Chapter Fourteen – Valuable Assets
Lauren paced back and forth in front of the Dal, swearing under her breath. She checked her watch. 8:05. She kicked a cigarette butt from the sidewalk into the sewer drain, doing her part to keep the streets of Toronto beautiful. "Damn it Bo," she muttered, tapping her foot impatiently, arms crossed over her chest. She'd told Bo to be here fifteen minutes early, and Bo was five minutes late. She checked her cell phone. No voice mails, no texts.
Ciara, Dyson, and Hale were already inside, on their first round of the night. Lauren had bought them all Long Island Iced Teas, in the hopes that a little social lubrication would make her proposition go more smoothly. This was going to be a hard enough sell already, but seriously Bo…how difficult was it to get somewhere on time?
"It's the roommate's fault, I know it," she thought to herself. Bo was going to be an asset, but the sidekick, Kenzi, was baggage. A 30.5 inch Samsonite suitcase jam-packed with dumbbells and flour sacks, stuffed so full you'd need a belt to keep the zipper from bursting.
A taxi tore around the corner, tires squealing. "Finally!" Lauren threw her hands in the air as the cab screeched to a stop in front of her and Bo burst from the rear passenger door.
"Kenzi get the fare!" She shouted. Lauren couldn't hear Kenzi's muffled response, but Bo shouted back, "It's your fault we're late, you're paying! I don't even want to hear it!" Bo smiled apologetically at Lauren, and stepped around the cab.
Lauren's anger dissipated slightly when she got a good look at what the Succubus was wearing. She'd never seen business attire done quite so dirty. Bo wore six inch high heels, and a black pencil skirt that only covered about six inches worth of derriere and upper thigh. The bottom three buttons of her skin tight, white collared shirt struggled to contain Bo's impressive cleavage, and Lauren wondered how they were even holding up.
"Sorry we're late. How do I look?" Bo flashed another grin.
"Like a stripper playing CEO. Or a CEO playing high class hooker," Lauren teased.
Bo snapped her fingers. "That's exactly what I was going for. Do you like it?" She flattened her skirt and spun around, flipping her silky brunette hair gracefully like she was auditioning for a Pantene commercial.
"It's not bad." Lauren shrugged, biting her lip to keep from smiling like an idiot. "I'm sure Hale will be drooling over you all night."
"Two down, two to go." Bo winked. "Any tips to win Ciara and Wolfy over?"
"Well…" Before Lauren could elaborate further, Kenzi hopped up onto the curb and did an awkward jig.
"Onion breath cabbie tried to hit on me. I gave him a fake phone number and he dropped the fare." She kissed Bo' cheek. "I don't even need Succu-powers to be awesome. You hear that Blondie? Tiny, sexy awesomeness – reason numero uno you need me on the Doc Squad."
"Any points gained by tiny awesomeness were lost by considerable tardiness," Lauren replied.
"I'm sure you haven't been invited to many parties, Doc, but even someone like you should know what it means to be 'fashionably late'. Emphasis on the fashion." She spun around in her black skirt and fishnets.
"You look like a reject from the goth loli short bus."
"Oooh, clever." Kenzi mock clapped. She leaned in and whispered to Bo, "This one has potential."
Lauren rolled her eyes, and looked at her watch. "Remember Bo, think of this like a job interview."
"Don't worry. I'm going to nail it, just like you said." She winked.
"Okay then. Let's go."
"Not a chance in the Seven Hells," Dyson growled. He, Lauren, Ciara, Hale, and Bo were seated around a table in the corner of the Dal. Kenzi hovered over Bo's shoulder like a vulture, perched on a high bar stool, peeling the label from her Killian's Irish Red. Not her beer of choice, but it came for free so she wasn't going to bitch about it.
Lauren sighed. "Dyson…"
He slammed his hand on the table, interrupting her. "This woman is our competition. We can't trust her!"
Lauren rolled her eyes. When Dyson was threatened, his personality shifted into 'petulant and aggressive' mode. It was an extremely unattractive and undeniably 'male' response. "Evidently you don't trust me either," she snapped. "I wouldn't have proposed the idea if I didn't think Bo could be a valuable asset."
"Oh, I don't doubt that you value her assets." Dyson smirked. "But skills between the sheets aren't a justifiable reason to bring someone in. You fucking someone doesn't mean the rest of us should get fucked."
Hale raised his hand. "Just for the record, I am volunteering myself for the fuckage."
Ciara shook her head, and ignored the Siren. "Dyson, don't you think you're being unreasonable? Let's hear what they have to say, at least."
Dyson leaned back, the front two legs of his chair tilted precariously in the air. For one wild second, Kenzi thought about tipping him over. But that probably wouldn't help their case. She picked at the beer label some more to keep her hands occupied.
"This is ridiculous," Dyson said. "If I asked everyone I've ever slept with to join the team, we could field an army battalion."
"You could call yourselves the 'Fighting Syphilli'," Kenzi quipped. Lauren bit her cheek to keep from laughing.
"As I recall, that's how I got the position," Ciara said. "Sleeping with you two."
"Nah, we needed your cash and connections, straight up." Hale teased. "The sex was just the very sweet icing on the cake."
"My vote is still no," Dyson grabbed his Long Island Iced Tea and took a long swig, as if that ended the matter.
Bo laughed. "You know, it's hard to take you seriously when you have a tuft of hair sticking out from your neck beard…just there."
"Oh yeah." Kenzi bent over for a closer look. "Could be mange. You're lookin' a little red too, so maybe fleas. Hey Doc, you better get your dog to the vet ASAP." She shot her hand out and plucked a whisker from his beard. He snapped his head back from surprise, and almost fell off the chair.
"Come on Doc," Hale laughed, "You gonna let them talk to your boy Dyson like that? Whatever happened to 'bros before hoes'?"
Lauren's eyes flickered with annoyance. "I don't know what kind of education system you grew up with during the Dark Ages, but you don't need a Human Anatomy class to recognize that I am in no way shape or form his 'bro'."
"Exhibit A." Kenzi framed Lauren's chest with her hands. "Ta-tas."
Lauren turned to look at Kenzi, flabbergasted. "Was that really necessary?"
"And I can vouch for the fact that she is completely penis-free," Bo added. Lauren caught Ciara's eye, and gave her a look that signaled, 'please help me get this back on track'.
Ciara cleared her throat to hide a chuckle. "So. Bo. What can you do, besides fill out a blouse?"
"I can touch my toes," she joked.
Lauren kicked Bo's shin under the table.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Bo grinned. "Get up," she told Hale.
"Yes ma'am." He popped up from his chair like a jack-in-the-box, bouncing on his feet and smiling widely. "Whad'ya want me to do?"
"Just stand there," she stepped toward him, lustily catching his eyes with her own. She gently caressed both his hands, and sent suggestive red energy through his bloodstream to his brain. Hale's eyes went vacant, his jaw slack. Bo leaned close and whispered something in Hale's ear that not even Dyson's dog ears could hear, then stepped back to admire her handiwork. Hale simply stood in place and stared forward.
"What did you do to him?" Ciara asked. She furrowed her brow as Hale started to snap his fingers rhythmically.
"Whoa!" Dyson shouted, as Hale did a two-footed leap onto the table and started to roll his hips and sway his arms back and forth. Dyson cleared his throat, "Uh, Hale? Buddy?"
Hale held a fist to his mouth like a microphone, took a deep breath, and let it fly:
"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN, NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU!"
"Oh my god," Lauren watched in horror.
"NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY, NEVER GONNA SAAAY GOODBYE, NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU!" Hale did a split on the table and threw his arms into the air, cheerleader style.
Silence in the Dal. You could hear a pin drop, as all of the Fae stared at the Doc Squad.
"Yeeeyah!" Kenzi stood up and whooped, "Y'all just got Rick Rolled, bitches!" Trick whistled loudly from behind the bar, pounding the counter in approval. The pub crowd went wild. Lauren simply stared, amazed by how poorly the night was going, while next to her Bo, Kenzi, and Ciara doubled over in uncontrollable laughter.
The noise slowly brought Hale around from his Succu-haze. He shook his head to get the cobwebs out, and looked around at the standing ovation he was getting. "What the Hell just happened? And why does my groin hurt?" He looked down, and realized his legs were pointing in opposite directions.
That would explain it.
"AAAAH!" He shouted, more from shock than pain. "Help me up, help me up!" He screamed. Ciara tried to suppress her laughter as she held out her arms. He grabbed them for dear life, then bent forward while Dyson slowly, slowly, carefully pulled Hale's legs back together.
"Dudes aren't meant to bend that way." Hale winced as he sat up and slid off the table. "What did you do to me?" He glared at Bo. She wiped a tear from her cheek as a few stray giggles escaped.
"I had you in my thrall. Temporarily. I controlled you by touch. You would have done anything I asked you to…break a bottle over your head, beat up your wolf friend, or dance and sing to an 80s song." She crossed her arms over her chest, pleased with herself. "Now tell me that isn't a skill worth having."
"You're weak, bro," Dyson mumbled to his partner.
"Screw you. Why don't you nut up and give it a go, if you think you're tougher than me?"
Dyson looked at Bo. She wriggled her fingers playfully. He frowned. "I'll pass."
"Wimp," Hale muttered.
"Just think," Bo said, "if you had me on your team you wouldn't need to sneak past any guards. They'd turn over the keys to the castle willingly, with smiles on their faces."
Hale winced. "Yeah they'll smile until you make 'em break their balls."
Kenzi laughed. "What's the point of controlling a guy if you can't break his balls?"
"I like you already," Ciara held up her glass, and clinked Kenzi's beer bottle. "So, Bo the Succubus, what else can you do?"
"I read sexual energy. I can tell you that the Wolfman wants to jump your bones."
Dyson glared at Bo. If looks could kill, Bo would have been flayed alive.
Ciara smiled. "Useful information to be sure, but not something that will do us much good in a life or death situation. What else do you have?"
Bo looked around the room. She spotted the Loki, Ryan, hitting on some woman at the bar. He had tried the same thing on Bo, on multiple occasions, but she didn't fall for his game. "Okay. See that guy over there?" She pointed him out to the others, and they nodded. "Watch carefully."
Bo's irises turned a brilliant, glowing blue. Her eyes locked on to Ryan's and she breathed in ever-so-slightly. Ryan coughed, as a thin wisp of blue vapor, barely noticeable in the dimly lit Dal, floated across the room and into Bo's hungry mouth.
Lauren waited to see Ryan's reaction. Aside from the cough he didn't even seem to notice he was being drained. Lauren heard Bo inhale sharply, and Ryan's expression changed completely. His face turned white, his hands gripped the bar. Bo was draining the life right out of him. Is that what had happened to her the other night, when she slept with the Succubus? Is that what she needed to worry about?
"Shit a brick." Lauren muttered, as Ryan slumped to the ground in an unconscious heap, sucked dry like an overcooked turkey. The girl he was with looked down at him, then glanced around the room to make sure no one was watching. She grabbed his wallet and sprint-walked away.
"Damn," Kenzi muttered. "Bitch beat me to it."
Ciara turned to Bo, her mouth agape. "Is he dead?"
"No. Not even close. I sucked enough energy to make him very sleepy. But don't worry. He'll be okay in a few minutes."
"You can suck chi from a distance?" Lauren marveled.
"Absolutely. And again…picture that as a cave troll, or a dragon. I could take them out by sucking their energy before we even need to get up close."
"Wow." Ciara said, clearly impressed.
"Double wow," Hale added. "I heard that the Morrigan keeps a dragon in her basement. Do dragons have ears, or are they like snakes? I don't know if my siren whistle would do much on a giant, deaf reptile thing."
"Actually," Lauren cut in, "snakes are not deaf. Although they lack an external ear or internal eardrum, their bones and particularly their jaws pick up vibrations and transmit them to a fully functional cochlea, where nerves pick up the signal and transmit it to the brain."
"Hear that? Your dream of being a snake charmer isn't dead yet." Kenzi winked at Hale.
"Enough!" Dyson slammed his fist on the table. "Yes, Succubus, you have a couple of impressive tricks. But it's not a question of what you can or can't do, it's a question of whether I can or can't trust you. You're unaligned, and that concerns me. It makes you a potential liability. I'm not even going to entertain the notion of taking you in until you tell me how you came to be neither Light nor Dark."
Bo shrugged. "I wasn't the popular kid. No one wanted me."
"Bullshit." Hale, Ciara, and Lauren said in unison.
Bo sighed. She caught the attention of a passing waitress. "Another round for the table, please. This is going to take a while."