Chapter 19 Administrative Action

Major Charles James sat at his desk and looked at Kinders steadily:

"Sargent Kinders, this hearing has been called to consider evidence regarding an alleged incident of personal misconduct that potentially breaches the letter or spirit of the Values and Standards of the army. Lieutenant Ash is the originating officer and will present evidence of the alleged breach. You have elected to have the Corporal here as assisting officer to help you present your defence, is that correct?"

James paused to await confirmation.

"Yes that is correct sir" said Kinders

At that point Mansfield Mike made to stand whilst trying to balance a large pile of documents on his lap, with the result that they fell in an avalanche of paper and fanned across the floor of James' office

"Your honour I..." began the Corporal

"No need to say anything at this stage Corporal" interrupted James. "And you don't have to call me your honour, this is not a court and I am not a judge. Sir or Major James will do"

"Y-yes your Jamesness, I mean sir Major, I mean sir" Mansfield Mike jabbered as he scrabbled around on the floor collecting his notes.

James waited for the corporal to finish then continued "I as the deciding officer will consider the evidence presented and impose a sanction. Depending on the seriousness of the alleged breach, sanctions can range from extra duties through to dismissal from the army. Is that understood?"

Again James paused for a response.

"Sir!" Confirmed Kinders

"Very well. Lieutenant Ash, please proceed" said James

Ash stood up with a hint of a smirk on his face which quickly dissolved as he noticed James scrutinising him. "On the afternoon of Thursday last..."

James let the words wash over him. He new the details well enough. He and Ash had been discussing some aspect of the new training regime in the lobby of the company admin block. Outside on the main parade ground Kinders had been marching three section back from the firing range. A group of soldiers from another unit were congregated outside the mess and had started to sing:

"Meet the gang, 'cos the boys are here

The boys to entertain you"

Three section had come to a halt, Kinders seemingly ignoring the singing whilst he issued orders and instructions and saw to the stowing of various pieces of equipment.

"With songs, and sketches, and jokes old and new

With us about, you won't feel blue"

Once this had been completed, Kinders had his men form up again, preparatory to finally dismissing them to other duties. The song had come to a conclusion and the bystanders had just shouted the mocking coda "bunch of puffs!" when Kinders filled his lungs and ordered:

"Squad. Camp it...up!"

Lieutenant Ash paused in his re telling of events to take a sip of water.

"At which point three section launched into a pre-prepared routine of mincing walks and dance steps mixed with marching manoeuvres. This was accompanied by a recitation of the lyrics to the Monty Python sketch 'Military Fairy'. Once this was completed..."

"I think Lieutenant" interrupted James "that we should have a full account of the incident"

Ash's eyes narrowed but he nodded then ran a finger along the collar of his uniform shirt before he read out:

"Oooh get her! Whoops!

I've got your number ducky.

You couldn't afford me, dear. Two three.

I'd scratch your eyes out.

Don't come the brigadier bit with us, dear,

We all know where you've been, you military fairy!

Whoops, don't look now girls,

The major's just minced in

With that dolly colour sergeant,

Two, three, ooh-ho!"

Ash's rendition was delivered in a formal and stilted way which contrasted markedly with the meaning of the text. The net result was an incongruous spectacle of significant comic effect and James had to work hard not to smile despite the seriousness of the situation.

Unfortunately Mansfield Mike was unable to exercise the same self control and bent his face down towards his notes in an ill conceived and ultimately ineffective attempt to conceal the tears of laughter streaming down his face and dripping off the end of his nose.

James tried not to look at him, knowing that any eye contact would set him off and lead to the whole proceedings degenerating into an utter farce. He did however manage to ask the corporal if he required a moment to compose himself.

Mansfield Mike answered after a few seconds in a somewhat strangled tone "yessir...hay fever sir" before pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and whipping his eyes and nose.

Lieutenant Ash had meanwhile stopped reading out the evidence and was staring coldly at the assisting officer.

James cleared his throat "ok, please proceed Lieutenant"

Ash started to read from his notes once more and James again thought back to the day in question...

The group of spectators had looked on in astonishment at the display and once it was over had stood silently before breaking out into a cacophony of cheers and applause.

James, who had walked out of the admin block to get a better view of three sections performance had smiled at the obvious victory which had been secured. By showing they were not bothered by the taunts and were, in fact, ready to laugh at themselves three section had not only diffused a tense situation but neutralised the running joke and gained a small measure of respect from those present.

James had turned to Ash to share his thoughts only to see the man stalking towards three section almost apoplectic with rage. "What the hell was that all about sergeant? My office now!" He had spluttered at Kinders before stalking off.

Kinders dismissed his detail and followed the lieutenant, his face expressionless.

James had groaned inwardly. Did Ash not see how effective Kinders actions had been? Now that the lieutenant had shown his displeasure so publicly James could not be seen to interfere without fatally undermining the standing of his second in command. Why oh why had Ash not discussed the incident with him before acting?

James had hope that Ash would calm down before he got to his office but that had clearly not happened, as shortly after the lieutenant had submitted a formal report and triggered the administrative action which was now being played out.

Lieutenant Ash finished reading out the evidence and sat down. James thanked him and turned to the assisting officer. "Corporal, would you like to say anything on behalf of Sergeant Kinders?"

Mansfield Mike had stood up, hooked his thumbs through the flaps of his breast pockets and started to pace the small area of floor in front of James' desk.

"Your hon...erm...sir, I would like to call as my first witness..."

"Corporal, once again this is not a court, we do not have witnesses and you are not Perry Mason" explained James patiently.

"Of course sir, objection sustained so to speak...Ok, I would like to start by asking lieutenant Ash whether he actually saw Sergeant Kinders give the order to perform the alleged routine"

Ash considered and answered "No but I..."

"A-ha, no further questions, sir" said Mansfield Mike and resumed his seat in triumph.

James stared at the Corporal "ummm, is there nothing else you want to say?"

Mansfield Mike studied his papers. "Oh yes sir, thank you sir"

The corporal then got up again and turned to lieutenant Ash. "So sir, if you didn't see him how do you know he did it?"

Ash frowned and said, "because I heard him, as did Major James. We also have about thirty eye witnesses to the incident and Sergeant Kinders has not denied that he conceived the idea, drilled the men and gave the order"

The Corporal looked at Kinders who nodded his assent.

Mansfield Mike cleared his throat and shuffled his notes.

"What is it you are trying to achieve corporal?" Asked Ash in an amused tone.

"I want answers" said the corporal dramatically

"Well you have the truth" countered Ash

"You can't handle the truth" said Mansfield Mike in his best Jack Nicholson impression.

"Ok" interposed James. "Corporal, please don't tell me that the only preparation you have undertaken for today is to watch 'A Few Good Men'."

The corporal smiled sheepishly. "It is a good film sir"

James rolled his eyes "OK, can I just say that the events of the day are not in question, the issue is their impact on the efficiency or operational effectiveness of the army"

"Well there was no actual harm done sir was there?" Said Mansfield Mike.

Ash smiled and interposed "as you know sir, the service test encompasses the potential for adverse impact and proof of actual impact is not required. Simply because there is no evidence of any harm does not make it ok"

James looked over at his lieutenant. "Yes thank you, I am well aware of that."

Ash inclined his head stiffly. After a short pause James continued: "I have to conclude that there does appear to have been a minor technical breach of the service test here and that some sanction is warranted. Taking into account the nature of the incident and the Sergeant's impeccable service history, I rule that extra work and duties be allotted for a period if one week."

Lieutenant Ash made to object but a look from James silenced him. James then dismissed Kinders and Mansfield Mike. Once they had left Ash turned to James:

"I must inform you sir that I intend to refer your ruling to a higher authority"

"You have every right to do so lieutenant" James conceded " but have a care, you are in danger of incurring my displeasure and, more importantly, lose any respect you have among the men. This whole affair should never have got this far. Dismissed"

Ash stiffened but then muttered "sir" and walked from the room.

James rolled his shoulders to try and relieve some of the tension which had built up there through the day. It was time for a run and then he would Skype Molly. He smiled to himself and headed out the office...

An hour later James arrived back at his quarters having pounded the roadways of the base for five kilometres. He was tired but felt much better. Opening his laptop he clicked on the Skype icon and double clicked on Molly's photo.

After a few seconds a grainy image of Molly's smiling face appeared on the screen and all of James' worries seemed to fall away.

"Hello gorgeous" Said Molly

"Ditto" smiled James

"You look sweaty, been for a run?"

"Yes, had a bit of a day. Hang on..."James walked away from the lap top to grab a towel from the back of the door which he used to wipe the perspiration from his face.

"See you've got your lucky legs out" teased Molly.

"Lucky legs?" Said James

"Lucky they don't break!" Joked Molly

"Oh let it go will you! " said James with a smile.

Molly had teased him about the thinness of his legs ever since his long convalescence from injury had caused the muscles to wasted. James had worked hard on his physiotherapy to build up their bulk and they were now fully restored but Molly still liked to remind him of his previously knobbly knees.

"I am often complimented on my well rounded thighs and shapely calves" retorted James

"Mansfield Mike will say anything to get in your good books!" Said Molly "Anyway how has your day been?"

James sighed and recounted the events of the afternoon. Molly listened sympathetically and then opined at the end:

"With all due respect, Lieutenant Ash sounds like a bit of a twat"

"I make you right there" said James with a grimace.

Then from behind Molly came a chorus of laughter which caused her to look around.

"What's going on there?" Asked James.

"Oh they're working out their porn star names" said Molly. When James looked confused Molly rolled her eyes. "Didn't they teach you anything at Sandhurst? You can work out what your porn star stage name would be by joining your road name with the name of your first pet. So mine would be 'Rochford Fluff'"

James considered this, "yes very apt" he commented.

"Shut up!" Exclaimed Molly "ok go on then what would yours be?"

James thought for a moment "I guess it would be 'Royal Roger'" at which Molly dissolved into fits of giggles...

The following morning James was up early. After a light breakfast he headed into the office and started to tackle a pile of paperwork which had built up over the previous week.

Around mid morning the company clerk knocked on the door and popped his head in. "Division on the phone sir"

James nodded, "Very well put them through"

Ten minutes later Kinders was shown into James' office in response to an urgent summons.

James turned to his sergeant with a solemn face "Kinders, I'm sorry, my decision has been overturned by Division. You are to return to the regiment with immediate effect."

Kinders looked stunned "But why sir?"

"I don't know, but rest assured I will find out and when I do I will move heaven and earth to get you reinstated."

Kinders nodded and slowly left o pack his kit.

James watched him go then slumped into his chair. He was at a loss to explain the actions of his senior officers. He had argued and cajoled on the phone to division until he was on the cusp of insubordination himself.

He rubbed his eyes then stood up. If anyone would know what was going on Ash would. James resolved to have it out with the man. He strode to the door and out into the main office. Half way across the space his company clerk came running in from the operations room.

"Sir!" He called

"Not now private" ordered James

"But sir, London is being attacked...by zombies!"