wanted her to rest and not work on anything. Since everyone was still in their afternoon classes, Mandy took a leisurely walk around the grounds and castle. As the bell rang throughout the castle to signal the end of all classes for the day, Mandy came across the classroom Sirius was just walking out of. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hi, wanna go for a walk?" Sirius asked. Mandy nodded. He handed his bag to James then took Mandy's hand and lead her through some shortcuts down to the grounds. They walked hand in hand for a while around the lake and over to their favorite tree. Several times during their walk Mandy looked up at him wondering if she could really say what she was thinking. Finally she decided James was right. She could at least attempt it. She took a deep breath and stopped him on the lake shore. She took both of his hands in hers and looked up at him facing him.

"I love you," she breathed.

Sirius looked down at her carefully but he only saw her staring at him out of her eyes.

"That was the greatest day of my life," Sirius interrupted.

"Seriously? You have three kids, how is that the best day of your life?" Megan asked.

"Because the only one I actually got to see being born was Erin. And technically even though Jeff wants nothing to do with me I have four kids. I'm grateful for you kids but it's different," Sirius said.

"Can I continue?" Mandy asked not bothering to correct Sirius on which child he saw being born. He had fainted during Erin's birth and technically only saw Jeff's birth start to finish. Everyone went quiet and waited for her to continue.

Mandy bit her lip as Sirius stared in silence. Maybe saying it wasn't a good idea. Just as she was about to take it back and try to explain it away as a slip of the tongue or something, he leaned down and kissed her. He kissed her until she stopped moving. Her hands slid up his shoulders to lock behind his neck as his slipped around her waist.

"I love you, too," he whispered against her lips.

Before he could kiss her again she pulled back and looked up at him. "You finally believe me."

Knowing this could blow up in his face, Sirius tried to stay as calm as possible. "It wasn't that I didn't believe you before, Love, I just wasn't sure you were ready to say it. Please, don't be angry with me."

"I'm not angry, I just—" Mandy stopped and thought about it. She wasn't angry. Not really. She knew he was just trying to protect both of them. "Why do you think I wasn't ready? Why wasn't I ready to say it?"

"You do realize you just asked me the same question twice, right?"

"Just answer."

"Loving someone is a tough thing to do. I think that after everyone you lost that you weren't fully ready for love and what it meant. I have no doubt you have the capacity to love. I see it every time you look at James, but when you look at me, I see doubt." He drug a frustrated hand through his hair. "Honesty?" he asked nervously.

"I would hope so," Mandy said, wanting him to be as honest as he could with her. Even if she didn't really want to hear it, she'd appreciate his honesty.

"Honestly," Sirius swallowed, "I love you so much and I didn't want you to make me an empty promise. If you said you loved me I wanted to know that you meant it. I don't want to get hurt."

"Sirius, I promise you I would never tell you that to hurt you. I know how your family is and how you feel when your family turns against you. That's not who I am, Sirius."

"I know but—Forget it, I don't know what I was thinking." Sirius shook his head and walked away from her towards the tree.

And you're the one with commitment issues? Stripes purred in her head.

"Shut up, Cat," Mandy snapped. She followed him and touched his hand. "You're trying to protect your heart, I get it. I never meant to put you in the kind of position that you would ever feel that way."

"I know. Sit with me a while?" Sirius asked. Mandy nodded and they sat down on the grass, enjoying the afternoon sun. Soon more people joined them on the lawn but as usual, most stayed away from the tree they were under. He conjured up a pillow and stuck it behind his head, leaning back against the tree. Mandy leaned against him for a while, both quietly enjoying their time together until Mandy finally slid down and laid her head in his lap as his long legs stretched in front of him. He began running a hand through her hair as his thoughts wondered away from that moment to their future together. Mandy had told him she loved him and for once he didn't see a trace of Stripes in her eyes, but he knew she was still scared of loving him completely. Deep inside he wondered if there was anything he could do to boost her confidence when it came to loving him but eventually figured that it was something she had to work out on her own.

Mandy rolled on to her back and Sirius's fingers switched to trailing through her hair and down her arm to running over her scalp. "If you were to ask me to marry you," she said hesitantly, "would you expect a quick marriage?"

Sirius studied her face for a moment; he could tell this was big for her. "No. Unless that's what you really wanted. I wouldn't—" Sirius paused, "I wouldn't expect a big wedding either. The only thing I really want, is for you to be happy and to get to call you mine at the end of the day. That's all I really want. If you want a big production: bouquets and dancing and big—big—chapel?"

"Yeah," Mandy answered, knowing that most purebloods had never set foot in a muggle church, in fact Mandy had only gone twice with her grandma and grandpa Johnson when she was little.

"And a huge reception with 300 plus people, I will grin and bear it for you. If you want to elope in Romania with just James and Lily, I'm all for it. If you want something in the middle then we'll work things out and I'll give you whatever you want. I know that you're going to be an Auror and that training starts—would start in July if you finished your N.E.W.T.s on time," he corrected, "and if you want to postpone the wedding until you finish your N.E.W.T.s and your Auror training, then I will wait. Three years is a long time but I will wait for you."

"And if I wanted to do it between my N.E.W.T.s and Auror training?"

"Just tell me when and where."

"And if I wanted your help planning it?"

"I wouldn't be much help but I'd try. I'm not going to push you into something you don't want. That's not what love is."

"Can I ask you another question?" Mandy asked.

"Sure." Sirius answered.

"Can I cut your hair? It's getting a bit long and shaggy."

He was grateful this question was less serious than the previous one. Especially when her eyes lightened. "I trust you nowhere near my hair, but if it'll cheer you up, I'll have Lily cut it. Last time any one of us let you near our hair, you made James's hair so bad it still sticks up."

"His hair sticks up because he keeps running his hands through it and he has bad Potter genes. It has nothing to do with the haircut I gave him," Mandy answered, but she didn't sound or look angry. In face she was smiling. One of the first smiles he had seen from her in months. She reached up and cupped his cheek and he covered her hand with his. He turned his head slightly to kiss her palm and his eyes fell on her wrist.

He kissed her palm as he did his best to keep himself calm. "That's new," he said lightly.

"What's new?" Mandy asked, searching Sirius's face for any trace of anger. There wasn't any. At least not yet. Sirius pulled her hand from his face then held her wrist towards her. "The tattoo? Not really, I've had it since March." Mandy said.

"His initials?" Sirius asked. His voice was controlled and in his mind he was doing good keeping his anger at bay. What he had forgotten though was that Mandy wanted to be an Auror and that meant learning to read people. At that moment Mandy could read him real well and she could see the anger in his eyes. They clouded over turning the same grey as the clouds before a storm.

"Do you know what I have on my right shoulder blade?" Mandy asked. Before he could answer she did for him, "A dog howling at a full moon. A dog. One that looks particularly like Padfoot. It's nearly 10 times the size of the JP tattoo. JP could stand for anything. Don't be upset about it. You said you understood."

"I do understand, it's just so visible."

"And my love for you isn't?" Mandy asked.

"I didn't say that. I don't want to fight with you, Mandy. I just want to—" Sirius stopped and shook his head.

"Stop that. I know you don't want to fight but if that's the only way we can get everything off our chests, why not? Besides I like making up with you," Mandy said. She was sick of him cutting off their fights.

"I just want to come first," he said softly.

"I wish you could." Mandy sat up, pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, staring at her knees. "I wish I was the type of girlfriend you deserve. The kind that would put you first and didn't need a best friend that I relied on so much—I'm not saying this to make you understand, I'm trying to ..." Mandy trailed off not sure what she was trying to do.

"You're trying to tell me what you're thinking. We both want the same thing but neither of us knows how to make that happen." Sirius crawled around in front of Mandy letting his pillow fall unnoticed to the ground. Sirius took her face in his hands lifting it up to look at her carefully. "I understand why your relationship is so strong with James and at the same time ... I'm not jealous, I'm just nervous. I'm usually the guy that always gets the girl. The one who never needs help knowing what to say to charm a girl, but now, it's like I'm lost. My girl has always come to me when she's needed a guy or wanted something physical but it's not the same with you. Now that we're getting serious I keep questioning if we're doing this right and if I'll ever be your first choice."

"Can you do me a favor?" Mandy glanced up at him quickly before looking back at her knees.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"Pretend you're James for a few moments?" Mandy asked. "I'm not—I don't want you to act like him or portray him for a moment or two I just want—" Mandy stopped and took a deep breath. "I want you to look at me and listen to what I'm saying without interrupting, without judgment, just sit there and open your mind to anything I say."

Sirius considered her words carefully. He always knew James and Mandy had a special bond but he had never been able to tell how they were so close. If they were close because James was always open minded with Mandy and he never judged her then Sirius could try that. It was like meeting muggleborns and blood traitors all over again. Forming his own opinion of them instead of listening to his parents. He could definitely try it. "Okay." Sirius agreed.

Mandy closed her eyes and tried to picture James sitting in front of her. She pulled Sirius's hand off her face and pressed their hands together lacing their fingers and giving it a gentle squeeze. Though his hand felt different, physically, than James's it still radiated the same comfort and protection that James's always had. "I love you so much. I want to be able to come to you first but I'm—" Mandy bit her lip and pushed her memory hard to draw up the image of James sitting in front of her on the grounds. "I'm scared. James has always caught me when I'm scared and when I've fallen and I worry that you won't be able to the same way. It's like going out on a real broom for the first time after learning to fly on a toy broom. There's always that in-born protectiveness about a toy broom, you know? It can only go so high and you'll never truly get hurt on one, but then you climb on a real broom and suddenly you're soaring 50, 100 meters in the air and as great as that feels at first, it suddenly becomes really scary. I'm not saying that's how our relationship is, I'm just saying that trusting you is hard. I should be able to trust you but something inside of me says don't from time to time. Do you get it?" Mandy asked. She opened her eyes slowly and peered up at him and he had the most contemplative look on his face. Just as she was getting the feeling she should flee, she heard James's voice in her head. "Give him a chance." So she took a deep breath and she waited.

Finally Sirius spoke. "I have felt that fear before and I know you're worried, but love is about trust and respect and taking chances. I'm going to be there through the hard times and I'm not going to let you down. I know talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words but you should give me a chance to prove it. I wanted you to know that."

"I want to believe you and you haven't given me any reason to suspect you aren't trustworthy, but our past makes me cautious. I think that may be why I trust James so much. For seven years you hurt me. James never did. I've never had him lie to me or betray my trust other than one time. Just once. You lied to me, you picked on me, you pranked me, and you chased off more boys than I can count. I want to trust you but I'm not completely certain I can."

"How can I prove it to you?"

"I don't know. It's a start that you're not judging me for being scared."

Sirius nodded and kissed her cheek. "Let's go to dinner."

Over the next two days Sirius and James helped her get caught up on all her spell work for all her classes. After Hogsmeade on Saturday, Mandy teamed up with Remus as Sirius was getting help from Shelly with Potions.

"Remus, will you do me a favor?" Mandy asked as they walked towards the classroom they'd be practicing in.

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"Will you push me? James and Sirius have been great when it comes to teaching me spells we've been learning but neither wants to use any of them when we duel. In fact they don't use anything strong than fifth year spells. It's not fair. Dueling is supposed to be fun but it's becoming not."

"Dueling's supposed to be about protecting yourself not about fun."

"Okay, so not fun but challenging and I haven't been so bored since first year."

"Maybe they're trying to ease you back into it?" Remus held the door open and looked at her.

Mandy shrugged and entered the room. "Or maybe they think I can't protect myself."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Okay maybe not but it was an option."

"I hope you're ready." The spell cracked just past Mandy's ear and the duel was on. When they finished the were both beyond tired but Remus was more than certain that she'd be just fine when she returned to classes.

Mandy's biggest mistake was talking about it when she returned to the tower. "Thanks for the help, Remus. There's no doubt I'm ready for Jason's class now."

"Good. It'd look pretty bad if his sister wasn't up to speed now that she's allowed to be back in classes," he answered.

"Where have the two of you been?" Sirius asked.

"He was helping me get caught up, like you and James have been doing," Mandy answered.

"Oh?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, can't fall behind in Jason's class. It wouldn't look good."

"So why do you look all sweaty?" Sirius asked. There was something suspicious here.

"We were dueling. I wanted to make sure she had it down," Remus answered.

"Rem, you promised you wouldn't. We all agreed not to." Sirius growled.

"Sirius, not here mate," Remus told him.

"You know the kind of condition she's in," Sirius went on.

"Pads, stop." Remus took his arm and lead him away from the girls to a secluded corner of the Common Room. Mandy on the other hand took Sirius's empty chair and looked at Shelly.

"What are they arguing about? I don't think I've seen him that angry in a while. I mean he didn't look really angry but—"

"I know. Sirius crossed a line and upset Remus. Or maybe he's only angry that Sirius would say that in front of me and let me in on their nefarious crime," Mandy said.

"Nefarious crime?" Shelly asked.

"Ever since the gift was delivered on Tuesday morning and I rested up then was released, I've felt fine. James agreed to get the boys to help me catch up on everything but they've been taking it easy on me, like I'm still—" Mandy looked around the room and lowered her voice, "sick. You know what I mean. They don't push me. I don't know if they thought I couldn't handle it or if they thought I wasn't up to it but they've been holding back."

"And now he's taking it out on Sirius since Remus pushed you?"

"Possible or all three of them agreed not to push me and Remus broke that and Sirius is mad that Remus did and Remus is mad that Sirius mentioned it in front of me. You know, I haven't felt this good in days, maybe months. I'm sorry, I should be asking about you. How are you and Remus?" Mandy asked.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Shelly asked nervously.

"Anything, you know that."

"I feel like he's hiding something from me."

"What makes you say something like that?"

"He's nervous a lot. Mostly when we study Defense. Almost like he's afraid I'm going to ask something he doesn't want to talk about and when do ask him, he gets defensive."

"What exactly do you ask?"

"I ask if everything's alright and if there's anything he needs to tell me."

"And you can't see why he'd get defensive about that?" Mandy asked, looking at her friend curiously.

"Forget I asked," Shelly said, looking down. She realized just why he had been so defensive.

"Shelly," Mandy said gently, "he's not a ladies man like Sirius is and even though he has had a few girls in the past, none of them meant what you mean to him. Every time you ask if everything is alright he wonders why you're asking and when you ask if there's anything he needs to tell you, he thinks you're accusing him of something. If he's hiding something, he'll tell you when he's ready. Then again could it be possible that Remus is worried about you but doesn't want to scare you?"

"I never thought of it that way. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe he's just nervous about school ending and the end of the year exams. Anyway, are you angry at Tiff? I only ask because she said you haven't talked to her since Tuesday and that's not unusual, but she said you had an important talk."

"We did." Mandy nodded.

"She told you about her boyfriend?" Mandy nodded again. "You're the last to know. Her boyfriend wasn't sure you'd understand. And that's why you two haven't talked since then." Shelly sighed. Maybe Tiff shouldn't have said anything. Shelly looked back at her notes and tried to find a way to get through to Mandy.

"I'm not angry with either one of them," Mandy said softly. "I'm angry at myself mostly. I'm supposed to be able to read people since I want to be an Auror and here I am totally blindsided by this." Mandy paused for a few seconds. "He really makes her happy doesn't he?"

"I haven't seen her this happy since first year."

"Guess I should go talk to her." Mandy stood up and checked the dorm but found it empty so she went down to her brother's office. It was the only place she could think of that they both might be.

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