Jonathan

Tonight wasn't as fun as I had hoped it would've been. Mom's turkey got burnt so we just ended up eating soggy stuffing and hard greenbeans. I would've spent it with Nickel, but I don't know how to act around her right now. Things are pretty twisted.

Things are really twisted. I've noticed my mom's been out of it lately, Nickel's not herself, and I'm having mental breakdowns. Of course I'm not crying (because I'm a manly man so I can't cry, it's like impossible), but I'm overthinking things and I don't know how to stop it. My grades are fine and school life is maybe a little different but everythings seems to be falling apart. I sometimes feel like no one is listening to me and when they actually do it's only because another person isn't talking to them.

I'm normally with Bear and Nickel during the day, but I have other friends. I'm the 'God knows what' wheel in this relationship and it's not even my fault.

Not that I'm blaming anyone…

Nickel.

Bear.

Fae.

Why does mankind seem to always find something else other than themselves to blame for things.

The next morning, it is Friday and school is off for Black Friday (which I'm personally still surprised is still running). Teachers normally give us student tests on Thanksgiving for our progress reports. Not fun. But, at least we get a three day weekend.

I plan out my weekend in my head.

First, we're going to the park.

Ok, sounds fine…

Then we're going to ask Emily out..

No, not okay.

But you know you like her.

But she may not like me.

You're the one who read her diary-

She might hear my thoughts, so shut up!

You really are crazy aren't you?

I have perfectly reasonable logic…

You are crazy…

I'm not!

You're talking to someone in your head. Kuku.

Stop it!

I may be a tad bit crazy…

Nah, I'm not. I could be, I don't know. It's hard to be different. It is. It's hard to face to mockery, the bullying. I can't fit in, so I should just die.

I grab the alcohol from my mothers' cabinet. I open the first one and chug it down. I open one after another. I finnish several. I go upstairs woozily. You need to lay down, moron. I think to myself. I try to lay down but I can't go to sleep. I walk to the bathroom, I grab some sleeping pills, and down them all.

"Oh my God!" I hear come from far away. I feel my heart slow, and my breathing stop all together.

So this is how I die? Sleeping pills and being drunk. Not flattering.

I hear the ambulance pull up and that's the last thing I remember.