18. What If The Storm Ends?

2 and a half months later
Early November 1919

The wind was battering the windows, throwing force behind the plummeting rain as it soaked every inch of open land and surface. Thunder rolled in the dales and hollows of the moor. Visibility was poor but every other sense was high. The air was getting a thorough clean in preparation for days of calm to follow. Calm... and grief. His eyes were deceiving him, he was not seeing what he was seeing, it was not possible, it was not meant to work out this way. It was all wrong... all so very wrong. Everything was still - too still to be natural. There was no sound but his own breath, his own heart beat and the ravaging weather going on outside the bedroom.

"No!" He heard a voice, a distant cry that sounded like a whisper in the back of his head. "NO!" It came again, a little louder and raspier and desperate. His face suddenly felt wet and the peculiar thought came to his mind that the ceiling might have receded back to the walls and allowed the rain to fall upon him.

"NO! NO! NO!" A man's voice. Definitely a man's voice, but whose? His throat felt dry, his eyes were still stuck to her bed, fixed with horror. "NO!"

"Robert!"

"No," he sobbed, rolling over and gasping for breath. "No Cora, no... oh no..."

"Darling? Robert you're dreaming. Wake up... come on."

He took a shuddering breath and bolted up-right, it wasn't just his face that was wet but his whole body. Tears and sweat, mingling over him in a warm and sticky film.

"Cora?" he croaked, he squinted in the darkness of their room. He found her silhouette, and groped for her, pulling her tightly to him.

"Robert!" she gasped. "Robert, calm down. Let me go, you're squishing me."

"...Sorry." He suddenly felt entirely embarrassed of himself. Letting go of her he pulled back the covers.

"Where are you going?"

"Need some air."

"Are you alright?"

"Mm..."

"...You were shouting quite a while this time."

"Maybe I ought to start sleeping in my dressing room so as not to wake you."

"I'm awake anyway most of the time... Besides there'd be nobody there to wake you up."

"Mm... I'm going to splash water on my face..."

The nightmares replayed on the true evening of the event. It was not long before the dressing gong when it had all been announced 'under way'. But the wait had gone well on into the evening. The Dowager was even starting to stifle yawns.

"I can't stand this," Robert announced, putting down his glass. "I need to know what's going on."

"I can go and ask after her if you'd like," Mary offered.

Robert opened his mouth but no words came up through his constricted throat as he swallowed the lump stuck there once again. He nodded.

"Please," he managed. Mary got up and went to the drawing room door. Silence dawned again as she opened it, but the quiet quickly filled with a gutteral cry that ripped through the cavernous entrance hall and echoed throughout, carrying into the drawing room. Robert's eyes widened, Matthew and Tom exchanged nervous looks and Violet appeared unusually melancholy. The sounds of Cora's distress quietened but remained audible. Mary looked to Robert, having paused in the doorway, Robert pulled at his tie, drew a few breaths to steady himself (and his drink-induced mind) and nodded, signalling for her to go.

"Robert..." Violet said carefully. He had returned to pacing and drinking and pacing again. "Robert, dear."

"Hm?"

"Sit down, will you?"

"I can't."

"You can, come on now."

Reluctantly he did as he'd been told, stiffly taking to the sofa next to his mother.

"I might just-"

"Stay where you are," Violet instructed, reaching for his forearm to make him stay sitting. "Now listen to me... you need to prepare yourself for the worst. There are too many things that could go wrong this evening. In fact if everything works out in your favour it'll be little short of a miracle. So be strong for your family, my dear. For whatever will come to be."

10 days ago...

"Doctor Ryder, welcome."

"Thank you Lord Grantham, it's certainly a pleasure to be here." The doctor was a thin and tall gentleman, dark hair with grey flecks, green eyes and slight wrinkles to his face. He wore a stern and unamused expression when not smiling, but gladly for the Crawleys that afternoon he was grinning politely as he met them. Prestigious enough for Robert and modest enough for Cora, he seemed happily welcomed by everyone. Everyone but Violet...

"We're glad you could come. Let me introduce you... This is Lady Grantham, the Dowager Countess... Doctor Ryder of J and P London Practise, mama."

"How d'you do, Lady Grantham?" the doctor smiled kindly, producing his hand to take hers in greeting.

"Better by next week I hope," she said simply with an expectant look on her face.

The doctor released her hand, his smile somewhat more fixed but nevertheless polite as he failed to respond. He followed Robert down the line of ladies and gentlemen.

"This is Lady Mary... Lady Edith... and Lady Sybil. And Mr Crawley and Mr Branson... And for obvious reasons, Lady Grantham is not present."

"Of course, I'd expect no less than good bed rest," the doctor agreed. There was a moment's quiet before Violet interrupted the silence.

"Tell me doctor, what do J and P stand for?"

"Jacobs and Peterville."

"And why is your name not in the title?"

Robert nodded, he'd partly processed the words his mother had spoken but the drink he'd earlier consumed fogged his clarity of the situation. He opted for a glass of water to begin the sobering process. But just minutes after he'd drained his glass, Mary burst back in with the widest grin he'd seen her wear since she was but a young girl. Everyone but Violet stood.

"They're fine. They're both fine!" she said, relaxing as the tension broke in two.

"That's terrific," Matthew grinned. Robert had begun to shake with relief and excitement.

"She's... They're both alright? Can I go...?" Robert asked, Mary nodded and watched as he practically skipped out of the room and off up the stairs to Cora's bedroom. He could no longer feel the devil on his back, his chest full with happiness but lighter than it had been in weeks...

As he approached, infant cries became louder, he could hear people talking, the doctors, the nurses, Sybil, Edith... wide grin on his face, he lifted his fist to knock on the door but stopped.

"Mama, are you alright?" Sybil's voice.

"Lady Grantham? ...Check her pulse."

"Is the baby alright?"

"Mama?"

"Get some fresh water... Hurry."

"What do you think it is? Postpartum hemorrhage?"

"Possibly but I think we've got a different problem to worry about now..."

7 days ago...

Robert paused in the hall on his way from seeing Cora in the early afternoon of that day. The clouds were gathering, growing dark and heavy over the house and half the country. With the promise of a thunder-storm looming nearer, he seldom left the house to walk Isis or even tend to his duties about the estate. He took to work in his study with frequent breaks to go and annoy Cora with long minutes watching her rest...On that day, however, he had a meeting to attend. One which he was unsure what to expect from... Doctor Ryder had managed to collaborate with Doctor Clarkson and it seemed both medical professionals thought a discussion was in order. Grudgingly, Robert went down the hall and found Carson, informing him that he could now go and retrieve the doctors so this talk could form in her Ladyship's bedroom. Going back to Cora's room he plonked himself in the chair nearest her side of the bed.

"What's the matter dear?" she asked, her eyes fluttering open.

"I don't like talking to medical people."

"You like Doctor Ryder."

"He's alright..."

"Then what's the problem?" Cora asked, tiredly rubbing her eyes as she looked across at him. Robert emitted an unhappy grunt. "Oh cheer up, you aren't the one that's triple your usual size and aching everywhere possible."

"But you look b-"

"I don't care what I look like, I don't have self-confidence issues. I just wish this baby would hurry up-!"

A knock on the door interrupted her slightly riled vent at Robert. Cora sighed and sat back on her pillows.

"Come in," Robert called, sitting back and placing his hands on each arm of his chair, getting up in order to greet the visitors. He decided to distract himself with listening to the doctors rather than hurt on Cora's words.

"Well, I think perhaps we ought to discuss a few matters. With the, err... fractionally higher risk nature of Lady Grantham's pregnancy, Doctor Clarkson and I have agreed we ought to explain a few things so that when labour ensues everyone can be prepared." Doctor Ryder spoke calmly and directly to both Robert and Cora.

"Prepared for what?" Robert asked.

"As I said recently, milord, we've listened a few times for the child's heartbeat-"

"Yes and you weren't entirely clear on what you found out."

"Well, I'm not- we're not entirely sure... but it sounds like the baby has an irregular heartbeat..."

It was like the audio to one of his worst nightmares. After mere minutes of flying at high euphoria, he could tell he was about to begin plummeting, straight down into the realms of despair as he realised something most certainly did not sound all right. The baby was still crying but at quieter volumes. He could hear Cora's heart wrenching sobs as such he'd not heard before. But before he could register anything else, the door had opened and Edith and a nurse had come out with the baby. Edith looked to be holding on a brave face.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"They've not told me," Edith whispered, she looked down at the bundle in her arms and then up at Robert. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Him? ...It's a boy?" Robert faltered, Edith nodded.

"I've got to go and help," the nurse said. "If you sit somewhere quiet and just rock him he'll be fine. I won't be long and I'll check in on you."

"Of course," Edith said as the nurse turned and went back into the bedroom, Robert caught a moment's glance of the bed, it was all clotted with bloody towels. "Papa do you want to hold him?"

Robert couldn't look down at the child.

"I can't... not until I know Cora's alright."

"Papa..." there were tears in Edith's eyes now. "He needs you. As much as we all will... and always have."

Robert struggled, not able to trust himself for what he might do if he looked down and found his son unrecognisable as his own. His jaw tightened, his eyes steely with painful anger, he looked down and almost immediately... he softened.

He saw a baby with soft downy black hair, a scrunched up little face and a small button nose. He saw balled up fists and a strong frown, a pink little tongue and an open mouth. He saw a squirming child, anxious for his mother's safe and cradling arms and unconditional, immediate love. Robert saw the miracle of a life brought into his house, his home. And instantly he found a place in his heart, just for this little boy...

"I don't see why you're telling me this now! Telling us this today of all times!"

"Robert, calm down..."

"Why leave it til the very last minute to tell us the dangers involved?" Robert thundered, glaring between Ryder and Clarkson, waiting impatiently for an answer.

"Lord Grantham, we agreed you ought to be aware - yourself and Lady Grantham - that things go wrong... We have procedures and methods, of course we do, but not everything works. Given this child could well be affected by the three wave influenza, we have more concern to add. We only thought it fair that we explain the number of medical staff we'll have when labour ensues-"

"Robert, sit down," Cora told him, tiredly. Listening to her, he dejectedly sat back down and reached for her hand. "Can you go through everything again please?" she asked quietly.

"Of course," Doctor Clarkson nodded. "Likely cases we could encounter involve malpresentation, placenta praevia, postpartum heamorrhage-" Clarkson clocked the annoyed look on Robert's faced and attempted to simplify. "In any usual birth there are risks... but given Lady Grantham's age, health and past illness, it is likely we will have to prepare for extreme complications that we cannot always bring life through. In any case... unfortunately mortality is a likely factor."

"Mortality for who?" Robert asked, anger fading from him and concern setting in once more.

"We can't yet say..."

"Cora will come out of this," he looked directly at Clarkson. The doctors exchanged a glance.

"We hope so."

Wiping away the tears staining his cheeks, Robert looked up at Edith with renewed determination to be strong.

"I have to be with her."

"I know you want to papa but I don't think they'll let us back in there. She'll be alright, we need to believe in that."

Cora had begun to cry again, moaning in such clear pain and all Robert wanted to do was to take it away, feel it for her if it meant she'd be spared. Edith felt a surge of sympathy for Robert, he'd never looked so lost.

"Let's go sit in my room. It's not too far, we can keep the door open in case the have to come find us."

Robert nodded and Edith began down the hallway, checking over her shoulder to make sure he was following. When they got there, Edith sat down on her bed still rocking the quietened infant in her arms.

"Why don't you hold him?" Edith suggested. "He's calmed down now."

"I'm not sure..." Robert sat down next to her, chancing a look over Edith's shoulder at the infant in her hold.

"What's to be unsure about?" she asked gently, slowly moving to offer the baby into Robert's arms.

"I'm not..." but before he'd been given the chance to refuse, Robert was holding the baby. "He's so small..." he said quietly.

"He is little isn't he? Healthy though... He made a right racket at first..." There was a moment of quiet before Edith spoke again. "I never heard you talk about names..."

"Oh... Your mama wanted to decide if it was a girl and I would if it were a boy..."

"And what do you think you'll choose?" Edith prompted gently, offering her finger for the baby to clutch.

"I don't... I couldn't choose. I want for your mama to pick... Though she'll probably name him after her brother or her father," he smiled, trying to catch his own tears as he laughed once. "Harold or Isidore Crawley..." he sniffed, smiling again as a droplet dripped off his nose.

"Mama will be alright..."

"Thank you," he said. "But you don't know that... not for sure..."

The baby yawned and waved his arms, reaching for contact, his eyes opening on the world for the first time in the brilliant blue colour of a newborn.

"How can you sit there so calmly!?" he asked, incredulously. "Or do you not understand what we've just been told? Do you not care?"

"Sit down," she repeated. Doctor Ryder and Doctor Clarkson had since left the room and the afternoon was wearing on. The rain had started again without catching anyone's notice, falling in fine sheets out of a blank grey sky.

"Stop telling me to sit down!" he roared. Seeing her face, his guilt was immediate and he did as he'd been told. "I'm sorry," he said instantly.

"It's alright..."

"No, it's not."

"It is... I know you get angry when you're scared."

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"I need to tell you something. And I don't want you to say anything until I'm finished talking, right?"

"Yes..."

"I have had everything I've ever wanted out of this life- no, don't interrupt, I'm not saying my goodbye's, just listen. I want you to hear me and understand what I'm saying... I've made mistakes, Robert, I'm human as are you. I wondered for a long time what my life would be like back home in America, many days I even hoped I'd not let my life go this way. But I know now, sitting here with no idea what will come of the future..." she was fighting valiantly with her tears but loosing... "I always hoped I'd grow old beside the man I loved and I've near-done it. I've seen our children grow and learn and gain their independence. I don't need anything more than that. So I want you to know that if my time has come first... I'll be happy to go with the life you have given me."

"I thought you weren't saying your goodbyes," he said weakly, clinging to the last of his courage.

"I'm not... But if this baby brings life, it will need so much love to surround it. Whether I'm here or not to provide it-"

"Stop talking this way," he near-begged. "I can't see you go. Not yet. Don't leave me alone."

"You will not ever be alone..."

"Lord Grantham?"

"Yes?" Robert stood up quickly. "What's happened? Is Cora- is Lady Grantham alright?"

"Well... would you like to come with me?" Doctor Ryder asked, Robert got the sense the doctor was restraining himself from saying something and it made him feel all the more suspicious.

"Of course..."

"I think we ought to bring young Lord Downton," the doctor suggested. Robert frowned but agreed anyway, turning to take the still unnamed baby from Edith who had stayed quietly with him, leaving him undisturbed while he worried and fretted and paced.

"I can carry him if you like papa," Edith offered.

Robert nodded, "if you wouldn't mind."

Robert began to follow the doctor down the hall, finding his heart beginning to hammer loudly in his chest as he neared the bedroom. He paused just before the doorway, about to turn and move into the room, his breath hitched in his throat as he prepared himself for a vision that would likely not leave his eyes in a very long time...

There were times in his life, times a little too rare and infrequent, when Robert would wonder how she'd become impossibly more beautiful than the last time he'd seen her. These were times when his heart did a little leap of love as he'd remember his luck in finding her at all in the cruel and cold world he'd been in before she came along and he had realised her. Her in her sensitive power to make all things gentler, set his mind to ease, cast away the worries that stayed like a rotten plague over his thoughts.

Words were strong to Robert. If he couldn't put into words for Cora the intense and achingly passionate way he loved her and how faultlessly and greatly he loved her in the moment he entered that room then... then he felt he wasn't worthy of the sight before him. He vowed to try.

She was sitting up-right, her hair loosely tied back and a little damp with sweat. Her face had been mopped dry, her lips curved upwards before her adoring gaze moved upwards and fell on Robert. Her face broke into a smile that made his chest swell with emotion. Her eyes moved downward again and he followed her line of sight. As he came into the room, moving around the bed-post, he saw clearly what she was looking at.

"What?" Robert had gone from dazed to down-right confused in the breadth of a second. "Who...? How?"

Cora looked at him again, this time seeming a little amused by him.

"Robert darling," she smiled. "It would seem a little detail went unrealised..."

"Sorry?" he looked quite startled, making Cora giggle, she was positively glowing. Robert came closer and found himself stunned. In her arms, swaddled lightly in a blanket was a squirming and burbling, pink-faced little baby.

"Twins, Robert... Two boys."

"Wh- Twins?"

"You are pleased?"

"Wha-? Yes, of course! ... Good God... I'm just... How'd...?" He trailed off, feeling confusion and surprise slowly ebb away his worry. His heart still thumping at top speed, relief coursed throughout him. "If you knew how much I love you right now," Robert said suddenly, Cora looked a little taken aback at this. "More than anything. Beyond even, mother of my children, Countess of this estate, my darling wife, Cora you..." his tears were returning again. "Cora, I..."

"Oh darling, come here," she smiled. Robert came over to the bed and sat down beside her.

"It doesn't sound right to just say 'I love you', it feels like the easy way to tell you what I... what I feel. But right now I'm so incompetent of words it's all I can say. I love you."

"I know..." she said softly. "And I love-"

"I can say it more times to give you a better idea of how much?"

"Oh Robert, you don't have to-"

"I love you... I love you, I love you... I bl-bloody well love you!"

Cora started to giggle. Robert was grinning too, he leant forwards and kissed her cheek, her nose, her eyelids, her forehead.

"Robert!" she laughed, blushing lightly.

"Yes?" he moved back, raising an eyebrow.

"You'll wake up the little one," she whispered, looking down again. He looked down too... "Where's our other boy?" she asked.

"Edith's got him, I think. They're incredible, I'd nearly forgotten-" A knock on the door interrupted them and Clarkson poked his head in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he said, coming into the room. "We're just doing a few check ups and assessing the children to make sure they're healthy, do you mind if we take the younger of the two aswell?"

Cora was reluctant to let go of her child but Clarkson was soon back in the room, running check-ups on her too. Robert stayed, feeling far to elated to feel awkward while the doctor did regular things like check temperature and mumble and scribble things down on the nurse's clipboard.

"Is everything as it should be?" Cora asked, yawning into her hand.

"I think so, we'll know for sure after another twenty-four hours. I'd say, if you don't mind my saying, it's been a very lucky evening."

"Has everyone been to see the children?" Robert asked, feeling pride growing within him.

"Err, no... Everyone has gone to bed. The Dowager Countess suggested that if we're to be busy running examinations this evening then perhaps tomorrow morning might be the best time to meet the new lords."

"Very good, probably as well. It's getting late," Robert looked at his pocket watch and barely registered the time it displayed.

"Well, I'll allow you some time to say goodnight," Clarkson said, moving out of the room again to allow them a moment's privacy. The second the door clicked shut, Robert was sitting beside her on the bed, his hands in hers and his eyes on her face.

"I've never been so scared in my life as I have been this evening," he told her. "Thank you for making it all go away."

Cora smiled, her voice soft. "Angel's were watching over us tonight."

Robert nodded, he didn't need to say any more, even though he wanted to. She had been brave in the face of the consequences which was more than could be said of him sometimes. Suddenly he knew what she'd meant. This was as good as it got, if he were to die tomorrow he could be happy with his life. For he had lived it hand in hand with her.

A/N: Yeah, I know I made you wait way too long! I just have to say a big thank you to dear Settees-under-seige for Beta-ing this chapter for me and providing moral guidance as without her I could well have bailed...

Anyway, I have heaps of other things and notes and stuff but I'm going to leave all that for the epilogue when this story finally signs off. Ta ta dears and thank you for the reviews and support, means oodles to me. :)

Nova Super xx