*comes out of hiding* Sorry for the long wait... It was hard to write such heavy stuff...
Part 40
"What", Wes asked in shock and stared at Nathan. The older boy wiped his tears and leaned back.
"Mitch's parents said they can't afford the life support anymore", he said. "And… and since it was a suicide attempt the insurance doesn't cover it… a-and they had to pay a lot of money for Mitch's uncle's hospital bill… a-and they said they can't afford the life support anymore…"
"But… but…"
"I have to tell the Warblers… tomorrow."
"No", Wes said sharply and got up, pulling Nathan with him. "We're telling them now. They deserve to know!"
"But they're all sleeping…"
"What time tomorrow will they turn off the machines?"
"At noon…"
"When were you going to be able to tell the other Warblers?"
"Uh… I just… after?"
"No", Wes said sternly and pulled on Nathan's arm. "Now!"
"But I don't want to burden anyone and everyone are already stressed!"
"Nathan."
"No!" He said and pulled his arm loose, a little too forceful. Wes slipped on the roof and fell over the edge with a squeak.
"WES!" Nathan screamed and throw himself on his stomach and towards the edge. He looked down and saw Wes hanging onto the gutter with big scared eyes.
"Nathan!" he squeaked. "Help!"
"Hang on baby!" Nathan yelled and reached down and gripped Wes' wrists. "Let go of the gutter… I got you!" Wes didn't hesitate at all as he let go and gripped Nathan's wrists. He shrieked when he dropped a little.
"I got you baby!" Nathan said and started to pull. Wes climbed on the wall with his feet and was soon on the roof again. Nathan pulled Wes close and the younger boy clung to him as he tried to calm his racing heart.
"Never do that again baby", Nathan said as he rubbed Wes' back.
"I won't if you won't", Wes said, eyes big in fear.
"Let's… let's go rally the Warblers 'kay?"
"Y-yeah", Wes stuttered and they got up carefully. "Let's take the door and stair this time."
"Agreed… wait what?"
"Nothing", Wes said and looked innocent.
"Okay", Austin said as all the very tired Warblers were gathered in the Warbler hall. "Can you please now tell us why we have to gather here in the middle of the night Nate?"
"Yeah", Jesse said and yawned. "We got a big test tomorrow and I need to catch some Zs."
Wes looked at Nathan, Nathan was still hugging the younger boy close to him and Wes saw how devastated he was. He understood. Nathan didn't want the other to feel the pain he was feeling, especially not Justine who was being held by Austin and Joseph in a gentle but protective way. Her long auburn locks circled her pretty, but tired face. Wes looked at Nathan.
"Want me to say", he asked and Nathan shook his head and got up, but didn't let go of Wes' hand.
"I", Nathan began and then swallowed hard. "Mi… Mitch's parents approached me when I was at the hospital today." Everyone looked at him, some apprehensive, some worriedly and others looked so tired it was hard to tell what they were feeling.
"They", Nathan began and clutched Wes' hand tightly. "They said that they're turning off the respirator and other machines tomorrow…"
The room was deadly quiet and then Justine flew up.
"What?!" she yelled. "They can't do that!"
"They can't pay for it anymore", Nathan said, silent tears going down his cheeks. "Mitch's uncle had to undergo severe treatments since last year and Mitch's parents helped pay for it."
"What about insurance", Tom asked.
"Since it was attempted suicide", he squeezed Wes' hand harder. "It doesn't cover it…"
"What?!" Otto yelled. "So they are just gonna let him die?!"
"They're gonna let him go", Nathan said and started to sob and sunk down on the sofa. Wes hurriedly had his arms around Nathan and held him tightly. Otto was there within seconds and as was everyone else. Holding onto each other for dear life. Sobbing was heard throughout the room but then the silence was cut through by Jesse.
"But it is a good thing isn't it", he said and they all stared at him. No, Nathan, Austin and Justine did not stare at him. They glared.
"What do you mean by that", Austin growled, sounding like a ferocious wolf.
"I just mean that he doesn't have to suffer anymore", Jesse said and held his hands up. "I mean, right now he's nothing more than a vegetable, depending on machines to keep him alive. What kind of life is that to live?"
"It's a life", Austin growled and got up. "A life that no one has the right to take it."
"Well he tried to take it himself."
Everyone gasped and Jesse slapped his hands over his mouth.
"What did you say", Austin said and slowly walked to Jesse. He was so angry the air around him nearly vibrated. No one had seen Austin this angry before. Some were afraid of what he'd do.
"I didn't mean it", Jesse hurriedly said. "I'm just tired and sad… and worried and angry and…"
"Get out of my choir room", Austin growled and Wes saw in front of him a pack of wolves, everyone in the room were wolves, he being a pup and the freshmen being nearly adults… well for wolves. Jesse was a white wolf quivering back, tail between his legs looking scared and in front of him was the pack's big and black alpha-male with burning amber eyes and a majestic air around him.
"Austin I didn't mean anything by it", wolf-Jesse whined and wolf-Austin narrowed his eyes and snarled so his sharp teeth were shown.
"It doesn't matter Jesse", he snarled. "You are just upsetting everyone with your words. So go to bed so that you can pass your little test tomorrow and leave us the hell alone. Everyone in here cares about Mitch and have expressed their worries and grief since it happened… but you haven't. Don't play me for a fool St. James. Get a move on before I rip your head off."
"But-"
"Now!" wolf-Austin barked and wolf-Jesse ran. Wolf-Austin growled before barking at the door and turning back to them. His eyes turned from angry to worried.
"Wes", he asked.
"I need to go to bed", Wes said and swayed dangerously. Otto and Nathan grabbed him. "I don't feel so good."
"You're… just tired baby", Nathan told him gently. "Come on… we all must go to bed so we can go to Mitch tomorrow and… and…"
"Say goodbye", Justine finished and everyone nodded.
"Come on squirt", Otto said and had Nathan and Kim hoist Wes onto his back. "Bedtime for the shrimps."
"Stop calling me that", Wes mumbled, already fast asleep. The Warblers all left the room together and headed to their rooms. Justine, Nathan and Otto stayed with Wes that night. Otto and Nathan shared a bed and Justine spooned with Wes, having Wes as the little spoon. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day on all of them.
The next day they were all gathered at the hospital. Waiting for Mitch's parents to say their goodbyes so that they could all go in one by one and do the same. Nathan and Justine hadn't said a word all day, well none of them had said much. Alvaro had been informed by Kim what was going on so he was there as well. All in all it was 28 boys and 1 girl in the hallway waiting for their turn to say goodbye. After a bit Mitch's parents came out of the room and walked up to them.
"You can all go in now and say your goodbyes", Mr. Magnuson said. "Take as long as you need okay? I know it's hard boys, believe me because it is hard on me as well. And my wife. We want to see our son live again but the doctors said that there is no hope… and these machines are needed to save other people in danger, people that might even survive. I know it would make my son happy to know he'll save other lives."
"Yes sir", Austin said and looked around. "Who wants to go first?"
"Let's go by age and let Nate and Justine say goodbye last", Otto suggested and Austin nodded.
"I'll go first", he said and after making sure everyone was okay with it he walked into the room.
Austin sighed heavily as he stepped into the dim room, lit by those horrible hospital lights and the lights from the machines. Mitch was a little guy, but in that bed he looked even smaller. Austin walked up to the bed and sat in the chair by Mitch's head and took his hand.
"You know I think I get it now", Austin said and smiled. "You kept giving me those looks and I knew they meant something… I just wasn't sure of what… but now I know. You told me to man up with those looks and I'm trying… I… I think I've been there for Just as much as possible while you've been here… I don't know it's just so weird… this feeling inside. Shit now I sound like that Elton John song.
We've always been good friends you and I. Everyone get along in the Tiger but you, Joe, Just and I were like the little family in there. You guys kept giving me support and told me to not hide my talent in writing. When I told the four of you about what happened during family night I felt really touched by how you, even though you had been through shit yourself, told me that you were going to go and kill my dad for even thinking of laying a finger on me… and for demanding to get my brother's number so you could call and threaten him. You are very dear to me Mitch, all the Warblers are… but you, Joe, Justine and Wes are the dearest… and for different reasons.
Joe is my best friend and roomy, it's he and me you know… he was the first to know about me being gay and now thanks to babble mouth Jesse everyone does… about him... I know you keep telling me to not be so harsh on him, that he's… an okay guy deep inside but I just can't shake this feeling that he isn't. Some freshmen around Dalton seem afraid of him and I don't blame them… but back to the people that really matter. Just… you know how I feel about Just. I'm sure you do… And Wes is Wes... we all love the little runt. And then there's you.
I will really miss you buddy and I'm sad it had to end this way. I should've paid more attention and should've stayed with you. I'm sorry for not being there enough… please try to keep an eye on me from heaven okay? I'll dedicate my next book to you. 'To Mitch Magnuson the silent guardian of the White Tiger, a brother and a friend'. How does that sound? Keep an eye on everyone for me okay? Bye buddy… love you." He leaned forward and kissed Mitch's forehead.
"It's so strange you know", William Holmes said as he took the seat beside Mitch's bed. "I mean when you got here you were like… the smallest person around and then Wes arrived and you weren't the smallest anymore and then you became it again. It's not something bad… but your size just make you the more impressive… such a small person with such a big heart and tender soul.
Sometimes I think your heart is too big for you. You are a great person… even though you physically are tiny… but if a person's soul could get a size I'd say yours is one of the biggest ever! I mean… your heart is so big and I'll miss to have that silent support of yours around. You didn't even have to say anything and I still knew I had your support… just having you in the room helped. I'll miss you buddy. Keep a spot for me up there will you? I love you and I'm sorry for not being there for you… I', sorry for only seeing Nate's side and for not asking you… for not telling people to stop. Please forgive me buddy… and… and the only way I know you've done that is if you wake up and tell me… please? Not just for me but for everyone. Please?"
"I don't know what Will told you but he looked really upset when he left", Roger said as he sat down at the foot of the bed. "You didn't say anything to upset him did you? I know… bad time for jokes but I don't know to handle this. Shit I shouldn't have to know how to handle this. You know it was selfish of you to end your life and not think of how the rest of us would feel.
The boys from the Dragon are feeling so guilty and Nate and Otto are worst. I think Nathan is dying inside because of what you did. The other boys blame themselves for not helping you… I do too. I saw what was going on but did nothing to stop it because I didn't really want to get involved in a Tiger-Dragon fight. I really am a Turtle aren't I? Look suicide is never the solution… surely you knew that. So why did you do it?
Did you hate us all so much that you'd want to leave us?" He was quiet. "Sorry… I didn't mean it. I'm just upset about losing one of my friends… one of my brothers. You better come back when they turn off the ventilator and heart-thingy. Or when they turn off the meds that are keeping your organs healthy… Your mom said you're donating your organs if you die… saving life even after losing your own? Mitch you're grand."
"Roger scared me", Matt said as he sat down. "He walked out of here whispering that you're grand… I dunno what he told you but he keep repeating it… You know you are the only person shorter than me that I've met so far… at least that hasn't stopped growing yet and it annoys the hell out of me that everyone is so damn tall! Only you and Wes really understand the pain the three of us go through for being so short. Since you're shorter and younger and me I made that the reasons of protecting you from harm…" he sighed. "I didn't do a very good job at that did I? I mean you wouldn't be here if I did. But… it's just hard you know? Trying to stand up to someone that is so much taller than you his hard and scary…" he sighed again. "I got reminded of a song that suits us perfectly dude." He cleared his throat and sang:
They laugh at me, these fellas,
Just because I am small
They laugh at me because I'm not hundred feet tall!
I tell 'em there's a lot to learn down here on the ground
The world is big, but little people turn it around!
A worm can roll a stone
A bee can sting a bear
A fly can fly around Versailles
'Cos flies don't care!
A sparrow in a hat
Can make a happy home
A flea can bite the bottom
Of the Pope in Rome!
Goliath was a brute who was tall as the sky.
But David threw a right and gave him one in the eye.
I never read the Bible but I know that it's true
It only goes to show what little people can do!
A worm can roll a stone
A bee can sting a bear
A fly can fly around Versailles
'Cos flies don't care!
A sparrow in a hut
Can make a happy home
A flea can bite the bottom
Of the Pope in Rome!
And little people know
When little people fight
We may look easy pickings but we got some bite!
So never kick a dog because he's just a pup
You better run for cover when the pup grows up!
And we'll fight like twenty armies
And we won't give up…
His voice gave up and he wiped at his eyes.
"Sorry", he said. "I couldn't finish… but… it is our song dude. It always will be. I mean you're little but I've seen you manhandle Otto and Nathan when they are goofing off and they're like… twice your size or something! I mean you can even get Mark to move and he's a giant! I'll miss you man… can you… can you make one last try to come back to us… please?"
Joseph was watching the bed with his arms crossed. He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He was only crying. He felt rotten inside for not helping Mitch more… for not staying behind that day… for not being there. He didn't know what to say so he walked up to the bed and kissed Mitch's forehead and ruffled his hair.
"'Bye", he choked out. "Love…" Then he left, crying.
"I always thought Joe was a bit more macho than this but he was crying more than anyone after leaving you", Reed said and scratched his head. "Austin is taking care of him, don't worry. Now let's see… we're supposed to say goodbye. But I can't because I can't believe that you're really dead. I know the doctor say you are but doctors can be wrong right? I mean they told my mom she could never have kids and she had seven! I mean… my brother was told he'd die before he was five but he still lives, cancer free. Doctors can be wrong… my family and I live to prove them wrong whenever they say something is over… please don't be on their said Mitch. Be on mine." He kissed Mitch's forehead. "Prove them wrong… and come back."
"I don't know you that good Mitch", Malcolm said as he sat on the bed. "But I will greatly miss you I mean… you're one of us. A Warbler, a brother and a friend. It will be empty without you. I'm sorry for not helping you, for not stepping in or defending you. So many time I felt like punching people but I didn't do anything. I bet you felt abandoned by us all… but you need to hear this man. We will never abandon you. Not even Nathan. You haven't seen him man. He's a wreck… I think that if you die he'll die too… don't make me lose two brothers… keep an eye on him for me and on all of us. I know you can handle it man. I love you."
"Lucas said he wanted to be here but he can't", Tom said and folded up a paper. "So he asked me to read this to you. He writes that 'Mitch, you should never give up, even when life is at its darkest point. If you've reached rock bottom it can only go upwards. You are there now so come right back up to us. I refuse to believe that seeing you in that hospital bed was the last time I saw you… and at the last time I saw your eyes was at that airport, crying for Jerry leaving. I want to see those shining happy eyes again.
But if I can't I want you to know that I love you, my friend and brother, I will miss you dearly and I will always carry you in my heart. You shall not be forgotten and I will make sure it stays so. I'll keep an eye on Nathan for you, as often as I can. I will make sure he gets happy and doesn't blame himself for the rest of his life. The choice was yours and even though it was a bad one I am not angry. It is hard to see the light in the darkest places… Goodbye little brother. I will miss you.' Wow… Lucas said it all. I don't know what else to say… I'll miss you too Mitch. Travel to the stars for me okay?" He kissed Mitch's hand and then left, leaving the letter behind.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry", Julian said as he took Mitch's hand. "I shouldn't have sided with Nate and hurt you like that. I'm so sorry Mitch you must believe me! Please forgive me. I really do care for you because you're my friend too… don't leave me hanging. Please tell me you forgive me."
"It's weird you know", Eric said and sat on the bed, carefully to not sit on Mitch. "There are two Erics in the Warblers but I always knew when you talked about me or Everett. Whenever you were talking to me I just knew. You have a special way of saying my name I guess. You are special… We all love you a lot and we are all sorry for not being there for you when you needed us most. I feel as if I let you down and all the alumni down.
Jerry called us you know. He called us and had us explain ourselves… all the alumni that we know have done it… some more angry than others. But when they heard about… this they all asked to pass on our love to you… I see Lucas wrote you a letter… wow he says it all… I am a bit mad at you for doing this but I know you saw no other solution… I probably wouldn't have either.
I probably would've done it sooner than you because I'm not as strong as you. None of us are… You are one of the strongest guys in the world Mitch… never forget that. I will miss you and I will always have a special place in my heart for you and… well I will always listen for the voice that spoke my name in that special way… goodbye."
"Hola Pequeño", Alvaro said as he sat down and sighed. "Sorry for all the shit I put you through during this whole mess… and before. I know the gang and I went at you a lot for being short and for being cute and for being with Nate but you know why we did it right? We did it because we're jealous… I mean I'm still jealous. You're as small as a church mouse but still speak like the biggest person in the world. Not physical or size-wise I mean big as in… well as in good and friendly and calm and understanding and awesome and… you know what I mean. I will miss you a lot Pequeño. You may be small but you'll leave a big empty hole in my heart."
"I hope you don't take it too hard that we both came to see you at the same time", Carl Wilkins said. "We just didn't feel we wanted to do it on our own when we have our twin here."
"We really are sorry for not helping you dude", John said and sniffled slightly. "I never imagined we'd have to say goodbye to you earlier than we planned."
"We never planned to say goodbye at all."
"We planned that we on our graduation would say see you later to everyone."
"Because we hate saying goodbye."
"And we hate losing friends… I mean brothers."
"We will miss you dude."
"A lot."
"Love you", both said and kissed Mitch's forehead or cheek.
"I am pretty sure you don't want to have me in here… even if you are asleep", Otto said. "I know you must hate me for everything I did to you… and what I didn't do for you. I should have stopped Nate from saying all that stuff, I never should've agreed with him, I never should've rallied so many against you, I shouldn't have laughed when you got bullied, I should have stopped Owen and the others… I should've run to you when you called for help.
Mitch I'm sorry. You didn't deserve anything of what happened. Nathan really loves you and he was so hurt and since he is my best friend I was willing to believe his part of the story… not wanting to hear your 'lies' because you hurt my best friend… I was just blind to see that I was doing exactly that… I… don't even know if you can hear me but… But I still want to tell you have sorry I am… I really love you, as a friend… you have Nate for the other stuff and I'm not gay but I were I'd probably go for you… well if Nate hadn't been dating you and… and I'm rambling… I'm rambling to one of my best friends who might be dying…
I've… I've read about cases where the brain-dead person wakes up when the heart-thingies and the ventilator or respirator… whatever is turned off. Could… could you please be one of those?" He took Mitch's hand. "Please Mitch be one of those because I can't take losing you. I really, really, really love you and I am really, really sorry about all this. My heart will be bleeding forever after this… and I will forever be guilty… I… I'm sorry." With that he broke down.
"Otto is such a sap", Jesse said as he stood and watched the bed. "They all are sure when someone dies it's a tragedy. But it's also a part of life. Sure people die and it's oh so sad but I don't care since I live, you did bring some good entertainment in your last few days alive. At least that something, see it as your last performance and it was a very tragic one, the critics will love it."
"I don't know what Jesse said because he didn't spent that much time in here or looked upset at all", Kim said and sighed. "But I guess that's just how he is. He doesn't deal with people or emotions that well. I mean he outed Austin for no reason at all. Look I don't know what to say… I don't believe in God. Most people from my country aren't religious at all… but I don't know what awaits after death… maybe it is dark and if it is I want to read something to you to comfort you." He cleared his throat. "I translated it from Swedish… it's a poem written by… I don't know who it's written by but here goes…" He cleared his throat and fought the tears.
"Don't cry by my grave
I am not there
I am in the sunlight shining on the fjords
I'm in the wind's play over the fields
And when you are awoken one morning
By birds singing it is my voice you hear
So do not cry by my grave
I am not dead
I have just left."
"It's strange", Eric said and looked at his brother. "I keep expecting you to be in the kitchen when we wake up."
"Or be in the library", Brett added.
"Or one of the common rooms. I mean sometimes I feel you there or see you there."
"But I know you're not… Nit physically anyway."
"I'm sorry we couldn't do more."
"I'm sorry we weren't fast enough."
"I'm sorry we were oblivious…"
"I'm sorry we weren't enough."
"But we will always love you."
"And miss you."
"No matter what."
"We will love you, we hope you know that."
"All of us will, everyone in the Warblers, the Tiger and Dalton."
"Ma sent her love… as did all graduates."
"Ma seems sure about you waking up if we put a steaming cup of your favorite coffee by the bed."
"We did when we entered and the room smell nice now…"
"Can you see us from where you are?"
"Can you hear us?"
"Please come back to us."
"We don't want to lose you."
"We love you", they said together and kissed his forehead before leaving.
"You know for a little guy you sure make a big impact on people's life", Rob said. "From the first time I saw you in the Warbler hall I knew you were going to be a good friend. I mean… I just knew because I could see it on you that you are one of those people you can't help but like. I like you a lot my friend. I will miss you even more… I know I could've done more to help you and I know I shouldn't feel too guilty, because I know you wouldn't want me too… but I can't help it.
Sure I didn't side with Nate and Otto and kept telling them off… but not the rest of the school. I mean I'm as big as a beard but still… I'm afraid to tell others no or to back off. That's one reason I envy you for… You're 160 centimeters and I'm 200… I'm… so much taller than you… most people are and you can still tell me to back off without fright… you kept telling people off before we all hurt you so bad… I will miss that silent but confident shadow that never strays too far from his friends in the Warblers and around the school… the freshmen… they told me to tell you that even though they don't know you that well… they wish they did. They wanted me to tell you that they want another chance… so please come back to us.
Oliver especially wants you back. He said you, Justine, Austin and Joseph have been his biggest support and he wants you back. They also told me to tell you to not be too upset when they come in and maybe not even say anything…" he rubbed Mitch's soft hair and smiled. "Goodbye little guy… I'll miss you a lot."
"You know I had a crush on you from the moment I ran into you in that hallway right", Isaac said. "I'd never seen anyone so beautiful in my entire life before, I was sure you were a prince from a fairytale and when you showed how sweet you were I knew I was wrong. You weren't a prince… you were an angel lingering on Earth… but now I guess that angel has to fly home… so um… let me sing this to you…" He cleared his throat. "I changed the lyrics a little… sorry about that but this is how I see you…" He took a deep breath and sang:
I believe you can fly
I believe you can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
You spread your wings and fly away
I believe you can soar
I see you running through that open door
I believe you can fly
I believe you can fly
I believe you can fly
"I know we don't know each other that much", Howard said sadly. "But I wish we could get to know each other… I'll miss you."
"For a little guy you sure have a big heart", Logan said and wiped his tear. "We'll miss you."
"When you're gone I'll lose one of my pillars that has been nothing but supportive of me since I got here", Oliver said and wiped his eyes. "How can I ever forget what you've done for me?"
"Be safe… wherever you go and don't you ever forget us", Collin said and left.
"Do you believe in angels", Peter Pan asked. "I do… I'm looking at one right now."
"Te echaré de menos", Juan said. "It means I will miss you… enough said."
"You be careful up there amongst the other angels", Alexander said. "Forgive me for jumping to conclusions and siding with the other Dragons… I just wanted to fit in… on your expense and I feel guilty about it. Forgive me… please? I'll miss you."
Justine, Nathan and Wes went in together, why you ask? Well Nathan and Justine had been talking to Mitch everyday and they had nothing more to say and they all decided that Wes was too young and to inexperienced to do this alone.
Why? Well Wes did spend his first eight years in a place where he was never wanted, he was hurt constantly and never got affection or created any close family bonds… no lasting bonds either. Then he was sent off to different boarding schools but never stayed long enough to connect with anyone or create bonds with grownups. He'd never had anyone looking after him or wanting to connect with him until he came to Dalton. Before that no one had wanted to be there for him and he had never lost anyone he had a bond with.
Most of the Warblers had lost old relatives, a few of them had lost not so old ones… but Wes had never lost anybody… that wouldn't come back. They were worried about how he would react, so Justine and Nathan went with him… the three people that meant the most to Mitch they figured. After all Wes had comforted him before and had been comforted by him as well. Everyone was worried about the youngest Warbler, except Jesse and they all wanted his best, again except Jesse. Wes himself had no idea what to think or handle his emotions… he didn't even know what to say. They got into the room and Wes sat by Mitch's side and took his hand.
"I've never lost anyone in a final way before", he said. "I never had anyone before… never before Dalton. But then I got so many people that care for me… you more than a lot of others Mitch. Everyone keep telling me that death is just a part of life and that all life must end sooner or later… but… but then I think of what Gandalf says in the movie version of the Return of the King… he says…" Wes bit his lip and then spoke again. "He says… 'End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.'"
"See what", Justine asked, quoting Pippin somewhat.
"White shores", Wes continued to quote Gandalf. "And beyond… a far green country under a swift sunrise."
"That doesn't sound too bad baby", Nathan told Wes and put his hand on the younger teen's shoulder.
"No", Wes said and put his free hand on Nathan's. "It really doesn't… do you believe it's like that Nate?"
"I don't know what to believe", Nathan said and hugged Wes close, Justine joined in as well. "Sometimes I believe that after death you are born again… sometimes I believe it's like Gandalf says… or just a big green sea of soft grass underneath a blue sky that stretches further than anyone can see. A soft summer's breeze sweeps over the field and everything is calm and quiet…" He sighs. "And sometimes… I feel that there's nothing there… everything is black and you can't find your way out. As if you were tied up in a sack and then locked in a-"
"Nate", Justine hissed because she'd noticed Wes tense up. Nathan looked at the boy and remember his claustrophobia.
"And then", Nathan continued. "I think that… even if it's dark… there is only one thing you can actually see in darkness."
"And what's that?"
"Light", Nathan said softly. "Soft or bright, it doesn't matter. You can always see light in the darkness. It is the other way around that is hard… darkness is nothing to be afraid of."
Wes' brow furrowed and he started reading a poem that Kim had translated for him ones.
"Do not fear the darkness 'cause the light is resting there
There are no stars to see where no darkness is
In the light iris-ring you have your dark pupil
Dark is all that the light awaits in awe
Do not fear the darkness 'cause the light is resting there
Do not fear the darkness that carry the heart of the light"
"What was that baby", Nathan asked.
"Kim read it to me", Wes answered. "He said it's a poem by some guy named Erik Blomberg. Kim translated it from Swedish…"
"It was sweet", Justine said.
"Will he go there Nathan", Wes asked and looked up at the older boy.
"Mitch?" Nathan asked.
"Yeah… will he go to that dark place and get comforted by all the stars?"
Nathan smiled and caressed Wes' head softly.
"I don't know baby", he said. "Maybe… Mitch do love the stars."
"Then I hope that's where he will go", Wes looked at Mitch's sleeping face. "And wait for us there. I mean if you are dead time doesn't mean anything… so if he dies he might be lonely for just a day and a life time has passed with us… right?"
"Right", Justine said and swallowed. Feeling her emotions bubble up. "Wes… we have to say goodbye now."
"It's not goodbye", Wes said and leaned his head on Mitch's shoulder. "It's just a 'see you later'."
Nathan smiled and nodded. He croaked out:
"It is baby… it is."
The Warblers and the Magnusons were gathered in the room along with the doctor. Nathan was holding Mitch's hand. The doctor searched the eyes of the parents' and they nodded. The doctor turned everything off and Nathan sobbed, as did everyone else.
"We should…" Austin said and swallowed the lump in his throat. "We should sing one last time. To Mitch."
Everyone nodded and Nathan's tears streamed down his cheeks.
"I wanna sing lead", he said.
"Of course", Austin said and pulled Justine into a tight hug. "What should we sing?"
"Just follow my lead", Nathan said and kissed Mitch's hand before he started singing.
Time, it needs time
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday
I will be there, I will be there
The Warblers started to harmonize with him, some felt a bit bad because it sounded as if Nathan was calling Mitch back… not letting him go.
Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can break down the wall someday
I will be there, I will be there
If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
My pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again
I'm loving you
"Nathan", Otto tried to cut in but Wes caught his hand and shook his head.
"It's Mitch's favorite rock ballad", he whispered and the others nodded, joining in again to harmonize with Nathan.
Try, baby try
To trust in my love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, our love
Just shouldn't be thrown away
I will be there, I will be there
"He is changing some lyrics though", Justine whispered to Austin who only smiled sadly.
If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
My pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again
If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Yes, I've hurt you bad, and I know
What you've been through
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end
I'm still loving you
I'm still loving you, I need your love
I'm still loving you
Nathan stopped singing and kissed Mitch's lips softly before getting up.
"I love you Mitch", he said before sobbing and turning away from the bed. He walked towards the door, that most of the Warblers had already left.
"I love you too", a soft voice said and Nathan froze by the door and turned around. He saw Mitch's parents and the doctor stare at the bed. He followed their gazes and met Mitch's green eyes.
"Mitch", Nathan asked. Mitch looked around.
"What happened", he asked and Nathan gave a scream and ran up to his boyfriend and held him close. The Warblers all rushed in at the scream and saw Nathan cry, hugging around Mitch's waist… but the smaller boy was sitting up and patting Nathan's head in a soothing motion.
"Mitch!" Justine exclaimed and ran up to the bed and took his free hand. Mitch looked at them all in confusion.
"Did I miss something", he asked. The only answer he got… a passionate kiss from Nathan and a big hug from Justine.
TBC See I'm not completely heartless! Or evil!
Answer to non-members' (or not signed in members') reviews:
Sarah - I'm not evil! i'm just more or less nice ;)
Paula - Se jag var mänsklig!