In response to some pretty stroppy tweets, SZS is back for a third season. Only joking, we all know that haranguing people to do something would never work, don't we? The truth is these characters just won't let me be and they create a fair amount of jitterbug in my head until I can get their latest escapades down on (virtual) paper. Anyway, this season I can promise you political intrigue, chaos on the streets of London, pink outfits, zombies and a fair amount of singing. Here is the first chapter which is set about three months after the last one. Hope you enjoy it!
PS Despite some hilarious speculation in some quarters i really am just an ordinary bloke with an extraordinary obsession. No connection to the show in any way. Promise.
Chapter 16 A Big Week
The club drawing room was nearly empty, most of the members having drifted off to one of the dining rooms for lunch. White coated stewards moved silently around the room clearing away the abandoned glasses and coffee cups from the scattered tables.
A single occupant remained, nestled in one of the deep wing backed leather arm chairs, an open broad sheet newspaper completing the cosy cocoon. The only sounds that emanated from the chair were the occasional harrumph and shaking of the paper to denote mild annoyance at an article therein. However, soon these noises subsided and the canopy of the broadsheet could be seen to slowly collapse in on itself while the occupant's breathing grew heavier and more regular.
A steward appeared in the entrance to the drawing room and glided towards the paper draped figure. He stopped just short of the chair and cleared his throat. Receiving no response he edged closer and whispered:
"minister you're guest has arrived".
A snore rose from the chair and the broadsheet shifted to reveal the slack jawed face of an overweight man in his mid fifties, a small rivulet of saliva meandering across his chin.
"Minister...minister!" Called the steward louder and this time the man awoke with a start calling out "not the scrubbing brush again, Nanny!" and sending the broadsheet sliding onto the floor.
The man blinked his eyes oped and stared at the steward who had assumed an inscrutable expression honed to perfection over many years.
"Good god Smithers you nearly gave me a seizure!" Said the minister searching for a handkerchief to wipe his chin.
"My apologies Minister but your guest has arrived, shall I show him in? " said the steward, as he knelt to retrieve the paper from the floor.
"Yes, yes of course" responded the minister standing up to smooth his crumpled suit.
The man rose and bowed slightly before gliding out of the room. Shortly after, he returned with the ministers guest.
"Rupert!" Said the minister advancing, hand extended "how the devil are you!"
"Very well, thank you Bertie. How are you?" Replied the visitor.
"Oh bearing up, bearing up. Sit yourself down. What's your poison these days?"
The steward took their drinks orders then left.
"So, how is the world of politics?" Asked Rupert taking a seat opposite the Minister.
"Cut throat as always. Everyone is in election mode of course so it's worse than usual. Terrified of dropping a clanger but desperate to pull off a political coup. What about the pharmaceutical business?" Asked the minister.
The businessman grimaced "Just as bad if not worse. The patents on our traditional big earning drugs are running out so we are taking a hit there whilst the new drugs we have spent a fortune developing are being shamelessly ripped off in the China and elsewhere."
"Well I'm sure something will turn up" offered his friend.
Rupert paused as the steward materialised with their drinks then watched as the man left the room before turning back to his companion.
"Well if it doesn't we will have to close our main plant in the UK"
The minister who had taken a large mouthful of his drink spat most of it out over the front of his suit. "What!" he said as he searched for his handkerchief for a second time in as many minutes. "but that's the biggest employer in my constituency. Its a marginal seat anyway. Closure would kill my chances of reelection! Rupert, is there nothing that can be done?"
Rupert leant back in his chair and steepled his fingers "there is one thing. A large government order could make all the difference."
"Well I can have a word in the appropriate ear at the DoH but you know drugs procurement is strictly controlled..." Began the minister.
"We were thinking more of opportunities in your area" said Rupert leaning forward once more.
"What the MoD?" Said the minister with a frown. "But we don't have any call for the large scale procurement of pharmaceuticals except for..." The minister tailed off then narrowed his eyes. "How did you know about that?"
Rupert smiled "There have been rumours in the industry for some time, which you appear to have confirmed"
The minister looked uncomfortable. "Look Rupert, we get all the supplies of the ... antidote we need from the Americans. Its a reciprocal arrangement whereby we share our combat expertise in this area. I can't go interfering with that. My influence only goes so far."
The businessman moved closer. "I am not talking about providing the antidote. There are other drugs involved in zombie warfare which we could cater for"
The minister looked confused but then realisation dawned. "That is not our established approach to addressing this issue. It would be a major change of strategy. Very...tricky. Very...controversial"
"But it is gaining support amongst senior military figures." Pursued Rupert. "I know there is real concern that certain groups and nations are developing this weapon. Our current reactive approach may not be enough, some are convinced we will need to turn to more...proactive measures."
"But those reactive methods have been spectacularly successful in Afghanistan. We wouldn't countenance a change unless they were shown to be ineffective in some major way" Countered the minister.
"There are ways that we can ensure that happens" said the businessman with an expression full of hidden meaning.
The minister licked his lips. "I wouldn't want to be involved in anything...inappropriate"
Rupert shrugged "do you have any plans for what you would do if you lost your seat in May? I hear the demand for washed up politicians is pretty low unless you want to spend some time in the jungle eating bugs for the entertainment of the masses?"
The minister slumped back in his seat "What do you need me to do?" He said.
"Nothing for now. I will contact you in due course with instructions. Now cheers old chap" said Rupert and raised his glass...
Major Charles James of the Special Zombie Service shifted nervously in his seat. He looked around him at the luxuriously furnished function room and the gathered invitees before turning back to the waiting celebrant who smiled at him encouragingly.
From where he was sitting he could see the familiar figures of two section lined up along the side wall in full dress uniform. Kinders was in command as always, his new sergeants stripes proudly displayed on his arm whilst Mansfield Mike still peered at his corporals insignia every minute or so, as if convinced that they would somehow disappear in a puff of smoke when the obvious administrative error had been realised.
He was nudged in the ribs by Smurf after the umpteenth glance down at his sleeve, the zombie wearing dark glasses to disguise his distinctive eyes from the rest of the guests. Kinders gave James a thumbs up sign which he acknowledged with a smile and a nod.
The background music, which had been an almost subliminal presence in James' mind, suddenly stopped and a new, louder melody filled the room thereby announcing the arrival of the bridal party. The congregation stood and James looked down the aisle as Molly started to walk slowly towards him.
She looked radiant in a long flowing gown, her hair up and interweaved with small pink flowers. James beamed at her and she smiled back shyly. When she drew level with him she gave James a quick wink then stood to one side and looked back the way she had come. There advancing down the aisle in a shimmering pink dress and matching veil was Jonathan Beck. Beside James, Lieutenant Colonel Sherman Morley waited nervously for his partner to arrive. James murmured a few calming words to the groom then felt in his uniform pocket once again to make sure the all important rings were still there.
Then the bride was beside them, raising his veil and smiling at all present. Beck and Morley walked towards the celebrant who looked at each in turn and began:
"Welcome all of you to this civil partnership ceremony..."
James snuck the occasional look at Molly as the formalities were gone through. She looked so perfect, encapsulating all he hoped for and desired, that he soon lost all sense of time and place. He only became conscious that something was amiss when the celebrant cleared her throat and he found all eyes on him. Major Beck smiled indulgently and whispered "I know you can't wait to have her all to yourself but if you could possibly just let us have the rings before you carry her off, the rest of us can get out of your way"
James stuttered an apology and fumbled in his pocket for the all important jewellery as Molly blushed crimson and looked at the floor with a broad grin. He located the metal work and pulled it out of his pocket with such eagerness that both rings escaped his grasp and sailed into the air, describing a perfect arc which sent them both directly down the front of the brides dress.
"Goodness me!" Exclaimed Beck in surprise "I am all for unorthodoxy James but I wasn't planning to put them there!"
Beck then gave a little jump and a wriggle and the clatter of metal was heard on the polished marble floor. "There we go" said the bride with a smile "lucky I haven't got that much on under this thing hey Sherman?"
The groom smiled and bent down to retrieve the rings whilst James apologised again and Molly trembled with barely suppressed laughter.
The ceremony was soon over and the kiss duly administered. James and Molly then joined the procession down the aisle and through the main doors of the function room where two section formed an archway of drawn swords. The confetti was then thrown and the long drawn out process of photograph taking was endured before the throwing of the bouquet was announced.
All eligible females were invited forward and James looked on with a smile as Molly employed her hand to hand combat training to some effect to secure a good position. Major Beck surveyed the scrum with a calculating eye before throwing the flowers directly at James who fumbled them in his surprise but just managed to cling on to the arrangement.
"Oops silly me, never had a good throwing arm" said Beck with a smile. "Still I think we have the right outcome"
Molly beamed and clapped her hands whilst two section cheered and wolf whistled in delight. James then presented the bouquet to Molly with a flourish before offering her his arm and walking the short distance to the reception venue.
After an excellent lunch James rose to his feet to deliver the best man speech.
"Ok, let me try and get through this without dropping anything important down the brides dress" he said to general hilarity.
Speeches delivered, the first dance beckoned. Dangleberries took to the stage and James strode to the mike.
"It had to be you,
It had to be you,
I wondered around
And finally found
Somebody who
Could make me be true
Could make me be blue..."
The bride and groom swayed around the dance floor before others joined them a few at a time until the space was full.
James finished the song and surrendered the stage to Mansfield Mike. He then found Molly and twirled her around as the music started again:
"Oh, what a night, late December back in '63
What a very special time for me"
"Didn't know you could dance as well!" Said Molly breathlessly as he led her around the floor.
"First thing they teach you at Sandhurst" said James with a smile.
For the next track Morley took the Mike and started to croon to the room at large:
"When somebody loves you
It's no good unless he loves you all the way"
Major Beck tapped Molly on the shoulder and said "do you mind if I claim my dance dear?". Molly smiled and stood aside letting the bride take her place.
"So how are you two doing?" He asked after they had been dancing a while.
"Very well when we are together" said James "which is precious little now that we are in different units"
"Ah, well once you had made your relationship public there was no other option if you both wanted to stay in" commiserated Beck. "But you will find a way for it to work. Sherman and I did and we had much bigger barriers to overcome"
Beck looked fondly up at Morley on the stage as he sang on:
"Who knows where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say..."
James cleared his throat "I'm meeting her family tomorrow"
"Oh, big step. How do you feel about that?"
"Nervous, but not as nervous as Molly I think." Admitted James
"I am sure it will be fine." Beck reassured him "Just be yourself and tell Molly not to worry. Oh, I think its my turn for a song, excellent!"
The bride hurried away, passing Morley on the way and giving him a quick peck on the cheek.
The American then walked over to James. "Let's grab a drink. I'm going to need one during this performance."
Beck and James had just reached the bar when Beck launched into his number
"First I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side..."
"Oh god. A large scotch please" said Morley to the bar tender, then turning to James "I hear you meet your new company on Monday"
"Yes sir that's right. We have been prepping over the last month and start formal training next week. Two section have been great and will form the backbone of the new company"
James looked over at his men who were in a line in the middle of the dance floor, arms raised towards the stage and joining in with the chorus:
"Go on now go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause your not welcome anymore..."
"Well the world appears to be in safe hands" said Morley with a hint of irony
James smiled. "I'm not going to pretend there aren't going to be significant challenges"
If he was honest he was viewing the next few days with some trepidation. A new company and Molly's parents...it was going to be a big week...