I don't even know why I decide to go to Grabiner's class the next day after the way that I had yelled at him. I hadn't quite decided if I was going to apologize after class, or if I was simply going to show him that I would not allow myself to be pushed around. I was half afraid that maybe he would kick me out of class, but I would have to take that on chance.

But as I arrived at the classroom that day, a tad later than everybody else, there was a note on the board that said, "Free Period." I stopped and frowned at it. He wasn't here? My first thought was that he was too embarrassed to show up to class after a student yelled at him, but surely other students must have gone off on him before, right? And he wouldn't cancel class just because of that, would he?

As I leave the classroom, I'm suddenly aware that all eyes are on me. The volume in the hallway seems to drop as I'm flooded by whispers.

"Look, there she is."

"Did you hear what she said yesterday?"

"I heard she yelled at him because he refused to go to the dance with her."

"I heard she rejected him. She's the treasurer, right? They do spend a lot of alone time together."

"He's probably too embarrassed to show up now. No more Grabby."

"I heard he ran out of the room crying."

"He's probably still locked away in his room, crying like a baby."

"Maybe he couldn't take someone telling him the truth to his face."

"Maybe he really is depressed."

"Maybe he killed himself."

The last voice made me freeze in my tracks as icy fingers race up and down my spine. I whirl around but the hallway is quiet now, filled with people who refuse to look at me or meet my eyes. The last words I hear still linger in the air: Maybe he killed himself.

I shake my head and pick up the pace, racing towards my dorm room, walking as fast as I can. As I walk, people brush by me asking me questions. "So is Grabby gone for good? What did you do to him?"

I don't cry, but I just rake in a lungful of air and walk faster, walk as fast as I can without breaking into a run before I burst into my dorm room and shut the door behind me. The room is empty. Ellen and Virginia are probably in class with Jason for at least a few hours yet. My heart racing, I pull my pillow to my chest. Maybe he killed himself.

No, he didn't. He wouldn't. Just because I had said some mean things to him, doesn't mean that he would go ahead and end his life, right? But there was something nagging at me, something besides the guilt. I didn't know him, not really. What if he had friends, and a family, and he just didn't show that side of him to his students? That made sense, right? Potsdam said he was going through something personal right now; what if someone he really cared about was really sick or something? Sure, Virginia had said that he didn't have any friends or family, but she didn't really know him either. She was just repeating the same rumors that she had heard from her brothers or other magical friends. But how well did they really know him either?

"Oh shit," I whisper to myself. As selfish as it sounds, I don't know how I would be able to handle myself if he had…done something…because of what I said to him. I lay on my back for what seems like hours, tracing patterns into the ceiling, the same two phrases repeating themselves over and over in my head. What if he has done something? What if it's all my fault?

Virginia and Ellen come back to the room after a while, but they seem hesitant upon seeing me. "Are you okay?"

"Someone said he killed himself because of what I said to him." I felt guilty yesterday after what I had said, but I don't know how I'll manage the guilt if he really-

"Oh come on," Virginia's extremely dismissive tone shakes me from my stupor. "You really think Grabiner is going to off himself because you called him a jerk and cursed him out?"

"He wasn't at class today," I say defensively.

"There could have been other reasons," Ellen added. "Maybe he was just waiting for this whole thing to blow over. The dance is coming up. That'll be all anyone's talking about soon, and what happened between the two of you will be old news."

"She has a point," Virginia says. "You could always ask Professor Potsdam if you're really worried about him. She'd know."

I shrug half-heartedly. "I mean, I want to apologize to him, but I don't know if he's quite ready to see me yet."

"Another good reason why he may not have been to class today," Ellen adds.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" I ask miserably. "Just sit here feeling guilty until detention tomorrow night?"

"Hey, I don't think you should feel guilty," Virginia says. "I mean, he was a serious jerk to you. He attacked you in a classroom. He's been coming down super hard on you lately; it was only a matter of time until you snapped. Nobody blames you."

"But I was too mean," I continue. "Heck, I cursed at him. I told him he had no friends because no one wants to be around him because he's too mean to everyone."

"Ouch," Ellen grimaces.

"But that's the truth, isn't it?" Virginia asks. "Look, I already explained how everyone in the magical community knows each other, right? There are things that you're just expected to do. He's supposed to attend festivals and celebrations but he won't. He's not there for the Thanksgiving blessing, or the New Year's festival in February, or even the pancake supper."

"The pancake supper?" I ask. There's a curious blank spot in my memory. "I don't remember that. Did I go to that?"

"I think you were sick," Virginia says dismissively. "Anyway, the point is that you weren't wrong. A lot of people think it's improper that he won't attend. Potsdam has been defending him for as long as I can remember, but there are a lot of people who don't like him. He doesn't want to be around people socially and when he's forced to interact with them, he's rude to them. It's his own fault he's got no friends."

"Yeah, but-" I stammer. It's weird to be defending someone I absolutely hated yesterday. "I mean, what if he's got some reason for that? What if something happened to him that is so, so terrible and that's why Potsdam has been-?"

Virginia grins at me. "You are thinking too much into this. So what if he does?"

"It's not your business," Ellen agrees quietly.

"And not your concern," Virginia shrugs. "Who cares why he's a miserable old grump? He just is, and your little speech yesterday isn't going to change that."

"I just-" I start, but Virginia cuts me off.

"Hey, I'm saying this for your own good. He's an adult, Tori, okay? Who cares why he is the way he is? He's an adult. He makes his own decisions. If he wants to stop being mean to everyone around him, that's his choice, but I don't want you to suddenly start going out of your way to try being super friendly with him because you think you can 'save him from himself' or whatever because you feel guilty. He was an ass to you yesterday, and he's going to be an ass to you tomorrow."

I shrug half-heartedly. "Maybe you're right."

"No, I am right," Virginia continues. "And if you try to pry into his personal life, he's only going to come down harder on you than he has before. Just stay away from him as much as you can and don't talk to him, then next year you don't have to run for treasurer again and you don't have to see him at all."

I want to argue, but stop myself. She's only a few months older than I am, but she probably has some wisdom about this. William is smart: he's probably told her lots of things that we don't know, especially about the teachers, and she grew up in the magical world. She has experience with this stuff. And I don't. I should listen to her.

"When did you get so old and wise?" I tease to release the tension between us.

Too bad I'm not going to.