A/N: Please leave a review, thanks. Spitfire47

"How are you feeling Sawyer?" Hershel asked watching the boy restock the shelves.

The two had finished up a lesson not too long ago on broken bones and how to mend it. Sawyer had being able to pick up a lot of information as well as ask a lot of questions. Hershel was glad to have someone who was enthusiastic about medicine like him, sure he would teach his girls but that was mostly related to the farm and neither seemed too keen in following in his footsteps. He was also happy that the boy didn't care that the man was an actual vet rather than a doctor. However he never understood why, they had taken in another man who was a medic as well named Bob. The man had offered to train Sawyer as well but the boy wanted to stick with Hershel.

"I'm doing alright," Sawyer said as he put away gauze.

"How has Lily being?"

"I think she's managing."

Hershel set down his own medi-kit. He watched the boy continue to stock wondering what the boy was hiding. His attitude was associated with typical abuse. Carol had seen the same behaviour with Lily to which she immediately went to Rick. The girl had several rather large scars on her leg and from what she told Carol, she didn't get it in the forest. Lily didn't continue on and bolted off running to Sawyer. When Rick told Hershel, it brought him back to when Sawyer refused to lift his shirt during his first post-anxiety attack.

Hershel never told anyone about Sawyer's odd-yet familiar behaviour when he was asked to take off his shirt for examination. The medic didn't want the news to spread around in case someone was eavesdropping, no doubt it would bring embarrassment and shame to the siblings especially Sawyer. Instead he had kept it to himself until he was sure that it was about what he thought it was. So when Rick confronted him about Lily's scar, he knew for sure Sawyer was hiding the same thing.

"Sawyer," the medic said quietly, he made sure his tone wouldn't be ignored. It worked and the boy turned, his face started to turn a bit wary.

"….sir?"

Hershel knew that Sawyer said 'sir' whenever he was insecure around someone, 'ma'am' if it was a female.

"I want to talk to you about the incident two weeks ago, your anxiety attack."

Sawyer set down the bottle of peroxide. He walked over to where Hershel was sitting and sat down.

"I know it must've being difficult living out there with just the two of you, the people you must've run into…," Hershel paused, he took a small breath. "Have you or your sister ever being abused?"

Sawyer stiffened. Days ago his sister came running to him out in the crops, crying that she had ruined everything. It took a few minutes to calm her down and then she told him Carol found out about the scar.

"It's…." Sawyer tried to say it, he wanted to say it so bad but he was still scared. He was only ten after all. "My dad was a leader…but he had rivals who wanted power."

Hershel closed his eyes, bowed his head. He remembered how Rick was almost killed by his best friend, Shane, who had wanted his control back over the group.

"We were going through a rough patch, we had no choice – he had no choice."

Hershel waited patiently through the silence. He knew it had to be extremely difficult for the boy.

"It was a month after the outbreak. Dangerous for anyone to do anything, we lost fifteen adults in less than a week they went to try and find food and water."

"That must've being difficult for you and Lily," Hershel said.

Sawyer didn't say anything. "I can't remember it all…you'd think that I would…but…but all I can remember." The boy took in a shaky breath. "All I can remember is…quiet."

Hershel was about to speak but Sawyer continued.

"Quiet…in everything…all the tents…the rooms…I…I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't…they were dead."

Hershel got off his chair and knelt taking the boy's hand. The medic was stunned and horrified at what the boy was saying.

"Sawyer…."

The boy abruptly stood and took off his shirt revealing the scars that ran across his chest. He turned and Sawyer saw white lines run around his back.

"Here! Is this what you wanted to see?!"

Hershel rose with difficulty. He stared at the boy unsure of what to say, there were no words to explain what Hershel was seeing – or thinking. Tears were pouring down Sawyer's face, but they seemed to be more of anger rather than sadness. It was out of the anger of doing nothing, than the sadness of losing so much.

Then the boy collapsed on the ground. Hershel rushed over and grabbed Sawyer by the shoulders to hold him steady. He felt him tense at the touch but Sawyer made no means to pushing him away. Hershel drew the boy into an embrace. Sawyer started to loose strength in his body, his outburst had exhausted everything from him which he didn't think was possible.

He closed his eyes. "…don't tell…."

"I won't tell anyone," Hershel whispered.

Sawyer couldn't form any words to reply. So he merely wrapped his arms around the medic but then retracted him arms about five seconds later.

XXXXXX

Sawyer wondered if the medic was still alive. The last time he saw him he was running with his daughter Beth and Daryl. The boy knew that Hershel would eventually ask about his skittishness, he had tried to think of some way to ward off the medic so sometimes he would feign sick just to avoid class and ask Bob to look at him instead.

But the boy knew that the older man wasn't dense. He probably saw right through the youth and knew that he was hiding from him – and he did. When Hershel confronted Sawyer about his own behaviour, the boy just couldn't keep quiet like his whole mind screamed at him too. He wasn't himself, he wasn't in control – it was like something else possessed him. The next thing he knew he was sitting on the ground, Hershel's arms wrapped protectively around him and his shirt was off.

After an event like that Sawyer thought that he was going to feel awkward around the medic, he had even caught himself thinking of asking Bob to continue to train him instead. Rather Sawyer felt an odd connection between him and the veterinarian. It wasn't in any parental connection, but instead one more of trust like a very, very, best friend. Sawyer had smiled when he thought that. Carl was his best friend as well, but he didn't tell him about the beginning, rather just some things that he and Lily had come across as well as how they ended up in Woodbury.

"Are you awake?"

Sawyer looked over at Rick who was leaned against the tree, his arms folded across his chest and giving the youth a rather dark side glance. The boy couldn't help but look away.

"My sister hated being alone," Sawyer said, his voice distant his eyes a bit dull. "She didn't like the quiet. I think she started to hate me after a while, seeing my face all the time – like it was guaranteed the last thing she was going to see…ever. She then started to become too trusting to anyone we came across."

Rick didn't say anything. He was quite interested, this was the first time he was going to hear anything of the boy's past.

"One time we came across a woman who had lost her entire family, she'd being alone too. Lily wanted her to come with us, but I learned that the reason the woman had lost her family, was because she killed them. Lily didn't want to believe me she thought I was making it up so that her and I could be alone. But then one night she tried to push Lily into the fire, I put a knife in the woman's back and we ran."

Rick didn't say anything. The boy's story was more than common nowadays, sane people going mad, losing the side of who they were before.

"We had some good times though," Sawyer continued. "I taught Lily how to fish and hunt, how to cook meals and run and climb. I wanted to know how to survive on her own…in case anything happened."

Rick bowed his head. He thought of all the time he held Carl back because he didn't want his son to get hurt, but also a bit of selfishness that Rick wanted Carl to remain his son. However after his wife died Rick knew that was something that would definitely put a distance between them despite the father wanted to close it.

"Did…Did Carl ever talk to you?" Rick asked.

Sawyer could practically feel the pressure in the father's words.

"Sometimes…but it wasn't like you thought. He…he would tell me of times before the prison, when you at the Canyon in Atlanta and the farm."

Rick's eyes went wide.

"He told you he go-."

"Got shot? Yes sir, he…he also told me that you were in a coma when it all happened."

Rick bowed his head. He didn't like thinking about it, it always reminded him of when he wasn't there for his family when they needed him most. When he failed them, it caused him to reflect with great shame and slight anger. For the past year he's being trying to make it up to them – but he failed.

"I'm…sorry sir."

Rick shook his head. "I'm just glad he had someone to talk to that's all. He took a real liking too you, you know that right?"

Sawyer felt a light blush in his cheeks as he looked away. Sometimes the kids would come around him and his sister for a chance to hear what goes on 'out there'. It didn't just happen in Woodbury, it also happened in the prison, but some of the questioning was done by the adults. Lily didn't say anything, Sawyer said very little. But then along comes Carl, and the boy had an odd feeling about the teenager. It's clear he had suffered, but oddly it seemed that he wanted to suffer more – that's the part that Sawyer didn't understand, the part that attracted Sawyer.

"Yes sir."

"It was good of him to have a friend, especially after all he's being through."

Sawyer didn't know what to say.

"I think he may have looked up to you in a way," Rick said.

Now, Sawyer really didn't know what to say. So he didn't. Just sat there and remained quiet in case Rick had anything more to say; turns out he did.

"He'd sometimes tell me the stories of what you told him, when you and Lily were out on your own. He told me the one about when you bumped into that widow…the one who tried to burn you both alive."

Sawyer took in a slight breath. He let it out however he felt slight anger towards his deceased friend. Carl had promised not to tell his father about some of the stories, especially the harsher ones that Sawyer had the guts to tell. The boy started to wonder what stories, specifically, Carl had told his father.

Sawyer looked over at Rick who looked back.

"Did he tell you the one where we met the Governor?"

XXXXXX

The next morning the two rose with the sun and started to pack. They were risking staying in their unprotected place any longer. Only a few Walkers found them up but Rick nor Sawyer wanted to risk it anymore and decided to leave.

They moved towards the East following the possible lead to Michonne. They were closest to her position and going after anyone else would meaning back tracking about two days, worth of walking plus an additional god knows how many. Sawyer carried the heaviest bag while Rick took care of the smallest bag as well as provision leaning on a Cedar branch. It was a bit taller than the man himself and about an inch thick in diameter from top to bottom making it like a bo staff. Rick struggled with a few steps but managed well, he was quite lucky to have found it too.

The two moved according to the map but because Michonne could quite possibly be anywhere, they tried to stick close to the streams.

Sawyer grabbed the back of Rick's jacket and pulled him back. The leader stumbled back almost knocking the youth over, he whipped around angrily and was about to berate the boy when Sawyer pointed. Rick turned to see a herd of approximately fifty or so. Some of them were lying on the ground while others were just standing there.

"What do we do?" the boy whispered.

Rick looked back expecting the boy to have a scared look on his face but instead it held one of interest. He looked again to see one Walker with a gaudy backpack on.

"Lily and I saw that same Walker before," Sawyer whispered. "It was about five months we were together."

"Was it in a group?" Rick asked.

"Yes, but some of them are different. They must be attracted to the bag when they see it."

"We have to get cross that field," Rick muttered slightly cursing under his breath.

"We have to go around it," Sawyer countered. "Use the brush and trees to our advantage."

Rick gritted his teeth, it would take too long another couple of hours.

"You're in no condition to fight and I can't take them my own. Come on."

Rick just stood there. Sawyer pulled and pulled on the man's arm not in hopes of pulling him along but to annoy him enough to move. However it did work, Rick just pushed the boy down and walked forward. Sawyer got up and watched in shock as his leader headed right for the herd.

Rick walked. He felt the sun beat on his face, and heat through his clothes touching his skin. He drew in a breath being able to filter out the rotten smell of the Walkers that turned to see living flesh coming their way. Rick closed his eyes seeing that he was getting closer. He knew what he was doing, but he was ready…all he had to do was keep walking, ignoring all the pain.

Then something tackled him pushing him to the side. He looked up to see something cut through the Walkers, slicing this way and that, although the heads weren't sliced it was enough to stop the Walkers temporarily. But they were coming on fast as the others slowly started to understand what was happening.

"C…e….o…s….hu…y…Come..n….i….wha…."

Rick looked at the boy, splattered head to toe in blood and guts screaming his lungs out at him. The ringing in his ears diminished allowing Rick to head better.

"Come on sir, hurry!"

Rick's eyes suddenly widened as he drew in a breath. He turned to see the Walker herd closing in a little too close for comfort. He jumped to his feet and ran with Sawyer right behind trying to keep them at bay.

They both ran into the forest with the dead not too far behind. Sawyer sheathed his knife for his hatchet which had an extended reach. He swiped when he knew one was getting closer. He looked up to see Rick still running Sawyer followed him not sure where he was going or if he would stop. Sawyer lingered only five steps behind taking out as many as he can. His hatchet would do most of the reach while his knife would make stab wounds to falter the Walkers.

Twenty went down to ten and then five and finally only one. The last one fell as Sawyer stabbed at its legs and torso. A final blow to the head and it fell down. Sawyer let out a breath, his legs crumpled underneath him and he fell to the ground. His last bit of energy was to look up to see Rick collapsed into the dirt as well. The boy crawled over the best he could but with little food and water over the past his energy was miniscule, and from the massive kill from Rick's idiotic move – it was nothing. He grabbed Rick's ankle and pulled as if using as leverage to pull himself up but his arms wouldn't respond. His whole body wouldn't respond anymore to his commands. Sawyer let out a deep sigh, he didn't care if he died right then and there – he would be with Lily, and his parents.

XXXXXX

Sawyer felt tears run down his face as he continued to run through the forest. Branches whipped at his dirty clothes, stones and sticks punched the bottom of his bare feet. However he was used to the pain, it wasn't the sticks and stones that were bothering him – it was his crying sister.

In his arms Lily, eight, was crying uncontrollably. Her arm was around her brother's neck while the other clutched his sleeve tightly.

"Wh…where?" the little girl hiccupped as she started to get her breathing under control.

"I don't know," Sawyer said feeling his own tears stream down his face. He stopped just under a large tree and laid his sister down at the base. He tried to understand, he tried to figure something out but his mind kept drawing blanks, he was struggling with what was going on with everything. Sawyer collapsed against the tree. In his hand was a simple knife, it had a wooden handle and a two inch blade that was covered with blood and other oddities. Sawyer's hand was shaking so much that the knife fell from his weakened grasp.

With one hand he grasped the trunk of the tree and threw up until there were dry heaves. He looked over to his sister who was curled into a tight ball as tears continued to fall.

XXXXXX

Sawyer's eyes slowly opened. He felt a shiver run through his body and Sawyer started to convince himself that he was dead. It just seemed easier that way, he's seen enough for one lifetime. Sawyer felt his muscles stretch as if he had let out a large yawn. He felt the bones in his shoulder and knees cracked before feeling his body relax. Sawyer drew in a breath and started to believe that he was alive.

"Hello?" the boy tested. He coughed a bit before clearing his throat. Sawyer slowly twisted his body until he was on his stomach before crawling to Rick using his elbows.

"Sir?"

The leader was still unconscious. Sawyer held his hand just underneath Rick's nose and to his surprise felt air. He turned the man's over and felt him shift underneath his hand.

"Rick?"

The man eyes slowly opened and he gasped for air then started to cough as he struggled to sit up. He looked around, blinking from slight disorientation. Rick finally managed to sit up and leaned slightly forward. He looked over to the boy whose expression started to turn to anger.

"What were you thinking?!" Sawyer demanded. He felt anger pulse through him in place of adrenaline. The boy looked at his leader – his leader! Sawyer leaned back looking at the trail of dead Walkers they left in their wake. His muscles tensed and started to pain at the aching memory.

"Do you want to die?" the boy asked quietly.

Rick didn't answer. Merely he used the stick to help him up and he started to walk. With no choice, Sawyer followed.