2. Say You Will Forgive Me

"Robert! Of course I tried. Don't try to make me feel guilty."

"I know all you did was level the playing field but still I'd find it concerning if you didn't feel a bit guilty. I know I do..."

Cora said nothing, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat and turned her face away from him.

"What do you think Napier's intentions are?" Robert asked, throwing his dressing gown over the chaise and walking around to his side of the bed.

"I don't think he really has any," Cora replied, already tucked in between the sheets, she replaced her bookmark and set her book aside.

"He must have intentions for one of them. Edith perhaps? Or Sybil? Goodness knows we need to settle Mary." He was saying conversationally as he climbed into the bed.

"It didn't work out with Mary last time - besides, she'd engaged now."

"Sir Richard won't last... What about Edith then? I can't see him being Sybil's type..."

"Well, I don't mind what his intentions are - if anything he's doing us a favour."

"By bringing a bunch of bachelors fresh from the front to Downton?"

"I should think many of them will be keen to settle down."

"Mm... Anyway, enough of Mr Napier," Robert said, leaning over to turn out the light at his side, leaving the room in darkness.

"Alright," Cora yawned, settling down and closing her eyes.

But then she heard Robert's weight move across the mattress, he was right beside her, she could feel the warmth of his skin radiating against her. One of his strong hands pressed against the small of her back, pinning her against his groin. She could feel him through their thin nightwear and immediately felt a rush of excitement surge through her. His lips were already placing delicate kisses along her throat. Cora was lost in a whirl of ecstasy for a moment, it was just as it always used to be. Nobody else, only them.

But there was somebody else now. She felt her excitement - and arousal - simultaneously plummet. Now every touch was tainted. Every kiss he planted down her heavily rising and falling chest was one he'd previously given to Jane. The thought made her sick. The hands that roamed her body, the skin that warmed her own, the mouth that gave her his affection had given another woman just the same. But if it weren't enough, Cora knew he'd also admitted his mistress just a small piece of his heart and that hurt all the more. Likely his actions were now determined by the want of that thing in his pants.

"Robert," she croaked.

"Mm?"

"I'm a bit tired do you mind if we leave it for tonight?"

Robert looked up at her and smiled.

"I don't mind if it's quick, I'm rather desperate to have you this evening."

"No, I... I've a headache. I'm sorry."

"Oh," he withdrew his hold on her and immediately she felt colder. "That's... yes, fine. Is it bad? I can sleep in my dressing room?"

"It's alright, I just need some sleep... Goodnight Robert."

"Goodnight Cora."

Sleep, however, was not forthcoming. Cora spent the restless hours considering things, trying to realise what she'd done, where she'd gone wrong. Maybe he'd fallen in love with the maid and maybe Cora had let him. Perhaps she'd practically given him permission in not tending to his wants as she had done before the war. But now the war was over and Cora needed him back. Having not had to compete for his love after 30 years of marriage, she was no longer sure she knew how to.

The next day by early afternoon, Cora was still feeling far from a solution. In the morning, everyone had trooped out for a picnic, Edith especially seemed to have enjoyed herself now the Captain was warming to her. Later on, Cora was perched on a settee in the library, working furiously on her embroidery while tirelessly thinking the same thoughts.

Over at the tea table, Mary and Sir Richard were spending some rare time together, they seemed to be involved in a very serious conversation. Also in the room, Edith was being taught chess by Captain Willows - though he was not to know she already knew how to play... Then Mr Napier entered the room.

Cora hadn't really thought much of the comfort he'd offered her the day before. She hadn't denied him but she wasn't exactly sure she'd accepted him either...

"Good afternoon, Lady Grantham," he gave a friendly smile and looked around at the other two couples. "Care for some company?"

"Why not," Cora set aside her needlework and watched him sit down opposite her.

"How about we play cards?" Evelyn suggested.

"Alright, what do you have in mind?"

"Gin Rummy?"

"Robert hates that one - I always win," she tried to say his name as casually as she could but couldn't quite look Evelyn in the eye. She stood and went to a drawer in one of the bookcases and retrieved a pack of cards.

"I meant to ask... that is to make sure I did not cross a line yesterday. I apologise if I did, I'm not normally so forward."

"No you, um... Would you like to deal?"

"Sure," Evelyn took the cards from her and shuffled them. Edith emitted a loud and unladylike cackle, Cora looked over at them both and Mr Willows seemed to be very confused about how she'd managed to beat him. Evelyn followed her gaze and grinned.

"I thought you might be seeing more of Captain Willows but now it seems not," he said, turning back to the coffee table and dealing out 10 cards for each of them.

"Oh dear... is he a bad loser?"

Evelyn looked up, his eyes twinkling when next he spoke, "only when he's not in control of his games."

"And are you in control of your games, Mr Napier?"

He chuckled, "I try to be."

At that moment Robert walked into the library and saw Cora smiling, jealousy prickled him.

"I take it you're feeling better, Cora?"

"I am, thank you," she looked away from him and settled her interest on her hand of cards.

"There's something you're not telling me," Robert decided. His whole demeanour had changed and quickly he was tensing up with fury.

"I assumed that when you said..." Cora trailed off. "I thought that you'd been together and so-"

"YOU BEDDED HIM!?"