Hello all! Here we are again with my next literary offering. I note that Pinerug and Jenmc have already provided excellent starters and main courses today so you may want to consider this as your slightly odd pudding; a spotted dick maybe. I have also provided a rare authors note at the end. I'm usually too bone idle to write them but I thought I'd better given that I have thrown a slightly obscure classical reference at you in this installment. Anyway, hope you enjoy your dessert, but don't read it too quickly or you'll give yourself indegestion.

James and Molly entered the Barbary Restaurant and and it seemed as if every head turned to stare at the handsome couple. Molly clung self consciously to her husband's arm and James realised that she still felt some nervousness at these big set piece events, although she hid it well to others. He placed a reassuring hand on her arm, giving it a little squeeze and was rewarded with a dazzling smile that set his heart fluttering. He returned it and led her further into the room.

The head waiter glided towards them with a submissive nod of the head "Ah Major and Mrs James, a pleasure to see you here tonight. Please follow me" He then turned and conducted them through a maze of tables and chairs, some occupied, others empty, heading for the centre of the room where a large, round table was set for ten diners. On the table, a dazzling silver service could be seen, laid on a snowy white cloth, while a large candelabra stood in the centre emitting a warm orange glow.

As they approached, James noticed that all the spaces were occupied save their own. James' mother and father were there chatting animatedly to the Crawford sisters who looked decidedly uncomfortable. Jonathan was chuckling at a shared memory with Bligh who looked resplendent in a dress uniform which matched the table cloth in the intensity of its whiteness, the only difference being the significant amount of gold braid stitched to the captain's arm and epaulettes. The first officer, Mr Christian, listened politely to a man James had not seen before and who was dressed in a nautically themed outfit incorporating a navy blue, double breasted jacket with gold buttons, a white cravat and a black and white peaked cap with a gold anchor embroidered on the front.

Bligh looked up as they arrived and greeted them warmly, shaking James' hand and showing Molly to her seat himself. "I think you both know everyone here except perhaps for Mr Chaplin" said Bligh. Both James and Molly smiled and nodded at the man who did the same in return.

Bligh then continued "Mr Chaplin is also one of our more notable passengers, being the owner of the famous Chaplin dried fruit business, isn't that right sir?"

Mr Chaplin grinned broadly "It is certainly my currant employment" replied the man chuckling at his own pun. "Although it's not my only raisin d'etre!" He continued, laughing in a loud and sustained manner while the rest of the tables' occupants shifted uncomfortably and endevoured to smiled politely.

No one seemed inclined to enquire as to what else interested Mr Chaplin and the conversation was in danger of stalling embarrassingly before it had even got started. James, acutely aware of this rose to the bait, " So you have other interests?" He asked with forced interest.

"Well" replied the man "I used to deal in pulped chick peas, but not anymore"

"No?" Replied James sensing he was being led into another dreadful joke but unable, in all good manners, to ignore the follow up "Why not?"

"Not sure" replied Mr Chaplin with barely contained mirth "I guess I lost my sense of hummus!"

James grimaced while the rest of the table sat silently. Worst still, in the ensuing pause, his father turned to his mother and in a stage whisper which was clearly heard by all present opined "Mr Chaplin's a bit of a Charlie if you ask me"

At this the dried fruit magnate's bonhomie seemed to peter out abruptly and a penetrating quiet descended on the company which was broken only when Bligh cleared his throat noisily and with a herculean effort cheerfully suggested that they order some drinks. The captain raised his hand to summon the head waiter who approached rapidly with another man in tow.

"Sir, may I introduce Nude Nut, who will be your waiter for this evening"

"Did he say Nude Butt?" Asked Mrs James loudly

Molly chuckled "No Mrs J, he said Nude Nut"

"That's an unusual name young man" went on Mrs James

"Yes madam" said the waiter studiously avoiding eye contact with Molly "Its a err...family name"

"Reminds me of that fellow we met at Lake Garda" said Mr James "Remember Dorothy? Old Wayne Kerr. People were always getting his name wrong as well...or so he claimed"

James put his head in his hands while Nude Nut assumed an unreadable expression and went around the table taking people's drinks orders. When he had left for the bar Bligh turned to Molly with a smile and said "You look radiant Molly, a real adornment to our table this evening"

"Here, here" replied Mr James and all eyes turned on the medic who blushed furiously while James looked on with some pride. However, no one noticed that Felicity Crawford's look was accompanied by more of a snarl than a grin and that her right eye began to twitch slightly before she recited:

"The lovely Thais by his side

Sate like a blooming eastern bride

In flower of youth and beauty's pride"

Mr James looked across at the speaker "Indeed 'none but the brave deserve the fair' Miss Crawford, from 'Alexander's Feast' I believe. Are you a fan of Dryden?"

"More a student of Alexander the Great" replied the lady

"Ah" said Norman James "The first hero to emerge from history rather than legend"

"And dead at 32" stated Felicity looking intensely at James "Your age I believe Major"

James smiled uncertainly at the statement.

"The man was also bisexual and cross dresser" put in his father

"Unlike Charles, unfortunately" said a smiling Jonathan prompting laughter around the table.

Just then Nude Nut returned with a tray full of drinks and the conversation paused as the diners focussed on claiming their beverage and examining the menu ahead of placing their orders.

Molly leaned over to James, masking the move behind her menu "You might gonna have to explain to me what you've all been talking about when all this is over"

James smiled "OK, but basically I have just been compared to one of the greatest soldiers in history while you are the strumpet who persuaded him to have a huge booze up, in the course of which one the great cities of the ancient world was destroyed"

"Oh" said Molly "Cool"

"Thought you might like that" replied James before giving his dinner order to Nude Nut.

Once everyone had chosen their starter and main, the diners conversed amongst themselves for a time. Molly and Captain Bligh listened to Mrs James explain how her chosen main course of stuffed partridge would have been improved by the addition of a chocolate and tarragon sauce while James tried to persuade his father that belly dancing lessons were probably not the best anniversary present to give his mother. Meanwhile the first officer listened politely to Mr Chaplin as he spoke animatedly about something, seemingly having regained his good humour, and the Crawford sisters sat quietly listening to one conversation or another but adding little.

Jonathan did make a number of efforts to engage the sisters in small talk but received little response. After a time he settled for scrutinising them quietly, a frown slowly furrowing his brow the more he stared, as if he were trying to recall something or work out a particular problem.

Eventually the starters arrived and people concentrated on eating their food. Mr James took advantage of the lull in the conversation to address Captain Bligh

"I have been meaning to ask you Captain, the significance of the ships name, it's somewhat unusual I think for a large cruise ship. Most, these days seem to be named after royalty, real or fictional."

"I understand that Demeter was the Greek goddess of the Harvest, Mr James" replied the Captain with a smile.

"She also presided over the cycle of life and death" put in Felicity Crawford, her sudden joining of the conversation causing the other diners to pause and listen. "Moreover, there is a literary association" she went on "Demeter was the name of the ship which transported Dracula from Transylvania to England in Stoker's original novel"

"You are full of surprises, Miss Crawford" said Mr James with a smile, then turning to Bligh he asked "Any monsters on board Captain?"

The company laughed, all except Felicity, who simply narrowed her eyes and took a sip of her drink.

"Of course the name has been given to a number of other vehicles" commented Mr Chaplin "For example there was a steam locomotive called Demeter"

Suddenly, Joanna Crawford, who had been concentrating on her food for most of the meal, looked up in some excitement. "Yes, it was an LNER Peppercorn Class A1 as I recall"

Mr Chaplin looked across at the lady with a broad smile "Why that is correct Miss Crawford, you have an interest in steam locomotives?"

"Oh, yes I adore them and please call me Ber...I mean Joanna" said Joanna "I understand that the only Peppercorn running now is a replica?"

"Yes, the Tornado, but my hope is that we will have a fully restored original soon"

"Really?" Asked Joanna excitedly

"Oh yes, I found the remains of the old Demeter engine in a scrap yard just outside Mumbai, India, last year on a business trip. It must have been transported over at the end of its working life in England. I'm arranging for it to be restored, in fact after we dock at Dubai I am taking ship to Mumbai to oversee the final stages" replied Mr Chaplin with some pride

Joanna clapped her hands in delight "Are you hoping to restore the full tractive effort?"

"2,700 metric horsepower baby" smiled Chaplin

"Those Diagram 118 boilers have a great conversion rate...what's the cylinder size on that again?" Asked Joanna

The rest of the table looked on in bemusement as the couple chatted away in a different language. After a time Mr James turned to his son with a broad, self satisfied grin

"At last divine Cecilia came,

Inventress of the vocal frame"

James grimaced "Alright, it appears as if you have succeeded in making one of the sisters 'sing' but there's no need to look so smug. And stop quoting Dryden, you're starting to freak everybody out"

The starters were soon finished and cleared away and the main courses served. The conversation ebbed as lowed but Joanna and Mr Chaplin talked on and on, discussing boiler pressures, firegrate areas and heating surfaces.

Felicity Crawford looked across at her sister with a scowl. Bligh, catching her expression asked "You don't share your sister's love of steam, Miss Crawford?"

Felicity grinned mirthlessly "Not really Captain, Joanna however, is obsessed. We all call her the fat controller, don't we dear?"

Joanna frowned but did not respond, although Mr Chaplin looked her up and down and said "I've always preferred a wide gauge myself"

Bligh nodded, "My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it"

Jonathan shook his head "You haven't lost your touch Freddy, but I understand we'll be entering the Suez Canal soon, shouldn't you be guiding the ship through the ismuth?"

Bligh beamed "The ismuth, next month there's no rush!"

Jonathan imitated a drum roll and cymbal clash "The old ones are the best"

"Just keep feeding me the lines and I'll go all night" replied the captain.

After the diners had all finished the main course Nude Nut appeared to clear the plates and offered around the desert menus. However Felicity refused the offered card and announced that she and Joanne were quite tired and would take their leave. Her sister, who was busy drawing on a napkin to illustrate the advantages of a Doncaster pattern riveted tender design to a fascinated Mr Chaplin, looked up in disappointment.

"Do we have to Felicity?"

"Oh yes dear, remember how exhausted you get after a long day" replied her sister pointedly

"But I feel fine and we haven't even talked about the motion components or the wheel set"

"I really must insist dear" maintained Felicity with a glare

Mr Chaplin then said "I would be happy to escort Joanna back to your cabin in a short while. I promise not to tire her Miss Crawford, she will be perfectly safe with me"

Felicity frowned but did not pursue the point "Very well" she conceded reluctantly "But not too long dear. I'll be waiting up" With that she rose from the table.

Jonathan watched her closely then rose himself "Let me walk with you dear" he said "I need to fetch something from my cabin"

Felicity made as if to say something but then seemed to change her mind and smiled instead "Of course"

They walked out the restaurant together and along the deck.

Jonathan took a breath then said "You know I'm on to you and your sister Miss Crawford?"

Rupert's heart leapt into his mouth and a roaring sound started in his ears but he forced down his rising panic and managed to respond in character, Felicity's higher pitched voice coming surprisingly easy to him through his constricting throat "I don't know what you mean Mr Beck"

"Oh come now, it takes one to know one as they say. I remember when I first 'came out', I made a number of school girl errors in the dress and makeup department. Its a difficult balance really, too much and you look like Danny La Rue, too little and you're just a man in a dress"

Rupert was releived and disconcerted in equal measure "Err, right" he said uncetainly

"You've got to start with the underwear really. Listen, pop into the shop tomorrow, let them know I sent you and ask for the 'More of You' range. I've developed it for those with...smaller assets if you get my meaning. I swear by them. It will give you more curve to your hip and make those ice cubes more like icebergs"

"Gotcha, good, thanks" replied Rupert desperate to get out of the conversation and retreat to the safety of his cabin

"My pleasure dear. Oh, and don't be jealous of Joanna just cos she's got herself an admirer. With my help you'll be beating them off with your stick, if you get my drift"

"Of course" replied Rupert, slowly backing away "Goodbye" he said before turning and fleeing.

Jonathan watched him go with a smile and a shake of the head "Ah, those first heady days" he said to himself before turning back towards the restaurant.

Back at the table James was having an argument with his father.

"Can we just drop it Dad, its not really the thing to discuss at the dinner table"

"I'm just saying, men can lactate, its a well known fact. When you were a baby I used to moisten up as soon as you started snivelling, worse than your mother I was. Dorothy, you remember don't you? My nipples were as big as cherries and I had to change my shirt three times a day. Ended up wearing those pad things"

"Oh god" said James as the rest of the diners listened in fascination.

"I actually tried to breast feed you once but it was agony. You like to use your teeth son...just like your mother in that regard"

Molly giggled uncontrollably whilst even Joanna and Mr Chaplin had paused in their conversation to listen in to Mr James' revelations.

Mrs James frowned at her husband "I only used my teeth the once, that time you were thinking up ways to finish off that jar of Nutella"

James covered his face with his hands and slid lower in his chair until he was near to disappearing under the table.

Jonathan arrived back and noticed the various facial expressions around the table.

"OK, what have I missed?" He asked curiously

"Nothing" said James quickly

"Really?" Replied Jonathan

"Yes, just leave it" shot back James

"OK" said Jonathan "Am I too late for the dessert?"

"In a manner of speaking" replied Bligh trying hard not to laugh

James pushed himself up from his chair and threw his napkin on the table "If you will excuse me" he said tightly before stalking out of the restaurant.

Molly's smile faded as she watched her husband leave, then turned back to the other diners "I better just...you know" she muttered before getting up herself and following James.

Outside James stood by the railings glowering out to sea.

Molly walked up behind him and put her hands on her hips "What was all that about?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Replied James "Why do they have to be like that? Its just...embarrassing"

"Oh, it wasn't that bad, and certainly not something to storm out of the room over" said Molly

"I didn't storm out, I made a dignified exit"

"Hardly, you flounced off like a spoilt kid actually"

"Molly, that's hardly fair!"

"Isn't it?"

"No, and I don't understand why you aren't supporting me on this"

Molly shook her head "No you really don't do you?" She said before turning on her heel and walking away.

"Where are you going?" Called James after her

"To bed" she fired back

"Well hang on and I'll ..."

"No you won't"

"But..."

"But nothing" Molly cut in, turning back to James "And you know that...garment we were looking at in Jonathan's window the other day?" She said, starting to walk back towards her husband

"What the one with the helium balloon thingy...?"

"Yes, that one. Well I was going to let you pump it up for me tonight..."

James' face dropped "And now you're not?"

"No"

"As punishment?"

"Yes"

"Fine"

"Fine"

At which point they both span away from each other and strode off in opposite directions.

James walked and walked until he reached the bow of the ship, where he stood for a time feeling the wind in his hair and the spray against his face. The sun had set some time ago and the red tinge in the western horizon was giving way to a starry night. After a time a thin sliver of a moon rose into the sky. James stared at it for a time, brooding over his parent's behaviour and the argument with Molly, their first real one since they had been married.

He was right to be annoyed, he thought. He loved his parents but by any measure they were annoying and embarrassing and didn't seem to care about the effect their shenanigans had on him or others. Why couldn't they be like other peoples parents? He took a breath and let it out slowly. He needed a drink.

James made his way aft until he heard the distant tinkling of a piano and the babble of voices. He headed towards the noise and soon found himself outside the Occidental Bar. He walked in and looked around. The place was about half full, with most people sitting at scattered tables surrounding a small dance floor. One the edge of the space was a shiny black baby grand and at the keys sat Dangleberries playing softly. He looked up as James entered and nodded slightly before starting to sing

"It's quarter to three, there's no one in the place except you and me

So, set 'em up, Joe, I got a little story you oughta know

We're drinkin', my friend, to the end of a brief episode

Make it one for my baby and one more for the road"

James made his way to the bar and ordered a double whiskey. As he waited for his drink he undid his bowtie and left the loose ends hanging around his neck, then scanned the tables. He spotted Joanna and Mr Chaplin in one corner deep in conversation and shook his head then turned back to the bar to accept his drink from the barman. He downed it almost immediately and asked for another, cradling it in his hands when it came and staring into the golden brown liquid.

Dangleberries played on and customers came and went. It was close to midnight and James was on his fifth double before a familiar voice spoke behind him

"Do you think our author could squeeze in any more bar room cliches into this scene?"

James looked round and nodded "Probly not" he said with a distinct slur

Jonathan perched on the stool beside him "I've been looking all over the ship for you. Molly said you'd had a fight and that you'd gone off somewhere"

"Yer, I needed a dri...a drink"

"Well you've certainly found one...or several in fact" observed Jonathan

"'S'my parents, they're bloodody nightmare, but Molloly finks I'm bein' stupid" said James, trying to focus on his companion "She doesn' un'stan'"

"Oh but I think she does my friend" said Jonathan

James frowned "Wha'?"

"Don't you think she knows what its like to have parent issues?"

"Snot the same" said James waving his hand dismissively

"Your right" said Jonathan "Her situation is very different in that she has become the exceptional person she is despite her parents while you, James, have become the exceptional person you are largely because of your parents"

Jonathan let James process this before continuing "Don't you think she would have prefered her parents to be more like yours? To have provided a nice, stable home and a quality education with all the opportunities that offered? Do you blame her for being angry at you for getting upset by their harmless eccentricities?"

James swayed slightly on his stool for a time before turning to Jonathan and doing his very best to maintain a steady stare "Been a prick, haven' I?"

"Oh yes Charlie boy I would say so"

"Got to go an say sozzy" said James before downing the last of his drink, slamming it decisively on the bar and falling backwards off his stool. Jonathan looked at the unconscious heap on the floor and sighed

"Not tonight you won't dear." He said before turning to the barman and asking "Would you mind helping me to get him back to my cabin? I don't think he's going to be able to make things right in that state"

As Jonathan and the barman carried James away they passed Dangleberries on the piano who was just launching into another song

"Trains and boats and planes are passing by

They mean a trip to Paris or Rome

For someone else, but not for me

The trains and the boats and planes"

On the small dance floor Joanna and Mr Chaplin stood in each others arms gently swaying to the music...

A/N Thais was an Athenian courtesan who accompanied Alexander the Great in his conquest of Persia. She is most famous for inciting the destruction of the Persian city of Persepolis. She did put it about a bit as well since it is thought that she was friendly with, Alexander and one of his generals, Ptolomy, to name a few. Dryden's poem Alexander's Feast recounts the drunken events leading to the destruction of the city.