Why was the boy still here? He should be gone.

It was just hitting morning. The sun in the east could be seen through the trees, the better view was to climb one – according to Sawyer. The youth tried hard to make his leader do something other than sit and stare angrily into the darkness, in truth it terrified the youth.

Rick on the other hand just wanted the youth gone, to leave him alone in peace so that he can be reunited with his loved ones and friends. Yet in front of him was this ten year old boy, Sawyer, who had been one of Carl's friends. It seemed like the world – no, the whole damn universe was against him. The universe had already sent him a replacement.

The purest of cruelty to have a child, much less this one, revive him and now in need of caring. That's what the boy wanted wasn't it? To be cared for now that he was awake and seemingly well. Rick could always fain non-existent injuries, pretend to be dying but that could possibly compel the boy to kill him to stop him from turning.

Nonsense, Rick chastised, this boy can't kill worth shit.

Then he remembered Carl telling him that Carol had been giving the kids secret defensive lessons in the library.

Sawyer looked at his leader then immediately bowed his head seeing the still dark glare plaster Rick's face. It was understandable that the man was angry, Sawyer was angry when his parents died but there was something about Rick's anger that made it off putting.

"Um…how are you doing sir?"

Rick gave a small sigh he wished the boy stopped calling him 'sir'. But he was too tired to correct him, or if the youth would even make the try to change it.

"We have to go."

Rick looked up, he saw Sawyer by the window. With some difficulty Rick stood up and walked over, through the cracks in the wall he saw a small horde of twenty or so Walkers coming forward.

"We have to go now!" Sawyer panicked. He took out Rick's pistol from his belt loop and before he pointed it, Rick grabbed it out of his hand. In exchange he gave the youth a serrated hunting knife; time to see what he learnt from Carol. He didn't want the youth around but he just couldn't abandon him like this, he would never forgive himself.

"Let's go."

XXXXXX

After hours of searching for a safe place, they found a small creek where the two decided to sit and rest while they could. Rick was mildly impressed with the youth's knife skills he held it properly and struck with enough power for a ten year old. However his timing was horrible, the constant scared look on his face and the fact that a 4"9 child going after 6"2 undead, didn't make everything pan out so well.

Now both were seated by the stream, Sawyer rinsing out Rick's bandages, he saw the man's clear strain. It was in his face, his tense muscles and stiffened posture.

"You should try to relax," Sawyer suggested.

"I'm relaxed," Rick countered, "if I relax any more I'll be dead." The tone in his voice made it clear that he wasn't up for much talking.

Sawyer didn't understand, he thought that Rick would appreciate the youth saving his life. He didn't know how to make Rick feel better, he thought that allowing Rick the time alone was probably be best path. As long as the two kept on moving, avoiding the Walkers and finding shelter, as well as whoever is left of the Governor's assault.

"I know a place," Sawyer piped up. "It should only be a week walk from here."

No answer.

"We'll probably find some people…Glenn, Michonne, Daryl…maybe even all of them."

Rick nodded this time, he needed familiar faces.

"We should head off soon," Sawyer continued, "it will be getting dark in a couple hours."

Rick nodded and rose to his feet. Sawyer was pleased that the man was at least listening to him in the important matters.

"How far is this place?" Rick asked.

"It's northwest about a good five days' worth perhaps," Sawyer explained, "you have to go through a side-town off the highway so we should be able t-."

Something struck him in the back of the head causing the youth to black out temporarily. He blinked in confusion, Sawyer looked at a fuzzy Rick to see him holding something. Another lash out of Rick's hand and Sawyer crumpled to the ground.

"Sorry kid," Rick muttered he picked up the boy. Rick picked out a low branch that was a couple feet off the ground it was high enough so that the Walkers couldn't get him.

"Perhaps someone will come and take you to wherever."

Rick looked into the bag and saw there was some basic survival equipment in there from water and food to hunting knives and rope. The former leader picked the rope.

XXXXXX

Sawyer came around about three hours later. The back of his head pulsed with pain and when he touched it, dried blood came off on his fingers. Whatever struck him sure went pretty hard. Slowly it came back for the boy and he suddenly became crestfallen. Rick had abandoned him. Sawyer clenched his fists as he started to wonder what he did wrong, what he did to disappoint the leader. A couple minutes later Sawyer decided to give up on the thinking, he had more important things to do. He looked over to see the sun just touching the horizon and Sawyer knew that he only had an hour or so. But he couldn't remember if he saw shelter anywhere on the journey to the creek.

Might as well get o-argh!

The rope dug deep into the boy's stomach knocking the breath out of him. With difficulty, Sawyer twisted around to see himself secured quite well to the truck of the tree, the rope lashed out to the other two branches close by making sure that if the boy fell then he would be secure either way.

At least he didn't leave me on the ground. Sawyer thought trying to be positive however he couldn't help but still harbour anger towards the leader.

Sawyer thought about heading down and at least walking but he realized how stupid that sounded. With only a two inch serrated hunting blade and very little supplies, Sawyer wouldn't make it even a few kilometres much less finding a place. So with a heavy heart he decided to stay there, it pained him to be stuck up in a tree but with no oth-

CRACK!

The rain poured down heavily, soaking quickly into the ground and into the boy survivor. He realized how much he hated adults.

XXXXXX

Rick followed the youth's main direction, northwest, now all he had to do was walk a couple miles. However it was hard for the former leader, his wounds were clean but they were painful. A migraine pulsed in the back of his skull making both his eyes hurt. He slowly walked over to a tree however he couldn't make it and eventually crawled the rest of the way. His breath was laboured and it was hard for him to concentrate sometimes making him feel a bit woozy as if drunk.

Lying against the tree he wondered what he had done to Sawyer. Rick had thought of leaving the boy a couple times, the problem was always to get away without drawing the youth's attention. Each solution however ended with the same scenario, Rick knocking Sawyer out.

He felt bad for leaving the kid behind, but even worse for striking him. Rick closed his eyes trying to think of something else but nothing except the loud thunk of the pistol's butt knock against Sawyer's head.

At least I put him above ground, Rick thought trying to make him feel better. And left him the bag.

But neither thought worked instead made the man think worse of him. His mind went back to Carl, his son.

XXXXXX

"Carl!"

Rick tried to swat away the smoke the way one would to a fly, but there was just so much. He was thankful that the tank was taken out of the fray but there were too many gunman and not enough on his side to compensate the lost. Within fifteen seconds Rick analyzed what was happening, Michonne was pinned near the far tower by a couple gunmen, Maggie and Glenn were giving cover fire to those who were trying to escape the melee and Daryl was trying to haul a grieving Beth towards safety. The only one that he couldn't see was his son Carl. Rick clenched his hand around his Colt Python while glaring daggers at the Governor who too was fixed on his opponent.

He found himself conflicted, between helping out his group and taking down the Governor. He knew that there was no way in doing both because once his back was turned the Governor would shoot without hesitation.

"Go save them!"

The words startled Rick and he didn't have a chance to react as a figure dashed past him and shot point blank into the Governor's army. It only took a few seconds though.

"Carl n-!"

The youth was too far away for his father's strained words to reach him. He ducked in time as a volley of bullets marked where he had stood. He ducked behind the broken tank for cover Carl looked at his father who hardly recognized his son.

"I got this!" Carl shouted.

Rick was still stunned but within a second snapped out of it.

"Get back here!"

Carl ignored Rick and peeked over shooting into the army taking out two people. He was about to run out when something slammed his head against the tank. Before he could snap out of his daze his back was slammed pressed against the burning metal. The youth screamed.

XXXXXX

Rick slowly woke from his sleep. His head pulsed but Rick didn't feel any pain, it seemed that he was numb to it – for the moment. He pressed his forehead against his knees feeling drained of energy. A damp feeling caught his attention and Rick looked down to see the cut on his side had split open again. The blood trickled out lightly so he had no worries of blood loss but he did have worries of Walkers.

Immediately Rick jumped to his feet giving out a hiss of pain as it seared through his side and on his back. He grabbed a branch to still himself upright. Suddenly a loud thunder cracked through the sky, immediately following a downpour drenched the leader within seconds.

I can't do this…

Rick bit his tongue, silently chastising himself for thinking like that. He couldn't think like that, he had to get to this place that Sawyer spoke about. He straightened but a pain shot him in the back causing him to fall. Something slid down from his nose, Rick knew what it was. He was still in a lot of pain and it even hurt to stand up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered desperately.

Rick wondered if this was punishment for abandoning the youth.

"I'm so sorry."

"So then why did you do it?" The voice was whispered as if only for Rick to hear.

Rick's head snapped up with such force, but he surprisingly felt nothing.

"Why did you leave him?" Carl asked.

Fuck, he thought he cupped his hands to his head. No, no, no…

"I'm sorry alright?!" Rick screamed to nothing.

"But why?"

"It's because…it's…ah…," the former leader couldn't find any meaningful reason except for his own needs. "I don't know, alright! It's just…it's just so…."

"It's not complicated."

Rick felt a pang of guilt hammer into his stomach, his son was right – it wasn't complicated. It was very simple. Rick had abandoned Sawyer because he didn't want to take care of something he knew he couldn't protect. He had failed to protect his best friend, his wife, and his children.

"He'll be fine," Rick muttered however he spoke more to himself.

"Do you honestly believe that?" Carl asked sounding doubtful.

"He's a smart boy."

"He's ten."

"He'll be fine," Rick reaffirmed, "he's made it this far!"

"So when I was ten, I would be able to survive all of this on my own without help from you, mom or anyone?"

Rick felt his breath catch in his throat and his face ashen. Thinking about a ten year old Carl roaming around in the apocalypse on his own made him sick, so why didn't leaving Sawyer give him the same effect? He couldn't say that it was because that Sawyer wasn't blood.

When seeing the children come off the bus, Rick had felt a deepened pain for what his feud between the Governor had caused. He thought of them as just people stuck in the middle and that they must be sheltered from further conflict.

"I…I just can't," Rick finally said after what seemed like eternity. "I can't ev-."

"You're scared."

The breath that escaped Rick came out as a forced anguish.

"I can't be."

"No you can't," Carl confirmed, "but you are, so what now?"

"I can't go back to the boy," Rick immediately said knowing where his dead son was going.

"Why not?"

"Because he'll be dead, like you said a boy like him can't survive. Being sheltered possibly since the beginning, in Woodbury, in the prison…he can't survive."

"Much like me right?"

Rick tried to speak but something caught in his throat.

"Don't underestimate him dad, and don't be scared because in this world…you can't be."

XXXXXX

The rain had stopped which Sawyer was thankful for he was drenched to the skin making his clothes weigh more than they should. Slow from the cold, Sawyer rose from his resting position on the thick branch that held him up for five hours and on. He wiped the excess rain off his face, to his shock blood ran down his hand. Gingerly touching the wound on his head, his wound was damn and bits of film ended up on his fingers.

He looked around to see two Walkers underneath him their arms raised fingers grasping at nothing. He had to get down eventually. Sawyer snapped a branch from above, he untied the rope from his waist and was ready to jump down when he saw something poke from behind the tree.

Rick looked around to see two Walkers stand right below the youth, their fingers stretched out as much as possible. He knew that it was his fault but now he was going to make it up to the youth. Taking out his hunting knife, Rick took long strides to the Walkers and easily stabbed each one in the head, giving a good twist for extra measure.

"Sawyer?" Rick called.

The boy looked down anger was clear in his eyes. A pang of guilt rammed into Rick's heart as he saw the stained blood on Sawyer's face.

"Um... I came back?" Rick suggested pathetically.

The anger didn't last long because Sawyer just didn't have it in him to stay angry – not anymore.

"Can you get me down?"

Once Sawyer was down, Rick remained looking at the boy's neutral face. He expected rage, a shout even a punch in the gut for leaving him.

"I'm sorry," Rick muttered however he couldn't look at the youth. "For the whole…"

"Nice timing," Sawyer snapped sarcastically.

Rick sighed. "Look I came back didn't I? Now let's jus-."

"Why did you?"

Rick didn't answer, the boy wouldn't understand.

"Did your conscious finally catch up to you?"

The leader bristled on the inside.

The sardonic little shi-

"You only came back because you got lost on the way to Terminus."

Rick immediately perked up, was that what the 'haven' was? Terminus…no he had to focus on getting this kid's trust, questions later.

"No it's not," Rick reassured, "Look leaving a kid like you at this… time was not the smartest thing I've ever done."

"So if there wasn't a zombie apocalypse going on, you'd leave me?"

"What?! No, what I mean is that no matter what, apocalypse or not, it's wrong to leave a kid who can't fend for themselves." It was only seconds did Rick realize what he said.

"You don't think I can fight for myself?" Sawyer demanded, the anger returned.

"What?! No-."

"Because I can."

"Yes and that's good because if the trip to Terminus is going to take a couple days then we'll need as much manpower as possible."

Rick was glad for the youth's spontaneous mind because the anger disappeared and an expression resembling gladness appeared. The youth started walking when Rick called out.

"Hey kid."

Sawyer turned around to see Rick take out a small roll of gauze. He ripped off a long piece and then wrapped it around the youth's head before tying it off.

"Just to be sure."

Sawyer pondered over his leader's gesture but knew better to question.

XXXXXX

They walked a couple of hours before deciding to build a makeshift shelter using fallen trees. Using the hatchet Sawyer had brought with him from the prison to cut up the trees, the shelter was built in a couple hours just in time as the sun touched down in the west. Because the shelter was small and open at the front, Rick decided to take first watch but Sawyer countered saying that his leader or 'sir' needed to get more rest due to his wounds. Rick wanted to argue but when a wave of exhaustion took over he stayed silent. Perhaps some rest would do some good for him, giving Sawyer one last look Rick turned over and fell asleep.