Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face

You told me how proud you were, but I walked away

If only I'd known, what I know today

Eight hours before…

"The Kraang's got some brand new mutagen around, so I've heard." Donnie said over the huddle of ninja turtles gathered round the table, all faces serious for once (even the resident turtle clown). "And they've got it stored in a secure facility outside the city."

Raphael lips drew into a snarl. "How many times do we need to kick those stupid alien's butts before they get the hint and leave this planet alone?"

Leonardo sighed, fingers massaging his temples at the thought. "You know where the new base is at exactly, Don?"

Donnie laid out a map on the table. "Based on where the Mutanimals spotted Kraang activity near the border, I'd say it's right at the center of this forest."

"Well, that's just great! Not only do we have to break into this super secret Kraang base, but we also don't know where the hell it's supposed to be?" Raph huffed irritably.

"Relax guys, I've already narrowed down the most likely place where the base could be. All we need to do is break in, get the new mutagen, destroy the rest of the place and waltz out." Donnie shrugged. "It's not like we haven't done it before."

"Well, that's true. And it's not like we have a choice." Leo frowned. "Let's just head there and get this over—"

"I don't think we should go."

Three turtles froze and all gazes wheeled to Mikey who let out an eep.

Raph raised an eye ridge but it was Leo who asked first. "What did you say?"

Mikey's lips twitched. "I—I don't know, guys, it's just, I can't explain it but I think going on this mission's a real bad idea. Like real, it's a zombie apocalypse tomorrow kinda bad."

The red banded turtle of the group facepalmed. "What the shell have you been reading this time—?"

"Raph, I'm serious!" Mikey snapped so strongly, so unlike him, that everyone froze. "It's not because of any comic or cartoon! I get that stopping the Kraang is important, but I just can't get rid of that feeling. Like there's this alarm in my head that keeps ringing, if we go on this mission, we could screw something up really big time and—"

"What would be new about that? We have you around to thank for that, don't we?" A cold voice hissed in the middle of Mikey's tirade, and in an instant, the atmosphere changed.

The air turned into dangerous frost. The youngest turtle jumped back as if burnt, Leo's eyes became hardened sapphires and Raph's voice dropped ten degrees colder. "Donnie…"

"Raph." Leo said warningly, though his voice was a touch colder than his normally volatile brother's, before turning to his youngest. "I don't know where you're getting all this, Mikey, but you don't have to worry. Donnie's right, we've done this sort of thing before and we've managed, remember?"

Mikey hesitated then nodded. Leo gave him a small smile. "We all just have to work together to make sure we succeed in this mission, like always. But we need you to focus on the plan—"

"—to keep your hands to yourself—"

"—and help us all out." Leo's voice snapped bitingly at Donnie's interruption before softening again. "We'll make it OK, Mikey. You know you can trust us to make it OK, don't you?"

"But—" The orange masked turtle smiled slightly in defeat. "Fine. Lead the way, fearless leader."

The purple masked turtle made a move to snap something again but then he caught his little brother's gaze. Turbulent brown met baby blues so wretched and pleading that it stole the words out of Donnie's throat and clawed something distinctly painful in his gut.

Instead, Donnie turned away with a huff. "I'll be at the Shellraiser when you're ready."

No one stopped the tallest turtle from marching away to the solace of his machines and equipment, mind furiously working on every possible tinkering to distract him from the haunted broken eyes of his little brother that could push him to do something he'd regret.

I have nothing to be sorry for. Mikey's being a pain, he needs to grow up, and Leo and Raph aren't helping.

Several wrench turns later, Donnie's face hardened once more. I'm not apologizing for anything.

I would hold you in my arms. I would take away the pain.

Thank you for all you've done. Forgive all your mistakes.

One hour, forty five minutes and fifty seconds since Donatello was sure his world had ended.

It took barely five minutes for him and the rest of his brothers—only two of them, why oh why only two?—to stumble out of the base before the bombs they planted earlier reduced the hidden base to rubble, but so much longer for them to pick themselves up from the what left the them reeling far worse than that explosion.

Donnie's hands flew to either side of his head, a guttural whine erupting from his throat.

His brother, his only little baby brother, the bright sunshine of the family that they have all sworn to protect, gone forever under the smoking pile of earth and twisted metal.

Gone believing one of his brothers hated him.

Gone before said gargantuan idiot of a brother could make it up to him for that stupid argument that should never had happened in the first place.

Donnie's trembling hands fell to his trembling beak. Oh God, what have I done? Mikey, why did it have to be Mikey? It should have been me! Why did it have to be him?

Donnie was hardly aware of Leo gathering his brothers to the Shellraiser, of the oldest turtle gently guiding the now youngest brother—no more little brother for bad, bad, little Donnie, oh no, no, no!— to a seat in the vehicle, of the Shellraiser moving past the skyline of trees and greens to the more familiar overreaching steel and towers.

Mikey, little brother, where are you? The tears dripped past knobby fingers and a strangled mix of a sob and laugh. You can't—you can't leave us! You can't be gone! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I'd look for you anywhere, everywhere, wherever I have to, just be somewhere I can find!

The Shellraiser stopped, the scent of moss, water soaked earth and concrete greeted his nose and he felt someone guide him to his feet.

"Donnie?" There was the voice that pulled him up, soft as gossamer yet cracked all over the delicate edges. "Donnie, come on, we have to go back. We've been gone too long. Donnie?"

N-no, not yet! Please not yet! I still haven't—I still need to find him! A freezing draft seizing his heart, so very cold at the empty, tattered place where his sunlight was supposed to be. But I—I can't. I can't find Mikey. Oh God help me, I can't find Mikey!

"—damn it, Don, don't do this!" There were rough hands on either of his shoulders, another voice that reminded him of rolling thunder and cascading waterfalls. "Bro, come on, snap out of it! We still—we have to tell Splinter! We still have to go home!"

Home…?

Soft, warm oranges, twinkling eyes and mischievous laughter under bright sunlight filled the gangly turtle's mind, and a burning, needy ache bloomed in his chest.

There were cries of his name behind him but he didn't care when his feet were taking off on their own, flying past the familiar twists and turns of sewer turnstiles and the need for home.

Home. Mikey. Of course. Home. Little brother. Home. Mikey. Home.

The desperate, desolate, need to hold onto home and never ever let go…

"Donatello?"

A light baritone voice called to him, gentle but so frighteningly strong, it knocked the wind out of his lungs and forced the world back to his senses.

He was in the pit, in the Lair, Sensei in front of him with a bewildered and alarmed look on his face, his two—just two—other brothers gasping for breath behind him. But not…

"M-Mikey?"

Donnie blurted, making Splinter pause in his questioning of his two older sons when it was clear that the third was beyond reach and the fourth was not there and no one could begin to explain why.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

A pair of arms wrapped around his shell, pulling him to an embrace, while a hand rubbed the back of his head in gentle circles as Donnie sobbed and screamed.

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! The thoughts hemmed and hawed like a record, as broken as the rest of him. I'm sorry, Mikey. It's my fault. It's all my fault. Please come back! We can't lose you. Please come back! Mikey! Mikey…!

See you all next year! (Which is only days away.) Have a great one!