Disclaimer: I don't own Haven nor am I making a profit off of it by writing this story…
Amnesiac
Chapter 6
Alexa yawned as she stood over her stove. A spatula hovered over the eggs sizzling in the skillet. She scooped them up onto a plate that already held a piece of toast. Adding a fork, she carried the plate and a cup of coffee to the bed. She placed the plate on the nightstand then blew the coffee steam towards Duke.
His nose twitched and then his eyes opened. "Hey." He said lazily.
He propped himself up against the headboard. He accepted the coffee and took a sip. "Mmm." He hummed in appreciation.
She wandered back to the couch as he started to eat. She had opened Duke's crate and had begun to scan the pictures inside to her laptop. She had finished half the pile before making breakfast. She was almost done when he got up and deposited the dishes in her sink.
"Almost done." She told him absently as he sat beside her.
She scanned the last one then put it in the pile with the rest. She looked at the trinkets inside and brought them out to take a closer look at them. She realized that some of the treasures matched the pictures. She matched the cupcake topper with the picture of the frosting faced Audrey. The picture of Nathan and Audrey at the beach went with the vial of sand.
Duke watched her in silence as she matched items to pictures. Movie ticket, a handwritten note, a sea shell for the lighthouse picture, the Gull's menu for a picture of all three of them eating dinner. A picture of Audrey outside the Gull staring at the lighthouse with beer in hand went with the beer caps. She held up a book called Unstake My Heart with a questioning look.
"Audrey's." Duke answered. "She loved books like that."
Alexa laughed a little then put everything back into the crate. Last things to go in the crate were the playing cards. There were five of them and she looked over them. Two of them were jokers, the prince of clubs, the queen of hearts and the king of diamonds.
This was Duke's memory box and it struck her that this normally mysterious person had shown her how much he felt. All of the pictures were of Duke, Nathan and Audrey. Duke's unguarded emotions lay in some of the pictures. These pictures made it clear that Audrey and Nathan were the entirety of Duke's world.
The look on his face kept her quiet. She put the lid back on and pushed the crate towards him. He touched it protectively and once again, she was reminded of the fact that Duke loved Audrey, just like Nathan loved Audrey.
Suddenly she felt a little too sensitive like a cat that's fur had been ruffled the wrong way. She wondered if she would ever stop feeling like an unwanted guest in her own life. She stood up suddenly and excused herself. She grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat. She stared at herself in the mirror and wondered if Audrey had felt this way about Lucy or Sarah. Her lips quivered a little but her eyes were dry. When the steam fogged up the mirror and she couldn't see her own face anymore, she turned away to undress and stepped into the shower.
After finishing in the shower, she stepped out and blow dried her hair. She dressed and did her makeup then walked out. Duke was still there on the couch but the crate was now gone.
She could feel his eyes on her as she went to the coffee pot and poured herself another cup. She looked him straight in the eyes. "I'm going to go to the police station and fill out my re-entry paperwork. Want me to drop you anywhere?"
"No." He was watching her. "I'll be working in the office today. I've got schedules and payroll to do."
She sipped her at her coffee, trying to calm herself. The irritated edge that she felt herself on receded as the cup emptied. She rinsed her cup and stacked it in the sink to wash later.
She put on her jacket and collected her purse. She headed to the door. "Ok. See you."
"I'm sorry." He said suddenly.
Alexa stopped but didn't turn around. That irritation that she had worked on letting go had come back full force.
"For what? Not being Audrey?"
She didn't wait for a response. She closed the door gently behind her and kept walking. She got into her car and drove away; trying to ignore that Duke was standing on her deck.
She knew that she would have to come back eventually but for now she could ignore it. She decided that she wasn't going to go the station after all. She grabbed a sandwich and a hot coffee at the coffee shop in town then drove down to the remains of the pier in the Lucy photo.
She grabbed an old blanket out of her car and spread it out. She sat on it then just took in the view. It certainly wasn't the most beautiful view in Haven but it was nice enough.
She didn't know how long she stayed out there, just thinking about the situation that she found herself in. But the hurt she felt from Nathan's words and Duke's actions faded enough to realize she was thirsty. She took a sip of her coffee only to realize it was cold. She nibbled on her sandwich and thought about her options. She could always leave this all behind her. Start over somewhere else. Make this someone else's problem.
She sighed. She couldn't do that. So far she hadn't been much help to anyone but she certainly didn't want to be the cause of more people dying.
"Hi there." A voice said from behind her. "Do you have room for one more?"
She turned to see who it was then smiled. "Jordan. Of course I do. Please, sit with me. How are you doing?"
Jordan sat on the blanket. "Hanging in there. How are you doing?"
"Kinda crappy." Alexa said honestly. "This is an emotional roller coaster and I'm just ready to get off."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jordan asked.
Alexa noticed that she had taken off her gloves but was hesitant about asking for the basic human contact that Jordan was craving. She touched Jordan's hand gently then held it in her own.
"Sure." Alexa said. "Maybe I'll feel better if I do."
"I talked to Vince and Dave." She started out. "They explained to me that I'm here to help the Troubled and gave me the background as to why. Duke gave me his family history and I know why he's so important. The Teagues also explained why Nathan is so important to me."
"And why is that?" Jordan probed.
"The short version is that a trouble helped him impregnate me in 1955." Alexa explained.
"Huh." Jordan contemplated that.
"After losing my memory, I hoped that coming here would bring it back." Alexa kept staring at the sea. "Instead, I find the answers I'm looking for but I also get more questions. I feel like a ghost here in this town. Haunting all that knew me previously but now all I am is a shadow. Something no one wants to claim and a few simply want to banish."
"Is this just all a bad dream?" She finally turned to look at Jordan.
Jordan squeezed her hand. "No. This is reality and we are forced to live in it. It might be bad right now, Alexa, but we all live on hoping it will get better. To Haven, to the Troubled, you are the personification of that hope. You need to find your own hope."
"I didn't know Audrey well. I only met her a few times." Jordan admitted. "But she was smart, capable and brave. The same features you have. Your memories might be different but the soul doesn't change. Just remember a new coat of paint doesn't change what kind of car it was originally."
Alexa started laughing.
"What?" Jordan defended herself. "My dad used to say that all the time."
"I'm glad we're friends." Alexa smiled.
"Me too." Jordan said. "But I'm so tired of not being able to touch people."
"I know." Alexa told her. "But I want to end this for good. Not just for a few years. Can you try to be patient?"
"I'll try." Jordan promised.
"Thank you." Alexa was relieved. "But I want you to pass a message onto the guard for me."
"Ok." Jordan nodded.
"This can't be hurried. The only permanent way now is for someone I love to be killed by my hands. And when I say this I mean it. In 1983, Vince and the guards tried this approach by killing James, my son. The Troubles didn't end then. It won't end them now. So my message is this: killing off my friends or loved ones won't end the Troubles. It will only prolong the answers."
"That's a lot to ask." Jordan was hesitant. "But I'll tell them."
"Look at this way." Alexa advised. "If this isn't passed on, any nutcase could simply abduct someone and either shoot them or try to get me to shoot them. Which as you now know, won't get us anywhere."
"Good point. Dwight and Vince are also looking for another permanent solution." Jordan thought aloud. "They told me that they were looking for another way to end the Troubles without killing anyone else."
"Good. The more brains involved in this, the better." Alexa said.
Her phone rang. She checked her caller id. She sighed then sent him to voicemail. "It's Nathan." She told a curious Jordan. "I don't feel like dealing with him either."
She sent him a text apologizing that she wasn't coming to the station today. She hesitated then added that she needed the rest of the day to process all the info that she had received. She would be there tomorrow.
"So what are you going to do now?" Jordan asked her.
"Normally I would get drunk to help me process." Alexa said honestly. "But in this case I think you should join me in eating copious amounts of ice cream."
Jordan hummed. "Then we should go to Benjy's. They have the best ice cream in town."
"Sold." Alexa stood up and began to fold up her blanket. "Let's go."
After eating two ice cream bars, Alexa declared she was done. She did eat the cherry off of Jordan's sundae but it was with Jordan egging her on. She groaned and told her no more. Jordan laughed and threw away the last of her melted ice cream.
She did feel a lot better, she discovered. Being able to talk it out and laugh with a friend was more cathartic to her soul than binging on ice cream alone. Alexa parted ways with Jordan, promising to meet up again soon.
She debated going home to her apartment to change but decided against it. She touched up her makeup and lipstick then went straight to work. She didn't see Duke but she knew he was nearby just waiting to talk to her.
She saw Nathan come in and she held in a sigh. "Great. I'm going to get tag teamed."
She forced a smile and greeted him. He studied her then ordered a beer. Alexa watched him wander outside. She gave her attention to the next customer and her shift went on. Eventually, the last customers left and the bar was clean. Mark locked up as they both went out the door. She called goodnight as he headed out to his car and she went upstairs.
She was tired from work but she was also ready to do battle. She turned the corner and saw that her balcony was lit with a dozen tea light candles flickering merrily in their little glass bubbles. A bouquet of pink and white flowers accented with peach blossoms occupied a vase on her little side table.
She picked them up and inhaled the fragrance from the peach blossoms. It smelled divine and she felt herself softening a little. She looked at her apartment. The lights blazed from inside and she went inside to see who was waiting for her.
Stepping inside, she looked around. Nathan was sitting at her kitchen table in front of a platter of cookies. Duke was at the stove cooking with his back to her and scolding Nathan.
"Leave those alone." Duke threatened Nathan. "You can have some later."
At her laugh, Nathan turned around and looked at her guiltily with half a cookie in his hand. He shoved it in his mouth then swallowed it. "Hi."
"Hey." She said back to him.
She watched Duke add seasoning to what he was cooking then a little white wine. The smell of herbs and chicken wafted over to her and she breathed it in. He turned the heat off then turned towards her.
"Welcome home. Dinner's done if you're hungry." He told her.
She let out a breath then smiled. "Can't wait."
"Before we eat, can I just say something to you?" Nathan asked her. At her nod, he continued. "It's been brought to my attention-"
"Multiple times." Duke interjected as he portioned out food on plates.
Nathan glared at him. "That I have been being a jerk. I'm sorry. I realize that you are going through something just as tough as I've been going through. I'll try to be less hostile."
"Thank you." Alexa said as she sat across the table from him. She pulled three beers out of her fridge then cracked them open. She set one in front of Nathan then on in Duke's spot. She took a pull of hers then set it down on the table.
Duke slid plates in front of them. "I'm sorry about earlier as well. I think we can all agree we are a little sensitive about the subject of Audrey and for different reasons."
"We've all been trying to avoid it." Alexa admitted. She cut up the chicken on her plate. "I've been trying to run away from it. I think we all just need to be straight with each other. "
She took a bite of the chicken and let the flavors dance on her tongue. "Delicious. My compliments to the chef."
Duke bowed. "Thank you, my lady."
"You showed me something very personal to you, Duke." Alexa looked at him. "I apologize for overreacting and being such a drama queen."
Duke sat down at the table with his plate. "Hakuna matata."
Alexa laughed long and loud while Nathan just stared at him with a piece of chicken near his mouth. "Did you really just quote the Lion King at me?"
Duke toasted her with his beer. "Yes, I did."
"Nathan." Alexa said firmly. She waited for him to look at her. "I've given you leeway because it can't be easy having someone you love come back without all the memories you shared together. But you are out of free passes. I will go down to the station tomorrow and finish my paperwork. I am not asking for you to be my new best friend or treat me like Audrey. But I am asking for you to treat me with the same respect you treat your colleagues. Are we clear?"
Duke turned a laugh into a cough. He muttered something into his beer. Alexa thought it sounded like he was saying. "She's so fucking hot when she goes dominatrix."
Nathan's ears turned red and he nodded. "You're right. I've been a jerk. Jordan came by the station earlier and gave Dwight an earful. He then told me to quit acting like I'm the only one that lost someone or something to the Troubles. He also said that if I'm going to sabotage my second chance, he might as well assign me a new partner. I'm sorry for being so self-centered."
Alexa smiled. "Apology accepted. And thank you gentlemen for the flowers and the meal."
Thoughts:
Nathan is the one who brought Alexa flowers. Somehow I can just see him as a teenager with a book in hand reading about the language of flowers. Nathan has surprising depths like his love of decoupage so I expanded his area of knowledge to include this. He might have incorporated this to leave secret messages in his decoupage that he gave to friends and family.
Alexa's bouquet was full of pink alstroemeria flowers, peach blossoms and star of Bethlehem flowers. In the language of flowers all three of these are significant to Nathan's feelings. Alstroemeria stands for devotion and loyalty. Peach blossoms mean I am your captive. He is held captive by the immense feelings he has for both his old partner and the dawning realization that he feels the same for Alexa. Star of Bethlehem flowers symbolize reconciliation and purity. In this instance, Nathan is looking to reconcile his feelings for Audrey in this new version he is facing.