"Come in, dearie," Professor Potsdam calls sweetly as I knock on her office door. I almost want to pound it down, but I control myself. I open the door slowly, ignoring my shaking muscles, both from my anxiousness and the cold.

"Don't you look a fright?" she says comfortingly. "Sit down, sit down." A spell of green magic washes over me and at least my muscles stop twitching. It does nothing, however, for my heart thumping in my chest. "Now tell me, what's wrong? Get into a fight with Professor Grabiner again?"

I am too thrown off by his threats of expulsion to question why she automatically assumed that I was having an issue with Professor Grabiner. "Not exactly," I say. "He threatened to expel me for reading a book."

She laughs to herself. "For reading a book? Oh pumpkin, I don't think-"

"It was just sitting on the table," I blurt out. "I didn't go looking for it, it was just sitting on the table and I was bored and looking for something to do so I just started reading it and, and, please don't take my magic." It comes out in one long breath, and for a second I'm worried I'm going to burst into tears.

"Now, now," she says softly. "I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this. What book was it?"

"A book on memory spells," I tell her. "One of the senior books, I think."

She purses her lips. "You do know that those books are spelled, don't you?"

"Spelled?" I echo.

"To prevent young witches and wizards from getting their hands on more magic than they can handle," she says. "The books are spelled. You shouldn't have been able to open it."

"I'm not lying," I say quickly. "Please, test my memory, use empathy or something, I'm telling the truth."

She waits for me to finish my outburst before she speaks again. "Now, usually there is punishment for students that look into spells beyond their comprehension, especially one as forbidden as memory magic-"

"But there were no spells," I blurt out. "It was all just, theory and philosophy…stuff. Like, about what they were." I take a deep breath. "And why you shouldn't use them."

She looks at me curiously. "I'll ask Professor Grabiner to show me the book," she says. "And we will decide any necessary punishments from there."

"Are you going to take my magic?" I ask, my voice wobbling uncertainly.

She forces a smile. "No dear, although, you must understand, even if there were no spells, you still should not have been reading that book." I open my mouth to argue, but she holds up her hand to stop me. "Even if it was just left out on the table, you shouldn't have been able to even open it. I'm guessing one of the seniors unspelled it and left it there to lure some unsuspecting freshman into a bit of a prank and ensnared you instead."

"I guess," I shrug.

"Unless," she sets her sights on me. "You asked a senior to unspell it and leave it out for you."

"What?" I ask sharply. "No-"

She chuckles to herself and is about to say something when I can't take it anymore. Why does no one believe me? "Test my memory, do something, I didn't ask anyone, I-"

"Silence," she says, and suddenly I feel my voice catch in my throat. It's almost painful, and I feel a burning sensation in my larynx as I try to get the rest of the words out, but they won't come. She's muted me. I can't speak. I sit there, holding my throat in one hand, and stare at her helplessly as she continues. "Now then. I can certainly understand why you want to learn about memory spells, but I wish you had come to me first." I look at her curiously, raising my eyebrows dramatically to show my confusion. "Oh silly girl, this is about your parents, of course, isn't it?"

I blink at her stupidly. "Oh come now," she says. "You left your parents to spend the summer with us, and sure, Thanksgiving break was short enough, but now that you're back here for Christmas…" She lets her voice trail off. "You want me to make them forget, don't you?"

I hesitate as she waves her hand and unspells me so I can speak again. I hadn't actually connected my parents to memory spells until I was already reading the book, but playing along may be my chance to get some answers. "I didn't actually learn much from the book," I say, choosing my words carefully. "It was a bit hard to read, honestly. I just know that there's memory wiping and memory shielding and there's a difference." She waits patiently for me to continue. "So shielding is like, blocking, right? Like it's still there, they just can't remember it?" She nods in confirmation. "So, like, does it…hurt? Could they break the shield and remember?"

"Memory shields are quite controversial," she explains. "One can break through them, if the spell is weak enough. But if it is shoddily constructed, one can get…trapped."

"Trapped?" I ask.

"In a sort of bubble," she explains. "The person will focus so hard on trying to retrieve the memory that they become stuck in it, and they can't get out. They fall into a bit of a coma, if you will."

"Can't you wake them up?" I ask. "With green magic?"

She smiles bitterly. "Depends on the person. We all have our unique memories and attachments to them, and so everyone is affected differently. A great deal of the time, it depends on the caster. For example, if I was to cast a memory shield on you, I doubt you would ever be aware of it. But if someone else, someone less experienced, were to attempt it, there could be grave consequences for the recipient of the spell. Regardless, some minds are weaker than others. Some are stronger. It's up to the person and the influences and triggers around them that can determine what they remember and what they don't." She sighs. "That is why memory magic is generally forbidden. Besides the obvious violations, it is very dangerous magic and a very tricky business overall."

"So you don't run the risk of memory shields," I say slowly. "With parents."

"No," she confirms. "We find it's just easier to wipe their memories entirely."

I feel sick to my stomach, but I press on. "So, hypothetically, if I did get expelled and lose my magic, you wouldn't send me back to them?"

"They wouldn't know who you were," she explains. "And you wouldn't know who they were."

"What would happen to me?" I ask softly.

"Oh, come now," she says. "I'm not going to expel you for looking at that book. Sometimes the best magic we use isn't the magic we use at all. Why, I can tell by the look on your face that you weren't looking for any sort of trouble-"

"But what would happen to me?" I ask softly. "What about other people, like my old friends and stuff? Would they forget me too? How does that work?"

"Oh, there's a whole department for that," she says dismissively. "Not really my area. But you are, dear. And before I decide your punishment, I need to ask you a very important question." I raise my eyebrows. "We gave you the Choice when you were thirteen years old, and then you chose magic. I'm asking you now, with all that you have seen and done and experienced here, would you ever want to go back to your old life?"

I don't even really need to think about it. "No, I wouldn't."

"Then," she looks at me. "Do you want me to wipe their memories of you, knowing you could never get them back? You would stay at the school full-time, until graduation of course. And there are quite a number of magical colleges that give substantial scholarships to wildseeds that have-"

"Yes," I say softly. My voice is hollow in my throat, and for some reason I think of Tommy. He has two younger brothers that love him, dote on him, would miss him. I just have my parents. All of my friends had moved on with their own lives, I didn't really have any extended family….it's just my parents. And they didn't seem to miss me at all. There were reasons for that, I suspected, but I couldn't think about that now. "Do it."

"Very well then," she says. "Now that that's settled, Hieronymous, please come in." A brief sensation of shock registers through me – has he been listening this whole time? – but it's quickly erased as I focus on the gold plaque in front of the desk that says Professor Petunia Potsdam. I stare at it, focusing on the engraving of the letters so I don't have to look at him and let the enormity of my decision sweep over me. What did I just do? What have I just done? I feel numb inside, a creeping sensation of coldness spreading through me. Did I really just make my parents forget me?

"Let me see the book, please," she says as he walks over and hands her the book. I don't know if he looks at me, and I don't look up. "Oh dear," she gives a little laugh at herself. "When you said a book of memory spells, I thought it was something much more serious. Still, a book for seniors that you shouldn't have been reading, but there's nothing in here that you couldn't have gleaned from our conversation just now."

I should be happy, I guess, but I don't really register it. "My punishment, then?" The words barely trickle out of my throat.

"Oh, no punishment," she says. "As it stands, it looks like you've already got a lot on your mind as it is. We'll take care of the necessary arrangements, but I must ask that you do not try to contact them in any way, or I can assure that strict disciplinary action will be taken."

Don't write to them. Sure thing. I hadn't really received many letters from them recently. I mean, I had written them and told them as much as I could, but all of the letters had sounded fake and forced. I couldn't tell them about how Grabby had pushed me up against the wall or that I had yelled at him, I couldn't tell them about how I was feeling or the strange sensations in my head, heck, I couldn't even tell them what I was learning in any of my classes. Even still, I had at least tried to write. Some of my letters had gotten responses, albeit short ones, but others didn't. I had already been idly wondering if there was even a point in continuing to write to them when-

Maybe this was best for everyone. I incline my head slowly in what could barely be called a nod to indicate that I had heard her.

"Splendid," she says, as if she's totally immune to how I'm feeling right now. "Well then, you can go back to your room, Tori. And next time, if you see any books in the library that you're not sure if you should be reading, please ask myself or one of the other teachers, all right?" Again, I incline my head in what could barely be called a nod. "Okay then, dear, you are dismissed. Have a lovely holiday."

I move my lips to utter "you too" but I'm not sure any sound comes out. I feel completely numb inside as I head back towards my room. I trudge through the snow, hating that the only sound I hear is the crunch of the snow under my feet, and the soft squish as the wet, cold snow permeates my socks. I make it back to my dorm and shut the door behind me, pulling off my clothes as slowly as possible until I'm just in my tank top and shorts. I crawl into my bed and lie there, pillow under my head, facing the wall, realizing the implications of what I had just done. I was an orphan now. I didn't just lose my parents; I had gotten rid of them, thrown them away.

Or had they thrown me away? They obviously didn't want to see me over Christmas; they had been writing to me less…maybe there just wasn't room for me in their lives anymore.

A short while later I hear a knock on the door and I use a spell to determine that it's Professor Grabiner. He continues to knock for the better part of an hour, calling my name, and asking me as kindly as possible to open the door and talk to him, but I don't get up. I don't open it. I don't even answer him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had to make this decision yet. If it wasn't for him yelling at me about the book, I would never have gone to Professor Potsdam and I never would have-

No. It's me. It's my fault. I'm the one who read the book. I knew it was a senior book. I mean, I didn't know that senior books were supposed to be spelled to prevent us from opening them, but I read it all the same. Any punishment that I have to endure is mine. I think about it. Maybe this was my punishment, learning about memory spells in the cruelest way possible, which is why she decided not to give me any additional punishments. Sitting here in the dark, alone over Christmas holiday, was punishment enough.

I pull the blue stone close to my chest and try to think of something happy, but I suddenly push it away. No, I don't deserve to feel happy right now. I just lost my parents. It may have been by my own doing, but I need time to grieve. I need time to mourn, although at some point I'm not quite sure whether I feel sorrier for them or myself.

That night, I consider going to Professor Potsdam in the morning and telling her that I changed my mind, that I don't want to go through with it, but in the end, I decide against it. I think back to the summer when I had first left my parents to come back to Iris Academy because I missed my friends so much. But it wasn't just my friends. I missed using magic, and something else too, something else that made me so incredibly happy...

I can't remember what it is specifically; it's more of a feeling. Maybe it was just the overall general feeling of Iris, where I could really be myself, where I didn't have to hide anything or lie to other people about who I am. Overall, I was happier here than I was at home.

Maybe this really was for the best.

Professor Grabiner had seen Tori so happy that she couldn't stop laughing, so angry that she was practically spitting venom, and crying so hard she couldn't even breathe. He had seen her afraid, confused, shy, embarrassed, and frightened, but he had never seen her numb before. It was as if a light had gone out behind her eyes, and he couldn't even look at her as she left the room. It was as if everything that made Tori herself had simply slipped out of her, leaving nothing but an empty shell behind. And it was all his fault.

"That wasn't necessary," he said at length, when he was sure she was out of earshot. "She was under duress. It wasn't fair to force her to go through with a decision like that."

"It would have to have been done eventually," Potsdam sighs. "Wildseeds have to let go of their old lives eventually, and the sooner they do it the better. Besides, now it'll give her something else to think about for a while."

Professor Grabiner frowned. He wasn't totally blind to Professor Potsdam's cold, analytical demeanor like the rest of the students, but every now and again it surprised even him. Pushing Tori to forget her own parents to distract her from possibly becoming aware of her own memory shield was cruel, to say the least, although maybe he just felt that way because he seemed to have developed a soft spot for Tori. He wasn't quite sure.

"It's my fault," he sighed. "I shouldn't have yelled at her. I was just concerned that if she had started to piece together too much too quickly-"

"Are any other books missing from the library?" Potsdam asked. She was in no mood for one of Grabiner's routine sulks. While he was focused on Tori, she was looking at the bigger picture.

"No," he said. "None of the others look touched, either. Just that one."

"Well, at least this narrows things down quite a bit," Potsdam sighed. "Most of the students are away on break, and it would take someone more powerful than a freshman or a sophomore to disenchant one of the senior textbooks."

"So you believe it wasn't a student, then?"

"We will need to revisit the list of who stayed here during break," she said. "Students, teachers, everyone, although it could very well possibly be someone from the outside. There are not that many people on school grounds right now; I'm not sure how easy it would be for someone to slip by unnoticed."

Professor Grabiner gritted his teeth in frustration. They were slowly narrowing down the list of suspects, but even that didn't really do much good. Having even a handful of suspects was all but useless. There was only one person who had cast the memory charm on her, and only that one person could reverse it.

"If anything, it means we know they were watching Tori," she continued. "They knew she was staying here over break, and they knew her well enough to know that she would be heading up to the library and left the book out for her to find."

Professor Grabiner closed his eyes as he remembered when he had caught Tori sleeping on the library window ledge. That had seemed dangerous in itself, but now he was beginning to realize how dangerous and exposed she was, sleeping out in the open like that. And she was completely unaware of the danger that could befall her.

"Should I keep her out of the library, then?"

Professor Potsdam pursed her lips, deep in thought. "Honestly, it might be better if she were to stay with you for a while, Hieronymous. Keep her safe, at least until there are more people back on campus. I believe her roommates will be back on the following Saturday."

He hesitated. Being around Tori increased the risk that she could remember too much, too fast. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Well, someone is clearly watching her and aware of her whereabouts," Potsdam said. "And they managed to sneak by under our noses. Tori didn't seem to read far enough to link her condition to memory shields, and we're lucky for that." She pauses. "But this could be good for us. If they are bold enough to sneak in and leave her the book, then it means they are getting impatient, and it will only be a matter of time before they either get sloppy and show themselves, or come after Tori directly."

Professor Grabiner paused, realizing the implications of this. "So you plan to use the girl as bait?"

Professor Potsdam rolled her eyes. "Do you have any other suggestions?" Professor Grabiner was silent. "I know you are in danger as well, Hieronymous, although I am starting to wonder which is causing you greater concern: the potential loss of your magic and your own memories, or Tori."

Professor Grabiner narrowed his eyes and made his voice as low as possible. "I have vowed to protect the girl for as long as we are forced to stay married, nothing more." She sighed and cast a wave of white magic over him. He huffed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. The appearance was not unlike a teenager who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "That was not necessary."

"Then perhaps it would do you well to remember not to lie to me," Professor Potsdam said. "Please remember that I am the one who encouraged this union in the first place. I can see that you are becoming very attached to her, and while I wholeheartedly endorse it, I must remind you that both of your lives are at stake."

"As I am well aware," he murmured under his breath.

"So you will watch out for her over break?"

Professor Grabiner sighed. "I'm not sure she wants to be around me right now, considering the events that have just transpired."

"Oh, don't you worry about that," Potsdam said cheerily. "I'm sure you will be able to think of something in order to win back her affections."

"The girl just lost her parents," he reminded her. "In part because of my own actions. I don't think this is something she will simply overlook with a small gesture of kindness."

"Then make it a big one," Professor Potsdam said. "You're her husband. Open up to her."

He sighed and shook his head as he turned on his heel and stalked out of her office. He was in no mood to take relationship advice from Potsdam, of all people. He had been able to get Tori to forgive him more than a handful of times, but he had never hurt her so personally or permanently as this. He headed up the stairs into Horse Hall. He had no idea what he was going to say, but if he wanted any chance of repairing his relationship with her, it was going to have to be one damn good apology.