Hello all. So here comes the penultimate chapter of this story which has done its warm up routine and rubbed chalk into its hands before adjusting its leotard, signaling to the judges and approaching the apparatus. I would usually add at this point that all the characters are the property of Tony Grounds and the BBC but I understand from my legal advisor that this offers me no protection whatsoever so I won't bother. Thank you again for your continued kind support and hope you enjoy the below.

James stared at Nude Nut in confusion "What do you mean they're transforming out of nowhere, private? That's impossible"

"Well sir, all I know is I've just had to dodge a whole crowd of red eyed snot monsters coming out of the Barbary Restaurant. Now, could be that chef has suped up his vindaloo sauce again but it ain't curry night 'til Thursday so my guess is its zombies."

James put his hands on his hips then frowned. "This doesn't make any sense. I need to go and have a look. Kinders with me, the rest of you stay here."

With that he strode down the deck and disappeared from sight around a corner with Kinders just behind him. The others stared after them for a space then looked at each other before a sudden cry made them turn once more in the direction of the restaurant.

James and Kinders came sprinting around the corner, the Major at the forefront gesticulating wildly "Everyone run for it!"

"Why, what's happened?" Asked Molly

"Nude Nut was right, bloody zombies everywhere!" Came the reply from Kinders

"But what about them" said Molly, indicating the two former zombies who were just recovering from their recent transformation.

"Leave them. No time!" Called James as he reached the small group clustered by the aft rail.

Just then a crowd of zombies came lurching into view, jostling each other to get at their next victim. Many were obviously passengers, dressed in evening wear and presumably transformed whilst having their diner. However among them could also be seen waiters and kitchen staff, infected by those they had been serving just a short time before.

"Come on follow me!" Said James and led the way around the stern and down a flight of stairs to the deck below. However, just as they emerged at the lower level another mass of zombies spilled out of a nearby doorway and staggered towards them, arms raised, clawed hands reaching.

James skidded to a halt "Oh bugger!" He said as he reversed direction and waved his arms frantically at those behind "Up the stairs again, quickly!"

The group hurriedly retraced their steps and regained the upper deck just before they could be cut off by their original pursuers. Rupert, who was at the back of the group, narrowly escaped being caught by the clawing fingers of one of the lead zombies. Instead, his attacker grabbed the handbag he was carrying resulting in a frantic tug of war match between the two. Kinders grabbed Rupert's other arm and pulled him away shouting "For goodness sake let go of the bag love! Whatever's in it, it'd not worth it"

Rupert growled in frustration then let go of the bag, sending the zombie reeling backwards into those behind and giving both him and Kinders a chance to escape and join the others.

James led the group towards the front of the ship at a run, but again had to check their flight as yet another mass of undead rounded a corner ahead of them. Now caught between two groaning crowds of zombies, James looked around desperately for an alternative route of escape.

It was then that he spotted the lift entrance set into the bulkhead opposite. "This way" he shouted, sprinting towards the sliding doors and frantically pushing the button to summon the lift.

There was then an agonising wait as the mechanism whirred into action and the doors slowly slid open. They all piled into the compartment just as the zombies converged on them, James kicking at the lead pursuer as he lunged towards the closing doors.

Inside the lift there was a pause as everyone caught there breath.

"What the hell is going on here Major?" Barked Rupert between gasps for air. "One minute my sister and I are assailed by two madmen, the next we are being chased around the ship by zombies, in the process of which I have lost personal items of very great...err sentimental value to me"

James spread his hands "Its not something I can discuss at this time Miss Crawford. However, rest assured that we will conduct you to a place of safety"

A sudden banging on the lift doors made everyone start in surprise. "Which floor sir?" Asked Mansfield who was by the control panel.

James bit his lip thinking furiously then said "Let's head for base"

The corporal nodded and pressed the relevant button to take them to the shopping floor.

Just then Kinders radio crackled into life and Samuels voice could be heard through the small speaker "Zero one come in..."

James motioned for the receiver then spoke into it "Its James here lieutenant"

"Oh thank god sir, where are you?"

"On our way to base, and you?"

"Just arrived there sir"

"Any zombies?"

"One or two on the way but I managed to outrun them. What the hell is going on sir?"

"No idea yet. Stay put and we'll come to you. James out"

The lift came to a halt and the doors slowly slid open to reveal a deserted corridor. James took an antidote stick from his pocket and edged out of the lift checking to left and right before beckoning the rest forward. They all then crept along the corridor and out into the shopping mall.

All was quiet, most of the shops having shut for the day some time before. James and the others jogged over to the familiar shop front of Jonathan's and rapped on the metal shutters. A moment later a low buzzing sound could he heard and the barrier started to ascend slowly to reveal the glass door behind.

The shutter stopped a metre above the ground and James watched as his companions entered the shop one by one before ducking through the gap himself. Samuels nodded to James as the Major straightened up inside then activated the mechanism to close the shutters once more.

"Whose here?" asked James of the lieutenant.

"Brains, Fingers and one of the majorettes. We're trying to raise the others"

"And the captain and crew?"

"No idea sir, the crew I have seen have all been transformed"

James and the others strode through the shop and out to the small rear office where Brains was arguing wit the majorette as they both say in front of an open laptop.

"I know what I'm doing woman. If I open multiple screens and patch the main feed in the whole thing is going to crash" argued the soldier

"Not if you alter the resolution and shutdown the sub routines" replied the majorette "it's very obvious you've never stalked anyone on the internet before"

"Err...no that's right I haven't, 'cos I'm not a nutter" countered Brains

"Amateur" was the majorette's scathing response before they both caught sight of James and stood to attention

"At ease" said the Major "Ok what do we know?"

"Well" said Brains "it's pretty clear that this one's a pain up the arse who doesn't know what she's talking about. Ouch!"

The majorette had elbowed Brains hard in the ribs before turning to James "Im not the one who thought tumblr was something you pour your drink into."

"All right you two that's enough" ordered James "if we're going to survive this we need to work together, ok?"

Both nodded reluctantly.

"Good" continued James "Now Brains, you first, what can you tell me about what's going on?"

"Not much sir. Seems like we have multiple transformations. Infection has been rapid through both passengers and crew"

"How did it start and why has it spread do quickly?" Asked James

"Not sure about the how" said Brains " It seems to have started in the Barbary Restaurant and travelled from there"

"Charles, your parents!" Interrupted Molly

"Oh god what have they done now?" asked James rolling his eyes

"No, I mean we left them in the restaurant. They could be...you know"

James frowned and nodded his head "You're right, they could, but we need to focus on the bigger picture if we're going to save them and everyone else on board." He then turned back to Brains "Continue private"

"The speed of contamination is probably a combination of a large number of simultaneous infections and the confined nature of the environment. Given that the source appears to have been the restaurant my guess is that the pathogen was delivered in the food"

"The tomato soup was very popular this evening sir" confirmed Nude Nut.

James nodded "Ok, that suggests someone already on board caused this, but who?"

Rupert shifted nervously then cleared his throat "Wouldn't we do better working out how to deal with the current situation rather than speculate over the causes at this stage Major?"

James looked at him then blew out a breath "A fair point Miss Crawford. Brains, what's the status of the ship?"

"Although we have had no contact with the remaining crew" went on Brains "We do still seem to be underway so I'm guessing they have retained command and control of the vessel"

Just then the lights in the room went out and the low electrical hum of the ventilation system suddenly stopped.

"Jonah" muttered the majorette

"Looney" replied Brains, then shrugged at James "l would assume they have just lost command and control, sir"

"What are the implications?" Asked James with some concern.

"Well, we have a small generator here so can still run our computer, headset radios and shop lightning" replied Brains as the lights in the room blinked on again "but with no power the ship will have lost propulsion, steerage and communication"

"Excellent" said James "Any good news?"

"Oh, I reckon we have at least two hours before we run aground sir if that helps?" Reported Brains

"No not really" said James then turning to the majorette he asked "Where are the rest of our people?"

"All the majorette patrols have checked in."

"Really?" Said James "None have been compromised?"

"No" She replied "As soon as it kicked off they went to ground. Zombies have no interest in inanimate objects like chairs and boulders."

James nodded "excellent work, their intelligence will be invaluable"

"As for the SZS" continued the majorette "other than the people you have here, the rest are MIA"

"Ok, next steps?" Asked James

Samuels placed both hands on the table and leant forward "Seems to me sir that the priority is to get back control of the vessel"

"Agreed" said James "Which means dealing with the zombie problem. Kinders do we have plans of the ship?"

"Yes sir" confirmed the Sargent and grabbed a large roll of paper which he unfurled on the table.

James studied it for a time "We need to find a way of transforming large numbers of people quickly. How about the sprinkler system?"

Brains shook his head "No power sir and it doesn't cover the outside areas"

James grimaced, then ran his eyes down the length of the plan before they alighted on something which made him smile "Then we'll use those" he said pointing at the ships three large swimming pools.

"That's brilliant sir" said Mansfield Mike "Only problem is we haven't the first idea how to empty them and nowhere near enough antidote to fill them with"

"Now that's were your wrong, corporal" replied James with a grin "We have the anti zombie squash as you call it"

"The antidote concemtrate sir?" Said Samuels "But it's never been tried on a combat situation"

"Well there's no time like the present" smiled James rubbing his hands together "So where have we put it?"

"Err no idea sir" said Samuels

"What do you mean no idea man?" Asked James in disbelief

"Don't you remember sir?" replied Samuels apologetically "You said you'd look after it, keep it close in case of emergencies..."

"Ah yes..." Said James a little uncomfortably

"So sir, I imagine you'll have it on you then" prompted Samuels

"Well" said James carefully "I just so happen to have it in the pocket of my trousers"

"Oh very good sir"

"My...other trousers"

"Ah I see" replied Samuels "And they would be..."

"In my cabin" confirmed James

There was a general shaking of heads and one or two tuts from the rest of the group whilst James eyed them a little sheepishly but he then squared his shoulders and said"Alright, alright no need to get all shirty, I'll just have to go and get it that's all. Blimey, talk about only being as good as your last battle"

Just then a loud banging sound started from the front of the shop which made everyone start.

"What is that?" Asked Bertie nervously.

Brains turned to the laptop and started to tap at the keys while the majorette leaned over his shoulder. The private suddenly stopped and looked around at her "Do you mind?"

The woman rolled her eyes then squinted at the screen. "If you divert the power to the in store CCTV you could get a view of the front of the shop"

Brains raised his hands from the keyboard "Which is exactly what I'm doing if you'd let me get on?"

"Well I wouldn't have done it that way" muttered the majorette as she folded her arms but continued to stare intently at the laptop screen.

Suddenly a view of the front of the shop appeared on the screen. The grainy image showed a group of zombies pounding on the metal window shutter which was starting to buckle under the onslaught.

James stared at the scene in surprise "How do they know we're in here?"

Brains went to speak but the majorette cut across him "Pheromones" she said simply.

"I was just about to say that" grumbled Brains

"You two really just need to get a room" complained Molly

Brains and the majorette looked up in surprise "What you talking about?" Spluttered the private in consternation.

"Come on, the sexual tension is pretty obvious" smiled Molly

Brains laughed mockingly "That's just ridiculous, right?"

Kinders and Mansfield looked at each other then at Brains before shaking their heads

"Fascinating as all this is..." Interjected James "Can we just get on?"

"Sorry sir" said Brains "Pheromones have attracted them here, yours and the lieutenants probably"

"Certainly not yours" Put in the majorette to Brains

"Oh shut up" fired back the private then continued "Usually they would be an advantage when we're trying to attract the hostiles but when we're hiding from them they are a bit of a drawback"

"I can't believe they're so sensitive to us" commented Samuels

"Oh it's not sensitivity" said the majorette "its potency. Ask any of the ladies here, the two of you together are...almost overpowering"

"Yes" agreed Rupert, with a smile that verged on a snarl "I for one am finding it hard to keep my hands off Major James. Isn't that right Joanna?"

"What?" said Bertie "Oh yes, irresistible. My underwear is soaked through"

James and Samuels looked a little queasy but smiled politely. The major then turned to his second in command "Sounds as if we need to draw them off. You, Kinders, Nude Nut and Fingers gather the required equipment and make your way to the pools. Molly, Mansfield and I will go fetch the antidote concentrate. I assume there's a back way out of here?"

"Yes sir" replied Brains "A service corridor runs along the length of this deck and gives access to all the other levels."

"Right, well we best get cracking before that shutter gives way and we are neck deep in zombies" said James

"And what about my sister and I?" asked Rupert "Are we just expected to stay here?"

"Probably the safest place for you" replied James after a moments reflection "Once we have dispersed, it should draw the hostiles away and you'll be left in relative peace. We can then radio in when we have neutralised the threat"

Rupert ground his jaw for a moment but realised he was going to get nowhere by arguing with James. He therefore simply nodded and watched while the others trooped out of the briefing room in order to make preparations to leave.

In the storeroom the pounding of the zombies on the shutter was even more apparent but everyone studiously ignored it as they went about getting ready.

Mansfield Mike took a box down from one of the shelves. "It's going to be pretty dark in the service way with the power off so you better take these" he said opening the box and handing out a series of identical cellophane wrapped packages to the others.

"What are they?" Asked Kinders frowning at the label

"Headlight bras" said the corporal in a neutral tone "The majorette patrols have got all the night vision goggles and we've only got a couple of torches left"

The Sargent stared at Mansfield in disbelief "And how exactly are we supposed to use them?"

"Well" replied the Corporal "you could wear them in the errr...normal way, but I prefer to do this" he then unpacked the garment and placed it on his head with the cups over his ears like an old fashioned flying helmet. "Only problem is the lights point to the side a bit so you have to walk with your head turned slightly"

Kinders shook his head "How do we end up getting ourselves in these situations?" He asked

"It's the price you pay for being a character in a humorous story" replied Fingers "You're unlikely to die horribly or go through any serious psychological shit, but the pay pack is that a lot of the time you end up looking or acting like a prick" and with that the private strapped his headlight bra to his head and shrugged in a resigned way.

"Fair enough" replied Kinders and started to unwrap his own bra.

Five minutes later James surveyed his command to check how preparations were proceeding. Thumbs up from Mansfield and Kinders confirmed all was ready.

Just then Brains walked out of the briefing room with the majorette and approached James "Majorette patrols have reported that there are large groups of zombies throughout the ship although they seem to be entering a dormant state as the number of potential victims has reduced."

James nodded "Yes, that would seem logical"

"The pirate fishing boat is also still following us. Seems as if its waiting for something sir"

Rupert and Bertie, looked at each other meaningfully while James frowned then shook his head "We can't worry about them at the moment, our priority has got be getting control of the ship back. Let's deal with them later if we have to"

"Sir" replied Brains

"Ok" said James to the others "Fall in on me and focus up. We have no way of knowing where the hostiles are so you'll need to stay alert out there. All reports indicate we are dealing with type 1s so they should be relatively easy to outrun if you come across any. Only use your sticks as a last resort. Right we rendezvous at the swimming pools at 22.00 hours. Good luck."

Lieutenant Samuels' detail set out first, carrying the various pieces of zombie warfare equipment with them, including the powerful karaoke machines and the post immersion care kits. They left through a doorway at the rear if the storeroom which led to the long dark corridor of the service way.

James watched them go then made a final equipment check before nodding to Molly and Mansfield and leading the way through the same doorway and into the darkness.

In the storeroom Brains turned to Rupert and Bertie and smiled. "Best make yourselves comfortable ladies, you may have a bit of a wait before the all clear" He then turned back towards the briefing room closely followed by the majorette.

The private hesitated when he saw the woman following him "Where do you think you're going?"

"I've got an idea about how we can track our people using their radio signals but I need to check your laptop configuration"

"You keep your hands off my equipment, its army property!"

"I have no intention of touching your equipment which I am sure is hopelessly obsolete. However, I do need to look at your computer"

"Ha bloody ha" replied Brains "If you've got an idea you can talk me through it and I'll do the reconfiguration"

"Oh for goodness sake" said the majorette in exasperation "Whatever, let's just get on with it shall we" and walked into the briefing room.

Rupert watched them disappear through the door then turned to Bertie "Right let's go"

"Go where?" Replied his companion

"To find my bag and make the exchange. Didn't you hear, the pirate boat is still out there"

"Are you mad? The ship is full of zombies and we'll end up like them if we go galavanting around the ship in the dark"

"Look" said Rupert "This is our only chance. If they take back control of the ship we might as well give ourselves up and I for one am not going back to prison."

"You do what you like, I'm staying here" replied Bertie

"Oh no, I'm not leaving any loose ends around. You're coming with me" and with that Rupert grabbed Bertie's arm and shoved him roughly through the door leading to the service way...

James, Molly and Mansfield walked cautiously along the corridor. Mansfield took point, the lights from his bra illuminating the walls on either side of them and the floor for a short distance ahead. The passageway was deserted and they made good time until Mansfield stopped dead and peered into the distance. "Sir look"

James followed his pointing finger into the darkness and made out two small glowing red orbs of light ahead.

"Turn off your lights man before it sees us" hissed James

Mansfield did so then whispered "Buggers not moving sir"

"No" confirmed James "Must be dormant. Leave this one to me" With that he drew an antidote wand from his pocket and crept into the darkness. Molly and Mansfield stood frozen, waiting when all of a sudden the silence was shattered by a bellow from James followed by a dull thud and a cry of "Argh...shit!"

Molly moved first, sprinting in the direction of the sound and calling "Charles, Charles are you ok?"

She found him on his back and holding his nose. "What happened, did you get it?" She asked, concerned.

"In a manner of speaking" he said then turned to Mansfield Mike "Corporal, radio Lieutenant Samuels detail and make them aware that what may look like a pair of glowing red eyes in the dark are in fact the emergency lights on the ship's fire exit signs. You could add that the signs are large, robust and securely fixed to the wall"

"Ah, I see" said Molly helping her husband up.

After dusting himself down James pushed open the escape door and led the others up the stairway towards the accommodation levels. On reaching the right deck he cautiously opened the door to the corridor and checked in both directions before beckoning Molly and Mansfield Mike to follow.

They walked quickly down the passageway until they reached James and Molly's cabin then stole inside, closing the door quietly after them. James went straight for the wardrobe and rifled through the trousers hanging up inside until he found the vial of concentrate. "Got it" he said before pocketing it "Let's go"

They slipped out of the cabin and made their way down the hallway again. James smiled "piece of piss" he commented before turning a corner and walking straight into a group of zombies.

"Oh crap, run!" He ordered as he ripped himself away from the clawing hands and sprinted back down the corridor, the others hot on his heels.

As they reached another junction a second crowd of zombies appeared moaning excitedly as they shuffled along.

"This way!" Called James who swerved and headed down an adjacent passageway but had to skid to a halt as the route suddenly ended in a locked door.

James rattled the handle desperately before trying to force the door with his shoulder. "Its bloody locked solid" he said. Drawing an antidote wand he turned to Molly and looked intensely at her "Best get behind me" he said then walked slowly up the corridor towards the oncoming horde of undead.