Righty ho- one of the longer chapters, I must say, but one of my favorites as well. I enjoyed writing Sabine in this one, if only because I was able to unleash a creative side I'd never seen before. Also- her backstory here is completely fictional, made up by yours truly.

Disclaimer- Maybe one day, this franchise will belong to me... Sadly, however, Disney is wisely keeping me away from it. There would be... much more mature content in here than there is now, one that would probably lose the younger audiences. Wise move Disney, wise move.

All of her normal strategies weren't working.

Usually, when Sabine had something on her mind that she didn't want to think about, she had a variety of exercises that helped her out with ridding the intrusive thought from her immediate consciousness. Painting was one, obviously. And it hadn't worked. Sabine had even started preparations on her masterpiece of Kanan and Hera in the galley, prepping the walls for their new coats of paint and beginning to shade- but she'd had to stop, because she couldn't very well focus on her art when her thoughts were completely taken up by... recent events.

One of her other distracting techniques was to produce her signature explosives- something that Sabine had to do anyways, and usually helped her not think of anything but the volatile explosives in her hands.

She'd had to stop that when she'd tried to open the brand new canister of blue paint Ezra had bought her.

Even heating one of their blue milk canisters and drinking it, in an attempt to get drowsy and simply sleep through her thoughts, had no effect. This was starting to be ridiculous. It was late- not just late late, but late late. It would be tomorrow pretty soon. But Sabine couldn't sleep, couldn't even begin to try to sleep- her head was buzzing too loudly with thoughts about... that.

Sabine had resigned herself to pulling an all-nighter maybe a standard hour ago. However, she couldn't- didn't want to think about her relationship with... him. It was too complicated, too... ugh.

Ezra is my friend. He would be crazy not to do some of the stuff he does. Because he... loves me? No! No, because I'd sock him if he did anything else! He's... my friend.

So why in the world can I not stop thinking about this?

Sabine had also given up on her mantra of 'don't think about him,' because that wasn't working either. It was a constant nag, an itch in the back of her head that continued growing, no matter how hard she ignored it. This was one particular itch that needed to be scratched...

Sabine groaned, planting her head on the Dejarik board as the back of the commons' bench no longer became a suitable headrest. It was cold in the Ghost- Hera always kept it cold, to avoid infrared detection and a few other reasons. However, it was affecting Sabine rather strongly now, since she was dressed in nothing but her night clothes. Usually, the cold wasn't a problem at this time of night-

Because I'd be asleep, not staying up until an unholy time of day trying to avoid my issues.

Though, as her experiments had proven, sleep was pretty much an impossible task at the moment. Sabine picked up her head from the table, rubbing her temples in an attempt to soothe the whirlwind of thoughts battling for attention. She shivered slightly, rubbing her arms and wishing her top had full blown sleeves instead of the loose half-upper arm deal she had going on with this one. Her legs, as well; the short- well, shorts -were... short. And not suited to the cold without the thermo blanket from her bunk wrapped around them.

That's it. If I'm going to sit around trying to stew in my thoughts, I'm doing it somewhere I won't freeze to the seat. Although, with the temperature uniformly cold throughout the entire ship, that really didn't leave her much choice except up top. Which was fine, really, because after their market trip Hera had relocated to one of their standard parking spaces- the middle of nowhere, Lothal.

If they had still been grounded in the docking area, there was no way in the nine hells Sabine was heading out in just her night clothes- those bays had security cameras, and she did not fancy being ogled by an Imperial security guard.

Picking herself up from the bench, Sabine headed towards the ramp, opening it and clambering atop the ship with all the grace of a stressed, tired, emotionally compromised tooka. There wasn't much, really.

It was beautiful out- the light pollution was minimal, since they were quite aways away from Central city, letting the stars around them shine with intensity and brightness rarely seen in heavily populated areas. The dazzling pinpricks of light glittered in the endless belts of blue and black... Lothal's nights were never completely black, for which Sabine was glad. The tints of blue and navy added enough color to entrance her with the complexity at which they interwove in the sky- there were individual streaks and swirls of bue, and there was blue intertwining with the blank inkiness of the night, mixing and spiraling together until they formed a dark, dark navy that was neither blue nor black. Through it all, countless stars sparkled, adding tiny specks of white light to the otherwise darkened sky. And then- there were the moons.

One large, one small, they were easily the brightest objects in the atmosphere. Huge and luminescent, the light from them illuminated the entire plains in a soft white glow. They brightened the dark around them in the sky as well, turning the inky blues and blacks into a softer pallet of colors around their edges, which gradually faded back into the darker colors with distance. The two of them were the centerpieces of the sky, with the blacks and blues highlighting and contrasting their light and the stars accentuating and complimenting it. It was... amazing. There was really no other word for it.

Maybe I should use this as the background for the galley painting... She would have run back inside to grab her holorecorder, to capture the beauty of the night forever, but she refrained. It would never be able to do this wonderful sight justice; she'd just have to commit the sight before her to memory and pray to whatever deities there were that she'd be able to reproduce something this... beautiful.

Huh... some of the strains look exactly like Ezra's hair...

Aaaand there went her momentary relief from those thoughts. Though honestly she couldn't help it- the way the blues and blacks mixed really did match his hair color.

Come on Sabine... focus on the absolute wonder right in front of you, not the guy you can see everyday. Sabine sat down on the hull, focusing all of her senses to try and capture this moment in every possible way.

"Sabine?"

This is going to be harder than I thought...

"Ezra?" Yup. No doubt about it, the kid was outside with her, standing on the grass below and looking up at her, his intrigued eyes just visible in the moon's lighting. Sabine blinked down at him, face contorting into confusion as she noticed he was still in his day clothes. Either he'd been planning on a late-night excursion, or he'd been out here since the daytime. Which had been a long, long time ago.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, and Sabine resisted the urge to scoff slightly.

"Um, what are you doing out here? And why are you panting?" Because he was panting, his chest rising and falling rather quickly. He blinked up at her, then scratched his head with a small smile.

"Lightsaber forms. I come out and do them whenever I-" He cut himself off, hand moving back down from his head and tucking itself in one of his many pockets. "...when I need to think."

Sabine raised an eyebrow, not quite fully believing him. She had no doubts believing that he needed to think... but he was probably upset by something as well.

"...Come up here." Might as well talk with him... try and sort out some of my own issues in the process.

A quick look of contemplations flashed across his face, before he too climbed up the side of the Ghost. With slightly more grace than she'd managed, as well.

"You never answered my question." Ezra sat down next to her, hanging his legs off the edge of the Ghost and gently swinging them back and forth. After a moment of hesitation, Sabine turned around and copied his stance, though kept the leg-swinging to a minimum. Someone had to be mature.

"It's too cold inside. With how hot it was today, I figured it'd be warmer in the air here than in the ship." Ezra turned a raised eyebrow to her, and she shrugged. "I wasn't really getting to sleep, and I'm... not really in the mood to do much else than think. And- and look at the sky." She didn't say why she couldn't sleep... and probably never would, unless she finally got things resolved in her head.

Ezra hummed, turning his head upwards at the night as well. Sabine knew he didn't have as much passion for art as she did (who was she kidding, no one did), but from the small smile on his face, she could tell that he, too, appreciated the beauty of the night. "Yeah... When I was up in my tower, I used to just bring up the thermo blanket and some pillows and... sleep, watching the moons go by... though sometimes it gave me some weird dreams."

Sabine laughed, partly because of the abrupt change in the conversation and partly from the slightly disturbed look that suddenly came to his eyes. "Oh yeah? What kind of weird?"

"Uh, the kind of weird where all the stars just merge together into another moon, and then the two existing ones get jealous because the new one's all twinkly, and so they kick it out of the sky and it comes crash landing into my tower before splitting into these teeny, teeny tiny little fireflies that suddenly carry off the tower into space. Hey, you're laughing now, but when I woke up that morning I was absolutely convinced that I was still in the sky. Until, you know, I looked down." Sabine was holding her hand over her mouth, trying desperately to stem her sudden giggles as the image of a highly confused young Ezra staring up at the sky in shock refused to leave her imagination.

Ezra huffed, crossing his arms in indignation as Sabine's laughter died down. She could tell it was just a show because the right corner of his mouth was twitching, try as he might to suppress it. Still though, when she stopped, she punched his arm lightly in a way of apologizing.

"How did the stars merge together to form another moon? Like, did they just kind of, ball up, or..."

"No no no, they kind of... swirled together? And... the center of the swirl just kind of got brighter the more stars came together... In the end, the third 'moon' was really bright in the center, and it got a little dimmer by the edges. But it was all still twinkling and glowing... it was pretty, but I can't really remember it. It was a dream, from, like, five years ago."

Sabine hummed, picturing a moon just like the ones above them, twinkling just as vibrantly as the stars surrounding it. She blinked, eyes going wide as a sudden thought came to her. Oh, she'd definitely have to work that into her masterpiece... and the stars would be twirling in a clockwise spiral- she could see it now in her minds eye and she loved it. Almost as though Ezra read her mind, he thoughtfully mused, "You know, this would be a nice scene for you to paint."

"Oh, you don't even know the half of it... that's partially why I came out here." She frowned slightly, artistic vision fading somewhat as her concern took it's place again. "...Why did you need to come out here?"

Ezra stayed silent for a few moments, simply looking up at the sky with a far away look on his face. Sabine let him think, knowing she'd get nowhere by interrupting him. Fortunately, her concern swamped out the other distracting thoughts, letting her think with a clear head. And it payed off, because maybe half a minute later, Ezra responded to her, in a round-about way.

"Sabine... what did you think of Kavra?"

"The little girl in the market-place?"

"Yeah."

"...Well, she was... young. And cute, as six year olds go. Why?"

Ezra looked down, seemingly chewing the inside of his lip. Sabine noticed he'd stopped kicking his legs. "It's just..." He blew out his breath, leaning backwards to lay on his back. Sabine didn't copy him, letting him have the space if he needed it.

"I... walked her back to her house. And... it..." Sabine waited patiently, accepting that it'd take him a little bit to find the right words he needed to express himself with. She looked back up at the sky, drinking in the sight and the beauty while Ezra tried to explain himself.

"You remember Tama?" She frowned at the abrupt change in subject, but knew Ezra knew it was pretty much futile to distract her from his obvious troubles. If he brought up the miner, he was obviously trying to take the conversation someplace by doing so.

"'Course I do. What about him?"

"...His relationship with his father was... tight. A- And with his wife, Eilene. He... might even have kids coming." Sabine closed her eyes, staring to have an inkling about what was bothering her friend.

"And, when I walked back to Kavra's home, her parents..." She heard a small sigh, and it wasn't hard to image a pained expression on Ezra's face. She didn't turn around and look, though. Ezra had leaned backwards for a reason, and Sabine would respect his privacy.

"It hurt."

Vague description withstanding, Sabine understood him. Seeing Tama and his father, hearing them talk about their families, and seeing Kavra safely back to hers must have... well. Hurt. Sabine tightened her closed eyes, imagining him walking back down the streets to the Ghost trying to compose himself after seeing what must have been a painfully familiar scenario between loving parents and their child. There was a pang somewhere in her heart at the sight, and her chest constricted.

"Ezra... I'm sorry." And she was. She was sorry that he'd had what past he did- that simple things like seeing a girl home could bring it up and hurt him again. They'd all lost family... they all knew that pain. Which was one of the reasons they could connect to one another so well, in Sabine's opinion. Which was why, as the small voice in her head inevitably whispered 'their pain is your pain...', Sabine honestly couldn't care less. She would in a few minutes, of course, but right now... it meant only that she knew and understood what the rebel beside her was feeling.

"Hm. Don't be- it's not your fault..." He's bottling up the meat of his feelings. He won't let them out.

"You know... you can always talk to me, right?" I may be emotionally stressed out and wondering exactly where I stand with you, but I will always stand with you.

There were a few moments of silence again. Then-

"I miss them. Sometimes."

The corners of her mouth tugged upward slightly, but it was a sad smile.

"It would be weird if you didn't. It's okay to feel, you know. I- the rest of the crew knows exactly how you feel. You don't have to pretend to be... strong, all the time. That's what a crew's for, right? To hold you when you need it?"

"...Yeah, guess so."

She left the conversation there, ready to give Ezra a few seconds if he needed them. She knew Kanan was teaching him to open up to everyone, but those lessons didn't mean he got it right away. It'd taken Sabine a while to open up to Hera when she first joined, and even longer to talk about her past. Ezra... would get that soon. He was working on it, and Sabine knew that took a lot of effort for him, but he was working on it. So she would give him all the time he needed.

"Hey, Sabine?"

"Yeah?"

"...What happened to your family? You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

Sabine bowed her head, her tongue in her cheek. The last time he'd asked her that, she'd briskly responded with 'the Empire' and left it at that. Hera and Kanan knew, of course, but other than that she hadn't really talked about them much. Though, she supposed it was only fair to tell Ezra. He was opening up to her, why not the other way around as well?

"They... they're still alive, somewhere. But... well, to explain them I'd have to explain about my enrollment in the Imperial Academy. The whole story's kind of long."

"... I don't think any of us are going anywhere any time soon, right?"

"Yeah." Sabine leaned backwards on her hands, staring up at the moons as another set of normally repressed memories came up to the surface. These, however, were a lot less confusing... and a lot more painful.

"Mandalore doesn't have a heavy Imperial presence. They mostly leave it alone, so I grew up in relative peace. I... we were all taught that that peace was because of the Empire, and... well, I couldn't see any of what it really was. I didn't know about all the people that were suffering because of them, only that I was able to grow up in a stable environment seemingly because of them. So... when I was old enough, I enrolled in the academy. I thought I would be helping the masses by doing that, and my family agreed." She heard Ezra shift behind her, but she paid it little mind. He wouldn't interrupt her until she was done and he had the full picture.

"But... as part of the advanced corp's training programs, we had to go off-world. And... I saw how... We traveled to Garos IV, which at the time had been going through a civil war with Sundari. We... we travelled there to see how the Empire had dealt with such a conflict and... they'd killed hundreds of fighters, on both sides. The fight was almost over between them, the didn't need to kill so many... but they did. And we were expected to go along with it. I didn't want to. I asked my superiors why such a thing was necessary, and they didn't answer me. That was the first show I got of their cruelty, when I was thirteen. After that... I had more of an open eye for what the Empire was really doing across the systems... and they never answered my questions about why. That was when I knew I couldn't be a part of their forces anymore. But my family..."

Sabine swallowed, remembering the various calls back home she had made as she desperately tried to make them see. "They couldn't see what I saw. They said that sacrifices were needed for the betterment of the galaxy, and that I just had to look past that and see the big picture. Well, I did- and I didn't like what I saw. There were way too many people suffering and dying to just be 'small sacrifices,' and they were dying for no reason. So I left the Academy. I couldn't go back to my family; it'd be too dangerous for them if a fugitive hid with them- so I... came to the Outer Rim, far away from Mandalore. The last I heard from my family was that they'd been forced to go into hiding. The Empire thought going after them would draw me out, but my family," she chuckled slightly, "well, is Mandalorian. Even if they weren't expecting it, the Empire's sudden attack on them didn't really hurt them... but they had to go into hiding. I don't know where they are, but I know they're alive."

Sabine blinked, exhaled softly, and realized she'd actually told Ezra more than she'd even told Hera. That... was surprising. Though right now she felt comfortable- she wasn't at all regretting her telling him. He was easy to talk to, and knew when to listen.

Her stomach gave an unpleasant flip.

"...you tell each other everything..."

Oh dear. Well, that was... ah. She bit her lip, the plethora of disturbing thoughts once again making an appearance. Apparently, not even spilling her guts out in front of him made these things take a backseat... quite the opposite actually. And now, the comfortable silence between them had suddenly turned awkward, at least for Sabine. Was he thinking along the same lines as she was? Was he noticing the parallels as well? What if he knew she was thinking about him right now?

"Thank you for... telling that."

Sabine swallowed. "Um, yeah- thanks for listening, I guess." Okay, apparently not. That- that was good, if he didn't know how... distracted she was.

"I... my parents broadcasted out against the Empire." Sabine already knew that, but she didn't say anything. If he was going to lead into the conversation like this, then she'd let him lead into it like that. She once again pushed the disturbing thoughts back down into a corner, concentrating on his words. Funny. The only time she could stop thinking about him was when they were talking to each other.

"I was young, so I didn't... didn't understand it all, but I knew it was important. And that they did it with passion. They taught me that the Empire suppressed the people who stood up against them, but that didn't mean we shouldn't stand against them at all. That just because you have power doesn't mean you deserve it." Sabine smiled softly, imagining young Ezra once again, but this time with the two people in the hologram she'd found crouching down on his level and talking to him softly. They sounded like people she'd love to meet.

"But... well, the Empire found out what they were doing. On the seventh Empire Day, they came and... and took them away..." His voice was soft. Sabine knew that if she turned around to look at him, he'd be staring up at the stars with a blank look in his eyes, seeing something from long in the past. Again, though, she didn't. She wouldn't push him further than he was willing to be pushed.

"They hid me in my room, because they kn- they knew the stormtroopers would look in the broadcasting room for their equipment. I... I heard them take them away, and that was it. I stayed in that house for days, just... waiting for them to come back, because they'd always promised that the Empire wouldn't ever stop them from speaking out. I thought that meant they'd... always come back home, but..."

Sabine couldn't help her eyes watering. The little Ezra in her mind's eye wasn't happy anymore... he was heartbroken, alone in the dark home she'd seen on Empire Day. He was looking in every room, eyes wide, calling softly for his parents, never getting a response...

"I left when I ran out of food. There were a few credits I'd found that I used, but other than that I couldn't get much. But when I came back to the house... I finally saw the warnings painted on it. I read them and I knew... I couldn't stay there, and I couldn't keep waiting for them to come back. That was when I started living alone."

And that was where he stopped that was where he stopped that conversation. Which was fine with Sabine... she'd told him what happened to her family, he'd told her what had happened to his. They didn't need to go into detail about what happened afterwards; not yet, anyways. Maybe they would in the future, but not now. Now... was the time to simply sit there with one another, silently supporting and indulging in the other.

Minutes passed, minutes filled with both of them looking up at the stars and just... thinking. Somewhere, out there, were their flesh-and-blood relatives. And right below them... was their crew. Their... their family. Surrogate, maybe, but they were still family. They'd all lost, and it was because of that loss they bonded together with such an inseparable bond. And right next to her...

Was her friend. Sabine couldn't sort out her emotional conundrums right now, and she didn't know just how deep her relationship with Ezra was... but he was, and always would be, one of her closest friends.