an:/ I absolutely love that you guys keep coming back for an upsettingly long story made almost entirely out of fluff that has all sorts of indications of ending badly.
You guys are too good to me.
Have an unexpectedly long chapter, one last bit of niceness before the wheels come off.
Sam didn't know what it was that he expected to happen when they made the short exodus to Half Moon Bay. It wasn't like he had celebrated any level of Christmas in years. Him and Dean usually went to the shooting range on Christmas eve and stayed up late watching Die Hard and Gremlins while drinking too much and eating junk food. It was a fine tradition in his opinion. He knew that none of those things that he usually looked forward to each year would be happening tonight. And that was alright, because he and Dean had made promises of making up for lost time later in the week. New Year's eve had been reserved and dubbed Christmas- the sequel. But tonight…
What do people do as a family if they actually all get along and aren't trying to pretend that everything was normal and fine?
Or maybe pretending was actually a big part of the holiday season.
Sam got to attempt to unpack his mixed feelings while he was stuck in the back seat again, alone this time and no one to keep him company. Dean had called shotgun and was sitting up there trying to explain baseball to Castiel who seemed honestly puzzled by the sport and just kept asking the oddest questions. Like who picks the team's colors, and what happens to the used baseballs when the game is over? Sam was just about ready to start shaking his big brother's seat when they pulled into the driveway of Gabriel's overly expensive home. The sun had set on the drive down but the house was well lit with what looked to be an entire village's allotment of holiday lights. Bright white and warm like a super nova, all the light reflecting back oddly against the fog that was coming in from the sea.
Climbing from the little car Sam saw the one, single thing that he hadn't expected to get out of this Christmas. And it made his breath catch.
Nick's bike was sitting quiet and unexpected over beside a child's pink bicycle that still had training wheels attached. The pair looked oddly out of place beside the perfect little trees and all the grass that was tipped white with frost.
The sight made Sam smile but the startling noise that crawled out of Castiel when he saw the bike made him grin.
Rekha met them at the door, wearing gold jewelry that was expensively offset by a very soft white sweater dress which hugged her curves in pleasant ways. This was only something that Sam took note of because she pulled each of the three men into a warm hug and it was only polite to hug her back. Such a soft sweater. It must have been made of bunnies or clouds or something equally classy. Her hair tickled the underside of Sam's chin and she smelled like cookies.
Sam was even more happy that he had agreed to come.
Dean's turn came next and he looked positively ecstatic and held on to the woman for a little longer than necessary.
Castiel was the only one who got a kiss, just a little one of both cheeks and he smiled one of his odd little smiles and carefully adjusted his sister-in-law's necklace. "You look beautiful."
She snorted a little laugh "You too." She looked over at the Winchesters. "It's nice to see you boys again. Come inside. Come inside."
They were brought in from the cold, and apparently it wasn't just Rekha that smelled like cookies. The whole house did and she must have just been marinated in the scent.
From the corner of his eye, Sam could see Dean looking towards the kitchen and he knew that look. That longing. He elbowed his big brother before he had a chance to ask when they were going to eat, and Dean looked up at Sam, all wide eyed and innocent.
"What?"
"Wait for dinner." Sam hissed, following their hostess deeper into the house, in the wrong direction from the food, towards what definitely sounded like Christmas music. The rest of Castiel's family was packed into the living room. Michel and Gabriel on the couch along with Anna tucked comfortably against her husband's chest, his arm around her and a hand resting on her rounded belly. Nick was sitting on the floor in the shadow of the room dominating Christmas tree, sucking on a candy cane and arguing with his smallest niece over what color they should be making the bear in the coloring book that they were sharing. The nephew, Isaac, was playing a very quiet game boy while his other sister sat beside him with round eyes, watching everything on the tiny screen.
The majority of the adults took notice of the company and there were pleasantries exchanged. Michael stayed seated while his wife came over and gave each of them a considerably fiercer hug than the other woman had given. Castiel took the affection with ease, just as Dean did. Sam still felt a little awkward, but apparently they were just a very demonstrative family and if he was going to be here then he would have to pay the toll.
Anna tugged him down and Sam braced for a kiss on his cheek- but was left waiting.
"Thank you." She said softly against his jaw.
"For what?"
"For Nick. He didn't tell us he was coming. He just showed up. When I asked what made him change his mind he said it was because you were coming and he was worried what we might do to you if he wasn't here to keep you safe." She smiled so brightly up at him. "So thank you."
Sam looked over her head, watching Nick trading his candy cane for one of his niece's pigtails, making soft growling noises while she giggled and colored the bear a striking, yet very unnatural shade of blue.
"I…" Sam didn't really know what to say. Nick had looked up, still eating the little girl's hair while he smiled at him from the other side of the room and Sam made himself look away, down at the delicate woman who was still gripping his sides with surprisingly strong little hands."You're welcome." He finally managed.
She seemed to have forgotten about kissing him and simply let go, placing her hands on her stomach and going back to the couch where Michael was waiting for her. Sam accidently made eye contact with the man and so they traded small, polite nods. Unfortunately he also caught Gabriel's gaze and the smallest brother grinned at him, all teeth and cheerful welcome.
Sam made a slight attempt to separate himself from his Dean, wanting to just go and sit down beside Nick, to tell him thank you and maybe steal his candy cane (it had been years since he'd had one and he suddenly found himself with a craving), but he was cut off by a running child. The littlest girl had finally batted Nick away and threw down her crayons, getting up and running towards them with open arms.
She completely ignored the extra men and flung herself at Castiel. "Uncle Cas! Did you leave my pony outside? What is her name?" She demanded as she was lifted up into his arms, the man wearing an absolutely baffled expression while he hugged his niece.
"What pony?"
"Uncle Nick told me. He said that you were getting me a pony for Christmas. Is she pink? Can I name her Daisy?"
"He was teasing you, Hannah." Castiel sounded exasperated by the bombardment of questions as he gave Nick an accusatory look. "There was no room in my car for the pony this year. Maybe I will bring it for your birthday."
She pouted at him, her fat little cheeks sort of taking the menace out of it.
"I did bring you candy though." Castiel offered and it was hard to tell if the child or Dean looked more happy at the news.
Sam shook his head and went over to the coffee table, stepping around the other two children who hadn't really taken notice of the new guests. He settled himself down carefully beside Nick, folding his legs as best as he could beneath the low table.
"Hey."
"Hello." Nick answered back with a ghost of a smile.
"I didn't think you were coming."
Nick's smile widened to include a glimpse of teeth. "No. That one's too easy."
Sam considered what he had just said and if there was any innuendo to be found- and then he had to roll his eyes. "How's your-" He nodded to Nick's lip and his hand.
"I've got to keep the stitches for another two weeks and I'm not allowed to eat any spicy food. And my fingers still hurt. I can't work with them wrapped. Otherwise I feel fantastic.
" 'm sorry." Sam sighed and Nick just shrugged, offering him a red crayon.
"I had to reschedule a bunch of appointments at the shop, but I guess that it doesn't hurt to have a bit of an extended vacation. I probably needed it."
"You do." Gabriel waggled a bare foot in their direction. "You work too hard and it makes you a pain in the … butt." He grinned over at Anna.
Nick just shook his head and nudged his coloring book towards Sam. "Gabriel thinks it's real funny that I got in a fight with my boyfriend's brother."
"Because it's hilarious." Gabriel pointed out.
And Sam took definite note of the sour expression that Michael wore as soon as the word 'boyfriend' entered the conversation. Sam did his best to look as innocent and nonthreatening as he knew how. He scribbled lightly in the book and let his knee touch Nick's below the table.
They scribbled together and talked quietly of unimportant things while the other adults carried on fairly mundane conversations while waiting for a little egg timed on the arm of the couch to go off.
"Hey-" Sam poked Nick's wrist with his crayon. "I like the bracelets."
And Nick chuckled softly, holding up his arm so that Sam could better see the plastic beads that came in every color of the rainbow and then some. It was a mess of shapes, some of which looked rather pointy and not at all suited for jewelry, others were small and white and black, spelling out 'NICk' very proudly. Sam reached out, touching the beads, turning the bracelets to see if the others said anything. One said 'jeRk FacE' , one said 'miS Luci leggs 4 daYs', one simply said 'ass' and one last one just that had oddly chalky feeling beads of all roughly the same size.
"Sarah made this one for me." He pointed to the first with his name on it.
"And the rest?" Sam touched the varied and yet fairly accurate descriptors.
"My beautiful sisters made them for me."
"I helped." Gabriel shook his foot again, apparently very interested in the conversation going on over there and wanting to be part of it. "I made the one about his legs."
Nick ignored his brother as easily as breathing. "And Hannah gave me this one- which was a mighty sacrifice on her part." He tugged on the simplest one, holding it up to Sam. "It's candy. And girls have it so much better than we ever did. They get to wear their candy. My snacks were never this convenient."
Sam laughed and had to look away because nothing good could come from watching Nick quietly nibble two of the beads from this bracelet.
The tree was a nice safe place to look. It was kind of obvious that it had been decorated by Gabriel's wife and comfortably reiterated that they were a family with no children. All the decorations actually matched, none of them had been made by small clumsy children's hands, and they were all glass. Much like art, Sam didn't really have much basis for his judgment on the tree, but there was something aesthetically pleasing about the teal and gold decorations and their very careful placement, so he liked it.
Nick's hand came to rest against his leg beneath the table and Sam jumped a little. He looked back and was treated to an unsettlingly innocent expression.
"You behave yourself." He hissed, doing his best to sit still because Nick was tickling him, whether intentional or accidental, and he knew if he acknowledged it even for a second it would only make things worse for him.
"What behave? I am a perfect angel."
"An angel who seems to be trying to measure my inseam."
"I'm, uh, fitting you for a suit."
"Do I get to wear it to your funeral?" Sam smiled hopefully.
Nick chuckled, his eyes closing just enough that they lost their color. He leaned into Sam, touching their shoulders and temples together. It was far more affectionate than he usually was, alone or with other people, and Sam had a feeling that Nick had decided to play the whole 'gay thing' up for his family.
Aside from learning that he was ticklish, Sam wasn't entirely sure that he really minded.
"You behave." He still warned, even knowing that he wasn't being listened to.
"You behave." Nick repeated into his cheek.
Sam whispered, not wanting to get the man in trouble but at the same time… "Are you drunk?"
"I am as dry as the day is long." He pressed a little kiss right near the corner of Sam's mouth, right about where his dimple must have been. "I'm just happy you didn't stand me up. I was worried you wouldn't show and I'd be stuck by myself in the lonely corner."
"You didn't need me. You've got a lovely little redhead to keep you company."
"I can't compete with Cas though." Nick leaned back, retracting his long fingers to his own lap where they should have been all from the start. "He keeps candy in his pockets, you know."
"Maybe that's why Dean likes him so much." Sam mused to himself, which set Nick chuckling again and Sam had no choice but to join in.
The little timer sitting on the edge of the couch went off and Gabriel was the first one to start running for the far side of the house. The rest of the family followed at a slightly more sedate pace.
Now, Sam had eaten Thanksgiving at this table, with this very company- and he supposed that he suspected much of the same. In a way it was. Someone said grace, hands were held (or Nick's wrist was held at least because his little finger splints kept him from anything more complicated). The food was incredible, and Sam ate far too much. Which was to say he ate almost as much as Dean who had to be storing it somewhere, but it was anyone's guess as to where.
Nick kept sneaking food off Sam's plate, even though he easily could have served himself from one of the dishes. He just insisted that this was easier and continued spearing vegetables and bits of meat despite any protests.
It felt like he had fallen into one of those sickeningly perfect Christmas movies.
And Sam loved every second of it.
Right up until Gabriel threw a green bean at Nick to get his attention. That marked the turning point of the meal.
"Luci, remind me before you leave. I've got letters from The Spawn. "
Nick went from annoyed at the airborne vegetable to anxious, his voice dropping a bit. "Yeah?"
"Mhm. She made you a card and everything, and she likes the earrings you sent her."
"Don't read my mail." He said with a sigh even as he shifted in his seat, eyes a little bright.
"Hey, it was addressed to me, not you." Gabriel said in defense, grinning in that wild way that he had.
"I know. I know." Nick tugged at his lip, careful of the stitches. "Is she doing alright?"
"The kido is doing fantastic." He assured.
And Sam whished he knew who they were talking about but he wasn't brave enough to ask, though he had a weird suspicion about who she could be.
"Who are you two talking about?" Michael asked loudly in a way that sounded an awful lot like he already knew the answer and the rest of the table grew quiet which only made the noise from the little kid's table in the corner seem that much louder.
Nick got this sickening smile. "Your mother."
"She likes to check in now and then." Gabriel joined in without losing a single watt of his grin. "Wants to see if we've managed to find anyone willing to take you off our hands. She gets a finder's fee you know."
"Unfortunately the gypsy's asking price is too high, but if we keep pooling our money we're hoping to relocate you by next summer."
"There's a nice farm out in the country that might be interested."
"You'll love it." Nick looked so sincere. "It's got lots of trees and room to run around."
Michael set down his fork, his back rigid. "You two are childish."
"Only a little-ish." Gabriel waved his hand back and forth in a so-so gesture.
"And Gabe is really too little to even be entitled to an ish."
"It's true." The considerably shorter brother nodded enthusiastically. "I'm thee inches shy of ish."
Rehka leaned over and nodded to Anna. "He's actually about four and a half inches shy of ish- but you know how men like to round their measurements."
The redheaded woman hid a startled laugh behind a hand.
Michael only sighed like he was disappointed in all of them, even those who hadn't contributed to the teasing, but he had been derailed and the conversation moved on to other things.
Sam picked at what was left on his plate, watching Nick from the corner of his eye, the way that the man was rocking just a little in his seat, smiling to himself.
He leaned into his friend, taking a chance. "Whose 'the spawn'?"
Nick's grin faltered and he looked down at his plate, suddenly subdued.
"Never mind." Sam said quickly, not at all liking what he had accomplished by asking.
Nick reclaimed part of his smile though it looked a little strained. He leaned in, talking low enough that it was just for them. "Ask me later when I'm too drunk to remember why we don't talk about her. Alright?"
"Alright." He repeated while crossing his fingers and hoping that Nick wasn't serious and didn't somwhow plan on drinking tonight. There weren't really all that many rules and if the man had any plans of driving himself home tonight then it gave him double reasons to keep clean.
Anna got up, wobbling slightly and catching herself on her husband's chair. Every man at the table was suddenly half standing- even Sam rose and out of the corner of his eye he saw Dean getting up as well- even if the small woman didn't belong to them.
Anna just looked annoyed. "Calm down. I lost my balance is all." She started collecting dishes and shaking her head.
"Sit. I'll take care of these." Michael said gently, putting a hand on her back before taking the dishes from her.
"I'm pregnant, not invalid."
Michael simply kissed his wife's head and collected the dishes without much more argument. It singled the end of the meal and most of the adults managed to take their own dishes into the kitchen.
And the problem came from the fact that Sam really didn't know his way around this house. It was a lot of house. Two of his own could have easily fit in here- with room for a pool. It equated to him just sort of following the flow of traffic, trailing after people who looked slightly more informed than he was. He kept close to Nick who was carefully herding his littlest niece who had insisted on carrying her own plate. She was so focused on what she was doing, not letting her leftover vegetables slide to the floor, that they took the long way around the hall.
"Monster," Nick said softly, leaning down to be closer to her level, his back almost parallel to the floor. "Do you know where we are?"
She hesitated, looking up. "We are in the hallway."
"Yeah, but we're also are under the mistletoe."
Her big eyes went up to the doorframe that would have taken into the kitchen. She grinned and took two little steps back. "No."
"Yes."
"No. No. No." she giggled and Nick clumsily scooped her up, noisily kissing her cheeks while she shrieked in delight.
Sam did his part, carefully taking the dishes from the two so that Nick and Hannah didn't drop and break anything.
"Happy Christmas, monster." Nick finally set her back down and she took off running, wiping her cheeks and looking over her shoulder to see if she was being chased. She wasn't, but that didn't stop her from scampering off out of sight.
"You know," Sam found himself smiling, "she's aggressively adorable."
"She is my favorite." Nick smiled back. "Even if she's a little sticky sometimes." He rubbed at one cheek and stood aside so that Sam could get in through the wrong door to the kitchen with his dishes.
"I think most kids are a bit sticky." Sam said as he shuffled past, setting the plates down beside the sink.
"All the best ones definitely are." He leaned in the doorway, being of no help to anyone at all.
Sam smiled and shook his head- strangely amused by how much affection Nick had for his little nieces. The evidence there in writing over his wrist in bright plastic and candy beads. The blond man was just about as cute as the little redheaded child who could still be heard giggling somewhere in the house.
"Are we on dishes duty tonight?" He came over, perfectly willing to accept the chore because it felt like a fairly fair payment for the delicious meal.
"I was kind of hoping to avoid it if possible." He folded his arms over his chest. "I even helped cook tonight. It keeps me off KP duty."
"You helped?"
"I stirred the jello." He said proudly then huffed a little when he saw the look Sam was giving him. Nick held up both hands, waggling his splinted fingers awkwardly. "Hey, I've got a broken wing. I can't do much other than stir."
"You're a good man."
"I'm an insufferable ass." He held out his wrist. "I've even got a bracelet to prove it."
"You're also under the mistletoe." Rehka pointed out gently as she drifted by with a collection of cups.
"…oh." Nick looked up at the offending doorway, eyes going just as wide as his niece's had.
Sam almost laughed, but he was standing right there with Nick and it wasn't quite as funny as he initially thought.
"Well?" Rehka raised an eyebrow, expectantly.
"Well what?" Nick looked about ready to vanish back into the safety of the hall.
"I provided the dinner. You could at least provide the entertainment."
Nick looked up at Sam, then deeper into the kitchen where Michael was watching them with an incredibly stern scowl.
"I don't think that's a good idea." Nick said carefully, barely loud enough that Sam could make out the words and it was hard to tell exactly who the man thought he was talking to.
Rehka rolled her eyes and went about arranging dishes on the counter, obviously no intention of actually cleaning them, but doing a nice job of lining them up for whoever was going to wash. "He gets shy." She explained to Sam in a way that more teasing than sympathetic.
"I'm not shy."
Gabriel came to stand beside his wife. "Oh, Nick, you gunna kiss him?"
"Well I'm not going to kiss you."
And Gabriel got that horrible grin of his again. "If you you're not going to kiss him, can I?"
"No." Nick said almost as quickly as Sam did.
"Come on- this is a waste of mistletoe and bad timing."
"This is very inappropriate." Michael condemned the whole thing quite loudly.
Nick made a face.
"They're dating." Rehka argued. "And we've all seen Nick do far worse things than kissing another man."
"I would prefer to unsee all those things, not add to them." Michael bore his teeth- and that's where Nick got the expression from. The family resemblance was unsettling.
With pale, terrible eyes, Nick looked up at Sam again, accompanied by a little twitch of his lips which was more a question than anything else.
Sam felt his eyebrows go down. He almost shook his head but managed the smallest of shrugs in its place. He felt defensive for Nick. Protective. Which was stupid, but the way that Michael spoke just rubbed him wrong.
He couldn't tell if Michael was afflicted with just general homophobia or if it was his broad, comprehensive dislike of his brother that was just coming through so clearly.
So Sam shrugged.
Lord have mercy on his soul.
He shrugged.
Quiet thanks as well as a healthy amount of anxiety passed over Nick and he shuffled close enough, leaning in and leaning up. But they both went the same way and bumped noses like two idiots who had never actually kissed before- which was fair, because in all honesty they hadn't. Hadn't even planned on it. Despite whatever storied that Nick had told his family, and whatever it was that Dean kept thinking that he was walking in on them doing. This had never been in the plans.
But Nick was comfortably physical with his family, and it's not like he hadn't been slowly conditioning Sam over the past few weeks to be completely ok with being kissed on the cheek. This really wasn't any different. Right?
Except it was different, because Sam tried to tilt his head to the left instead only to notice quite quickly that Nick had the same idea. It was clumsy and awkward, their noses bumping. And this was not a problem that they had ever had before.
Hell, this wasn't a problem that anyone outside of the sixth grade ever had.
"Damn it, Nick." And Sam put a hand on either of the man's cheeks and turned him one way so that he could go the other, and he fit their mouths together as easily as two jigsaw pieces. It should have been just that. A quick press of lips, only long enough for Sam to remember that he should have been more careful because Nick still had stitches. Hardly that long at all, maybe two seconds, tops. And then they could step back, receive their well earned cat calls and applause and disapproving slurs and it would be consider a job well done.
Except that, for whatever reason, Sam had sort of expected Nick to just stand there calmly and take it- like a normal straight man who suddenly finds himself kissing his very normal straight friend would do. It should have been a joke. Just a quick, noncommittal press of lips to appease the people watching who assumed that the two men had done this roughly a hundred times together over the past few weeks.
Very rapidly Sam realized that that was not what was happening.
For some unspeakable reason Nick had closed his eyes, pressing against Sam, breathing him in deeply with one slow, long, inhale. His tongue teased the seam of Sam's lips as he breathed out a low sigh.
He tasted… like apple juice, and for whatever damning reason that could be thought up, whatever flimsy excuse that could be made and not upheld later, Sam opened his mouth. Felt Nick's teeth graze his lower lip, just as light and innocent as the fingers that were now resting against Sam's hip.
God, but it had been far too long since Sam had kissed someone if something so small and meaningless could make it so hard to think straight. It was just warm skin and the scratch of stitches and the sweet after taste of apple juice. A horrible feeling started in his chest, a trembling that bled all the way to his hands and he was grateful that he was pressing his fingertips so tightly to the bones in Nick's cheeks for the other man to feel the treachery that had leeched into his body.
But Nick, bless his bitter, depraved heart, went ahead and blew the moment, his hand slipping to Sam's ass to give him a rough squeeze.
He pushed Nick off. Half laughing, half mortified because he might have made some kind of emasculated noise when he had been grabbed. "You are literally the worst."
Nick was laughing too, a loose fist covering his mouth as he turned his face away, his cheeks unmistakably pink.
"You two are adorable." Rehka informed them even though there was nothing adorable about what they were doing as far as Sam was concerned.
Sam glanced over and wished that he hadn't. Michael looked about a heartbeat away from armageddon. His wife's face was almost as red as her hair. Gabriel and his wife, on the other hand, looked like two different versions of pleased- one more smug, one more charmed. Castiel was in the other doorway to the kitchen, just looking about as pleased as a puppy with a new shoe.
Nick waved to his family before taking a modest bow. "Thank you. Thank you. And for my next trick I will need a female member from the audience."
"Oh, pick me. Pick me." Gabriel raised his hands, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"You're all degenerates." Michael growled and pushed past Castiel and a startled looking Dean as he left the room.
The older Winchester brother looked annoyed then confused as he turned back to Sam. "What the hell did I miss?"
.:.
Although there was a small amount of protesting from both Nick and Dean (they had an upsetting amount of similarities sometimes), once everyone calmed down and everything was cleaned up, the family plus two recongregated in the living room and Christmas songs were sung. The three little children, as well as their uncle Cas and Gabriel really seemed to get into the whole festive mood. Sam let himself get dragged along, too content to fight it right now. The amount of eggnog that was consumed helped a little. It helped a lot actually. It was… strong nog, considering that there was a ban on liquor in this house.
By the time that they made it through a handful of songs and a very gentle and lovely retelling of the nativity story by Anna to her children, Sam found that he was embarrassingly tipsy. Looking around the room, he was fairly certain that with the exception of the three kids and their mother, that he was not alone in his inebriation.
Even Michael seemed to have pulled that stick out of his ass, smiling easily as he helped his youngest pick out a few good cookies to leave for Santa. He and his wife gently herded their children down to a room in the back of the house where apparently was the guest room that they were staying in for their visit.
Nick put his head on Sam's shoulder, slouched down low on the couch beside him. "I feel like I swallowed the sun." He rumbled happily.
"You're definitely warm enough for it." He answered back, letting his own head fall back so he could look at the patterns that the Christmas lights were making on the ceiling. Nick felt hot for the first time since Sam had met him, toasty warm from alcohol and pressed close enough to Sam that there was a bit of sweat prickling and pooling down at the base of the younger man's spine. It was almost too warm.
Sam didn't mind as much as he should have.
"You do know that you're not allowed to drive yourself home tonight, right?"
"Hey, I know my limit." Nick snorted. "I don't pay much attention to it, but I know it."
"You going to get a ride home with us?"
Nick snorted again. "There is no way that Cas is going to be able to drive anywhere for at least a few hours."
Sam looked over and almost started laughing when he saw that the dark haired man had already fallen asleep. Knees tucked to his chest, face mostly hidden in his folded arms. He looked like a little kid. A little kid who definitely wouldn't be driving. Unfortunately Dean didn't look much better, sitting on the floor at Castiel's feet, fingers laced together over his stomach and his eyes lidded, cheeks rosy.
"Great." Sam chuckled and let his head fall back.
Rehka threw a pillow at them from the far side of the room and she missed spectacularly, hitting the wall behind the couch instead, but it got their attention. "You kids can stay the night. If you promise no hanky panky."
"I'm not promising you shi- anything." Nick clumsily corrected himself.
"Don't promise her anything." Gabriel begged, slurring just a bit around the edges. "If you… if you kiss him again Michael might have a… a coronary and we could watch his head explode."
"A coronary is a heart attack." Rehka patted Gabriel's leg. "You mean aneurysm."
"Fine. Aneurysm. And then we can watch his head explode."
Nick sat up, a spark of hope in his glassy eyes. "Sam?"
"No." He laughed and caught Nick by the shoulders as the man attempted to lean in anyways. "I told you to behave yourself tonight."
"You are no fun at all."
Rehka rose up, managing to stand much taller and straighter than Sam thought possible. "Nick, love, you need someone who is no fun. He will help balance you."
"Our Nick needs all the help that he can get." Gabriel nodded and dragged himself to his feet and stretching. "We've got floor and couch down here- more floor and couch upstairs." And his train of thought left without him and Gabriel blinked wide, owlish eyes and turned to look up at his wife for more help.
"And you boys can sort yourselves out however you need to." Rehka finished. "I will go find some blankets and Gabriel is going to try and remember where the backdoor is so while you boys argue over who sleeps where he and me can go out and have a smoke."
"Oh, I like that." Gabriel nodded as he wandered off, glancing back over his shoulder. "Having a 'smoke' means that we are going to sit on the swing and kiss."
Nick gave his little brother a thumbs up before chuckling quietly and putting his face back against Sam's shoulder. "I like them better when I'm not sober."
"I'm proud of you for not getting into a fight with anyone yet."
"I did that before you got here." He confessed softly. "And I will probably do it again tomorrow before I leave. It's tradition, you know."
Sam sighed and pressed his mouth against the surprisingly coarse fluff of Nick's hair.
"If I'm going to come all this way I'm not going to not punch the bastard in the face at least once."
Cas raised his head just enough from his knees to blink at them with wide, sleepy eyes. "We're all bastards, you know. Dad never married any one of our mothers."
Leaving a warm patch in his wake, Nick managed to sit up and survey the room rather evenly before finding his brother on the far end of the couch. "Cassy, you want to sleep down here with Dean or upstairs with me?"
Dean finally opened his eyes, hearing his name. "What?"
"We're staying the night." Sam explained gently, feeling like it was his job as seemingly the most clear headed and least drunk person in the room.
His big brother eyed the abandoned plate of cookies with a hungry expression. "If we stay do you think that Santa will bring us presents?"
Sam sighed. "Not for you- you're a bad person."
Which made his brother laugh warmly. "True, but that fat jerk has always had it in for me." And he took one of the cookies from the plate, stuffing it in his mouth without remorse.
"Cassy." Nick tried again, undaunted by the interruption. "Where do you want to sleep?"
Castiel frowned and put his head back down, grumbling something that sounded like 'here is fine', which was pleasantly vague because it gave no indication of his preferred company.
And it was a bad time for Sam to make a decision for the four of them, but someone needed to.
"You two can have the couch." Sam nodded to his brother and the accountant, knowing that he himself would be fine and safe sleeping beside Nick, because he'd done it many times before and come out relatively unscathed.
Dean might not be so lucky. But he was supposedly an adult and looked mostly asleep at this point. Castiel was already at least eighty percent unconscious and between the two they should be able to manage a quiet, well behaved night's sleep. It also meant that Sam would have a good portion of house between him and his brother- who tended to snore rather like a wounded hog when he'd been drinking and it would be nice to have the distance.
With a somewhat confused look, Dean kind of nodded, climbing up off the floor and examining the couch, assessing the best way to fit on it with Castiel.
Sam dragged Nick up, holding both his wrists and gently pulling him towards where he thought that the stairs might be. With a glance back he saw that Dean was sitting beside Cas, quietly talking to him while he untied the man's shoes for him.
Sam had no idea if it was a good or a bad sign that he'd been doing the same thing for Nick about a week ago. Maybe it just spoke to the fact that Dean had raised him right, or perhaps the brothers had simply gotten themselves involved with the same sort of guy. Someone they could take care of.
As if to help reiterate that thought, Nick crashed into him, rutting his face between Sam's shoulders and grumbling. "I don't think I can do stairs." Mouth hot against Sam's spine.
"You can make it."
"Cary me."
"Yeah, that's not going to happen." Sam laughed and began dragging once more. He was able to take the stairs upright, though he had to keep a firm hold on the banister the whole way to manage such a feat. Nick made it by holding the stairs in front of him with his hands- but you know, sometimes dignity had to be sacrificed for a lower center of gravity.
Sam wouldn't bring it up later.
He'd crawled his own fair share of stairs over the years.
It soon became obvious why Nick had wanted to sleep up here. It wasn't that he was sparing his brother the navigation of the stairwell, it was that the couch up here in the tv room was one of those big 'L' shaped ones and far superior for sharing. However there was also the recliner that Dean had fallen asleep in last time they were here… but Sam wasn't going to go down and let his brother know about it.
He would rather have the room to just him and Nick, and that was probably wrong.
While he tried to help Nick back to his feet, and then to detangle himself from a very warm, nice smelling hug, Rehka came down the hall with an armful of blankets.
She gave them both an amused smile as she set half the blankets on the couch. "Remember, I don't have sex on your couch, don't have sex on mine."
There were very few things that he knew for sure- the fact that he wouldn't be having sex with Nick tonight was one of those things. "We won't." Sam promised very easily.
"Unless you want to come to my place next week, Rehka." Nick still had his arms around Sam's shoulders even as he spoke to his sister, seeming not at all interested in letting go and it was hard to tell if he was just being difficult or if it was just that this was the only way he could keep standing. "We can arrange a bit of a trade."
"Don't say that where Gabriel can hear. He might actually take you up on an offer like that." She said wisely and walked off, back down stairs.
"I like her. She tells you no." Sam decided out loud as he steered Nick to the couch and forcibly shoved him off once he was sure that there would be a soft landing.
Nick made a soft oof noise and managed to look up at Sam with a fairly affronted expression as though he felt that he somehow didn't deserve being thrown down onto the couch. "I am injured you know. You could be a bit more gentle."
"I thought you liked forceful women." Sam tried to tease, but he was sure it came out a little weird. Very sure that it came out weird by the startled look on Nick's face.
So Sam did the adult thing and pretended that he hadn't said anything at all, and instead busied himself with getting off his shoes and unbuttoning his flannel. Not undressing mind you. He had on a tshirt underneath. He also had a very clear understanding of his own body and he knew that he would get way too warm while he slept if he didn't shed at least one layer.
It would have been a little less weird if he couldn't feel the other man's eyes following every little move that he was making.
"You want me to get the light?" He wasn't sure if Nick intended to sleep how he was, but do you know what? Sam wasn't going to help the man out of any shirt or shoes tonight, so if Nick was going to take anything off he was on his own.
No response came, so Sam just went ahead and doused the lights, and as he turned back to the couch he wished that there wasn't a bit of light coming in from the hall because he could still see Nick sitting there exactly where he had been dropped.
Eyes just as drunk and wide and pale. He looked stricken. Stunned.
"You ok?"
No answer.
"Did you get stuck, honey?"
"You have really broad shoulders." Was Nick's answer as he finally shook his head and leaned forward so he could watch himself in the darkness, trying to toe his shoes off.
Sam took a slow breath and came back to the couch, feeling braver than he thought that he would, but that might have had a lot more to do with the consumption of eggnog than any real courage on his part.
To be honest, Nick wasn't all that scary on his own.
It was more like… Sam tried not to drink himself to this point because right now he was loose enough to do something really easy and stupid, but not drunk enough to not understand the consequences or forget things when the morning came. This was the perfect caliber of drunk where he could talk himself into doing something awful because he could definitely get away with it. Definitely.
This was the same reckless feeling that usually stayed at bay until after midnight.
It was only eleven.
Why had he had a third glass of eggnog?
He didn't even like eggnog.
The couch gave gently as he stretched out on one side of the L, putting his head near the bend so that he was closer to Nick.
"I… I didn't hurt you earlier, did I?"
Nick blinked down at him and shook his head again. "It's just a couch. I may not have much of an ass to cushion my fall, but I'm fine."
"No. I mean earlier, back in the kitchen when … I grabbed you."
The edge of his mouth twitched in an almost smile. "You can say kiss. It's not a bad word."
"I didn't kiss you." Sam felt heat prickle up his neck, his throat tightened, and all kinds of other awkward reactions that were thankfully mostly hidden by the dark. "A kiss is- it needs meaning and passion and… wanting. That was just a way to say that I think Michael is a dick and I don't like how you look when he talks to you. I just did it to bother him." He took a hard breath. "It wasn't a kiss."
Nick didn't say anything, but Sam could see the man look off at the far wall, reaching up to tug at his lip even if it made him wince.
"I think it would have worked just as well if you didn't grab my ass, by the way."
That drew a small chuckle out of Nick, warm and half hearted. "I couldn't resist."
"I think I already threatened that if you went for it I would bite your face."
"That sounds about right." He glanced down. "But I believe I offered up my neck for such punishment. My face has already been injured by a Winchester recently."
Sam had gone as far as pushing himself up to his elbows before a little voice in the back of his mind started yelling 'abort' and he realized what he was about to do. He lay back down, pointedly not looking at Nick's beautifully unprotected throat.
He felt the man settle down eventually, lying so that his head was near Sam's, still warm and thankfully quiet.
Something in Sam couldn't just let it go. That something was, again, the eggnog. And as convenient a scapegoat at it way, he couldn't keep blaming it for everything.
"I can't believe that you just went for it though."
"You really don't know me well enough then."
"You're like the little kid who is offered a lick of someone else's ice-cream cone and you go ahead and try and shove the whole thing in your mouth."
"In this analogy what part of your body gets to be the ice-cream cone?"
Sam reached back behind his head and thunked his hands against Nick's face. This was not graciously accepted as a punishment like it was meant, but as an offer to engage in a clumsy head pushing contest. Nick won, but only because he managed to catch one of Sam's hands and lace their fingers together in a way that felt almost permanent- or at least far too nice to ruin. So Sam lay there with one arm over his head, quietly holding Nick's hand in his, trying to catch his breath and keep from smiling, even if no one could see him doing it.
Easier than it should have been, Sam pulled Nick's arm down closer, looking through the dark at the mess of plastic beads that the man was still wearing.
"Why do they keep calling you Luci?"
Nick sighed and brushed the top of his head against Sam's. "Bedtime story time?"
"Sure?" Sam was unaware that he was getting himself in for a whole story. He would have settled for a sentence.
"My mother- she was a few chicken nuggets shy of a Happy Meal and when I was born she named me Lucifer."
A laugh died in Sam's throat when he realized that the man was serious.
"It's not a great name. But I was too young to argue at the time and my father was already on the other side of the country where he belonged. When I was six, she packed me up a backpack with candy bars, coloring books, and my birth certificate, and she left me on a greyhound bus headed out to California. A note pinned to my jacket with my father's name written on it." Nick's hand was warm in Sam's. "My dad let me legally change my name when I got older but Gabriel and Michael apparently liked Lucifer better. So they still call me Luci- when they feel like reminding me why I don't like to visit."
And Sam didn't have much of anything good to say to that.
He opted to drag Nick's wrist over his mouth, teeth searching for and finding the beads that were made of candy. He bit off two and they tasted chalky and sweet.
"Hey. Are you eating my jewelry?"
"Nope." He said between crunches.
"You're a monster."
Sam ate another bead.
Nick didn't take his arm back.
"So out of any name in the world you chose Nick?"
"I chose Nicola."
Sam hesitated with his mouth pressed to the soft pulse in Nick's wrist. "Nicola… like as in Nicola Tesla?"
"I was eight."
"You knew who Tesla was when you were eight?"
"We watched a lot of PBS." Nick bumped their heads again. "For a man with suddenly three sons and no paternal instinct, Dad did the best he could."
"Are you still in contact with your mom?" Sam asked and immediately regretted it. He was too close to Nick to miss the slight flinch.
"She overdosed on heroin the same night she sent me to California."
"My mom died when I was a few months old. Apparently there was a house fire." He didn't know if he offered that up as a consolation or what- he just needed to say something.
Nick didn't loosen his grip on Sam, but he tugged their wrists over his side and took a few bites of bracelet for himself. His stubble scratched along the younger man's wrist, possibly followed by a hint of teeth, but there was no proof. And Sam really didn't want to know.
Somewhere deeper in the house came the distinct sound of Dean snoring.
How lovely to be so far away from that familiar noise.
"What was in the eggnog?" Sam asked out of curiosity.
"Tasted like rum." Nick took another bite- of the bracelet, not of Sam. "I prefer scotch, but it's not as good for mixing. Besides, Gabriel only buys the best stuff, which is just as easy to get drunk off of, but you get to feel posh while doing it."
"I made sure to keep my pinky up the whole time."
"Good man. I knew you wouldn't embarrass me." Crunch. Crunch.
Sam tugged their arms back over so he could mouth his way back over the bracelets. Hoping he wasn't too late. It took a bit of searching, but eventually the plastic gave way to sweetness and he found the last few beads.
"Nick?" He asked between bites.
"Yo?"
What had he wanted to ask? Every question that came to mind was a bad idea.
"Never mind."
"Never mind?"
"I don't drink rum." He tried to explain.
"Ok?"
Sam closed his eyes, tasting the slight tang of salt on Nick's skin between the beads. "Nick, what if… if we had a normal first kiss like normal people who actually date and like each other and that sort of thing- that didn't involve mistletoe or you trying to make Dean really freak out… how would it have gone?"
For a while Nick didn't say anything at all, and if it hadn't been from the slight tension in the curl of his fingers then Sam would have started to wonder if the man had fallen asleep.
"Do you mean ideally, or do you mean if we weren't both so damn straight and you didn't think I was such a gross old man, how would it have gone?
"Nick, I don't think you're gross. I know you are."
Nick's laugh was too loud, competing with the relative quiet of the house, and it tapered off into a quiet chuckle as he squeezed Sam's hand.
"So you mean ideally then?"
"Never mind." Sam repeated and turned his face towards the back of the couch. "I just had a bit too much to drink. Dean says that I ask stupid questions when I've had too much."
"You do." Nick assured and carefully took his hand back, leaving a cold empty feeling in its place. "But stupid questions deserve stupid answers. So, it would have happened… carefully."
"Carefully?" Which had to be true, but at the same time was such a strange way to answer.
"Mhmmn. I would have been terrified of acting too soon and getting my clock cleaned."
"You were afraid to kiss me?" Sam felt like he was getting some of his words mixed up, but Nick still answered like he understood, so most of what was being said must have been in the right place.
"Yes. You've got that impressive right hook and I don't like having my nose broken." The quiet threatened them again, but Nick managed to keep it at bay. "I would have waited until we were deciding to call it a night, when you were already half asleep and too tired looking to do much damage."
"I'm twice as dangerous when I'm half asleep." Sam tried to look back at Nick, but they were too close and it was too dark and all he managed to see was a bit of blonde.
"I've noticed that- but only after we started dating, so if this was early on then your violence wouldn't have entered into my giant mistake."
"I'm a mistake?"
Nick didn't answer that one at all- but the universe heard it, and every rum soaked nerve ending of Sam recoiled and knew the answer anyways.
"I would have said goodnight and kissed your cheek." Nick picked back up after an incriminating pause. "And I would have missed on purpose and if you didn't take a swing at me I would have missed even better a second time."
"You would have… what do you mean, you would have missed?"
The couch dipped and Nick sat up on his elbows, looming like a dark threat over Sam. "It's not complicated, mister college." He swayed just a bit. "God. You're dense when you want to be."
Sam bore his teeth.
Nick just sighed. "It's not hard to miss. Now, ideally the room wouldn't be spinning and you wouldn't be upside-down, but..."
Sam's spine went rigid, even tired and even being more than just a little drunk, he knew enough to brace himself.
Clumsily, Nick's good hand came up to Sam's face and the man came down, placing such a small, innocent little kiss to Sam opposite cheek. Except, true to his words, he missed. His lips brushed feather light just along the corner of the younger man's mouth. And if there hadn't been any forewarning it would have felt like an accident. Straying just a few centimeters too far to the left.
"Like that." He said so matter of factly, smug and concise and lacking in any real intent other than proving a point. But then he didn't pull back, he stayed close, inches between them but no light to make out any of the fine details. His thumb strayed from Sam's cheek, edge of a fingernail tracing his lower lip.
"And then I would have waited like this to see if you were going to hit me… except more right side up, because this is a terrible angle to wait at." The apple juice smell had faded from his breath, overwhelmed by the sweet mix of rum and nutmeg. "Even if you didn't take a swing I would have waited- because the lack of a negative isn't the same as a positive and we have established us being tired, not drunk or suicidal during this ideal and fictitious night many weeks back." He rambled along, obviously getting just as lost himself.
Sam felt that same horrible shaking from earlier in the night coming back to him and he dug his fingers into his blanket, doing his best to explain to his body that there was literally nothing to be so upset about right now. He was safe and warm and Nick wasn't actually going to-
"I could have stayed like this forever, just waiting for you to close your eyes… or lean in… or just smile at me." Nick whispered even if the rest of the house was sleeping. He whispered because right then it was just the two of them, so close together that anything louder than a sigh would have been too much to share.
"And I would let you decide when you wanted to let me kiss you."Nick swallowed thickly and let go, retracting his hand and body, leaving Sam staring up at the flat, featureless ceiling.
The man settled back into the couch, rustling his blankets and taking his time to get comfortable.
"Merry Christmas, Sam." He said softly and when he didn't get an answer back right away he added on a very soft and not entirely honest sounding, "sorry about grabbing your ass."
Sam wanted so badly to fill his mouth with Nick's name, but he had realized too quickly that couldn't be that kind of brave right now. And the liquor wasn't ever meant to last but without rum for an accomplice Sam was left curled on his side staring into the night, trying to find meaning in the clumsy shadows and shapes while he listened to his friend slowly trying to find sleep.
It took a subjective eternity for Sam to reach out, searching for Nick's hand again, but by that point the man was already gone.
With a feeling somewhere between regret and relief, Sam pressed his face into the cushions. "Merry Christmas." He told no one in particular, wondering to himself why he hadn't just stayed at home tonight where things were safe and familiar and far less confusing.