When I open my eyes, I realize that the stone Hieronymous had given me is still in my hand. I shake my head and laugh softly as I shake my hair loose and tuck the stone into the top of my tank top. I don't know what the stone is, besides obviously magic of course, but I like it. I don't know if it has any inherit green magic or any other healing properties to it, but I feel a lot better, not just physically, but mentally too. I feel happier, more clear-headed.

I stand up and put on my clothes slowly, trying to think about what I'm going to do today. Everyone is gone: Virginia, Ellen, Donald, Tommy…I hesitate as I realize that I haven't really spoken to or socialized with anyone else this year. I know Minnie, although she made her thoughts on me quite clear. I was good friends with a lot of the upper classmen last year, like William and Big Steve, but they had all graduated and moved on with their lives.

I sigh and decide to head back up to the library, trying to figure out what to do with myself. There isn't a soul in the hallways, nor do I hear the familiar signs of life around campus, which only increases my sense of loneliness. Is this how Professor Grabiner feels all the time? It would make sense why he was so miserable and bitter all the time, although he did seem to prefer my company…

Suddenly I feel an itching sensation in the back of my head and I slump against the wall in the middle of the hallway. Shit, not again. I quickly fight with my robes to grab the stone and hold it to myself, focusing, focusing…Pulse dammit pulse.

And there it is again, although the pulsing was a little bit quicker right now than it had been before. It felt almost like a…heartbeat? I quickly drop the stone as the burning sensation in my brain begins to fade. A heartbeat? I bite my lip as I continue on my way towards the library, trying to puzzle this new mystery together. Yesterday when I was holding it, it was steady and slow, but now, if it really was a heartbeat, it wasn't racing but it was faster…

Well, duh. I shake my head. How could I have been so stupid? It was probably my own heartbeat. Yesterday it was slower because I was sitting on my bed, relaxing. Right now I was stressed and anxious, so of course it would be faster. A stone that let me feel my own heartbeat; I stop and hold it up in front of my face. Kind of creepy, but it seemed to serve its purpose. I shrug and head into the library.

There's no one around, quite like yesterday, but there is a book that's been left out on the table. I walk over to it and spin the book around so I can read the cover. Memory spells? Who's here learning about memory spells? Isn't that supposed to be generally forbidden magic? I shrug as I slip into a seat in the corner of the table. Probably a senior that's worried about not graduating or something. I pull the book towards me and flip open to the table of contents. Nothing jumps out at me as particularly interesting, so I just turn to the first page and begin to read.

As I read, I sit with my head in one hand and idly flip pages with the other. I'm so busy trying to piece through the lofty style of writing that I don't even notice Professor Grabiner entering the library. "Well, don't you seem to be engrossed in that book?"

My head almost slips out of my palm as I glance up at him. Is he teasing me? "No," I say softly. "It's just, I don't know, too educational for me."

"I must say, I knew you were attentive to your studies, but I didn't quite expect to find you in the library poring over textbooks over break," he says.

"Well," I shrug. "No one else to hang out with."

He considers that for a moment. "Are you lonely?"

I contemplate the question. "Probably no more than you usually are."

He seems a bit taken aback by that sentiment and I can hear him huff, "Oh very well," before he sits down at the opposite side of the table from me, diagonally. I stare at him, confused. "I suppose I could read in here to keep you company."

"No, sir, you don't have to-"

"Silence," he warns me in a scholarly tone, and I see him open up his book. "The reason I came here to read is because I may need some materials for reference." I sigh and accept that he's not going anywhere. I keep quiet and get back to reading.

To be honest, it's not that bad reading with Grabby here. Of course, I had immediately taken my feet off the chair opposite me and sat up a little straighter when he came in, but aside from that I didn't really notice him as I poured over pages of memory charms. There weren't any spells in there; it was purely just the academic study of the "philosophy and moral quandary" of memory charms, expressing that that kind of magic was generally forbidden by the general populace. I was just getting to the part about memory shields, and how it blocked only specific things from your memory but did not erase them, when I started to think about my parents.

What would happen if I did decide to have them forget about me? Would the school simply wipe their memories or would they put up a shield? What would happen to me if I were to ever be expelled? Would they just take down the shield so I could go home and live normally with them again, or would my parents really have forgotten me entirely? And then who would I be without my memories? A blank shell, completely at the school's mercy, to be placed and reconstructed as they saw fit?

A shudder runs through me, and suddenly I don't think I want to be learning about memory spells anymore. It's just too creepy. Even if I did do something wrong to have my magic and memories taken from me, I had earned my memories. They were mine, along with the feelings and emotions that came with them. I would never want anyone to wipe my memories, not of anything. They belonged to me, and no one had any right to take them from me. Iris Academy and Professor Potsdam could, sure, but that didn't make it any less wrong.

I sigh inwardly. But I'm a wildseed. I wasn't raised in this life or in this culture. Maybe people who were born to it and grew up magically saw things differently?

I pause on the chapter introducing memory shields as I glance up at Professor Grabiner. I want to ask him questions about this, but would he even give me the answers? Obviously this magic was way above my skill level, but he did seem to take a liking to me recently. Maybe he would tell me. I glance in his direction out of the corner of my eye. He seems really engrossed in his book, and that's when I realize that he's still reading the same book I had given him for his Secret Santa present. Given that he seemed to go through one sizable tome in two days, this was strange to me. I glance at the pages to see if he's almost done reading, only to realize that it looks like he's still near the beginning of the book.

"Are you rereading it?" I ask, unable to hold back my curiosity. He raises an eyebrow, still staring down at his book, and says nothing. "You've been reading that book for more than your usual book time-frame," I explain childishly. "And you're not even a quarter way through it, so now it looks to me like you're rereading it."

"Perceptive," he murmurs, still not looking up.

I hesitate. He really doesn't seem to want to talk to me right now. I'm never going to get answers at this rate. "Okay, fine," I say at length. "Don't tell me what it's about, but I'm glad I could get you something so interesting that it holds your attention so well, that's all."

I go back to my book, jaw set, pretending to be thoroughly engaged in whatever my own dusty volume had to say. I can see him sigh and set down his book. "Yes, it is very interesting," he says at last. "A little bit hard to swallow at first, I must admit, but the ending does get appreciatively….better."

"Ending?" I repeat with surprise. "Wait, then it's not a textbook?"

He chuckles to himself. "Do textbooks not have endings?"

"Well, I mean, I guess they do but-" I shrug. I can't quell the nagging voice in my head that tells me he's lying to me again. Whatever he's reading, it's most definitely not academic. "Why won't you tell me what it is you're reading? I gave it to you, I should know."

He tilts his head to the side, considering this. "Tell me what you're reading and perhaps I will enlighten you."

I snort. That's an easy trade, especially since I don't really care all that much about what I'm reading. It certainly doesn't mean as much to me as that book seems to mean to him. I flip back two or three pages to show the chapter title of memory shields and slide it across the table towards him. He pulls the book closer to him to see it, but when he reads the chapter title, his jaw seems to go slack. "Where did you get this?" he asks quietly.

"It was just sitting on the table," I shrug, not really looking at him. "I don't know, I was bored so I just-"

"Where did you get this?" he repeats. There's something dark about his voice that forces me to meet his eyes. He doesn't just look angry, he looks incensed.

"It was just on the table." I can feel my heart thumping in my chest, and the words come out like a whisper.

"You really expect me to believe that?" he asks, and I stare at him. "This is serious magic," he yells at me. I flinch involuntarily. "You had no right-"

"It was just on the table," I murmur but he's not listening to me.

"-to read this. This is far beyond your level of skill, and-" he waves the book. "If you were actually reading this, you would realize that this kind of magic is generally forbidden."

"No," I say quietly. "I just-"

"Do you really think there's no punishment for delving into forbidden magics?" he yells. "That just because I'm-" he swallows his words. "That just because it's me that you think you could read this in front of my face and I wouldn't punish you for it?"

"No, please, I swear-"

"What were you looking for in here?"

"Nothing, please, sir-" My voice is shaky with tears that have yet to fall. I mean, okay, I wasn't sure if I was really supposed to be reading this, but surely this is an overreaction?

I shut my eyes and flinch instinctively as he casts some sort of magic over me. I wait a few seconds, wait for him to throw me out the window or something, but nothing happens. When I dare to open my eyes again, he is glaring at me.

"If I ever catch you with this book again, you won't have to worry about whatever magical punishment I would put you through, because you won't be studying magic at all."

"No-" I almost shout, but his voice is still louder than mine.

"Get out," he yells. Instead of struggling my way past the chairs, I teleport straight past him and to the doors, slamming them open as I stumble into them. Fortunately I hold my balance and race down the hall as fast as I can towards my room. Once inside, I bury my face in my knees, trying to catch my breath.

No he can't expel me he wouldn't expel me would he really expel me? All for looking at a book on forbidden magic? But is it really forbidden just to know how memory spells work? I just wanted to ask him…why is it so bad that I know? What's in that book? Why did he get so mad at me? Is there something he doesn't want me to know? Is there-?

My head shoots up, and I realize I don't have a lot of time. I need answers, and I also need to get to her before he does. I quickly slam the door shut behind me as I race towards Professor Potsdam's office.