I sigh and walk back to the dorms, shoulders squared at attention. There are still people in the quad, but with the first raindrops of another storm beginning to fall, people are scurrying out of the rain back indoors. I just sweep my way across the quad, jaw set firm with resolve. Maybe this is why it felt weird to step into my room the other day, why it felt weird to sleep in my bed. It wasn't mine anymore, not really. They didn't want me there. It wasn't my room anymore.

When I got back to the room, Virginia and Ellen were both in there, studying. "We should talk," I say quickly. They both look up at each other and exchange glances.

"About what?" Ellen asks, as if she really doesn't know.

I sigh and rub my temple. I don't have time to play games. "Okay, let's just get it all out on the table. I don't pretend to know how hard it has been for both of you putting up with the rumors, both this year and last, but it has come to my attention that you don't want me to be your roommate anymore."

Virginia crosses her arms and huffs, looking away. Donald's in trouble.

"We-we-we-" Ellen stammers. "We just thought that, after everything, you would be moving in with Professor Grabiner."

I tell her what I told Donald. "You have met him, haven't you? You know how much he values his space and his privacy."

An uncomfortable silence descends on the room. "Okay, you know what, I'll make you a deal," I say. "I'll talk to Potsdam about getting a new room for next year. But as for this year, I won't sleep here, I won't study here, but I will need to come back to the room from time to time to get clothes and stuff. I'll try to do it when neither of you are here. Is that an acceptable deal?"

"Where would you sleep?" Ellen asks.

"Not your concern," I say firmly. "Not with Hieronymous, though, if that's what you're asking."

"Fine," Virginia says suddenly. I turn to look at her. "Fine, deal."

"Okay then," I say. "I'll just sort through a few things and then I'll get out of your hair." An uncomfortable silence descends on the room as I make my way past them over to my bed along the far wall. I hoist my suitcase on top of it and then open my dresser, beginning to sort through my clothes. Virginia makes some sort of motion to Ellen, as they move almost in unison off of their respective beds and then out the door.

No wonder Hieronymous prefers no one's company but his own, I think bitterly. I can appreciate that they had a hard time being questioned about stuff, but I'm the one who had to go through everything; I'm the one that lived it. And now I was being ostracized for it. As I pack my stuff into my suitcase, I think about Hieronymous. I think about how he felt when he lost Violet, how sick and lonely he felt. Did people spread rumors about him too? Did they tell everyone that she died because it was his fault? Did people say that he had just abandoned her in the Otherworld? Is that when he simply abandoned all social conventions and kept to his own company? If so, I could almost completely understand how he felt, and that was something I'd never thought I'd ever say. Fortunately I've never had anyone that I was close to die less than two feet in front of me, but I did come pretty close to dying myself. I'm not sure which one's worse, and I don't want to compare the two.

It doesn't take me a long time to finish packing my suitcase with all of my things. The blankets and pillows were all issued by the school, and so they weren't mine to keep anyway. In fact, the only thing that I had in my suitcase besides clothes and books and toiletries were some pictures of my family, but that was it. My room at home was always full of useless trinkets, a stone off the sidewalk that I thought looked pretty or various knick-knacks from when I went on vacation with my parents. Was I really changing this much? Who was I becoming? Who would Future Tori be? Would I like her?

I enchant my suitcase to make sure no one else can open it, grab a book, and leave the room, heading for the mail room. I don't think I'm supposed to be in here, but I could really care less right now. I'm not going to bother Potsdam with a room assignment yet. I have no idea where she'll put me, and I really don't want to add changing rooms to the top of my list of things to worry about right now, especially when I have no idea who my new roommates would be. Where would she even put me? In another room in Horse Hall? In Butterfly Hall? I definitely wouldn't fit in there. In Snake Hall? I feel like my current reputation makes me even stranger than Suki.

I unlock the door and slip inside, making sure no one noticed me, before locking the door behind me. The whole room all to myself. I head over to the couch against one wall and sprawl out, propping up my book in front of me. I open up to the bookmarked page, but I can't focus for some reason. I glance over the top of the book and look around, when suddenly it hits me. I've been in this room almost every weekend since I got here, but this is the first time I'm really letting it sink in that this is the place where the Manus almost killed me. If Professor Potsdam hadn't intervened when she did, the Manus would have definitely killed me, and then none of this would have happened.

"Is there one place on this freaking campus that I haven't died?" I mutter to myself. I close up the book and hug it to my chest. For some reason, I feel extremely introspective, but not about the current situation. I'm thinking about the future. I have two more years here, and then what? Supposing I actually survive my time here, what will I do then? Will I leave? Go off to some magical college and get a degree in something? Professor Potsdam said that most magic people choose to live in the Otherworld, where magic flows more freely, but Hieronymous would never let me step foot in the Otherworld, I don't even need to ask about that.

I fiddle with the ends of my hair. So what am I supposed to do then? I've almost died in this room. I've almost died in the gym. I don't want to go on the trails because I was attacked there twice. Is there nowhere on this campus that I feel safe? I feel safe in Hieronymous' room, but I can't exactly just lock myself in there for the rest of my life.

My stomach drops suddenly, so hard that I feel nauseous. It all comes to me in a rush, so fast that I find myself desperately clawing at my robes to grab the stone around my neck. As of right now, I don't want to stay on this campus longer than I have to. But even if I went away to a magical college, what then? Heironymous would still be here. He would still be teaching, and living at the school, probably even after my four years at college were up. And then what? What would I do? Where would I go? I could get a job near the school and get an apartment, probably, but he would still be living at the school. I could see him on weekends…was this what he meant when he said magical couples usually live separately? Maybe some choose to go and live in the Otherworld while their spouses stay in this world?

I hold my head in my hands and cry. I don't want to, but I can't help it. With everything that had happened today, between Donald and Virginia and Ellen and my classmates, I am completely overwhelmed. I don't want to deal with this. I can put off thinking about my future and college for at least another year or so yet, but I at least now have a better perspective as to why Hieronymous was so opposed to our marriage and my feelings for him in the first place.

"It's not going to work out, is it?" I mumble. Hieronymous was right. I am a stupid girl. When I was crying my eyes out on that beach, why didn't I think of this? I was so self-righteous, fighting for this stupid relationship, that I didn't even realize that our age difference makes more of an impact than I thought. He has his teaching, that's his job, but what about me? Am I just going to be his wife for the rest of my life? Is that really why I came to school to study magic? Just so I could accidently marry my professor and fall in love with him and spend the rest of my life with him?

I try to think it over. Why did I want to study magic? Because I thought it would be cool, like when I saw people doing magic in the movies? Because it made me different? Because no one at home could do magic, and it made me feel special? I didn't really think about what kinds of jobs I could get in my future; I didn't really think about my future at all. I just thought, hey, an opportunity to learn magic? Sign me up. But here, everyone could do magic. Here, aside from the fact that I was married to a teacher, I was not remarkable in any way. I was smart, but there was always someone who was smarter. I did well in blue magic, but there was always someone who did better. Here, I was not extraordinary. Here, I was just ordinary. Here, I was just Tori, nothing more, nothing less.

I lay back and close my eyes. Should I tell Hieronymous how I'm feeling? Would it make me feel better? Would it make me feel worse? There was nothing he could do about it right now, anyway, so there was no point in saying anything. But would I eventually come to resent him if I didn't say anything?

I sigh and try to cast a sleep spell on myself. It's still early yet, but there's no reason for me to be awake. There's no reason why I should be having all of these thoughts. There's no reason why I should be worried about my future. The school year wasn't over yet. I may not yet have one.