Chapter Forty-Five; Memories
(Stephanie's POV)
Stephanie woke with a slight start, but immediately relaxed when she felt the comforting weight of being wrapped in someone's arms. She glanced up to see Haymitch sleeping soundly.
Stephanie snuggled closer to him. At least for a few more moments she could enjoy this, she thought to herself. But the few moments were only that.
She still felt exhausted and drained but she felt she could sleep no longer. She wanted to get up and occupy herself with something.
Her thoughts also needed distraction. She felt relief in having shared her burden with someone who could understand her, but after the initial tide of exhausting emotions had passed she felt a little niggling worry begin. What would Haymitch do now?
She pushed it out of her mind, enjoying the feeling of contentment and peacefulness that she could only obtain here in Haymitch's arms for as long as possible.
Which wasn't very long.
There was a knock on the door.
Stephanie was just about to nudge Haymitch awake hastily when a familiar voice called her name.
Frenkin.
Stephanie disentangled herself from Haymitch's arms. He woke groggily then, groaning and mumbling.
Stephanie gave a slight smirk before clambering over him to the door.
When she pulled it open Frenkin stood there, struggling with a tray laden with food and such in his hands. They had missed supper after all.
Stephanie felt a pang of guilt thinking of Frenkin eating supper with Isa, or if Isa had gone off, then all…alone.
Stephanie smiled brightly to cover her brief lapse and immediately went to help him with the tray.
"I brought you some supper because you missed it and…" Frenkin's voice trailed off as he spied Haymitch who was just sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Frenkin immediately blushed scarlet red and began stumbling over apologies. "I–I'm sorry. I didn't know…I hadn't realised…I–I would never…"
"Frenkin," Stephanie cut across him and give him a reassuring smile. "It's okay."
Frenkin looked up at her and taking a deep breath, returned her smile.
"Come on in." Stephanie stepped back from the door, gesturing for Frenkin to enter.
Frenkin blushed again, looking uncertainly between a now standing Haymitch and Stephanie.
"Come on in kid," Haymitch called.
Frenkin stepped through the threshold of the door and Stephanie closed the door after him with her hip.
Stephanie immediately went over and set the tray of food down on the dresser, knocking the alarm clock to the floor to make room.
Haymitch pulled over the chair from the dressing table in Stephanie's room and the plush divan over to the side of the bed, where he flopped down unceremoniously onto the divan.
Stephanie glowered at him for a moment, crossing her arms sternly with an arched eyebrow.
Haymitch threw a glance at Frenkin who seated himself on the chair. "Sorry sweetheart, I didn't know we were having guests," he said, putting his arms behind his head.
Frenkin gave a soft laugh and Stephanie relented and smiled.
She herself sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs and pulled the bedside dresser roughly into the centre of the three of them.
Stephanie smiled warmly at Frenkin. "Thanks for the food Frenkin. I was meant to be at supper but someone…didn't wake me like they said they would," Stephanie said, with a pointed look at Haymitch.
Haymitch pretended to be oblivious and made a quick grab for some of the food on her plate. Stephanie however lifted the plate before he could get anything.
"There is more food. I could go and get some more," Frenkin offered.
"No kid, don't worry. I just like winding sweetheart up here," Haymitch said, relaxing once more.
"Glad to know I amuse you," Stephanie replied sarcastically.
"Constantly," Haymitch answered without missing a beat.
Frenkin laughed again, though he tried to cover it with his hand.
"You see sweetheart, even Frenkin here is amused," Haymitch teased, flashing her a brilliant smile.
Stephanie gave him a grateful look as once more Frenkin ducked his head to try and conceal his laughter behind a small hand.
Haymitch looked knowingly back at her.
"You remind me of…" Frenkin's voice trailed off as he looked shyly up at them.
"A cat and dog?" Haymitch supplied.
"Well, we all know who the dog is in that analogy," Stephanie said, smirking slightly with laughing eyes.
Frenkin had given up on trying to hold back his laughter.
"I hear dogs are quite loyal actually," Haymitch countered.
"Don't they have a habit of chasing their own tails?" Stephanie asked innocently with a wicked smile.
"And what about a cat? What are they known for?" Haymitch asked with a smirk.
"Landing on their feet," Frenkin offered.
Haymitch gave a loud guffaw and made a general show of recovering himself.
Stephanie arched an eyebrow at him, fixing him with a stony expression though her eyes were bright.
"And what, may I ask, do you find so funny?" Stephanie asked, managing to fight the smile and keep her voice calm and collected.
Haymitch exchanged a glance with Frenkin, then looked back to Stephanie.
"Oh come on now sweetheart. Do I really need to explain that one? You – landing on your feet," he said and then he and Frenkin dissolved into laughter.
"Walking in high heels is difficult!" Stephanie protested though she was smiling by this stage herself.
Frenkin was laughing freely now, but in-between his laughter he managed to get out a few words that made both Stephanie and Haymitch pause for a moment.
"You remind me of my mum and dad," Frenkin said, taking off his glasses to dry his eyes with a huge sheepish grin on his face.
There was a ghost of a smile playing on Stephanie's lips as she looked at Frenkin fondly, even Haymitch had a genuine smile, though in both their eyes there was a sympathetic look.
Frenkin blushed under the attention.
…
(Frenkin's POV)
Frenkin excused himself swiftly, only after Stephanie had coaxed from him promises to return.
He exited the room quietly and just as he was closing the door he caught the flash of movement, as Stephanie dove across the divan to Haymitch, already speaking in hushed whispers.
Frenkin shut the door gently, smiling softly to himself.
He made his way slowly into the main room; empty and silent. Isa had had supper with him but had disappeared shortly afterwards.
Passing on into the kitchen Frenkin went to the fridge and opened it.
No matter how many times he saw it, his eyes were still the size of saucers as he took in the shelves bursting with food. Plates and plates of food; all already prepared of course.
Frenkin chanced a look around him, but the place was empty, except for Haymitch and Stephanie in her room of course. However he still blushed furiously, stealing furtive glances every now and then as though he was going to do something naughty and was afraid of getting caught.
Frenkin took what he wanted from the fridge, just what he needed and no more, though he could have took the whole fridge and no one would have minded.
He tip-toed over to the kitchen table, listening carefully for any signs of Stephanie and Haymitch approaching. All was quiet.
Frenkin seated himself in one of the chairs and sat it down directly in front of him on the kitchen table.
It was a cupcake.
Of course it was much more extravagant than anything he had ever got at home. At home it was a small sweet bun with a dusting of sugar on top if he was lucky. But here in the Capitol, the thing was so lavishly and beautifully styled it would seem a shame to eat something so pretty. However it did look sumptuous and it was almost as big as his hand.
Frenkin's glasses began to mist over at the thoughts of home.
He imagined his own family sitting at their huge kitchen table at home doing the same thing for him, at that huge table that had caused so much drama.
They had had a small tiny circular table before, barely enough for the three of them and then his mother had got pregnant and the twins came along, Lessi & Len.
His own small bed had been squashed up against the wall to allow cribs for his new little brother and sister and then finally bunk beds.
His mother had told his father again and again that they needed a new table. Until finally one night, while all five of them sat huddled around, elbowing each other and knees banging against one another, the thing gave way, collapsed right below them.
His mother had told his father that if he didn't bring a new table home with him after work, he need not bother coming home at all.
His father didn't disappoint.
Twilight was just beginning to fall and his mother, despite her words, couldn't help going to the window every few minutes, worry creasing her fair face, hands twisting her apron while all the while she was cursing his father and calling him unmentionables under her breath for worrying her.
He still could see his father coming up the path, covered in sawdust and with a huge grin on his face. It took four men to carry the huge table into the house. And ever since then they had to learn a serious of complicated manoeuvres just to get around the thing. It nearly took up the whole room though Frenkin, Lessi and Len usually just quickly slid under it.
His mother had pretended to be angry but he could see the smile in her eyes, hear the laughter in her voice and see the deep love as she swatted his father, telling him that if he worried her again like that she would make him sleep on the porch.
Tears began to fall silently down Frenkin's cheeks as the fond memories warmed his heart and at the same time squeezed it so tight it felt like bursting.
As his thoughts lingered painfully on his mother & father – trying to recall each kind word, each warm embrace, the familiar scent of home – Frenkin's thoughts unconsciously for a moment drifted to Stephanie and Haymitch.
It was they afterall, who had sparked these memories in him, had pushed him to his current actions. He didn't want to do it to begin with. He thought it would be too painful or wasteful. But seeing Stephanie and Haymitch bicker and yet seeing their love for each other even clearer in their faces: it was just like his own mother and father.
He sighed deeply trying to stop his tears. He didn't want to cry, not here, not alone.
He remembered crying in his parent's arms at the Justice Building back in District 3, Lessi & Len clinging to him with tear-streaked faces, bright luminous eyes filled with pain. He had cried then for so long.
His father had paced the room running his hand through his hair, tears on his cheeks though he fought to hide them. With wide, frantic eyes he had spoken in hoarse whispers about running. He would fight off the guards and his mother would run with the kids, get away.
Frenkin choked down sobs as he thought of his mother's face. His mother was very pretty – everyone always said so – but when he looked at his mother's face all he could see was how sad she was. She was still pretty but her face was so tragic as she shook her head brokenly, pleading with their father.
And Frenkin begged them to stop because he didn't want that to be his last memory and so together the five of them held each other, whispering "I love you's". His father had tried to tell him that he had a chance, he was smart. But neither could bear it when it was a scared twelve-year old boy with wide blue eyes and misted over glasses that stood before them. They didn't speak of the past either, of memories, because that would be too painful, too definitive.
It seemed forever and yet it seemed no time at all when the guards had to forcibly remove his mother's arms from around him, Lessi and Len wailing as they clung to their father who couldn't even begin to console them.
Frenkin removed his glasses, folding them neatly with fumbling fingers and setting them down on the table beside the huge cupcake.
He remembered it all now, because who knows when he would get another chance. Memories were painful, which was why he preferred to indulge in them alone, like now or hidden under the blankets where just for a moment he could pretend he was back home and he wasn't going to die soon.
Frenkin felt the sobs choke up in his throat and reminded himself to breathe properly. His hands were quaking again. He didn't want to die and yet…
Everyone. Every single person had looked at him the same way; his parents, Lessi and Len despite being half his age, the Mayor as the train pulled away, Stephanie as she shook his hand, Haymitch when he handed him the tissue, even Alba and Isa. Though more often than not the looks he got from residents of the Capitol were looks of disinterest as they skimmed over him looking for the stronger tributes.
It didn't matter or help that he had weeks to prepare for his impending death…he was just a boy and he was terrified.
The tears were falling thick and fast and he tried to concentrate on specific sprinkles on the immaculate icing of the cupcake. But without his glasses they were nothing but a splurge of colour.
"I'll never eat a cupcake ever again I promise…I just want to go home…"
But there was no one there to hear Frenkin's innocent plea of a child.
There was a loud thud from down the hall where Stephanie's bedroom was and Frenkin hastily scrubbed at his tears. He allowed himself a slight snicker when an image of Stephanie kicking Haymitch of the divan entered his head. It did seem like something she would do.
He put on his glasses and blinked owlishly as the room came into focus once more. He waited for Stephanie or Haymitch to burst out into the hall but silence fell again.
Frenkin smiled softly.
Stephanie and Haymitch.
He didn't begrudge them for what they had. Even if he was angry or spiteful because of it, they reminded him too much of his parents and home.
But hatred and spite were things that were foreign to a boy such as Frenkin.
He was grateful to them.
Despite the guilt that plagued both Stephanie and Haymitch, Frenkin was thankful. Stephanie could have dismissed him or seen him as an easy target. Haymitch could have just ignored him. What was the point on working with him? But they didn't. Stephanie held his hand, tucked him in, cared for him. In a way she became a mother figure and Haymitch a father figure by extension, and for that Frenkin was extremely grateful.
He had imagined that as soon as he got on the train he would be whisked away to a world where no one cared for him and for his last few weeks alive he would be alone. But he wasn't. Stephanie and Haymitch had given him what he thought he would never feel again as he was taken away. A family and people who cared and loved him no matter what. It didn't matter that the chances of him winning were next to nothing. They still cared for him the same way his family back home did.
Thinking of home made it all come rushing back. The memories were so vivid in his mind. They played on a constant loop with a painful clarity.
He remembered his mother's face, her light blonde hair braided down her back, kind blue eyes as she would set the small bun down before him with a loving smile.
"Go on Frenkin love," she would say and his father would ruffle his hair. Lessi and Len looking on eagerly with toothy grins.
He swallowed hard and looked down at the sweet on the table. It wasn't the same and he had no candle like back home. But it would have to do.
And so with a huge breath he blew out the imaginary candle, allowing himself for a moment to pretend he was back home and not a tribute for the Games.
And then in a small voice he whispered…
"Happy Birthday Frenkin."