Hope's POV
There are a lot of things that I don't know about my mother. To start, I don't know why she's always "gone" and what the cause of her severe anxiety is. I also don't know what my mom does for a living. Well, I know she's a motivational speaker, but I have no idea what she tells her audience. Maybe that's why I'm so surprised that my mom is letting me come to work with her today.
"Are you okay?" I ask as I glance at my mom who is gripping the steering wheel as though her life depends on it.
"I'm fine." My mom says as she forces a smile.
I nod as my mom pulls into the Hollis parking lot. Apparently my parents both used to work here before they decided to pursue other things. I wonder what motivated my dad to become an author and my mom a speaker.
"Are you ready to go?" My mom asks as she parks the car.
"Yep." I say as I hop out of the car and shut the door behind me.
As soon as we approach the auditorium, my mom stops abruptly. Before I can question her actions, my mom envelopes me in a hug and begins to kiss my forehead repeatedly. I appreciate her kind gesture, but I still have no idea what's going on here.
"Sweetheart, some of the things I talk about today might shock you... And I mean shock you. No matter how upset or afraid you feel during the speech, I want you to know that it's going to be okay. I'm okay, Gregory's okay, Daddy's okay, and you're okay. Do you understand?" My mom asks as she stares directly into my hazel eyes.
"Yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anything you say will upset me too much. I already know about A and your friend Alison, so I doubt I'll be too surprised." I say with a shrug.
"It's not about high school so get that out of your head." My mom says as her tone turns serious.
"Then what's it about?" I ask her curiously.
"You'll find out soon enough." My mom mutters before entering the auditorium and closing the door behind her.
A startled gasp escapes from my lips when I realize that the entire auditorium is filled up. I don't see a single empty seat in this building. Who knew that my mom was so popular? She must be really good at what she does if so many people are here to see her.
"Honey, I asked the dean to save a spot for you in the back." My mom whispers as she gestures towards a single chair that is isolated from all of the other ones.
"Why am I so far back?" I ask as I furrow my brow in confusion.
"I don't want you to hold back if you need to cry. I figured no one would bother you back there." My mom says as she rests a hand on my shoulder.
Why is my mom so sure I'm going to cry? Obviously she's being her usual dramatic self. I try to suppress an eye roll as I step away from my mom and towards the lonely chair in the back.
"Remember that I love you, Hope." My mom calls out after me.
"I will." I mutter without looking back.
Line Break
My mom doesn't start talking right away like I thought she would. After I sat down she went back stage, and I haven't seen her in almost half an hour. After what seems like eternity, she finally emerges from the wings and takes seat on the chair that rests on the stage. A man comes out from the wings and hands her a microphone and a bottle of water. I see my mom thank him as he walks off stage.
"Hello, everyone." My mom says, eliciting complete silence from the audience.
"It's truly an honor to be sitting here today. Many of you know that Hollis has always been an important part of my childhood and young adult life. When I was growing up, my father was an art history professor here on campus. As a teenager, I feel in love with a certain Hollis English professor who now happens to be my husband. Oops." My mom says as the entire room bursts into laughter.
"So growing up I spent a lot of time here. I got to spend even more time on campus when I started teaching here after I graduated from The University of Pennsylvania with an English degree. I see a lot of familiar faces in the crowd today, and I'm sure some of you remember me as the twenty-four year old girl I was when I worked here. For those of you who don't recognize me, I don't blame you. I'm a lot different now. For starters, my hair is a lot darker and longer, and I don't currently have a Starbucks cup in my hands. Even though I've been blessed with two beautiful children, I was eventually able to kill that habit." My mom says as the crowd begins to laugh even harder if that's humanly possible.
"Right now I'm laughing and a lot of you are laughing, and I don't blame you. I've been told on many occasions that I'm an incredibly funny person, but what I'm going to be discussing today probably won't strike you as funny. It's certainly not funny to me, and I doubt it will be funny to a room full of educators. I was a professor once, so I know exactly what drives and motivates all of you. You don't become a professor because you want to become famous or make a lot of money. You do it because you are inspired by learning and knowledge, and you want to make the world a better place by educating young and bright minds. Sometimes during this process you forget that there is still evil in the world. None of you want to think about this evil because you don't want to imagine that something terrible might happen to the young people who you teach on a daily basis." My mom says, as an eerie silence falls over the room.
"The funny thing about young people is that they never think that anything bad will happen to them. I remember my college days so clearly. I thought I was invincible and that nothing would get in the way of the perfect life I had planned for myself. For those of you who don't know, I graduated from college when I was twenty-two years old. I walked down the aisle with the love of my life a few months later and by the time I was twenty five we were expecting our first child. And everything was perfect. So perfect, that I thought nothing would ever knock me off my pedestal. Gosh, if only I had known how wrong I was... I didn't just get knocked off my pedestal. I got pushed so hard that I completely broke. All it took was a single second. In that single second, I lost everything. My husband, my innocence, my sense of security, and so many other things that I'll never get back."
What? My mom didn't lose her husband. Her and my dad have been married ever since she was twenty-two years old! What in the world is she talking about?
"When I first started my speaking career I used to get so nervous. Telling people my story was incredibly difficult because it often felt like I was relieving the experience over and over again. Fortunately, I've gotten so used to sharing this side of me that I hardly ever get phased when I speak in front of large groups. Today is different though. Like I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of familiar faces in the audience today. Telling my story to people that I'm close to or even know is significantly harder than telling it to a room full of strangers. If I get teary eyed or emotional during any part of this speech, please bear with me. If those of you who know me personally start to feel upset or anxious, just remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel." My mom as as she glances directly at me.
"Now that I have that off my chest, I'll start from the beginning. As I mentioned earlier, I married my husband Ezra when I was twenty-two years old and right out of college. A lot of my friends and family disagreed with my decision to marry so young and now that I have a little girl of my own, I can see where they were coming from at the time. You have a lot to learn about yourself after you graduate from college and get out into the real world. Most of the time adding marriage to that equation is a recipe for disaster but fortunately it wasn't for me. I started dating Ezra when I was sixteen years old, and I can confidently tell everyone here that we were made for each other. I made the right decision to walk down the aisle with him because we are still happily married and very much in love-" My mom starts to say before the audience starts to clap and cheer.
"Thank you, thank you. I know how much Americans love a sappy love story. So when Ezra and I first got married we bought a modest home about a mile from here, and we still live there to this day. Our early marriage was going so well that about a year into it, Ezra sat me down and asked if I was ready for children. At first I was a bit hesitant given my age and rising career, but I eventually decided that there wasn't a single thing I wanted more. That's when we started, em, trying to get pregnant." My mom says as I let out an involuntary shutter.
"Unfortunately the road to motherhood wasn't as easy as I expected it to be. Ezra and I tried for a baby for about two years before we ended up conceiving. The day I found out I was pregnant with our first child was easily one of the happiest days of my life. Ezra was also ecstatic and the next few months were a dream. I fell even deeper in love with my husband and we spent all of our free time thinking of names for the baby while we put together a nursery that was right next to our master bedroom. About five months into the pregnancy, I found out that I was having a little boy. Even though I had initially wanted a baby girl, It was surprisingly refreshing that my first child was going to be a boy. I guess I figured that a boy would be less drama and that he'd look like his handsome Daddy." My mom says as the entire crowd "ahhhs" at her words.
"The day I found out the gender of my first child was probably the most defining moment of my life. After our appointment, my husband had to teach a class at Hollis. I didn't have any other classes to teach that day, so I figured I'd go for a nice and relaxing walk at the park near my house. I can assure you that the walk was anything but relaxing. About halfway into it, a middle aged man came up and started... Flirting with me. At first I didn't think much of it other than that the man was incredibly strange, but he gradually started getting more and more aggressive. I quickly realized that I was in danger, so I began to scream for help. Unfortunately it was about four o'clock on a Tuesday so everyone was either at work at home with their families. Before I could think to run, the man pushed me up against a tree and held a knife right against my baby bump. He handed me a pill and told me to swallow it or he'd kill the baby." My mom says with a breathy sigh.
Wait- Was my mom raped too? Maybe that's what she was so afraid to tell me. But why? Why was she so adamant on me not knowing?
"A few hours later I woke up into the worst nightmare of my life. I was completely naked and chained to a bed in a room I'd never seen before. Before I could gauge what was going on, the man entered the room and introduced himself as Nick. At first I thought that the entire ordeal was about money and that after my husband paid a ransom, I'd be released. I figured out that Nick didn't kidnap me for money when he told me that he had raped me multiple times while I was unconscious. Nick then proceeded to tell me that I was his property and that he'd keep me with him until the day we both died."
Oh my God...
"I was terribly afraid at first but I don't think the truth hit me right away. The first few days Nick hardly bothered me. He kept me chained to the bed and only came into the room to feed or change me. I just kept telling myself that this was only temporary and that Ezra would find me soon. A few days turned into a few weeks and I finally realized that this wasn't going to be an easy fix... That Nick had me hidden really well. The day I realized this was the day Nick unchained me and told me that he was going to allow me to shower. I didn't want to shower in front of him, but Nick promised that he'd give me privacy. I was so desperate to clean myself that I believed him. As I was shampooing my hair Nick entered the shower and wrapped his cold hands around my neck. He told me that if I cried or screamed, he'd kill me. Before I could respond, Nick started raping me right there in the shower. It was the first time he'd raped me while I was conscious and it was the most horrid moment of my entire life. I felt so dirty... So violated. After Nick was done, he took me back to bed and told me that he wouldn't chain me anymore. He raped me on the bed before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I tried to find a way out of the room that night but it was impossible. There were no windows and the door could only be opened using Nick's finger print." My mom says as several people in the audience begin to sigh and whisper amongst themselves.
"Nick started raping me everyday after that. Every time he did it, a little piece of me died. Still, I hadn't been completely destroyed yet. I was so eager to get out of that room and find Ezra that I started plotting. One night after Nick raped me, he fell asleep on my bed. I wrapped my hands around his neck and tried my best to choke him. I figured if I killed him, I could drag his body across the room and use his finger to open the door. Nick woke up and pushed me off of him before any real damage was done. Surprisingly he didn't beat me that night. He did, however, threatened to stab me to death if I ever tried anything like that ever again. I lost all hope that night. I thought I'd never be able to escape from that damn room, and I was desperate to find a way to kill myself. Fortunately before I could, something absolutely amazing happened. I went into labor."
Gregory was born inside of that room? That means my mom was in there for at least four months. No wonder she has so much anxiety. That seems so scary.
"As many of the ladies in here can probably imagine, giving birth in a dusty room was not one of the better experiences of my life. I was in so much physical and emotional pain that I was convinced I was going to die in labor. Fortunately I didn't, and about two hours after my water broke, I heard the sound of my baby boy crying. I-I was so desperate to hold him, but Nick didn't let me at first. After he cut the chord, Nick took the baby into his arms and started walking towards the door. I begged and cried for Nick to give the little boy to me but he refused. According to Nick, the baby would get in the way of my ability to love him. I-I thought on my feet and told Nick that it wasn't true. I convinced him that I was in love with him and wanted for us to raise the baby together. Nick eventually decided to let me keep the baby, but only on the condition that I would never speak my husband's name again. And I agreed. After Nick left, I spent the rest of the night holding my baby and kissing his little face. For the first time since I'd been taken, I was truly and genuinely happy. Nothing seemed to matter anymore after I held Gregory Ezra Fitz for the first time. For those of you who are wondering, I named him Gregory because that was his father's absolute favorite name." My mom says with a teary smile.
"I-I thought that Nick would leave me alone for a few days since I had just given birth, but I was wrong. Less than twenty-four hours after I had Gregory he came into the room, put the baby on the cold floor, and raped me. The entire time he was on top of me, I could hear my little boy crying and screaming. Even though he was far too young to understand what was going on, I felt incredibly uncomfortable doing that with my son in the room. I asked Nick if we could um, have sex, somewhere else since there was a baby in the picture. The next day Nick came into my room and held a knife to my throat. Then, he told me not to fight him or he'd kill me on the spot. Nick walked me down the hall to his room and raped me there. It became somewhat of a pattern. I'd spend the day caring and ogling over my baby, and I'd spend the night being raped and abused by that man. I-It was horrible, but I felt so much happier than I did before Gregory was born. Even though I was stuck in a living hell, that baby boy gave me a purpose. I had someone to love, and I knew my only job was to protect Gregory."
"When Gregory was a baby, things were so easy. He was just a little person who giggled and ate and cried... Things got harder when he started walking and talking. By the time he was a year old, Gregory got bored of laying in my arms all day. I realized that I would have to make an entire world for that little boy out of a microscopic room. That's when I started scheduling our days. I still remember the first schedule I ever made for Gregory when he was a year old. Eight to nine was wake up and breakfast time. From nine to eleven I would sing songs, and he would dance and hum along with me. At eleven I would breast feed him and he usually fell asleep by about noon. I wouldn't wake Gregory up from his nap until around three. After he woke up, I'd let Gregory play with the "toys" I made for him. These toys consisted of empty salt shakers, little figures I made out of newspapers, and even an old sports bra that Nick bought for me. I know that sounds crazy, but the sports bra made a really good super hero cape." My mom says as she begins to laugh along with the audience.
"Unfortunately the makeshift toys didn't entertain Gregory forever so from four to five o'clock I let Gregory watch TV. Nick gave us the cheapest TV I'd ever seen and only provided us with the most basic cable, but Gregory still enjoyed it. I could tell that his little mind was infatuated by the figures on the screen, and I was terrified that he'd start asking questions when he got a bit older. Still, I let the TV stay. Five o'clock was dinner time. Nick didn't really give us much food, so usually all we had was some bread and cheese. I didn't want Gregory to become malnourished, so I stopped eating dinner all together and gave him my portions." My mom says as the audience gasps.
"It wasn't as bad as you think. I had breakfast and lunch everyday. Sometimes Nick would buy me milk, and if I was super hungry at night, I'd sip on that. Hunger was a huge problem for me when I was first captured, but after a few months my body became accustomed to small serving sizes. It wasn't the worst thing I had to deal with. Where was I? Oh yeah. By five thirty Gregory was done eating, so I read him stories. We only had about three books in the room, so I had to make my own. I asked Nick to buy me crayons and colored pencils and he surprisingly agreed. Fortunately Nick had plenty of paper around the house, so that wasn't a problem. I was a former English professor and art had always been a hobby of mine, so I actually enjoyed making the books. Whenever I had a minute, whether Gregory was napping or watching TV, I'd put the books together. Usually I had time to make between three and five books a day, so luckily Gregory never got tired of them. I'd read to him until Nick came to get me at around eight o'clock, and then I'd have to kiss Gregory goodbye. Saying goodbye to Gregory was easily the hardest part of the day. It was even worse than being raped. The poor baby would always cry and beg me not to leave. There wasn't anything I could do to make it better, so leaving him broke my heart. Nick would usually drag me to the room after about five hours of pure torture, and Gregory was usually sound asleep by the time I got back. If he was asleep, I'd cry. If he wasn't, I'd hold the tears back and hold him until morning came. I-I just hated when he saw me cry. Even at a young age, Gregory was incredibly protective of me, and whenever I cried he cried too." My mom says with a long sigh.
I try to listen to what my mom is saying, but I can't comprehend a single word that comes out of her mouth. This isn't right. Surely she's playing a trick on me. These kinds of things aren't supposed to happen to people like her.
"The biggest turning point came when Gregory was five years old. Though he was as sweet as ever, he was becoming more and more curious. It was getting hard to dodge some of his questions, and I started lashing out on him more than I should have. I just- I wanted to keep him sheltered from the truth for as long as possible. Unfortunately, that became impossible when Nick brought home a present from me one day. It was my husband's best selling book "Meet Me After Class", which I'm sure all of you have read." My mom says as her cheeks turn bright pink.
"Ezra wrote that book after I disappeared, and it was essentially our love story. I remember flipping to the back of the book and seeing his beautiful face staring back at me... It was the first time I'd seen his face in over five years. That night I showed Gregory the book and told him that the author was his daddy. Gregory asked why he wasn't with us, and I was forced to tell him everything. I think- I think the truth completely changed Gregory. He used to feel so safe and secure, but the truth swept that sense of security from him. Even though he's an incredibly happy and successful young man now, I still see some of that fear in him. It's made him stronger in the long run, but it breaks me heart that he had to endure all of that pain." My mom says as her eyes dart over to me.
"After Gregory learned that Nick had taken us from Ezra, he started getting angry. Gregory started challenging Nick, which didn't make our captor happy in the slightest. One night when Nick came to get me, Gregory threw a fit. My son told Nick not to take me because he wanted me with him. Nick was so fed up with Gregory that he grabbed the little boy and dragged him to his room across the hall. He stuck Gregory in the closet and proceeded to rape me while he was a few feet away." My mom says as tears begin to form in her eyes.
"And I was terrified because how are you supposed to explain rape to a five year old? When we got back to our room, Gregory told me he hadn't seen anything, which I later found out was a lie to protect my feelings. It was just horrible. It got even worse when I found out that I was pregnant with Nick's child." My mom says as the entire room gasps.
W-Wait... What if I'm Nick's child? Is my father the monster who hurt my mom and brother? If that's the case, I hate myself.
"Gregory was ecstatic to have a baby brother or sister, but the thought of having Nick's child made me feel sick. I was terrified that I would give birth to a monster who looked just like the man who kidnapped me. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't the baby's fault, and that he or she was just as innocent as Gregory, but it was useless. I hated that baby. Still, my heart broke when I woke up in pain one night. I looked down and realized my sheets were soaked in blood. I realized that I was having a miscarriage, so I started screaming. Nick came running into the room, and he quickly realized what was going on. Nick was so angry at me for losing his child, that he pushed me to the ground and started beating me. I didn't even feel any pain because I was so busy thinking about the child I had lost. I kept telling myself that it was my fault, and that the baby would have been fine if I had loved it more. As I was thinking these thoughts, everything around me disappeared. When I woke up I wasn't in the room anymore. I was in a hospital room." My mom says as everyone begins to cheer.
"I was told by the doctors that Nick left the door to the room opened. He was so focused on beating me, that he didn't even noticed when Gregory ran out. The little boy called the police like I told him to do if he ever got out of the room. My son saved my life. At first I was relieved to be out of that prison, but I panicked when I saw my husband hovering over my hospital bed. When I was in the room, I'd dream of seeing Ezra again. You'd think I'd be happy, but I wasn't. It was so weird. Imagine seeing your soul mate for the first time in over five years, and not knowing him anymore. Neither one of us knew what the other person had been through, and we had no idea what to say or how to act. Still, I quickly realized that it didn't matter much. He was still Ezra, and I loved Ezra. Even though my disappearance had driven him to alcoholism, I agreed to move back in with him if he stopped drinking. It was the best decision I've ever made because Ezra helped me heal in ways that no one else could. I got comfortable enough to tell him everything that had happened to me, and he showered me with unconditional love and support. He was also an incredible father to Gregory, and I was so grateful for that. Still, things were hard. Gregory was so lost and confused at first, and he essentially had to relearn life."
"I, on the other hand, was reentering the world I used to know. Seeing friends and family was always hard, and I hated that I had caused so many people pain. I kept telling myself that Ezra and Gregory were both suffering because of me, and I eventually came to the conclusion that they'd be better off without me. About seven months after my release, I had a terrible falling out with my best friend. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was ugly. That night I decided I'd had enough, and I swallowed a handful of pills." My mom says as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"The doctors told me I was lucky. They said it was a miracle that I had survived, and that I should be incredibly happy that my friend called the police after she realized what I was going to do. The thing is... I wasn't happy. I was still severely depressed, and I blamed myself for everything. This is incredibly common for victims of sexual assault. They think everything is their fault, when in reality it isn't. My husband helped me realize this, and he talked some serious sense into me. It took a lot of persuasion, but I eventually agreed to check myself into a rehabilitation center. The time I spent there completely changed my life. For the first time, I realized that the what happened wasn't my fault. I-I learned to accept that I couldn't take back the past, so I started living for the future. After about two months, my therapist decided that I was well enough to return home. I got to see my baby boy on Christmas, which also happened to be his sixth birthday. It might have been the happiest day of my life." My mom says as a smile begins to form on her face.
"It got even happier because that night, my husband and I slept together for the first time in years. Initially, people always wonder why I share that detail. It seems too personal and kind of insignificant, doesn't it? Well, it's not. That night the condom broke, and three months later I found out I was pregnant for the third time. On September seventeenth, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I decided to name her Hope because her existence is proof that there is always hope and light in this crazy and chaotic world. Holding little Hope for the first time stirred all kinds of emotions in me. Obviously I was incredibly happy to be blessed with a precious baby girl, but I was also terrified. She was so small, and I loved her more than I thought I could love anyone. I just- I never wanted her to get like I did. It was, and still is my absolute worst nightmare." My mom says with a breathy sigh.
"Many of you may be asking yourself what the point of this talk was. I'm sure you thought it was an interesting story but are wondering how it relates to you. It relates to you because every one hundred and seven seconds, a person living in this country is sexually assaulted. One in every six girls will be raped in their lifetime and so will one in every twenty one men. To make matters even worse, 22.9 people in the world are victims of human trafficking. You might think to yourself, "That's sad, but it doesn't make a difference in my life." Guess what, it does. This could affect your students, your friends, your children, or maybe even you. You might think you and your loved ones are exempt from sexual assault, but you're not. For crying out loud, look at me. I was an upper middle class woman who attended an Ivy League school and was blessed with an incredible husband. I never thought anything like this would happen to me, but it did. Do you want to know what the saddest part of all of this is? My story got tons of media coverage because I was a cute and privileged young woman who had to raise a baby in captivity. Even though my case rose awareness of the issue, there are thousands of girls and boys in the United States who have lived the same story as me. The only difference is that theirs didn't get media coverage. Maybe they died, or maybe no one wanted to listen. It doesn't matter. We cannot let their pain and suffering be in vain." My mom says as her tone turns serious.
"So is there a way to make sexual assault disappear completely? Unfortunately, there isn't. Even though we can't get rid of it completely, we can make it better and bring these outrageous statistics down. We can do that by being a voice for those who have had theirs stolen from them. I believe that every single person deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, and I hope everyone in this room does too. This year, men and women will be raped on this very campus. It's unacceptable. You, as educators, have a responsibility to your students and to society to be aware of this issue. Teach your students the importance of respecting others while making sure they stay happy and safe. Listen to those who have been sexually abused and convince them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly, educate your students on the problem that is sexual assault. Motivate them to become compassionate individuals who want to make a difference in this world. Because at the end of the day, it's on us. It's on us to protect our loved ones and to stop sexual abuse. If this problem hasn't affected you yet, wait for it. If we don't change, eventually it will. Thank you." My mom says as the audience begins to cheer.
AN: So Hope finally knows the truth. What do you think she'll say to Aria? Do you think Aria told her in an appropriate way, or was it impersonal like Ezra said? Also, what did you think of Aria's speech? Please review and tell me your thoughts. Thanks for reading and Happy New Years Eve.