"Sam?"
"No." He grumbled into his pillow, not bothering to look over or even open his eyes. If the word felt tired and worn it was only because he had said it nearly twenty times over the last few minutes.
"Please, Sam-" Nick's voice was lost in the dark of the room, soft and insubstantial. "I need you."
"What you need is to go down to the front desk and ask for another blanket." He rolled and put his back to the other bed, clinging to his own blankets just in case the man got any ideas.
"But that's all the way downstairs, and I know that you're warm."
"I won't be if I let you put your corpse feet on me."
Nick made a plaintive noise, going beyond needy to downright pitiful. "You're my boyfriend. You're obligated to keep me warm."
"I never signed anything." The argument had been going on far too long. It was sheer stubbornness that kept him from just giving in to the request at this point. But stubbornness can only take you so far and the need for sleep was starting to win out.
Taking a deep breath, Nick began again. "Sam-"
"How long are you going to keep this up?"
"Until I am safe and warm, wrapped in those big strong arms of yours."
"No."
"Come on, I'm letting you be the big spoon."
Some fights weren't worth having. It's not like he could have won anyways.
"Absolutely no spooning." Sam lifted the corner of his blankets and just waited. He didn't have to wait long.
The springs on the other bed creaked in anticipation as Nick shifted with eagerness and hope. Bounding happily from one bed to the next, the man slid in beside him, adding his own blankets to the pile and wriggling until he was pressed up as close as skin would allow.
He had taken Sam's advice and sobered up at bit- though it had come in the form of a short but seemingly very cold shower. The man was still a bit slower than normal but it didn't seem to hamper his ability to annoy Sam into submission.
Case and point, Sam had invited the meat popsicle to join him, even knowing what was going to happen.
True to form, Nick showed no restraint in tucking his appendages anywhere that seemed marginally warm, like he was curling up alongside his own personal space heater and had every right to all Sam's most sensitive nooks and crannies.
"Oh god. Stop. Stop. Stop-" Sam tried his best to shrink away, but quickly found himself on the edge of the bed, teetering over the void and he was left with no choice other than to accept Nick's hands and feet and elbows and cheek. "Why?"
"I was very serious about those arms of yours being around me." Nick mumbled into his chest.
"How are you this cold and not shivering?" Sam couldn't convince any part of his body to willingly engage in any physical contact beyond what was absolutely necessary to keep himself from falling off the bed.
"Really bad circulation and I am shivering- you're just squirming too much to notice." He answered with a frustrated noise as he tried to find a welcoming spot for his long, cold fingers.
And that was wrong, because Sam could feel the man trembling ever so slightly.
"You could have turned the shower to hot for a while before you got out- you know." He caught Nick's hands and held them between his own in an effort to warm them and keep them away from his stomach at the same time.
And it was like Nick understood that he wasn't going to willingly be given the cuddle that he had been requested- because he decided to take a different approach. He stole back his hands in favor of grabbing the younger man's shoulders and forcibly pulling him over. The roll resembled something that Sam had seen on Animal Planet during a crocodile documentary- and though he did his best to fight the momentum all he managed to do was instigate a very sleepy, half hearted wrestling match between the two of them.
On a good day Sam might have won- but this was neither a day, nor was it good (being a very subjective term which had nothing to do with everything up until this point and more specifically referred to the last few minutes when he much rather would have been sleeping instead of arguing).
In the end, Nick reigned triumphant over the clumsy tussle and his prize was a very heavy, living, and loudly protesting blanket.
Sam found himself reverse pinned to Nick, held tenuously on top of the man with a tangle of long, intoxicated limbs.
"This is where I'm sleeping." Nick announced in a pleased voice. "Do be a dear and fix the blankets that you tossed off during your little struggle. My left foot isn't covered and it's cold out there."
Some things were easier than fighting, and this right here barely made the cut off.
It took some coaxing from Nick followed by very careful maneuvering to make sure that certain parts of their anatomy didn't line up in ways that would be too awkward. Little things that Sam hadn't considered before this very moment, and frankly he could have gone his whole life never worrying about how he and Nick we so very close in height that if their shoulders lined up it meant that their hips would as well, which also leveled their faces and- really, this would be far more acceptable if they actually wanted to have sex with each other at some point this weekend.
It was a fact and a soon to be elaboration on their communal lie that Sam chose not to focus on anymore than necessary at such a close proximity. Instead he took stock of how cold Nick was, and how to best lay around and over the man to provide maximum levels of warmth without becoming one with the cold himself.
Their chests were fine to press together, nothing more unsettling there other than what you would get from a good hug. Sam's shoulder hit somewhere along Nick's sternum and he stubbornly angled the rest of his body away after that point of contact. Though a bit more arguing and tugging, Nick twisted himself, legs slating between Sam's, their knees notched together like jigsaw pieces.
And Sam was laying half on his stomach, half on Nick's and he just gave after that point, because the curve of his left hip fit almost perfectly into the curve of Nick's left hip and there came a point at which it was best to just accept one's own doom.
"I'm so glad that no one is going to walk in on this." There were more compromising positions to be in, but all of them required substantially less clothes- and that wouldn't help the goal of warmth that they were going for.
"Don't be ashamed of our love, Sam. Accept it." Nick whispered, comfortably tucking his arms up between their chests.
"This is literally the gayest thing I've ever done."
Nick turned his face towards Sam's, startlingly close on their shared pillow. "Enjoy it while it lasts because we're having sex tomorrow and that will probably be a better bench mark for your budding homosexuality."
"Don't talk about it like that." Sam begged, turning his head the other way because with everything else he just couldn't handle that last bit of closeness. "No one else is here- can we just pretend that we're normal for a few hours?"
"I've got a mouth full of your hair and a bruise already forming where that hip of yours is digging into mine- I don't think that normal is an option."
"Sorry." Sam tried to adjust, but Nick's hands caught in his shirt.
"I just got comfortable. I'll take the souvenir for what it is- just don't start the 'trying to find a good spot' dance again."
Sam settled even though it went against his better judgment. "How did I ever let you talk me into any of this- and why haven't I punched you for it yet?"
It was Nick's turn to consider, at least he grew very quiet and Sam wondered if the man had finally just passed out. It was after midnight. It wouldn't be surprising if he did just drift off, finally warm and comfortable.
"Sam, how long has it been since you were with a woman?"
He tensed. "Excuse me?"
"You're excused." Nick's smile could be heard even if it wasn't seen. "I mean, when was the last time someone really rang your bell? Got your bed rocking and your toes curling and all those good things that we as a species need to feel right and good and sane?"
"I… that's none of your business." It wasn't that Sam was particularly shy- but literally, it wasn't Nick's place to ask questions like that.
"Sam…" Nick dropped his voice to a stage whisper, managing to sound worried and horrified in the same breath. "You have had sex before… right?"
"Of course I have." He shifted, suddenly very uncomfortable with the topic.
"But it's been a while, hasn't it?" Nick was probably the only person on the planet who could manage to have this conversation, while twined around another man, showing only concern. "You let me get away with this kind of shit because you have the basic human need for physical contact that we all do- and I'm here."
"You're an easy target, is that what you're saying?" Sam relaxed but it wasn't out of ease, it was out of surrender. Nick was right. The only proof needed was right there in bed with him. It's hard to argue with such strong evidence.
"I'm a convenient target-" Nick corrected gently. "But I don't mind." One of his arms slid from between them and loosely found its way around Sam's back, somewhere up near his shoulders. "You're convenient too."
"Wow. With smooth lines like that it's amazing that you don't have to fight the ladies off with a stick."
Nick's chuckle tapered off into a yawn, and then he was blowing Sam's hair from his face. "Joke all you want- because you're still the one dating me."
"Pretend dating." Sam reminded softly.
"Same thing in the long run, isn't it?" He blew on Sam's hair again. "At least as far as everyone else is concerned, right?"
"It is… Stop blowing on me."
"You're hair is everywhere, Rapunzel."
Sam grumbled and turned his head to face Nick despite the fact that it put their faces startlingly close together. "You going to behave?"
"Do I have to?"
"I'd like some sleep before the sun comes up- though the fact that you haven't passed out yet is really amazing and I'm actually enjoying watching you slowly deteriorate."
"Charmer." Nick chuckled and settled more comfortably beneath Sam, shifting his hips and knees and toes until everything lined up in just the wrong way.
Sam considered simply pushing Nick off the bed altogether, but it was late and he was tired along with being oddly comfortable- and he remembered weeks ago, the blonde laughing and explaining that if he could find a way to be more ok about all this when it was just the two of them alone, then it would be that much easier when they were around other people.
He pulled an arm around Nick, earning a surprised noise from the man. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." He repeated hesitantly, edging close enough to touch his cold nose to Sam's throat.
Sam whimpered into a laugh and just took it all for what it was. He got himself into these situations, not just letting them happen, but encouraging them somehow and… and he was happy.
He almost hated to admit it, but he was honestly happy right in that moment.
.:.
"So, for the sake of keeping our stories on the same page-" Nick looked up from his crepe, licking a smear of green ice-cream from his lower lip. "What happened this weekend?"
Sam looked at his feet, shuffling his sneakers on the concrete and then lightly kicking at the table leg, hearing the dull ping and finding no reassurance in it. "Well, we went to your concert yesterday. I put your drunk ass in bed last night. We've supposedly got a working violin in the trunk of the car now, though until you open the case and actually show me an instrument I'm assuming it's really full of drugs and the whole violin thing was a lie." He went to take a bite of his own crepe and gave up halfway, lowering the too sweet thing back down to cradle it in both hands. "We visited the Japan Town mall- which I didn't even know existed… got these…" he pointed his crepe at Nick's and then found himself frowning.
Nick was grinning at him, and Sam had come to know over the last month that Nick didn't smile so wide all that often. It was like he brought it out only for special occasions, determined to regularly employ the smallest hints of smiles for casual, every day use.
"What?"
"Well, darlin', that's all well and good that you can grocery list our trip so far. But what happened this weekend?"
"I just told you-"
"You're not this dense. I know you're not."
Sam ate a bit of his crepe and looked out at the shop windows, refusing to go along with Nick's… whatever he was trying to do.
Maybe Sam was still just bothered by how they had woken up that morning. It had certainly put a damper on his mood so far.
At some point during the night the two men had managed to shift positions, both of them sprawling diagonally across the bed (because Sam fit better that way anyhow), and for whatever reason Nick had deemed that the position of upmost comfort was across Sam so that they made a big letter X.
It's not that it was uncomfortable- it was just that laying there like that, in their odd position, Nick had somehow managed to confiscate one of Sam's hands.
And Sam liked his hands.
Mostly he liked to keep them to himself.
For almost half an hour he lay there, fascinated by the way that his fingers curled over Nick's cheek. At the clash of texture between skin and stubble. The way his thumb looked so ruddy against the pale skin of the man's lips.
And Nick came awake piece by piece. A slow hitch in one shoulder, a small crease between his eyes, the way he hmmed softly to himself then tucked his arms a little more beneath the mountain of blankets that he had cocooned himself in. His eyes never open, but kissed the tip of Sam's thumb and this somehow lead to Sam toying with Nick's lower lip, feeling the petal softness- that lead to a second kiss against his thumb, and then a bite and the next thing that Sam knew they were wrestling, rolling over the bed, struggling to throw each other to the floor.
Sam had won, but winning meant that he was the top of the pile between the two beds, Nick laying beneath him, his pale eyes so wide. Apparently he wasn't used to losing, because he didn't seem to know the rule of surrender like Dean had learned to do so many years ago. Instead Nick twined his long arms around the younger man's shoulders and started to pull him down, making sharp clicking noises with his teeth as he went for the soft skin of Sam's unprotected throat.
Hours later, sitting in a mall, looking at the chipped blue paint on the table, Sam resisted the urge to touch the tender spot on the underside of his jaw.
But damn it- you're not allowed to bite people.
Nick was just a cheater.
"Are you going to be able to be big and brave and tell your brother that you're not a virgin anymore?"
Sam did his best to not chuck his food at Nick. "I haven't been since I was in highschool- and since it happened in Dean's car, I'm fairly certain he already knows about it."
"Really?" Nick looked impressed.
"I stole the Impala to take a girl to the Drive Ins. I think Dean would have killed me in the morning when he found out if he hadn't been so damn proud."
For whatever reason that shut Nick up, and he spent a long moment just watching Sam with an oddly appreciative look. "You surprise me now and then." He looked down at the remnants of his crepe, licking a bit of the ice cream that had started to melt and run down the side. "I don't mean I thought that you were… unspoiled goods. With a mouth like yours someone must have taken their clothes off for you at some point and simply begged until you gave in- I just didn't think you would have stolen a car to get there. But I have to commend you on your choice of vehicles." Nick pointed a strong finger at Sam. "And don't look at me like that. Fake relationship aside, just one straight man to another, I would let you fuck me in that car."
Sam could feel himself go pale at those words. There were things that you just don't say to a friend- and that may have been one of them. "Sometimes I think you picked the wrong Winchester."
"It's a very nice car. And I didn't pick you. Cas picked you- for me." He rolled his eyes and sighed, being taken slightly aback by Sam's stony expression. "I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, on my own there's no way I could have got you without someone's help. To keep my pride in check I think it's important to remember that fact."
Sam ate in silence, contemplating Nick's words, weighing the open complement against the perceived insult. "It's true." He relented, not quite making eye contact because it would have undone his oh so serious tone. "I'm only here as a favor. Suffering along for the next two months, just waiting for it to be over."
"That hurts, Sam. It really does."
"You know what else hurts?"
"Getting bitten?" He knew exactly where this was going and the heat in his eyes said that he not only didn't care, but also was enjoying it.
Sam kicked Nick beneath the table, getting him right in the shins and it was oddly satisfying to see the man jump.
He rubbed at his leg, out of sight, "I forget sometimes that you're such a tender little lamb, and I can't be too rough with you." Nick managed to keep an unsettlingly cheerful tone even if it didn't match his gaze. "And that means, as unsatisfying as it is, that tonight's going to be all slow and careful."
Sam gritted his teeth against the idea. "I didn't know that you'd already decided."
"It's not so much deciding as simply acknowledging the way it will have to be. We'll make love," he said like a dirty word, "and you'll blush and maybe cry a little. You'll swoon and beg and it will be so romantic and perfect just like you read about in your books."
Tonight could wait. Sam was already blushing. "Don't you even. If anyone asks- it happened. The end. No details."
"There's got to be details. Gabriel and I have been giving each other very concise play by plays since we were teens and first started kissing girls behind the school gym."
"Why would you want to tell your brother-"
"Because he's going to ask and if I just stand there stupidly, trying to figure out a good story to tell him then he's going to know what a giant lie it is."
"But why would you want tell him?" Who tells their brother those kinds of things? Aside from being ridiculously unbelievable, those simply weren't the kinds of things that you tell family members about. At least not Sam's family.
Nick let his voice drop as two old women walked past them with bags of groceries. "Because we always tell each other. He still calls me when him and his wife try something new- just to tell me how it went."
"I don't swoon and I don't cry." Sam said firmly.
Nick chuckled.
"I'm more likely to leave bites and bruises." He added and felt himself grow warm again, because that definitely fell into the territory of things that you don't tell your friends. He was almost sure of it. Nick didn't need to know that Sam enjoyed being considerably indelicate when the given the chance… then again… perhaps Nick was the only friend of Sam's who should be privy to that particular bit of information.
The laughter went right out of Nick, his eyebrows climbing high. He wet his lips and got a bit of a smile before seeming to think better of it. "That's... ok."
The longer that Nick sat there watching Sam's mouth the more uncomfortable the younger man grew.
"It's not something you need to go and tell your brother about." He pointed out even though he felt that that little fact should be obvious on its own. It wouldn't hurt to point it out to Nick who had the marvelous ability to overlook things of that nature.
"I've already told him about last night and this morning- texted him while you were in the shower."
The bottom dropped out of Sam's stomach, butterflies spreading everywhere accompanying a sudden, giddy feeling. "And what exactly did you tell him?"
"How you took care of my drunk ass last night. How you helped me, you know… with my clothes and the shower." Nick looked at shop windows and back at the table, talking so soft like he didn't want anyone to overhear them. Despite the fact that no one else was around. The mall was close to closing time.
"And how did I help you exactly?" Did Sam even want to know?
The corner of Nick's lips twisted up at the memory. "Oh, I was far too drunk to remember anything specific from last night. We just kissed and touched a bit and I tried to talk you into joining me in the shower but you got noble and didn't want to take advantage of me… I do remember that part."
Sam didn't exactly like Nick's accusatory tone, but he took it for what it was. "Well you're half right I guess."
"And half truths are the most believable." Nick nodded, pleased to have Sam going along with him. "I've even got a bruise or two from this morning's tumble- which is fairly damning evidence on its own considering you apparently like to get a little rough."
Sam took a slow breath, determined to keep himself from blushing again because he was over twenty years old and this whole conversation was as petty and childish as it was indecent. Wiping his sticky fingers on a napkin he summoned up enough courage to ask the next question. "And what did you tell your brother happened this morning?"
Even though Nick was doing a commendable job of not looking at Sam, the younger man could still see the hint of color creep over his pale cheeks. And that was a bad sign if there ever was one.
Sam pushed hair from his eyes and tried his best to sound put upon and frustrated by the whole thing, because those were easier emotions to have. "You're the one telling all these great lies about me to your brother, Nick. I'd kind of like to know what I got up to in your demented little fantasy, since apparently it happened whether or not I wanted it to."
Nick's little smile vanished and he looked up at Sam with round, earnest eyes. "Don't say it like that- you were willing by all accounts."
"No. I just meant that you've," how to explain… "It's in writing now since you texted him. It happened. He knows and I don't' have a chance to put in my two cents to change it anymore. Just tell me what we did and let's be done with it."
"Well… we wrestled and goofed around after we woke up." He paused, watching a group of teen girls giggling and hanging off each other as they slowly made their way past. "The wrestling turned into fooling around and," Nick tugged at his lip and if Sam didn't know any better he would say that the man looked embarrassed.
"And?"
"And you made the prettiest noises while I sucked you off."
"Nick. No." Sam put his face in his hands and he was grateful for his shaggy hair because he thought that perhaps it would help to cover his face and hide how mortified he was.
"Well I couldn't do it the other way around-" Nick almost pleaded, trying to get Sam to understand why this was the story that he had chosen to give Gabriel that morning, out of every other lie he could have chosen from. "We've already established that you're not a tramp. I wasn't just going to say that you'd go down on me. That seemed like something that we needed to discuss first."
"Oh my god."
"Calm down. It's not like I told him we got out the riding crop. It was just a blow job."
Sam put his head down on the table and stayed there, trying to silently convince the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
"So… would you like to give some input on what happens tonight, or should I just wing it again?"
Sam's hands stung as he slapped the table, sitting upright and staring down Nick, daring him to keep going.
"You are possibly the worst person I've ever known."
"That's not what you said this morning." He replied with a wink.
Sam's laughter sounded an awful lot like a sob as he put his head back down on the table.
.:.
"Nick?" Sam watched the freeway junction signs speeding past. "Don't we want to take that junction to get back home?"
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Nick never took his eyes from the road, easily passing someone in the left lane, blowing by at almost a twenty miles over the speed limit.
Sam could feel the trap- it was Sunday evening, and after almost three days straight with Nick, he could practically taste the ambush.
"I didn't really have any plans." Wrong answer, but he knew it before the words even left his mouth.
"Have you ever been to Sana Cruz in the off season?"
More signs rushed by and Sam knew that he was past the point of protest. Arguing wasn't lost miles ago, but weeks back. So he rested his head against the window, hiding a smile. "I haven't."
Nick smacked at his knee. "Tell your Dean that we'll be late. I'm taking you to the beach."
It didn't really matter that Sam had lived within an hour of the beach since coming to California. The ocean was still something of a treat and honestly… the prospect of spending one more night with Nick was too good to pass up.
He dug out his phone and called his brother, a little shocked at how fast he picked up.
"Hiya, Sammy. How's that big gay vacation going?"
"It's not a-" Sam sighed. "It's been fun." He slapped Nick's hand off his leg.
"You two uh…you guys been going at it like a couple of rabbits the whole weekend and just thought to give me a call between rounds?"
"God, Dean." He managed to sound so casual and he fought to not congratulate himself. "We have some restraint."
"Good to know."
"It was just twice last night and once this morning. But we were both kinda tired so we only-"
His big brother managed to cut him off with a very distressed sound. "Gross, man. Don't tell me about it." And Dean took a moment to regain what composure he could while he let Sam stop laughing. "Is that why you called? Letting me know you're too sexed out to come home today?"
"No. We're just headed to the beach, so I'll be late."
"Yeah, whatever, you big girl." He sighed in this long suffering kind of way and Sam knew every line that would show over his brother's face even if he couldn't see them forming. "You… you ok, out there?"
"I'm fine."
"You still going to be fine in a few days?"
It wasn't something that anyone else would have asked Sam- at least not that way. But Dean knew his brother better than anyone else and Dean knew what tomorrow might be like after a weekend like this.
This wasn't like a one night stand with a girl he met at a bar, or even a little fling with a classmate. This was a tentative venture into a whole other lifestyle. Under normal circumstances it was absolutely conceivable that he would find time to have a complete breakdown once he got home. All sorts of suffocating regret over what he had done.
A twinge of guilt crawled through Sam, because those few words of concern meant that Dean was buying this whole giant lie. And it wasn't even a good one. There was little to no proof to substantiate it- all Dean had to go on was Sam's words.
Somehow that was enough.
How could he not feel guilty for a lie this huge?
"I'm a big boy, Dean. I'll be ok."
"Yeah, yeah. If he does anything … you know... punch him in the throat or bust his head or something."
"Punch him in the throat. Got it." From the corner of his eye Sam saw Nick get a confused little frown.
"And… offer still stands. You need me to come out and pick you up and beat his ass- at any time- you call me. Ok?"
Sam thought that there was a pun in there, something about Nick's ass and Dean mentioning it… but it had been a long few days, and he had already used most of his good jibes on Nick.
"Thanks." He said instead, because somewhere amidst all this, he meant it.
"Enjoy the beach, bitch."
"See you tomorrow, jerk." He hung up, tucked his phone away and smiled softly to himself up until he realized that Nick was shooting him odd little looks every few mile markers. "What?"
"First, you two are disgustingly adorable." Nick splayed his fingers over the steering wheel for emphasis. "Second, whose throat are you punching?"
"Yours."
A small noise caught in his throat. "I'm not saying I wouldn't deserve it. But why?"
"It's only as a last resort." Sam knocked his knees against the glove box, too long for the sleek car, but honestly feeling more comfortable than confined. "Just depends on how touchy you plan on getting tonight."
Nick sighed in this deeply put upon way. "Sam, you know I have no control over my body when I get cold."
It didn't help that every time Nick got that suffering, chilly look about him and started in with his whining, Sam gave in. A little quicker each time. In all honesty his actions were more a sign of his weakening resolve and had almost nothing to do with any tenderness or sympathy.
"You could try to keep your hands to yourself- just this once. I'll give you the bed next to the heater. You can put it on full blast."
"What bed?"
"The one in the hotel that we're staying in tonight…?"
Nick glanced over wearing an almost innocent expression. "Oh, did you want to stay in a hotel?"
"As opposed to what?"
Nick didn't answer right away, and Sam didn't know how to take the silence.
"I thought, since it's only an hour from there to home we could still make the drive tonight. We'll just get in real late… or real early, depends on how you look at it."
"Oh." And Sam eyed the low, grey clouds, wondering what it was that they were going to be doing if they weren't staying the night. But he supposed that he would find out soon enough.
Santa Cruz was a tourist town and as such, in the dead of winter, on a Sunday night, the Boardwalk was like a ghost town. The midway was still open, high strung, industrial Christmas lights, twinkling yellow. Music still piped in on grainy speakers, but every shop front had those metal curtains lowered and locked and there was no one there other than the two lanky men.
Sam had been out here once before, last summer. It had been loud and hot, packed with bodies all sweating and talking and laughing under the glairing sun.
This was different and it took him quite some time to figure out if it was the good kind of different or not. They walked in relative silence from one end of the midway to the other, their long shadows dancing as the small breeze made the stung lights sway. Sam settled deeper into his jacket, pulling up his collar, thinking that if he was a bit chilly then Nick must be suffering- but the other man said nothing. Hands dug into his pockets, shoulders hunched against the wind. Trooping along like it wasn't early December and the chill from the none too distant waves wasn't startling.
"Well." Sam said with some finality when they reached the end. "Back the other way?"
"No." Nick scoffed. Insulted by the suggestion. "We've already seen that way."
"Alright then." He looked from the exit gates to a set of short stairs which led to the beach. "So we just keep walking off into the night?"
Nick rolled his eyes and took Sam by the hand, dragging him towards the stairs, out to the sand. The Boardwalk was one of the only beaches along this part of the coast that was regularly cleaned of the mess of seaweed that was constantly washing ashore. During the day it was pale gold and almost blindingly bright under the sun, stretching from one end of the curving coast to the other. At night, beneath the scattering of heavy, wet clouds, the sand was almost as black as the waves that crawled hungrily over it.
"Hold up. I'm getting sand in my shoes." Sam pulled back, slowing Nick down like an anchor and postponing his sudden over enthusiasm for the sea.
"You big baby." But he stopped tugging and stooped over to get his shoes off as well.
The sun had been down for hours and the sand was surprisingly cold. Sam dug his toes down, hoping against hope to find a bit of warmth if he went deep enough.
No such luck.
"Everything about this is insane." Sam said, wiggling his toes.
"I used to come out here with my brothers during winter break when we were kids." Nick smiled, leaving his shoes behind and just shuffling out across the stretch of sand. "We'd have an end of year bonfire and toss all our old school work in."
"A bonfire with your brothers?" Sam jogged after to catch up, uncertain where exactly they were aiming for, because it wasn't the water. He could make up hulking shapes in the sand here and there, big dark things that didn't visually make much sense in the low light.
"Well, not all my brothers. Though Anna found out about it and talked Michael into coming once."
"I take it it didn't end well?"
Nick looked over his shoulder with a crooked expression. "You could say that."
Sam had come to realize that his friend wasn't too big on proper answers to questions.
"Here." He announced, a few yards off, standing beside what Sam started to realize was driftwood. Enormous driftwood. A whole tree it looked like.
"Here. Yes. But what is it?" Sam asked skeptically.
"A place to sit." He pointed as he busied himself with what Sam was starting to understand was the remnants of a bonfire that must have died out hours, if not days ago.
And Sam sat, because he didn't have much reason not to. If nothing else, it let him tuck his legs up a little closer. Let him try to hold in a bit of heat as he watched Nick fiddling around with the small, charred logs.
"You won't have much luck with those."
"These? No." He looked back over his shoulder, pale faced and blinking into the wind. "But typically the beach bums leave a bit of good wood behind for the next guy."
Sam couldn't help but smile. Just the idea of young Nick out here with his brothers, gangly legs and red cheeks, throwing homework into a fire in the middle of the night like some horrible offering to a scholar god. Freckles and skinned knees- and honestly he had no proof that the man ever had a single freckle, but Sam could imagine to his heart's content while he watched Nick build a careful stack of ready to burn wood and slightly charred branches and logs.
"I hope you have matches. I didn't bring any." Sam advised
Surprisingly, the man did have a lighter. Little bits of paper were produced from his pocket next, and Sam struggled to recognize the receipts as what they were. Little bits of evidence from their past few days, and Nick managed to coax a curl of smoke and then a flicker of flame.
"Where did that come from?" Sam asked as Nick tucked the lighter into a pocket.
"Just an old habit." He said with a hint of a smile that was almost lost in the dark.
Even after the fire started to grow Sam struggled to feel the heat, small light that it was that hardly stood a chance to combat the night.
Perhaps a bit too soon, Nick came to join him, sitting close enough that their sides touched. Shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee. If the man weren't a pillar of winter himself it would have been a welcome bit of contact. Instead he shied away as much as he could without actually standing.
"How have you not keeled over from hypothermia and just died?"
" 'm stubborn like that."
Sam sighed, watching the fire instead of his friend. "You sure you don't want to go somewhere warmer?"
"I like it here." He said stubbornly, tucking his hands between his knees, eyes fixed on the steadily growing flames.
Wayward starlight, steadily crashing waves, and the warm crackle of a fire.
Simply agreeing with Nick felt like a bit of an understatement. It might just have been good timing, this little trip falling right after school let out- but it was exactly what Sam needed. He needed the change of scenery, and the chance to just forget about all the things that he was supposed to be and do and just enjoy being himself for a change. Or at least as much of himself as he could be while gently perpetrating an enormous lie.
In place of an answer he pulled an arm around Nick's shoulders, offering to share whatever bit of warmth that he had left with his friend.
Leaning into the embrace Nick practically purred, a grumbling groan of pure contentment. "I think I could really fall for someone with a core temperature like yours."
Sam laughed and resisted the sudden and strange impulse to press his face into Nick's hair. "God, just shut up and be warm."
"Good thing you're so mean all the time. It helps me to resist the urge to thrown you down into the sand and ravish you." If there was any longing or passion in his words then Sam would have pushed the man off the log. But he sounded as dry as the sand they were digging their toes into and he was permitted to stay in the circle of Sam's arm.
Though it didn't really matter, because Nick unseated himself, sliding down into the sand and shoving one of Sam's legs aside to make room. As everything else for this weekend, Sam found that arguing was useless and he let his friend settled between his feet, Nick's spine pressed into his stomach and chest. The man taking shelter from the wind, using Sam as a breaker. Body heat to his back and fire to his front, drawing his knees to his chest.
Sam tried not to laugh, always aiming to do his best to not encourage the man's unsolicited touching. Even when he found that he enjoyed it far more than he thought that he should. Sam had been raised (mostly by Dean) to show affection in the most physical of ways, usually resulting in rough shoves and rougher hugs. Punches and tussles, and all the sorts of things that brothers could easily get away with.
But they only ever acted that way with each other. Sam couldn't say the last time he hugged anyone other than Dean.
That's a lie.
He had hugged Jess at her wedding, and again before she left. He'd hugged Nick's sister-in-law, though that was more of a byproduct than any action on his own part.
And then there was Nick. Sam had found himself crashing into and tangling limbs with the man almost constantly since they met.
As much as he hated to admit it, Nick was probably right their first night in San Francisco when he had assessed that Sam had a craving. A need for human contact- because everyone did- and he had simply found a willing partner.
He pressed his legs in on either side of Nick, gently crushing his shoulders and ribs. "You good down there?"
"Better than good." Nick sighed, resting a cheek against Sam's thigh.
It wasn't the most compromising position that they had found themselves in over the weekend- real or fabricated. Though this was one of the odder ones. Sam let it be, opting to just enjoy the growing warmth of the fire, and the more solid, though less substantial heat of the man tucked neatly between his legs.
They watched the blaze guttering in the wind, twisting and climbing and kissing the sky.
"I think… that this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in." Nick spoke with his mouth against Sam's leg.
"That's not a good sign considering that we aren't actually in a relationship." He felt a need to say gently, wanting to remind Nick of that little fact that he seemed to so willingly forget.
"No. We aren't actually dating. This is a relationship though. I'm here, you're here, we're relating." His breath was making a little warm spot on Sam's knee. "Ours is a love based purely on a need for fraternal freedom, warmth, and assured mutual destruction. It's honest and true."
"I suppose that friendships have stood on less." Sam relented, though he questioned the choice of the word 'honest'. Maybe with each other-but certainly not with anyone else.
Nick made a soft agreeing noise, rutting his shoulder until he wedged it in the crook of Sam's knee. "Think we can keep this up for another two months?"
Sam could have just said yes. It was an easy question. It was an easy answer. But he considered it, really thought about whether or not he could manage to maintain this counterfeit romance. The thought curled through him, warm as the fire they were watching. If he was asked to, he could manage at least twice that long.
In place of a proper answer he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, arms crossing over Nick's shoulders, up against his neck. The blonde glanced up for a second before resettling his head against Sam's forearm.
"I'll just be glad when it's over." Sam said in order to sharpen his actions. Not wanting Nick to get the wrong idea.
The man tensed and the little shift would have been missed altogether if he wasn't pressed up against Sam at so many little junctures.
"You will?"
"I'm not as good at this as you are."
"You're doing fine. Your brother seems to be buying it well enough."
Too well, Sam thought. "I've never been all that good at lying to him." He tucked a food beneath Nick's. "He practically raised me. He knows all my tricks."
"You think you're going to fuck it up somehow?"
"I know I will, and the longer this goes on, the harder it's going to be to explain."
"Don't explain. And don't fuck up. 's my suggestion."
"You're so helpful."
"And you're doing fine." He repeated. "This isn't a life and death game, Sam. The worst that can happen is that our brothers somehow figure it out and realize just how desperate we both are for a little bit of freedom."
Sam felt a drop of rain hit his knee, saw the little dark spot.
"Great." And he started to uncurl from round Nick, but the man looped his arms around Sam's shins and held him in place.
"Stay." Nick's words were pressed into his leg. "A bit of rain never hurt."
Sam relented, easing back down those few inches that he had managed before being weighted back down. "Sometimes I think that you're trying to kill me."
"Why would I want to go and do a damn fool thing like that? I'd have one hell of a time convincing my brother that I was dating a dead man." Nick chuckled as he looked up, the firelight catching in night black eyes, and for a moment Sam thought he could be religious.
More rain fell, light sprinkles that made the fire hiss every so often. Speckling the sand like dark stars.
With face turned to the sky, he watched Sam upside down. Features almost alien when viewed the wrong way. Nick's laugher faded to a soft rumble in his chest. Something low that Sam could feel in the long bones of his legs.
One of them had to look away first, and one of them did- but Sam couldn't say who because he had closed his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to open them again until he felt the weight of Nick's head settle back against his arm.
The fire suffered as the rain started to come down in more than just a sprinkle. Something inside of Sam suffered as well. He found himself curling tighter around Nick, partially to find a bit more warmth, partially to keep the rain off of the other man. And there may have been another reason in there somewhere, but if it was then Sam didn't know what it could be or what he would call it.
Nick huffed a soft breath, seeming to struggle to find words after such a long pause. "Have you ever considered renting yourself out as an umbrella?"
Sam managed to make a noise almost like a laugh. "Is there good money in that?"
"I'd pay to keep you." Nick mouthed against his arm.
As interesting of an offer as that was, Sam made himself uncurl. Shaking water from his hair. "I hate to break this up but I'd rather not spend my winter break in bed with pneumonia."
"Care to spend it in bed with me instead?"
"I worry about how much you're enjoying this, Nick."
"This?"
"All of this."
Nick looked at him again, water beading on his skin as he turned his face to the sky. One of his hands came up, curling behind Sam's head, tugging him back down. "You going to lie and tell me you're not enjoying it just as much as I am?"
Honest?
"You are the most convincing sinking ship that I've ever been asked to board." Sam found himself saying softly, feeling the warmth of his and Nick's mingling breaths curling against his face and neck.
"Cheeky." Nick grinned, arching up just enough to kiss Sam's unprotected jaw line. Managing to get almost the exact same spot that he'd bitten yesterday morning. It was the same soft type of kiss that he had given Sam two or three times before. Familiar and warm and innocent, even if the curve of his mouth wasn't.
Sam closed his eyes and just shook his head. It was a gesture of self preservation, a moment as alone and he could manage. An opportunity to calm the shiver that ran up his back. Mostly from the cold. God, he hoped it was from the cold.
Nick let go of him, fingers sliding through his hair. "We should get going before it gets any worse."
There was a basic understanding that Nick probably meant the rain. They should get going before the rain got any worse. It had nothing to do with Sam's shiver or how his mouth felt cold without Nick's soft breaths. Those sorts of things would only get worse on their own, regardless of if the men stayed here or went.
At very least- if nothing else could be done- they could fix the rain.