I'm Not Afraid

"Oi! Fili!" A gruff voice called out. The gold-headed dwarf turned from where he stood looking over the entrance to Erebor from the main gate. Nori was down below, waving his hands above him like a madman. In one hand was a small leather pouch that made a clinking crash every time he shook it. The prince couldn't see any way that such a sight was a sign of anything good. "How's your brother?" The blonde dwarf soured. The melancholy of the previous night had chased him into the daylight, and he was much less than excited about it. The gloom that had come from the dark was now refusing to leave him alone.

"Knocked out in the sick bay. Oin is trying to get a closer look at the wound. He says he's doing some sort of investigation?" Fili gathered. The thief wrinkled his nose, dropping his arms to his side. "Why? Do you need him?"

"I have something to give him." The brother of Ri gestured to the pouch, and began coming up the stairs. Fili's brows furrowed.

"What is it?" he asked. Nori pulled it to his chest, hiding it from view.

"None of your business," he snapped. Typical. The prince had rarely ever seen the dwarf in a good mood, and had barely ever seen him carrying something that wasn't any sort of secret. "I just need to give it to Kili." The heir of Durin shook his head.

"I can't do that," he explained. "He's unconscious, and Oin needs to regulate everything that enters and leaves the room." Nori made a face, before reluctantly holding out the hand that carried the sack. Fili didn't know whether he really wanted to open it, but an expectant look for his fellow Company member forced him to.

Inside the leather was an assortment of rings. Each was completely different from the other, some bulky and set with gems, others streamlined and engraved. They were gold, copper, bronze, silver, covered in rubies, emeralds, sapphires, and diamonds. Yet each was the same in its form. "I was in charge of watching your brother yesterday afternoon," Nori exposed. "And he was muttering in his sleep. You know he does that, right?" The prince nodded. "And he kept saying something over and over, something about a ring. 'I'll find the ring before I die, so I can leave in peace.' Or at least, it was something like that. I've been looking for the Arkenstone with the rest of the Company, and whenever I saw a ring, I picked it up." Fili considered this for a moment. It was a bizarre thing for Kili to say, as thus far he had only heard him speaking about people or family. Speaking about a ring seemed out of place, and the phrase mentioned was slightly terrifying. Yet the thief appeared to be sure exactly what the injured dwarf had said. But never mind the reason he took the rings, it wasn't a choice that the heir could condone.

"If Thorin finds out that you took these," he pointed out slowly, "he will punish you." Nori shrugged.

"He's king. He can find something wrong with anything I do. It doesn't mean that I should always worry about pleasing him." The Company member smirked. "I'm not like you, is what I'm saying. Besides, he expects less of me, anyways." Fili smiled to himself. Though he knew it was wrong, the brutal honesty of the dwarf was slightly endearing.

"Fine," he agreed. "I'll make sure that I give it to him. Just be careful around my uncle, will you?" Nori cocked his head to one side.

"I make no promises." With that, he strolled back to the main level, walking off towards the throne room. The prince chuckled for a moment as he watched him go. He would have continued to do so if Oin didn't burst from the door of the sick bay, pure panic radiating from him, calling out for the mischievous dwarf to stop.

"Wait! Nori! Wait!" The shouts of the healer made the exiting dwarf pause. "I need you to get Thorin here as soon as possible. Tell him I need to talk to him about Kili." Nori nodded, waving a hand over his head in affirmation. "And Fili, I need to speak with in here." The prince's heart rate automatically rose.

"Is there something wrong?" he inquired as he followed the apothecary back into the room. Oin made a vague hand gesture and sighed.

"This is so out of my expertise, I don't know anymore." While he entered the room, the gold-haired dwarf slipped the leather pouch in the top drawer of the bureau. "Though, I think I have found out what is going on with the wound." Kili rested on the bed, which had been stripped free of all sheets and blankets. His shirt was removed, and dark hair fanned out around his head. His brother inhaled sharply. The sleeping agent was almost too effective; the injured dwarf looked dead. Fili stopped walking and stared at the bed for a moment. "Come here, lad." Shakily he continued to move forward.

"What do we have going on, then?" He had an idea that he didn't want an answer, based solely off how frazzled the usually levelheaded older dwarf looked. Oin kept shaking his head and gesturing for the blonde dwarf to come closer and closer, until the pair was directly up against the bed.

"I always forget," mentioned Oin, "which one of you isn't good with gore?" This set off a clear alarm bell in Fili's head.

"I've never really liked looking at injuries, if that's what you mean…" he mentioned, trying to make his phobia seem more casual that it was. The healer clucked his tongue disapprovingly.

"This might bother you just a little bit." The prince felt a tingle run down his spine as Oin leaned over his passed-out sibling. The dwarf took his thumbs and pressed them very lightly against the area of Kili's abdomen located directly underneath his ribs. "I was checking for any sort of alternative wound that could be causing all the pain, and I found this." He pressed further into the flesh, and used his fingers to pull the skin tightly over the muscle. Upon doing so, a strange shape was slowly becoming visible through the skin. Kili twitched slightly. The shape was sharp and slightly discolored, a sort of grey-blue on the stark white abdomen. Fili held his breath. Something was lodged into his brother's side. Something metal. Something deadly. "It appears to be some sort of shard of broken metal. I can't tell if it was shoved into the wound after the sword made an incision, or…" The healer trailed off.

"What do we do?" The prince breathed. He was horrified by what he was seeing, but he couldn't look away. Oin drew his hands back, and the metal piece disappeared back into the flesh while the skin bounced back to its normal state.

"I was never trained to deal with this, Fili," the apothecary admitted. "I can tell that it is worked its way through his body, as there is a cut inside the skin, so it's on the move. His body is fighting it, trying to keep it where it is, which explains the fever. But he can't hold it forever. My instincts tell me to surgically remove it." The elder son of Dis' eyebrows jumped up. "But I don't know quite how. And there's something else…" Fili's stomach was sinking faster than a boat made of rotting wood.

"It can get worse?" he said in disbelief. Oin winced.

"Everything can, laddie. First of all, it is probable that the rib closest to the rib is cracked. And I can't dress it for fear of interfering with the shard. Furthermore, Kili's body is holding it in place for the most part, but it's draining everything from him. I'm hoping that it stays where it is, but…but any sort of movement on his part could knock the metal into any number of important blood vessels." Fili froze. It was he who had forced his ailing brother from the safety of the room to go and speak with the elven king. He was the one who had forced movement on the sick dwarf. Had that contributed to the condition? "I hate to say this, but he has to stay as immobile as physically possible. I cannot have him leave the bed, much less this room. If that shard cuts the wrong part of his body, then he could suffer from massive internal bleeding, which we would be rendered helpless to stop." The prince could feel his body going numb.

"So you can't remove it. We can't help him in any way. And if we try to move him to seek out help, we could end up causing more damage and possibly kill him. Is that what you're telling me?" Oin stared down at the dying brother, not answering the question.

Finally, all the apothecary said was "That's exactly what I'm telling you."

"Then we have dragged him to his deathbed. This mountain is already his tomb, and he hasn't even stopped breathing!" the prince exclaimed and his voice cracked. He covered his mouth with one hand. It felt like the great walls of Erebor were closing in on him, like the ceilings were forcing him to the ground. The sound of rushing filled his ears. He didn't even care what had caused the injury in the first place. He simply knew that leaving Kili in Laketown had been a mistake. Bringing him into the mountain had been a mistake. Keeping him from leaving with Thranduil had been a mistake.

And that mistake could become fatal.

"It's true that there is nothing we can do, my friend," the healer said again. This was not the comment that the prince needed to hear at that very moment, and he was about to ask the dwarf to stop talking, when Oin continued. "But that doesn't mean that there aren't creatures out there that can help him." Fili immediately jumped on the idea.

"Creatures? What kind of creatures?" he begged. The elder dwarf looked wary to tell him, but spoke anyways.

"You see that's why I've told Nori to bring Thorin to speak with us. At this point, the only hope we have for Kili is to ask the elves for help." The words hung in the air like clothes out to dry. Elves. The last thing that Fili's uncle wanted to hear about. The very mention of bringing elves to Erebor was bound to set the King Under the Mountain off.

"It doesn't mean I should always worry about pleasing him."

"We shouldn't need his permission in a medical emergency," the prince growled. "It should be a given." Oin shrugged.

"This may be true, and while the kin of Mirkwood have decided not to attack us today, there is always tomorrow and the day after that, and all the days to come. No matter what Thranduil says, Thorin is still furious about the elves leaving them to burn all those years ago. And though this could be a method of peace, he still very much has the right to say no," the apothecary droned. With a huff, Fili began to leave the room. "Of course, he has the right to voice his opinion, and give us orders," he continued. "But we have the right to ignore them." The younger dwarf turned around, his eyes twinkling and the corners of his mouth turned upwards in a mischievous smile.

"Thank you, Oin." He bowed his head to his elder.

"I would say it was a pleasure," the healer answered in his gravely voice, "but it has been quite the nightmare."

"What has been a nightmare?" A low voice echoed from the doorway. Both dwarves jumped to find none other than Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thain, son of Thror, and King Under the Mountain standing at the entrance, flanked by Balin. His uncle had changed his appearance since Fili had last seen him, leaving behind simpler clothes for those of true royalty: a thick fur coat and fine tunic. The geometric and impressive gold crown that adorned his head only helped create the image of a king. The ruler, however, with his blank eyes and mouth that formed a hard line, seemed to be more irritated and bored than concerned about his possibly dying nephew. On the other end of the spectrum, his advisor was exhibiting intense worry on his sage face.

"What I have called to show you," Oin stuttered, "is a nightmare." He motioned towards the bed. Thorin was visibly skeptical.

"Fili, why don't you go help the rest of the Company search for the stone? We are down four dwarves now, as Balin insisted on accompanying me." The prince folded his hands in front of him, leaning against the wall.

"I think I should stay, Uncle," he refused. "The healer and I have been talking, and there is something we need to discuss." The king's nostrils flared, but he still strode into the room, with Balin in tow, and stood stationed next to the bed as Oin gave his demonstration and explanation again. Fili couldn't help but let his mind wander to other places. In childhood he had seen Erebor as a shining beacon of dwarven accomplishment, a place that, when recovered, would be one of happiness and hope. The gold-headed dwarf used to jump up and down at the prospect of his uncle telling stories of the homeland. The dark-haired prince would sit and listen intently. Their uncle would spin wonderful tales of the land he left behind, always ending with a call to return. The place had turned out to be the exact opposite. The gold-headed dwarf was now contemplating betraying his uncle for the sake of saving a life. The dark-haired prince was lying on a surface that could easily and quickly become his deathbed. Their uncle was so overcome by madness that he had mistaken one nephew for the brother he lost and the other for a spy to the elven king.

Their halls of gold and prosperity had sunken to become ones of curses and misery.

"So we are left with few choices," the apothecary concluded as he drew away from Kili's unconscious form. "The first is to simply allow this to run its course. I cannot see this as an option at all, but it may be considered. The second is for me to attempt to remove the shard through surgery, which I am personally uncomfortable with and could possibly cut your nephew's life short in hours instead of the days I assume he has left." At the mention of the short time span that his brother had left to live, Fili shivered. The options stated seemed to also displease Balin, who shook his head.

"I agree with Oin that neither of those practices can be implemented. But what else can we do?" Before the half-deaf dwarf could answer, the prince jumped in.

"We could get help from others, those who have a much higher chance of saving Kili's life without any severe negative consequences. However, they would need to be brought into Erebor, as he can't be moved." Thorin turned to face his heir.

"I think I know what you're suggesting, Fili, and if it is so, then I recommend that you stop talking," he threatened in a dangerous voice. The blonde dwarf was severely tempted to obey, but plowed on regardless.

"The elves will know a way to heal him correctly," he rushed, and upon seeing the look on his kin's face said, "Uncle, we cannot let him slowly fade away with only the most ineffective of painkillers and any sort of kingsfoil mixture we can put together to keep him at peace." The king had already made up his mind.

"I will not have Mirkwood spies entering my kingdom to tamper with my belongings." The leader was putting his foot down. Silence fell.

"My brother is not your belonging!" Fili snarled. "And if you see him that way then you have no right to determine what comes of him."

"I have the only right!" Thorin roared in returned. Balin tried to step forward to stop the fighting like he always did, but the king stuck out a hand to stop him from doing so. "The last time I checked you are far from being the ruler of Erebor." Adrenaline pumped through the blonde dwarf's veins and mixed with his blood to form liquid courage, that, or liquid stupidity.

"Wearing a crown on your head does not allow you to order Kili to die!" Before anyone could correct him, the prince pressed on. "And that is exactly what you are doing by not allowing us to go to the elves for help." Thorin looked downright venomous, his pale blue eyes wild and shining. Fili remembered the times when those eyes had scared him to death. Now he took them as a challenge.

"You don't think Thandruil has ruined him enough already? You want to beg for him to destroy Kili further?" the dictator growled.

"Your nephew isn't suggesting that we go to the elven king," Balin observed, somehow staying calm. "We could go to that other elf, the captain of the guard. The maid with the red hair?"

"Tauriel," Fili automatically corrected.

"The one who tried to lead him back to Mirkwood when we were in Laketown?" Thorin spat. "What makes you think that she won't heal him and then take him back? The elves have taken enough from me. I will not allow them to thieve anything further!"

"There you are again!" the prince wailed, as he and his uncle slowly stepped closer and closer to one another. "Speaking about him as if he is a possession, no more than a piece of treasure. I will not have you horde him like you do the gold within these halls." The king's lips were curling.

"Is that not what Thranduil did for fifty years? Has he not manipulated your brother enough?" Fili put his forefinger on his temple.

"You can tend to your coins, uncle," he muttered in a low voice, his eyes pressed shut. "Do what you want with them. I don't care. But you are not in charge of the safety and survival of Kili. I am." A cold and haunting laugh escaped from their leader's lips. The prince opened his eyes, breathing hard.

"Who died and made you responsible?"

Without even thinking, Fili blurted "You!" There was a sharp intake of air throughout the room. Thorin raised an arm, and for a moment his nephew was terrified that he would strike him. "The uncle that truly cared more for Kili than any revenge scheme or white gem in the world has been dead since we began this quest. I haven't seen him in over a year." Slowly, the king lowered his hand, the expression on his face stark and bleak.

"You don't understand," he murmured. "You're young, Fili, and too optimistic at such an age to be so. When you're my age, the world will have beaten you down, and you will understand." His voice was almost dreamy and far away. "You have not felt loss yet, and perhaps soon you will. Grief is not something that you easily forget."

"I'm not afraid," the prince whispered. "I'll make sure that Kili doesn't die, if you would just let me."

"I am still King Under the Mountain," Thorin rumbled, as if he were reminding both himself and everyone in the room. "And the only way you will bring elves into these halls is if I lie cold and dead on the floor."

"That won't be necessary," Fili responded, trying to match his uncle's threatening tone.

"I won't have my nephews conspiring against me," the ruler terrorized. "And if I discover that you have, I cannot promise that my rage will not fall to your brother." Without, making any sort of comment to the rest of the dwarves, Thorin Oakenshield was gone from the room, his lavish furs trailing behind him.

"I will not allow you to lay a hand on him," Fili muttered to himself, knowing that no one could hear him properly. "I will not let it happen again."

So, I hope you enjoyed the most recent chapter of this little story of mine. If all goes as planned, this will be finished by mid-July. It'll be weird finally completing it and having to move on, but I have some other ideas and fandoms that I want to explore in other fics. I want to take a minute to that all of you for all of the support that you've given my throughout this process. I truly couldn't have done this without you guys. I shall update again, very soon (hopefully the day after tomorrow.) If you want to be notified of when I update this story, then make sure to follow it. If you are really enjoying it and want to make sure that it gets shared with other readers than please favorite it. And, as always, I love hearing from you guys so please leave a review with any of your comments, critiques, predictions, theories, etc. Until next time…