a.k.a The One With The Decision.

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She stands up then, and she's angry, and Nick doesn't think he's ever seen her angrier. She's glaring at him and her body is shaking in rage, and her hands are balled up into fists when he stands up too.

"Take that back", she says. "Take it fucking back", she yells, and she's no longer calm and composed, and she takes a step towards him while her eyes glare in fury.

"I can't, Jess", is all he says. "I can't take it back."

"Are you kidding me right now?", she screams, and she doesn't care that it's late and that she's got neighbors.

"You love me?", she says. "What kind of fucked up idea of love do you have? ", she roars, and when she takes another step forward Nick is almost sure she's going to slap him again.

"Take it back", she says again, and this time her voice trembles because she's on the verge of tears again.

"No", he says. "Look, Jess", he starts. "I meant it when I said I want nothing but to have you back in my life", he says, and she tries to interrupt but he's faster this time. "And I will do whatever it takes. But I can't go another minute pretending I don't love you."

"Really, Nick?", she spits out at him. "And when exactly did you come to that conclusion? Was it the first time you kissed Reagan? Or was it while you were fucking her in my bed?"

He feels the venom is her words cut through him like a knife, and before he can reply she points at the door and yells at him to get out of her apartment. But then he sees her anger starting to crumble, and this might be his only chance to get her to listen to him. She's doing a terrible job at holding back her tears, and he's nauseated that he's causing her so much pain.

"I have no excuse for what I did, Jess. And I'm not going to pretend like I do have one", he says, and she lets out a sob and her arms go around herself. She knows he's not going to leave, because he's as stubborn as she is and she knows he's not giving up. She sits back down on the couch and looks down at her lap, her whole body shaking with the tears she's no longer trying to stop. "But I need you to believe me when I say it was the worst mistake of my life."

He kneels down in front of her, careful not to touch her but trying to meet her eyes. "I swear to God, I regret that moment every day and I will regret it for the rest of my life", he says, and he can't seem to stop talking. She's not looking at him, but she also can't bring herself to yell at him to get out again. "And I know I had no right to tell you this, not after what I did", he continues. She's still refusing to look at him, her eyes focused on her lap while she tries to force her sobs back into her throat.

"I don't expect you to ever forgive me", he tells her. "Hell, I didn't even expect you to want me back in your life", he states, more to himself than to her, and she surprises him by finally looking at him.

He sees it then, he sees the reason for her anger right there and then, because she's never been able to hide her feelings from him and this time it's not different. And he feels like he's drowning in his own regrets, but his hand goes to his pocket and when he pulls it out shakily and shows her his open palm recognition flashes across her face and she clutches her arms around herself and lets out a loud cry.

"I haven't stopped carrying this with me for one day, Jess", he says, and the coin is shining in his hand while he speaks. He places it down on her coffee table and rotates on his knees so he's facing her again. "But I will stop right now if you want me to", he says. "I will do whatever you want me to do, Jess. But the one thing I won't do is take those words back."

She stares silently at him, and he can see the wheels turning in her head. "This isn't fair, Nick", she finally says, and she sounds so tired and weak again. Because after everything, he's still putting the pressure on her and it's not fucking fair.

"No, it's not", he agrees with her, and pushes his limits again when he suddenly asks her. "But do you love me, Jess?"

Her head snaps up even though she was expecting that question and she can't do anything but let out a sigh and say "Nick, please, don't do this", and he can see her walls are coming down again. She wants to be angry, she wants to yell at him again and throw him out of her house. But when she looks into his eyes all she sees is a broken man, and she knows he lost his way and she can feel his desperation for her forgiveness. And she knows, she knows that he can see right through her and she knows she can't hide what she feels for him.

"There's nothing fair about what I'm doing, Jess", he says, "and I already told you that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep you in my life in any way you want. If you want us to be friends, we will be friends. If you want nothing to do with me ever again… Fuck, then I will walk out that door and never bother you again", he says, and he's terrified that that could be the winning option.

Because it could very well be the winning option and there's nothing he could do about it.

She's looking at him but she can't speak, and so he just keeps going before she finds the words to interrupt him and cut him out of her life. "But if there's even the smallest chance that you might still love me, fuck, even the smallest chance that you could ever forgive me…", he tells her, and crawls up until he's kneeling directly in front of her. "I'd do anything, Jess", he finishes, and his knees are starting to hurt but there's no way in hell he's moving to go anywhere. So he just keeps staring at her from his position on the floor, and the pressure on his chest is so intense he feels like he were about to have a stroke.

"Jessica please, just say something", he says, and she realizes she's been quiet and staring at him for a while. Her heart and brain are both screaming at her, and it seems like they both finally agree on something because she takes a deep breath and her decision is made.