The week passes by with thankfully no episodes, and so I take Professor Grabiner's advice and try not to dwell on it. I have bigger things to worry about at the moment, anyway. I'm glad that I was able to give Professor Grabiner at least some sort of Secret Santa present, because, just like last year, another snow storm struck and everyone was back making cards for each other in the gymnasium. I expected to get a card from Virginia, or Ellen, or even Donald, but no one made a card for me. Virginia and Ellen got each other, and Donald got another boy in Wolf Hall. I briefly entertained the idea that Professor Grabiner was my Secret Santa, in which case I assured myself that I wasn't going to receive anything. Not that I minded, really. I didn't really need a card, and I couldn't think of anything Professor Grabiner could get for me that I would actually want.

Virginia did tease me about the possibility that he was my Secret Santa, but it still didn't bother me. What did bother me, though, was how many questions they were asking about what I had gotten Professor Grabiner. I told them that Professor Potsdam had given me some lofty volume in another language to give to him, and that he had been civil and merely grunted a "thank you" before telling me to get out. Yes, it was a lie, but unlike the ones Professor Grabiner seemed to be fond of telling, it was a believable one at the very least.

I wasn't quite sure exactly why, but it had been getting harder and harder to talk to my roommates recently. It felt like I was conflicted, like I was one person split into two parts. While I wanted to talk to them about the weird things that were going on, like what was happening to me and the weird things I was noticing around me, the more I seemed determined to keep them secret. It felt like I wanted to keep these things inside, like they were a Secret Santa from me to myself, to treasure and protect, and I didn't want someone else coming along and roughing it up, asking too many questions I wasn't ready to answer. Maybe that was why I felt comfortable opening up to Professor Grabiner: I knew he wouldn't make a fuss over me. He either knew that I would be able to handle it myself, or he would step in and right the whole thing entirely if that was what needed to be done. I wasn't quite sure where my sudden confidence in him came from, but it was there nonetheless.

Unfortunately, the snow storm brought on more worries for me besides just Secret Santa gifts. The following day, I received a letter from my parents saying that although they hoped that they could come pick me up in time for Christmas, they weren't sure if they would be able to with the bad weather and informed me that I might have to stay at Iris Academy over Christmas break. As childish as it sounds, I ripped up the letter. I didn't want to be stuck here over Christmas break. I wanted a break, not just from classes, but from all the weirdness that seemed to surround me lately. I wanted to get away from this place and clear my head for a few weeks in relative normalcy. I knew I could always ask Virginia if I could accompany her and Ellen to her house over break, but I don't even mention the letter to them, and let them believe that I am going home for break as planned. Somehow, just the thought of being surrounded by another loving family on the holidays, especially a magical one, will only make me miss my parents more. So I wish for the best and say nothing.

I write back to my parents and ask them to keep me posted. I tell them that I really hope that I can come home, trying not to sound as desperate as I feel but making it clear that I do not want to be stuck here alone at Iris over the holidays. But on Friday, with no word from them all week, I shuffle down to the assembly with everyone else so Professor Potsdam can do the annual Christmas blessing.

"Now," she says at the end of her usual speech about staying safe and not telling anyone about magic over the holidays. "Think of those that you care about. Think of a person that matters to you. If the person you choose is thinking of you as well, you will feel that connection, that affection will be shared. I'll leave you to your thoughts."

I close my eyes and try to focus. I want to think about my parents, try to will them to come get me, but they're non-magical and wouldn't receive it anyway. So instead I just let my mind float to where it wants to go, and for some reason I find myself blushing as I think about Professor Grabiner. I mean, it wasn't all that strange to be thinking about him. After all, everything that had been happening recently seemed to be centered around him. It was like we had this connection that I just couldn't place…

Suddenly, so faint I could barely be sure I heard it, I hear his soft chuckle. It sounds almost sad though. Immediately, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Is he reading my thoughts? Right now?

"Professor?" I ask nervously, shouting it out to the vastness of my conscious. Then, more boldly, "Hieronymous?" I feel a prick suddenly, just underneath my sternum, and suddenly I find it difficult to draw in a breath. My cheeks feel hot, and it's almost as though I can feel someone else's hot breath on my face-

I jerk my head up and realize people are getting up all around me. I stand up too quickly, almost losing my balance, but luckily a hand on my forearm steadies me. "Hey you."

"Ha, thanks Tommy," I say quickly as I reclaim my arm. I'm still reeling with sensation. The prick, the trouble breathing, the hot breath on my face like someone was standing way too close…that definitely did not feel like Hieronymous. Where did it come from, or rather, who did it come from?

I'm suddenly aware that Tommy has been talking, but I have no idea what he's been saying. "Sorry, what?"

He grins up at me. "You can be so spacy sometimes," he says teasingly. "I was just saying that it was cool, you know? Hearing you, inside my head."

"Hearing me?" I echo blankly. Wait, had that been his laugh that I heard? Or had he been that last sensation? It couldn't have been the last one, it felt almost threatening…maybe it was someone playing a joke on me?

"You were thinking about me, weren't you?" he asks.

"Of course," I say dismissively. "Who else would I be thinking about?" But even as the words leave my mouth, it feels like the wrong thing to say. In fact, it almost surprises me how upset I am at myself for saying it. Of course I couldn't come right out and tell him that I was thinking about Professor Grabiner, but lying about it seemed insulting to him all the same. I decide to change the subject. "So are you excited to go home for Christmas?"

"Oh yeah," Thomas says. "My two brothers are still young yet, so they haven't made The Choice, and I obviously can't tell them anything about it, but they're going to be really excited to see me all the same. They've been asking so many questions about school and what life is like living away from home and I have to lie or reinvent stories to make it seem like they can happen to non-magical people so sometimes it's hard to keep track of who I've told what to but…"

The talk about lying and reinventing stories only makes me think of my own parents, and I stop listening. We walk around the trails like that for a while, him talking about his family, and me, pretending to listen. We walk around until he has to pack, and then I go alone by myself to the library while I wait for my roommates to finish packing. I can always tell them that my parents are coming to pick me up tomorrow morning, but I don't feel like lying to them right now. It would just be easier not to have to tell them anything. So, instead, I make my way up to the library where I see Minnie dropping a few things off. She looks like she's just about ready to leave, and so I stop directly in front of her, essentially blocking her path.

"Hey Minnie," I say, keeping my voice as casual as possible. "What's up? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Oh, hi Tori," she says. She's smiling, but there's something in the way she quickly pulls her eyes away from me that rouses my suspicion instantly. "How have you been?"

"Good," I say. "I've had a lot of free time on my hands recently, you know, because I didn't have to help out with the Thanksgiving tribute."

"Oh." She gives off a little laugh and shuffles uncomfortably. Did she honestly not expect me to find out about that? "We had more than enough volunteers. I tried to find you to see if you wanted to volunteer for a shift, but it filled up before I found you."

"Pity that," I say. Her face is almost parallel to the floor now. Why is she so determined not to look at me? "So why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Going on?" she asks blankly, looking up at me. A flash of genuine confusion skirts across her features and for a moment I wonder if she really doesn't know anything.

"You've been avoiding me," I say.

"I've been busy," she corrects me. "But I should probably get going. My parents should be here to pick me up any time now." She starts to walk away from me but I grab her arm.

"Minnie, tell me-"

"No!" She cries out, and I feel a burning sensation in my hand, causing me to release her. "No, I can't talk to you, Tori. Leave me alone." She spins around and runs out of the library, books clutched to her chest.

I'm thankful the library is empty so no one else saw that, but as I watch the library doors swing shut behind her, the feeling is quickly replaced with confusion. And paranoia. And suspicion. What was happening to me and why would no one tell me what was going on? What would I have to do to get answers?