I'm glad there aren't many people out and about at this time of night. If there were, I would probably be getting more than a few stares, not just because I wasn't in my robes, but because my clothes were torn and covered with stains that they could correctly assume to be blood. I looked like I had just walked off the battle field, and I quickly pick up the pace as I continue walking.
I quietly cross the quad and head up the stairs to Horse Hall, standing outside my door. It was strange; it didn't feel like my door. If anything, I felt like I should knock. Instead, I just turned the doorknob slowly and walked inside.
Virginia and Ellen were sitting on their respective beds, with Donald sitting on mine. As soon as I opened up the door, all eyes snapped to me. No one moved. No one said anything. "Hi," I manage, but it came out almost like a whisper.
"I should probably go," Donald says slowly. He gets up and makes his way past me out the door without looking at me once.
I wait until the door shuts behind me. "Are you guys okay? Ellen?" Ellen looks away.
"She doesn't really want to talk to you right now," Virginia snaps. "Where have you been?"
"I'm sorry, it takes a few days to recover from being technically dead," I snap back. Ellen looks up, but Virginia holds her ground.
"Technically dead? You don't look dead to me." I'm about to respond when she continues, "And we didn't hear anything that you died."
"Right, because I'm sure all the teachers would volunteer that two students just died in their gymnasium in the middle of the night."
"Two students?" Virginia asks, and I stare at her in confusion.
"Damien, he's dead." I look between her and Ellen. "He is dead."
"That's not what Potsdam said," Ellen says slowly. "She said that he was gone and could never come back."
"And I'm pretty sure dead also fits that description," I say testily.
"Then why didn't she tell anyone else that?" Virginia asks.
"Again, I don't think people would be happy if word got out that one student died and another student almost died at Iris Academy, right under the teacher's noses. This school does have a reputation to maintain, after all."
"So what happened?" Virginia asks. "And tell us the truth this time."
"The truth is that Tommy was Damien," I explain. "The truth is this entire year I was being played. He completely wiped my memory of Hieronymous, I ended up in a coma for a while – remember, when I was supposedly sick? – and then 'Tommy' tried to kiss me. Because if I kissed him and liked him back, the Manus that caused me to marry Hieronymous in the first place would kill me for breaking my marriage vows and Hieronymous could have lost his magic and his memories." I cross my arms over my chest. "So this was kind of a delicate situation. And I kind of also wasn't allowed to be aware of any of it, considering if I did, I could have gone into a coma and never woken up, which, again, almost happened, by the way."
"Hey, because of you, we had to have our memories wiped too," Virginia retorts.
"Shielded, not wiped," I explain. "Otherwise you wouldn't be able to remember everything now."
"Do you remember everything now?" Ellen asks.
"I only hope," I say before letting out a long sigh. "Look, I'm sorry for getting you guys involved in this, I really am. But I didn't know that Potsdam was wiping or shielding or doing whatever to your memories because at the time I also wasn't aware that my own memories were compromised."
"But how can we be sure all our memories are back?" Virginia asks.
"Welcome to every day of the rest of my life," I reply. "At least, you know, you had Potsdam doing her memory magic on you. Why would she want to erase your memories?" They're both silent. I have a point. t
"So where have you been?" Ellen asks. "After they found us, rumors were going around that you had attacked us, before Professor Potsdam had an assembly and told everyone what happened."
"That I attacked you?" I ask blankly. "Why would I attack you?"
"It was general confusion," Virginia chimes in. "No one knew what was going on. They found Ellen and me, and then when you never came back…"
"Oh," I say softly. "Yeah, that must have been when I was dead."
"So where have you been all this time?" Virginia asks. "Besides recovering from dying? With your husband? We weren't sure if you were ever coming back."
"I was in a secret location that I'm not actually allowed to reveal the location of," I say. "You know, they had to make sure that my mind wasn't even more compromised than it already was."
"And is your mind back to the way it was?" Virginia asks.
"I hope so," I sigh.
"Do you know how much of a violation it was?" Virginia asks. "For her to just shield our own memories from us? She doesn't want us to talk about it with anyone else, but she said it was okay to talk about it with you."
"Probably because I know what it's like?" I ask. "Like, I'm sorry this happened, I really am, but blame Damien. He's the one who-"
"I told you to stay away from him last year," Virginia snaps. "If you hadn't gone off flirting with him-"
"Yes, and I was totally supposed to know that he was going to work up a whole sick plan of revenge and come after me and my husband."
"You keep saying husband," Ellen notices. "Does that mean you two are going to stay together now?"
"At least for now," I admit. "I just need…" I let my voice trail off as I hold the stone delicately in my fingers, waiting to feel his heart beat.
"So he's the one who gave you that stone?" Virginia asks. "Figures. I figured Tommy didn't. No way a freshman wildseed could just find one of those."
"Yeah, just, please don't tell anyone," I sigh. "I mean, I know last year our marriage was everyone's hot gossip, and now this year-"
"You're still everyone's hot gossip," Virginia confirms.
"Are you the one who killed Damien?" Ellen pipes up.
"No," I admit. "Potsdam did, I think."
"Can you tell us what happened that night?" Ellen asks. "From the beginning?"
I don't want to. I really don't want to relive it. "I at least owe you that much, I guess," I say eventually. "When I came back to the room after the test, I noticed a note from you saying to meet you in the gym and not to tell any of the teachers, but I had a bad feeling about it, so I sort of reached out to Hieronymous, just to let him know where I was going-"
"Wait, why would you reach out to him if you didn't know he was your husband?" Virginia asks.
"Because I still had feelings for him," I say quickly, pleased that I was now at least capable of expressing interest in my husband without blushing. "Anyway, Tommy was there. He taunted me, revealed himself to be Damien, said he was doing this to spite Professor Grabiner for being mean to him for four years-"
"And this is why he really should not be that mean to students," Virginia notes.
"-and because I rejected him," I admit. "So um, Hieronymous revealed himself, and we fought. Damien warded the gym so we couldn't get out with super strong Otherworld magic, so I teleported behind him and tried to snap his neck and-"
"You what?" Virginia practically shouts.
"I ran out of magic," I say loudly. "Anyway, Hieronymous fought valiantly, but he got pinned to a wall, and Damien silenced him and sucked his magic so he was trapped."
"And you came to his rescue?" Virgina asks, although she sounds pretty sarcastic about it.
"No, that's when Damien pushed me against a wall," I say, my face turning serious. "He, um, he stabbed me in the shoulder with something. I don't know, I just, I felt my entire left side go numb. But it wasn't numb. It hurt a lot, like something was trying to hack my arm off with a cleaver at the joint or something. I tried to reach out to Hieronymous, in my mind, and I tried to see if there was some way to end the marriage like, right then, so he would still be okay if I died. He told me that he was reaching out for Potsdam and to just stall."
They were silent. "So then, um, Damien gave me a choice. That he was going to kill one of us, well, he said he was going to kill both of us but I could decide which one of us died first. And, I, uh-" My hands are shaking, so I hold onto the edge of my bed to calm myself. "I told him to kill me. I figured Potsdam would get there before they killed Hieronymous. So, he um, he attacked me." I hold out my shredded hoodie for them to see.
"He, um, ripped through me somehow? I'm not sure. There was a lot of blood and stuff. It felt like he had put, like, a fireball in my stomach and it just melted all my skin and stuff away. My ribs were like-" Ellen gasps and puts her hand to her mouth, so I stop. "I tried to smile at Hieronymous, to let him know that I would be okay, but I could feel my blood just dripping out of my mouth, and then I couldn't like, breathe. And then there was this bright flash of light and then I was on the ground and I was trying to talk to him, talk to Hieronymous and tell him it would all be okay, but I didn't know if he heard any of it because I was all…" I rub my throat. "…gargly. And then yeah. I blacked out. And Hieronymous said I was technically dead. I guess Professor Potsdam or someone with a lot of green magic was able to bring me back."
"Green magic can't bring people back from the dead," Virginia starts.
"Almost dead then," I shrug. "It just…hurt. A lot."
"But that happened last week," she says.
"Yeah," I hold my arms out in front of me. "And I'm still wearing the same clothes from last week. So um, if it's all the same to you, I think I need a shower and a change." They don't say anything as I grab some pajamas and leave the room.
I had told them the truth, or as much of the truth as I wanted to reveal, anyway. They didn't need to know about my romantic weekend with Hieronymous. They had peppered all of my summer comments about him with "eww, too much information!" so I didn't really see a reason to share it with them now.
I went into the bathroom and stood under the hot water until it ran cold, which, at a magical school, takes a considerably long time. On the way back to our room, I dumped my old clothes in the trash bin in the corridor: hoodie, shirt, jeans, sneakers, socks: if it touched my body that day, it was gone. Everything except the stone Hieronymous gave me that was linked to his heartbeat. I could never get rid of that.
By the time I got back to the room, both Virginia and Ellen were already asleep, and I was grateful for it. I got into my bed and got under the covers, but I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, like I wasn't supposed to be there. The bed was mine, the pillowcase, the sheets, the blankets, were all mine, and yet it felt like it belonged to someone else.
I wrapped my fingers around the stone and closed my eyes, letting the soothing pulse of his heartbeat wash over me. Even still, it was a long time until I was able to fall asleep.