"I once read the sentence 'I lay awake all night with a toothache, thinking about the toothache and about lying awake.' That's true to life. Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief." – CS Lewis A Grief Observed
Amazing what you know about your bedroom ceiling. You know its colour, how many stains sit in the various areas and where they sit. Oh look! There's a spider. Nasty little thing! Most of all you know how badly overhung you are when you start looking at the ceiling and counting the spots on it again for the fifth time. Never mind the headache Vala encountered – it was the dried tears and sore throat from screaming during the night that seemed to be the most prevalent on her physical state. When Vala moved into the modest flat in the tower block she'd paid to have the room sound proofed. The installation guy had raised an eyebrow at the request when he came to the flat. All it took was the explanation and a wink matched with a saucy smile. "I'm a bit of a screamer" Vala had told the installation man and he left her flat with the soundproofing and his number. Amazing how men were the same. No matter what part of the galaxy she lived in - all led by their ... that had always been a comforting thought.
Vala didn't want too much attention to her night terrors – especially if she were describe them. The humans would lock her up in a mental health ward and that was the last place she wanted to be. They were always intense and she always woke up with her throat screamed raw. It doesn't matter what part of the galaxy you lived in - if you were crazy, chances were they'd lock you up and throw away the key. Vala despised enclosed spaces especially ones that involved any kind of prison. Freedom and profit were the essentials of life and Vala wanted to keep it that way.
Last night had been graphic. She was back in the museum but this time instead of it being her controlling her own body it had been Qetesh controlling her. She was torturing and killing Daniel - slowly, painfully and with great pleasure. There was this immense feeling that she had lost control and all the pain of that filtered through. His screams and pleas were haunting her with the cries of "Fight it" as the hand device speared and drilled right into his mind. Every little spark of pain flashed through his eyes brightly, every drop of blood rolled slowly onto the floor. Every little pulse of sadistic pleasure from Qetesh ran through her like electricity. Impulses of pain and pleasure screamed through her mind from her sub-conscious to conscious mind and were still ringing with the alarm as Vala sharply woke.
It was with this cacophony that marched through her head as she stared at her ceiling that confirmed Vala's decision to walk out of the flat and take the tube to Covent Garden for breakfast. Each step on the pavement echoed the anxiety that the emotional turmoil had left behind. It choked her beyond breathing and made her want to run and hide. Of all things Vala was coward was not one of them. She needed a moment of peace and calm rationality before she could deal with the plans for today. Chaos meant that she would not have the capability to use her skills well. Calm meant clear and quick thinking which equalled clean profit.
The strange thing about London city is that any busker must first audition before he or she can perform on London's streets. Vala often found that little trinket of useless knowledge brought her strange comfort. People had had to be approved of before they could perform in those streets. They had to be vetted and given a nod of approval in order to show their worth - fascinating! In a way it offered her some hope that somewhere sometime in her life she could be approved of by someone enough to let her shine in her own right. That her life could be more than a performance. Before coming to earth she had not realised how much getting approval meant to her but seeing little evident examples of this made her look at herself. Her father only ever approved of how much profit she could give him but no one else showed her any other kind of approval. Vala had placed a value on everything that could be classed as tangible but hadn't before thought about what value she held on herself. Her skills were worth something but was her own soul worth anything?
In the covered area she could hear a soloist violin playing as she walked with her coffee and croissant to a public bench. The music seemed to bounce around the area and her soul seemed to reverberate and respond to the tune of Mozart and then Bach. It was with this that her mind return to reason and the dreams were drowned out along with her hangover. Her physiology allowed to get as drunk as a lord but also emptied her system just as fast leaving only a few side effects. One of which was a blinding headache. As her mind began to quiet her thoughts turned to the job at hand which was the tablet handover and money payment. Her thoughts of Daniel could wait as could her conscience. It always took a backseat in business dealings. Otherwise she would not be a good freelancer.
Lucas had told her the tablet was worth her while but she had questions of her own about the job. First question - why? Second question - how could she exploit that vulnerability to sell it to a higher bidder? Selling 'hot' items was a huge risk and with that higher risk came the chance of getting caught – which would never do! The papers that morning had been filled with the story of the robbery. The Daily Mail had called it a daring robbery (Vala's chest had puffed out with pride at that!) whilst the Times had spent time speculating how much the item was worth and discussed its provenance and cultural loss (Vala had not been amused with that - it was after all her business! Nosy sods!)
Overall there was no escaping the fact that the media had been calling it the crime of the year! (Vala preferred it be called 'Crime of the Century as it had more of a ring to it!). The only loose end to it all was Daniel and there here heart ached and curiosity burned. The weapon! He had recognised her Zat'nika'tel weapon but the question was how? It was not something she had come across on this planet and as far as she was aware if no one had come across it either. She needed to do some research on her erstwhile professor and fast! She feared that if he knew who she was, her life of freelancing business woman would be over. Daniel (honestly, such a Boy Scout - boring!) seemed the sort who would be determined to not let her thievery go unpunished.
Vala's mobile (cell) phone vibrated with a text from Lucas. Time and place for the handover she mused. Looking down at the necessary information she frowned. She had exactly three hours to hand it over at the closed club where she often met Lucas. Odd? Quite often a client with a hot piece of merchandise would provide her with a week until the initial heat had died down and it was reasonably safe to pass on the merchandise without little risk to her employer - all part of the service that she provided. She took the risk whilst they gained plausible deniability should the police call on them especially, if it were a case of insurance scams. It allowed owners a chance to collect minus her fee - so why now and why so quickly?
Vala shook her head and drained off the dregs of her coffee and as she felt her senses go on alert. Something about the area and the impending hangover did not feel right. That meant that there was trouble coming. Vala sighed. She had just got to like living in London and she had found comfort in being with Daniel in his classes. Trouble meant she would have to move on or retire. Whatever that meant, she knew that she would have to disappear and most likely from England altogether.
Something made Vala look around her. It was a nagging feeling one that would not go away. She was being watched! That was trouble and it looked like it could be fun! Oh come on! The guy who was watching her was such a cliché. He was standing with a newspaper under his arm and casually walking past just a few times too many. To her that was a challenge - NOT! Casually and with definite grace she stood up and went into the restaurant. The rather handsome owner looked at her and she smiled sadly. He was the double of Patrick Swayze but with a tighter behind and smaller abs. He wasn't going to be easy to convince – such a pity he was gay. So Vala decided to play the 'girl' card.
"Hello Darling, I was wondering if you could help a girl out. See I rather got myself into a spot of bother with one of my friends. She caught me with her man last night and I don't want to cause further trouble on the street. I was wondering if I could slip out the back of the restaurant. She really does love to make a scene." The barista whose name badge said 'Mark' smirked. He had seen Vala in the store before and his green eyes shone with mischief. "Darling! Hmm have we got that far in this relationship? I didn't know you fancied me honey" Vala ran her hands through her dark hair in exasperation. Right then she wanted to reach across the counter and smack his head onto it. Instead there was a scream of exasperation straining in her throat. So Vala decided to go with a safer and less attention drawing option – Comedy! "Darling – why would I be interested in you since I don't walk your side of the street?" Mark smirked, then giggled and broke out into a full on guffaw as he waved Vala behind the counter.
"Ah Honey you have no idea what you're missing" He turned and winked as he put his hand on the bar for the door to open the fire escape. Vala smirked. "Actually I believe it's the other way round! I think you'll find we girls have much better fun!" With that she smirked and ran out of the door. Vala moved with caution along the backstreets of London trying to think of ways to disguise her walk and her hairstyle. In truth it made her sound more spy than thief but being unnoticed meant that she could move freely. Dipping into her bag she found her neck scarf which she used to cover her dark curl kinked hair. She'd thought about going blond at one stage but then realised she'd just lose any credibility with the men. Perception. It was a matter of stupid old fashioned perception. With changing her look she could change someones perception of who she was. She added some fake cheap reading glasses drooped her shoulders and walked with an air of self loathing - head downward, arms crossed all the while putting her earbuds in making it look like she was younger than she actually was and listening to music. With her transformation complete she melted into the crowd of Covent Gardens but she wasn't alone.
Vala looked around her - Mr Obvious had obviously had some friends with him and they happened to be a lot better than she realised. She had been outsmarted and to her that well, smarted. She was not used to someone trying to be better than she was and that was just plain rude. Where were old fashioned criminal manners? What was she thinking? Those came in with the rather amusing Tau'ri belief in a man in red suit and a girl who had wings! Ridiculous!
Vala thought that she could hurry her step but that would make her stand out from the rest of the crowd and that would mean they would realised she knew she wasn't alone. No, Vala was cross but she wasn't stupid (but at the minute that point was up for debate.) The team of men and women were coming straight forward so she turned lifted out a map and started asking people for directions in really bad english. Suddenly she was notable but the team didn't seem to care too much about witnesses. They seemed to be entirely focused on her and where they could grab her. Action needed to be taken and fast. It was obvious that she needed to move as they intended in boxing her in. She could follow her previous move and cut through another building but they had been waiting for her on that move. The underground was out as she would be trapped underneath and it was obvious to follow her there - too many cameras and obstacles. Damn! She should have taken that secret tunnels tour offered to her months ago! There had been a frisson of something not quite right about this whole last job. It had lingered on her from the moment she had received the offer but the money was just far too tempting. Like everything her eyes had been on the profit margin instead of being more sensible with her risk awareness. It had all boiled down to simple greed and now she was paying for it.
She'd never been tailed this successfully before which meant that there was more to this job than met the eye. Being chased made it more of a reality that this client was not just in it for the acquisition. An alleyway opened up to her right and it seemed to have no one on it but that made it conspicuous in the lack of people but with the number of open back doors left a number of possible alternate escape routes through whatever businesses lead out onto an alternate street. Vala leapt at the chance to escape through the first door and ran bang smack into Lucas. His fist was raised and he hit Vala with a vicious right hook knocking her out cold. "Welcome to the party Darling!"
Lucas looked over at the two guys he had with him and back at Vala. His face showed the distain he felt for Vala. He often his fist and punched her again in the face. All Vala remembered after that was blackness.
All Daniel Jackson wanted to do was run. If he could get away from Jack O'Neil as fast as possible that was a bonus. He would not be dragged back into that world again. He would not be dragged back into constant battle and prisons, torture and pain. It would not bring back Shau'ri and it certainly would mean having to work with Teal'c. That was one project her refused to deal with.
Daniel managed to get as far as the underground station doors before he winced at the pain from his head wound. The station was heaving with a blend of Londoners coming into the city and tourists photographing everything that wasn't nailed to the pavement. 'Oh look people!' The thought flitted through as quickly as the flash from the Japanese tourist's camera.
The first thing that occurred to Daniel was that Jack would have Sam try to track him. The second thought was that Jack would try and find him to drag him back to the hospital to face Janet Fraser. Over all not a great option!
He stopped himself at the door and shook his head as he realised that there would be too many CCTV cameras within the station. His next thought was to get a bus but that in itself meant CCTV cameras. The world of big brother was just as prevalent here as it was in the States and it had become Daniel's enemy. Just as he was about to walk away a private hire cab pulled up to the kerb. BINGO! Daniel wrapped his coat around himself and checked his wallet. There was about £200 in his wallet and that would be enough to get him away from the station and out of the city back into the estate where he lived. The cabbie took his destination with a smile indicating he knew how much the fare would cost and Daniel relaxed knowing he would be off Sam's radar, considering her domain was computer based when it came to surveillance work.
The journey passed quietly and Daniel felt his eyes drifting shut. He loved the feeling of oblivion these days. Depression. That was the name of what he was feeling. He found was not about feeling 'down' but it was that constant feeling of not feeling any emotions. Hence oblivion feeling was equivalent to a consistent toothache which he was now learning to accept as a part of his daily life. He let his mind drift to Shau'ri and their life together, it was an agony he could live with if he could see her face in his mind. Her dark curls framed her face and her intense gentle brown eyes were sweet torture over his consistent headache. He failed to notice the town around him, the changing architecture and the fact that he was not heading in the direction he wanted.
As he fell deeper into sleep his cabbie smiled even more as this was the easiest grand that he had ever made. The customer had been insistent - if any cabbie were to be met by a certain Daniel Jackson they were to bring them to the boss. A photo had been circulated around the more unscrupulous cab drivers and this cabbie intended on collecting on the reward. He turned away from his passenger and focused on delivering his cargo.
Lucas looked on at Vala Mal Doran in disdain and lust while she sat on the cold stone floor of the warehouse. The smell of the River Thames drifted in from the outside along with the smell of urine and rotting dead rats on the inside. He'd managed to curse her up and down a few hundred times since she had managed to break his finger at the club and humiliated him in front of people. She might be an excellent thief but he could not let the incident go unpunished. He looked on at his two associates Thomas and Billy. Two bald clean shaven guys who were built like gorillas and given half a chance would have dragged their knuckles along the floor in the same way their animal cousins would have.
He looked on as he heard her begin to moan. "Wake her!" Billy grabbed the glass of ice water and threw it over Vala's head. The gritted scream was equivalent to the shock of the ice water on her system. Lucas smiled. She looked at him with complete venom in her eyes and smiled her coldest more threatening smile. "Lucas you bastard, you'll regret the day you were born by the time I get near you!" Lucas laughed. "Sure darlin' you and what army?" Vala's gaze grew darker more sinister.
"Who says I need an army Lucas? Just release me from these plastic cuffs and I'll show you what kind of army I can be." Lucas looked at her again and just laughed.
Just at that moment a screech of car brakes reverberated outside. Lucas looked up and nodded to Billy. "Check on that would you mate?" Billy grunted and dragged himself to check the noise outside. "As much as I would like to kick the Irving crap out of you Vala, I believe I have another proposition to put to you." Vala smirked. "What you want me to tell your mummy you've been a naughty boy. Tel her you need your nappy changed because you've managed to pee your pants again?" Lucas struck Vala again on her face and she hit the floor. The slap had echoed though the warehouse. "Boss" Billy's voice cut through the door. Lucas looked up and smiled. "I believe our other guest has arrived. Your mistake and screw up during this job." Vala looked up and stared straight into the eyes of a very shocked and slightly bewildered Doctor Daniel Jackson.