The storm persisted for the rest of the day, cruel and unrelenting. Mac busied himself in the kitchen, working on a hot meal while Rey and Nia sat close to the fireplace. The wooden board game with its stone pegs and its gems was a convenient distraction from the dreadful weather, from the enclosing walls... from Kylo Ren.
He had been sitting quietly at the opposite end of the room, polishing the red stone with meticulous accuracy, the patience poured over such a task most likely a byproduct of the limited options of their confinement.
A small generator had heated up enough water for them to wash up in the tiny bathroom after their return from the canyon. They had changed out of their muddy clothes and into their now clean robes and tunics and, even though the attire didn't make the man, Rey couldn't help but see a Knight of Ren under the dark layers of fabric. She kept sending furtive glances his way, unable to come to terms with what had transpired between them earlier that day. He had been cold and distant ever since, the barrier around his thoughts and feelings tightly guarded, and she hadn't ventured to ask for a reason or an explanation, much less attempt to access his mind uninvited.
Still, her treacherous thoughts traveled to that moment, glided over the way he had held her, the gentleness of his guidance, the special bond that had fused them, both in body and soul. And, in that incredible moment of release, her lips had uttered a name… Through the fog of such an experience she honestly couldn't be certain who she had called for. It didn't make sense, she was aware of him the entire time, he had been her sail and her anchor.
Ben…
Of course, the enticing presence of the Dark Side had lurked in the background the entire time, hovered over them like an invisible blanket, wrapped around every movement, every breath, every word...
Ren…
It was undeniable. The gravitational pull of the Dark Side was a powerful drug, and she was finding it harder and harder to resist it. The mere thought of the monster within him made her pulse pick up speed, her mind reel and her cheeks burn.
Stop playing with fire!
His warning resonated loudly in the rational part of her brain, and yet, every time her eyes traveled to where he sat, the reddish glow of the fire reflecting off his austere expression, Rey couldn't help but feel the rush of excitement that inexplicably swept through her every time he looked at him now. Wariness and desire collided in a powerful emotion, contradicting in itself, but completely overpowering. Her yearning was carnal at its core, she realized as much. Not that she could make any sense of it.
You should hate me…
Perhaps that was the bait. She was keenly aware of what Kylo Ren had in store for the Scavenger. Scary as it was, that only inflamed her darkest desires. He was a worthy adversary, and there was no better battlefield than the physical realm, whether in bed or in combat.
As it turned out, it was those gray areas that made their dynamic so odd and complex. Rey had suspected it for some time, had been fighting it all along, but she was finally forced to come to terms with the reality of her feelings that morning in the canyon.
She was falling in love with Ben Solo.
It was strange. Until that moment, she didn't really know what it meant to really love someone in a non-platonic way, to share that unique kind of connection. A while back she thought she might have loved Finn. He was her knight in shining armor, the one who would risk it all to come to her aid, who would sacrifice his life to save hers. And she did love Finn. She loved him dearly. He had been her solid ground when the world had all but crumbled around her, both physically and figuratively.
But, perfect as Finn was in all respects, he hadn't been able to touch that hidden part of her soul. And, while Kylo Ren had managed to caress its surface, it had been Ben Solo who had finally blasted through the fortress she'd so ardently erected around her heart, turning it to rubble with a simple smile.
A series of faint taps on the table brought her back to the present. Nia regarded her with curious eyes, a knowing smile playing on her lips. She'd caught Rey staring at him, her emotions so close to the surface even a prepubescent child had been able to pick up on them.
"Was it my turn?" Rey apologized, trying to study the position of the pegs on the board.
Nia's broadening smile flowed into a small chuckle as her gaze traveled to Ren for a brief moment and then back to Rey.
"No," Rey sighed. "I'd much rather play with you right now."
But the girl sent her a look that spoke volumes and began packing the game away. Before Rey could convince her otherwise, the sound of the crossguard lightsaber sparking to life cut through the air. Something about it was different, though. Its typical jagged sound had been replaced by a neat, almost hollow swoosh. Its blade was no longer crudely serrated, but a clean line of incandescent red, straight and perfectly shaped. Even its side vents, though not any less deadly, seemed somewhat tamer.
Rey was at awe by its elegant beauty. That small and unimpressive red stone had managed to turn the notoriously imperfect weapon into a true masterpiece. When Kylo Ren extinguished the saber, a mild frown denoted his dissatisfaction. He carefully dismantled the hilt and extracted the shapely stone before assembling the saber once again without it. Nia followed his every move, her eyes focused like laser pointers on the small gem that Ren kept studying and twirling around his fingers. Without saying a word, he stood up, and tucked the polished stone inside one of his tunic's inner pockets.
Rey was about to say something when all artificial lights in the hut suddenly shut down and, save for the licking flames of the fire dancing on the small hearth, the place was enveloped in silence and darkness.
Mac's acrid voice was immediately heard from the kitchen. "It's the damned generator!" he snarled. "Probably got hit by lightning!"
"Do we even need a generator?" Ren questioned. "Can't we just ride the storm without one?"
"The storm could last for several days, boy!" Mac retorted. "Without the twin suns, the temperature will steadily drop until there's nothing out there but ice. We need to keep the greenhouse warm or the crops will be ruined. We… we need to be able to heat up water, run the well systems, the—"
"Can it be fixed?" Ren cut in rather harshly. It was obvious he'd rather find a solution than listen to the other man's useless rambling.
"If it was a lightning strike, I highly doubt it," Mac said. "But there is an old abandoned gristmill on the west side of town that might have a couple of spare ones." The old man rubbed his forehead and barked an angry curse. "I've been meaning to get a backup generator for some time just in case something like this ever happened!"
Kylo Ren holstered his lightsaber and headed for the exit. "Let's go, then."
When Mac took a couple of steps in the same direction, Ren lifted his hand to stop him. "No," he commanded. "You stay here with the girl." Then, turning to Rey, he motioned for her to follow him.
"But you don't even know where the mill is located," the man began to protest when he suddenly became momentarily paralyzed, eyes wide with pain. It was over before he realized what had happened, and was left slightly weakened as his fingers flew to his temples and began rubbing out the throbbing headache.
"I do now," Ren said coldly.
Rainfall had intensified to the point where it was completely dark in the middle of the afternoon, the chilling temperature cutting to the bone through their already soaked clothes. They had earlier combined the fuel from the two speed racers the pirates had left behind into one in an attempt to make longer trips. Ren was about to hop on it first when Rey stopped him.
"Why should you be the one to drive?" she shouted over the storm.
"Because I know where we're going!"
Unable to argue with his reasoning, Rey begrudgingly hopped on the racer and held him tightly around the waist as the machine took off leaving a blaze of fluorescent blue in its wake. It took them just a few minutes to get to the nearly dilapidated gristmill, which had a big enough roofed area at the entrance to shelter both them and the speeder from the rain. They dismounted the speeder and lit up their sabers, finding them a convenient source of illumination as well as a form of immediate protection should a threat happened to be lurking in the shadows.
"This is your area of expertise, Scavenger," Ren said. "Where do you suppose they keep their generators?"
"If this place is anything like a larger commuter ship, probably in a cool, dry place. Somewhere with good ventilation, most likely a peripheral storage room with outside vents."
Rey led the way into the building, scouting the place for possible options. "I remember my first decent find," she said, pushing a fallen beam out of the way. "I was about twelve, had just began scavenging a few months before because I figured that was the best way to make a living on Jakku, especially near the Niima Outpost. It was an RX synchronizer in almost perfect order. I could not believe my eyes when I found it. It earned me a full portion and a half. I managed to stretch it for days!"
She could hear Ren following close behind her, his mood somber.
"Of course, my dream has always been to become a pilot. I learned all I could about aircraft navigation from the fallen ships I'd scavenge. Some even had captain logs and crew notes…" Her lips turned into a sad smile at the bittersweet memories. "What about you? Did you ever want to be anything other than a ruthless murderer?"
The jab had come out naturally and unfiltered, and she winced inwardly, immediately regretting her untimely comment. She sensed how her words had stirred something inside him, something he concealed as fast as it had emerged.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I shouldn't have said that." When the silence became almost unbearable, she rambled on, if nothing else, to try and lighten the mood. "But, in an alternate universe, do you see yourself leading an entirely different life? I mean, you work well with your hands."
"I do?"
His tone had been neutral, but the innuendo came through loud and clear, and Rey felt a sudden rush of heat shoot up to her cheeks. He had done it on purpose. He wanted to throw her off balance.
"Your father was a great mechanic," she said, trying to ignore his laden comment as best as she could. "Perhaps you could've followed in his footsteps."
"Do you ever get tired of talking?" he growled.
To Rey's surprise, she sensed how the mention of his father was an open wound for him. She turned around to face him and he almost bumped into her, his bewildered expression as he gazed down at her an open question mark.
Unable to hold his stare for long, she lowered her chin and focused on the ground for a moment before finding the courage to meet his eyes once again. "I imagine some demons seem impossible to exorcise," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't think I could ever forgive you for what you did, but… but I know Han did."
Her words had trembled on the way out, but she had kept her shoulders square, her focus firmly on him. Ren appeared disconcerted for a second, the ice behind his notoriously cold stare melting into what Rey could have sworn was the faint flicker of tears. Whatever it might have been, he quickly masked it behind a deep scowl. Jaw clenched, he simply brushed past her, his voice sour as he said, "An expert on a field."
Rey blinked a couple of times, was at a loss when she turned to him, confused. "What?"
"I would've been something mundane, out of the constant spotlight," he explained sounding almost bored. "I don't know… a radar technician."
They walked through a large chamber with a wall of shattered mirrors at the far end that had barely survived a vicious blast. One of the less tattered mirrors caught their reflection showered in red and blue respectively, and their eyes met their imaged counterpart. They were both soaking wet from the rain. Blazing sabers in hand, they appeared to be on opposite sides of the battle. Ren's damp hair and disheveled attire was reminiscent of a time when they had been mortal enemies, the image sending a ripple of fractured memories through her.
He came up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist, careful not to nick her with the burning blade. Unaware of his intentions, Rey tensed up immediately, her breath catching and her heart picking up speed.
"Relax," he said intimately near her ear, and then, in a barely audible whisper, "Will you ever stop fearing me?"
"I don't fear you," she whispered back. "I don't fully trust you... I don't trust myself around you."
His lips turned into a wicked half smile that gradually vanished into an expression of honest concern.
"What do you remember from when you were a small child?" he asked, his voice soft. "Before you were left behind."
"Not much." She allowed herself to lean against him, her initial hesitation easily dissolving with every breath. "Actually, I… I don't remember anything."
His frown intensified as he briefly pondered on the words that followed. "Would you like to?"
She swallowed hard, knowing what he was offering her, dreading what he was offering her. She tried to sound brave when she asked, "Will you help me?"
His lips brushed against her temple, his breath hot on her skin. "Only if you want me to," he said, though his mild reluctance was palpable. "Just say the word."
She could not count the number of nights she'd lied in bed trying to remember her childhood, wondering if the images her brain had conjured up were real or just mere figments of her imagination. Her entire life she'd been waiting for someone to return, but in the monotony that comes with keeping track of an endless sequence of indistinguishable days, she had forgotten their faces, their motives, her own origins. Conflicted, Rey pressed her lips, her eyes focused on his as they held each other's stare in the mirror, but no answer was forthcoming. The decision, after all, had to be hers.
In the end, temptation and curiosity got the better of her.
"Do it," Rey conceded. She was trying hard to keep her panic to a minimum.
Ren watched her reflection intently, giving her a chance to change her mind. When her defiant eyes challenged him to proceed, his free hand slowly lifted from where it had been resting on her hip to hover near the side of her face.
A piercing pain drove through Rey's skull and she squeezed her eyes shut as the world around her spun out of control. Nausea began rising up from the pit of her stomach. A tight scream got lodged in her chest, desperate to find a release that never came forth.
Don't fight it… Let it happen…
Kylo Ren's voice swam through the oceans of her mind—a powerful, yet strangely soothing presence within her. His words allowed her to relax to some extent, and the agony became more bearable. She remembered to breathe and, before she realized what was happening, she turned from subject to observer.
A village near the sea… Children playing… A tall man smiling down at her…
The image began to fade and Ren probed deeper, making the excruciating pain in her brain more intense and causing her knees to buckle. A strong arm held her in place as the picture of a woman sharpened into focus, her face kind. Her eyes were not quite grey, not quite blue, and regarded her with such tenderness it made her want to cry.
Mommy…
Rey…
She had heard the voice in her dreams, had missed its timber ever since she could remember. It was all coming back to her now, her mother's smile, her unmistakable scent, the warmth behind her eyes… the Force ran through her, though she wasn't entirely sensitive to it.
The girl must never be found...
A group of elders surrounded her. They were looking at her like an unsolved riddle, like a problem that had to be handled. The desert dunes of Jakku appeared out of nowhere, and she heard herself screaming.
No! Don't go!
"NO!"
Rey woke up from the vision with a start. It took her a few seconds to notice the tears streaming down her face. She was slumped against Kylo Ren's body, her entire weight practically supported by his embrace. Her heart was racing, in a panic, but also with indescribable longing for a life that was never hers to live.
"Why did you stop?" she accused through clenched teeth. "I need to see more!"
"That's enough for today," he told her.
The impassive finality behind his words irked her, and she squirmed in his arms to break free. "It's not your decision to make!"
"Yes it is!" he thundered pulling her tighter to him to stop her from thrashing further. "I can't do it!" he gritted through clenched teeth.
Rey froze, let his words sink in. His chest was heaving against her back and, before her mind could grasp the reasoning behind his reluctance, she heard him whisper, "Please, don't ask me to do it again."
It was at that moment that she realized how much he had despised being the cause of her agony. She gradually relaxed in his arms and their gaze met in the mirror once again, guilt and remorse swimming in the dark pools of his eyes. He bit his lower lip, whether to keep his emotions under control or to stop himself from speaking his thoughts, Rey wasn't sure. She turned around in the loop of his arms, neither willing to break contact just yet, neither ready for the onslaught of emotions that washed over them like a tidal wave.
It was strange looking at the man without seeing the monster. At that moment, there was no Light, no Dark Side. There was only the magnetic energy of the Force flowing between them like an invisible hand that pulled them towards each other, an ancient spell neither had the right to break.
It was Rey who closed the distance first. Her lips touched his in a tentative kiss that lingered like a feather awaiting his acceptance. It took Ben a couple of seconds to acquiesce, allowing his eyes to drift shut as he followed her gentle lead. It was neither lust nor passion what found its inception in that kiss, but a deeper emotion much too terrifying to contemplate, at least when it came to their situation.
"Rey…" he breathed, pulling away just enough to break the kiss.
Her eyes blinked open in a sluggish haze. Slightly puzzled, she frowned up at him and saw him regarding her with a great deal of caution.
"We better find that generator and get out of here," he finally said. His voice was steady, yet his eyes belied a myriad of feelings she was too afraid to analyze.
She nodded in agreement, her silence speaking louder than any words could have. The moment was over and they had a job to do—better focus on the task at hand, she forced herself to reason.
They rummaged through the place in relative silence, exchanging the occasional platitude to make the search more efficient until they hit the jackpot in a large storage room on the northern wing of the facility. There wasn't much to choose from, but they settled for a rusted unit that seemed to work at partial capacity. It was better than nothing. They would have to make do with what they found.
Impossible as it seemed when they first arrived, the storm had intensified during the time they had been scouting the gristmill. Powerful flashes of lightning struck way too close and way too frequently for comfort, the accompanying thunder deafening with every hit. They hauled the generator onto the speeder and secured it tightly to its haunch rack before taking off, rapidly cutting through the pouring rain.
They were just a few yards away from the hut when Kylo Ren slowed the speed racer down to a halt. Rey peeked over his shoulder, curious as to why he had decided to stop, and saw several tall figures lurking just outside the hut. It wasn't so much their presence what made Rey suddenly uneasy, but Ren's reaction to the group. She sensed it—the conflict within, his drumming heartbeat, his viral reticence...
"What is it?" she asked, almost unable to keep her eyes open against the rain. "Who are they?"
His response came low and loaded with wariness.
"The Knights of Ren."
[TBC…]