Chapter Eleven:
Kate pulls her rental into the apartment's parking lot. She glances again at her father's wristwatch. Alexis said to meet her at 7:00 pm and there was no way she'd be late. Despite giving herself ample time for the drive, the typical Friday rush hour traffic of LA made it closer than what she expected, even for New York. Luckily, Alexis must have be caught in the same traffic as the British racing green Mini that she told Kate she was driving was nowhere to be seen.
Kate had a brief moment of doubt, debating if facing Alexis on her 'home' turf was a good idea after all. 'Maybe she changed her mind.' Beckett wonders to herself as she scans the parking lot again. A few minutes later after wondering why she was here for the what seemed like the hundredth time, she sees the little green car pull into the lot. She can see the flaming red hair even from this distance and climbs out of her car. She'd faced down hardened criminals without a second thought, yet the idea of facing Alexis made her knees weak.
Alexis got out of the car and was scanning the lot to see if she saw Kate. She spotted her approaching and her body seemed to uncontrollably tense at the sight of the woman responsible for her father's disappearance. She had promised Kate a chance to talk and she would honor that. Anything besides that was up for grabs.
Kate smiles as she approaches Alexis, truly glad to see her after all of this time. She stops a foot or so away from the younger Castle, not sure if she should shake her hand or give her a hug, or do nothing. She opted for the third. "Alexis, it's so good to see you... It's been too long..."
Alexis gives Kate an appraising look, taking in Beckett's changes physically. She had lost weight, her normally thin frame and face now looking gaunt. It made her look older, sadder. "It's good to see you too Beckett." Her words came slowly, guarded.
"Have you eaten?" Kate asks hoping to start a safe conversation.
"No and I skipped lunch studying for an anatomy test..."
"Let's go get dinner. You pick the place and I'll drive..."
Alexis is still wary of Kate, but agrees. "Let me drop off my books and change into something different." Kate nods and follows the redhead into her apartment building. Beckett was impressed with the younger Castle's apartment. It reflected her tastes and the maturity that she had beyond her actual age. Beckett complimented her on her apartment and Alexis asks if she'd like something to drink while she changes. Kate declines and takes a seat on the sofa to wait. She scans the apartment and sees pictures and mementos of her life in New York. Several of the pictures Kate remembered seeing in the loft before she made the fateful decision to leave. Nearly all of them were of the redhead and her father. A few were of Alexis and her mother or Martha. There were none of her. Kate couldn't help but wonder if Rick's new home was equally devoid of any mementos of his life with her.
Alexis emerges from her bedroom dressed similarly to Kate. "I figure that wherever we eat, we'll be dressed appropriately." She comments with a small smile that reminds Kate of her father.
"Let's go. You pick the place. Anywhere you like..." Kate replies.
The two women rode in silence to a restaurant not far from her apartment. Kate would make the occasional comment about traffic and the weather, safe topics and Alexis would respond in kind. They ended up having dinner at a small Italian family-owned place that Alexis had discovered. The two women shared a bottle of wine, but Kate made sure to limit her intake. It felt strange to be drinking with the woman she could still see as a girl. They made small talk during their meal, Alexis talked about medical school and how much time it took to keep her grades as high as she was accustomed to. Little Castle was curious to hear how the PI agency was doing as she still felt a small part of it. She was pleased to hear that the business was thriving and that Kate was considering hiring more investigators.
As they were sharing their desert and coffee, they both knew that all of the safe topics had been addressed. It was Alexis that decided to get to the difficult, but much needed part of their conversation. "Why did you leave dad like you did?" She looks directly at Kate as she speaks in an even tone.
Despite knowing that these questions would be asked, she wasn't fully prepared for how to respond. "I, I thought that I was protecting your father... That I was protecting you and your grandmother..."
"Why? I don't understand. Why were we in danger?" Alexis inquires.
Kate sighs and replies. "That case that I was working before I left your father... The one where my team from the AG's office was murdered... I found out that the woman who took the blame for it all, was a patsy... Someone set her up to take the fall. Someone who had ties to Bracken..."
Alexis gives her a puzzled look. "But Bracken was killed in prison."
"Yes, but his partner was the one that had him killed, along with my former team... Someone with great power... If they could get to a man like Bracken, how long would it take for them to get to you, or your dad?"
Alexis considered Kate's comments and quickly responds. "What was to stop them from getting to us? If they wanted to get to dad or grams, or I, how would you leaving us have helped? Did dad know about this?"
Little Castle was as wise and shrewd as her father when looking at a problem. Hindsight being 20/20, she's once again reminded of how foolish and impulsive her actions were at the time, regardless of the justification. "I know that my actions seem silly now, but at the time I honestly believed I was doing the right thing... And no, your father knew nothing about it at the time..."
"You let everyone think that you left because of something dad had said... Or done. I treated him so badly..." Alexis comments while trying to keep her composure.
"I know Alexis and I can't say I'm sorry enough for that... My ego convinced me that I was the only one that would get justice for my former team... I was a fool. I chose to go down that rabbit hole again, forsaking everyone that mattered..."
"Where did Vikram fit in all of this? Dad felt as if you traded him in for the man..."
"Alexis, you have to believe me, your father was the only man I've ever loved. My one and done..." Kate was nearly in tears as she pleaded with woman she once thought of as a daughter.
Alexis was quick to pick up on the past tense Kate used when describing her feelings for Rick. "So you don't love him now? Why are you really here?" The redhead questions while trying to control her anger.
"I love your father so much it hurts Alexis. Every morning I wake in an empty bed that your father and I shared, a bitter reminder of what I threw away... I'm here to beg you to forgive me if I have to, because I know how much you mean to him... How much he loves you..." Kate fights back a tear with a sniff.
Alexis wanted so badly to believe Kate, if no other reason than to see her father happy again. She had seen first hand how this woman had the ability to make her father the happiest and the saddest he'd ever been. "I wish I could believe you... I really do but I can't forget how easy it was for you to throw dad away like he was nothing more than a roadblock to your mission... You crushed him..."
"I know I did Alexis and I'd give anything if I could go back to when this all started... I let my obsession write checks that I couldn't cash. I ignored everyone who tried to warn me... I had lose everything before I got the help I needed to make a permanent change..."
Both women decided that this wasn't the place for such a discussion. Kate paid for the meal and were soon back in her car on their way to Alexis' apartment. The ride was spent in total silence as Alexis tried to process everything said and wasn't said, as Kate tried to think of something to say that would convince the young woman she was sincere.
Kate pulled her rental into the apartment parking lot stopping near the entrance. Beckett expected that they had gone as far as they could for the evening and planned on trying to speak to her again before she flew back to New York. "Thank you for coming to dinner with me Alexis. I appreciate you giving me a chance to explain myself."
Alexis considered everything that had been discussed this evening and then surprised both of them by inviting Beckett up to her apartment to continue the conversation. Seizing the opportunity, she quickly accepts the offer and looks for a parking space. The two walk silently into the building and take the stairs to her third floor apartment.
Once inside, Alexis gestures for Kate to take a seat in the living room and asks if she'd like to have a glass of wine. Beckett thanks her and accepts the offer while taking a seat on the sofa. She comments about how much she liked Alexis' apartment and the two make small talk about apartment life. Alexis talked about what it was like living on her own for the first time in her life. She lived with someone her entire life before this, either with her father, her dorm roommate or Pi.
After another glass of wine, Alexis talked about having Thanksgiving dinner with her mother and father together for the first time since she was too young to remember. Kate knew from past experience being with Alexis during the holidays, just how much being with her family for such events meant to her. She couldn't help but feel jealous of Meredith being with Alexis and Rick for the holiday. 'It should have been me with them.' Kate thought to herself.
"Being with mom and dad together for the holiday should have made me happy... But it didn't. All I could see was just how different they are... Not that mom wouldn't have jumped at the chance to get dad back, but even she could see that his heart belonged to someone else..."
Kate's emotions ranged from jealousy, to anger and finally guilt as she listened to Alexis. The redhead's referral to Meredith as 'Mom' stung more than it should. Her not so subtle barb about her father's heart still belonging to her only making things worse. "That's the real problem... We can't seem to get along without each other... I need him as much as he needs me..." Kate wipes a stray tear from her cheek as she tries to calm herself. "Maybe I should go." Kate comments, her voice barely above a whisper and tries to push herself up from the sofa.
Alexis moves to where Kate is sitting and places her hands over her arm, stopping her. "Oh no you don't Kate. You're staying here tonight as you've had too much to drink... Dad would never forgive me if I let you out and something happened to you... So sit down and have another drink... You're staying here... The sofa makes into a bed."
Kate knew that there was no point in arguing with the redhead. All she could do was smile and offer a thank you to Alexis. Beckett knew that she was correct and that Rick would never wish her harm no matter how he felt about her. They finished the bottle and were both feeling no pain when Kate blurts out. "You know I met your step grandmother..."
"No way! My grandfather is married? What's she like? Does dad know about this?"
Kate has to laugh at the rapid fire questioning by the younger Castle, so much like her father. She holds up her hands in mock surrender. "Easy there Castle. One question at a time. Her name is Rita. She's some type of badass as she saved my life from the people that were trying to kill Vikram..."
Kate pauses as her expression changes to one of sadness. "And no, I never told your dad about her... I never got the chance... She was the one that warned me not to go off on my own. That if anyone got hurt now, it would be my fault... She told me to go home to my husband and I ignored her warnings, doing the exact opposite... I'm such a fool..."
Alexis sighed and put her hand on top of Kate's in a reassuring manner. She wanted to forgive Kate, but didn't know if she could. "Why don't you get some sleep. We can talk again in the morning."
Kate feigned a small smile and thanked her for her kindness. Alexis went into her bedroom, returning with blankets and a pillow. She brought out an oversized tee shirt and a pair of lounger pants. And laid them on top of the bedding. "I'll let you change in the bathroom first." The younger Castle comments as she gestures to the door beside her bedroom.
Once again Kate thanks her, picking up the clothes and walking to the bathroom. She emerges from the bathroom dressed in the outfit as Alexis tells her good night and enters her bedroom.