CHAPTER TWO
Kate hadn't been able to settle all day. All she could think about was Caroline and their dinner tonight. When she had walked away two years ago, she was adamant she had made the right decision. Even though it was hard, there were several times when she almost got back in touch, getting so far as to pick up the phone and almost dial her number, but she didn't, she tried to get on with her life. But Caroline never left her mind. She was in her thoughts always. She found herself thinking 'what would Caroline think', whenever she heard or saw something that interested her.
She changed her outfit three times and then decided she was being ridiculous. She wasn't some silly teenager on their first date. In the end she opted for a simple but elegant black dress and cardigan. She had no idea what sort of place Caroline was taking them to so for all she knew she was hideously overdressed.
She walked into Flora's bedroom to say goodbye.
"You look great Kate," Sarah, her babysitter was settling Flora into her cot.
"Thanks. She's asleep already," Kate said as she bent down and gently kissed her forehead.
"She was out for the count as soon as her head hit the pillow."
"We did have a particularly tiring day at Tiny Teds," Kate looked lovingly at her daughter. She turned back to see a puzzled expression on Sarah's face. "It's our playgroup." She explained and then realised that she was spending too much time with toddlers because she expected everyone to know what she was talking about.
They both left the room and walked down the stairs into the kitchen.
"So who is this mystery person you're meeting tonight?" Sarah asked. She was dying to know who had got Kate all flustered, she was trying to keep her emotions in check but she was failing and Sarah had never seen her like this.
"No mystery, just an old friend." Kate wasn't about to elaborate on who Caroline was and what she had meant to her. "It'll be nice to have a bit of adult conversation for a change."
"Just an old friend, is that why you took two hours to get ready?" Sarah was smiling at her and Kate threw a tea towel at her.
"I can always get a new babysitter you know."
The doorbell rang, "I'll go," said Sarah as she practically ran to the door. She wanted to see the person who had got Kate in such a state.
Caroline stood on Kate's doorstep; butterflies doing somersaults in her stomach. She was nervous; she wasn't sure how this night was going to go. The door opened and a young woman with blond hair was standing in front of her. Caroline's heart sank as she took in the implications of who she was looking at. Kate had moved on, she thought. She did only want to be friends. Caroline wanted to turn around and run. This was a mistake, she shouldn't have suggested it. What an idiot. She had been imagining Kate had wanted her all this time, when actually she was obviously living with someone. She had moved on.
"Hello, you must be here for Kate," she said cheerfully.
"Err, yes, yes I am." She was about to make an excuse as to why she had to leave when Kate appeared behind Sarah. 'She looks beautiful' Caroline's thoughts were betraying her.
"Hello," Kate said as she flashed one of those smiles to Caroline that made her melt.
Sarah noticed the charged atmosphere between the two women, they were definitely more than good friends, she thought.
"I won't be late, any problems you've got my mobile number."
"We'll be fine. Have fun," Sarah said as she watched them leave.
Caroline had noticed the 'we' comment and the fact that they didn't kiss or even touch each other. What was going on? Caroline felt slightly bewildered by everything.
"So where are we going? I wasn't sure if I would be over-dressed."
"You look lovely, perfect." Caroline felt her cheeks flush. Being in the car so close to Kate was proving to be a bad idea. Maybe they should have met at the restaurant, that way she would have avoided looking at her gorgeous legs that were right there within touching distance. All she had to do was reach out a hand and touch them. Instead she started the car and placed her hands firmly on the steering wheel. 'Get a grip Caroline', she thought. This was going to be more difficult than she expected.
The restaurant Caroline had chosen was one of her favourites; it was small and had a nice atmosphere. Wherever you sat it appeared secluded and intimate. That's why Caroline had chosen it. It would give them a chance to talk in peace.
"This is nice," said Kate as they were seated at their table. "Is it new?"
"No not really, it changed hands about a year ago."
"Do you come here often?" As soon as the words came out of Kate's mouth she knew it was a ridiculously corny thing to say.
"I bet you say that to everyone," Caroline smiled. "I've been here a couple of times, the first time I was struck by the atmosphere. It helps the food is nice too."
"With anyone special?" Kate mentally kicked herself. What was wrong with her tonight? "I'm sorry; it's none of my business."
"No, no it's fine. No no-one special."
They sat in silence; they both wanted to say so much but were unsure of what to say.
"So how's the new job?" Caroline asked.
"Its fine, it's not like…" Kate was going to say it's not like Sulgrave but she stopped and let the sentence melt into the air. Caroline knew what she was about to say and allowed herself a small smile. They were silent again.
"For God's sake Caroline, this is stupid." Kate suddenly said.
"What?"
"This," she gestured between the two of them, "we haven't seen each other for two years and all you can say is 'how's the new job." Kate's tone had taken on a harder edge.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Anything, just stop the small talk."
"Why are you getting annoyed Kate?"
"I'm sorry," she took a breath, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay you want us to be honest?"
"Yes."
"Who was that woman?" It was a question that Caroline had wanted to ask since she rang the doorbell.
Kate looked puzzled. "What woman?"
"I mean you've obviously moved on and why not, it's been two years so of course you are going to get on with your life but it does beg the question, why did you agree to meet me tonight? Did you want to rub my nose in it? Show how you have been able to move on and I still can't get over you, still think about you every minute of every day. But here you are, flaunting your new relationship in my face." Caroline stopped, she had probably said too much but she didn't care. Kate was looking at her with a smile on her face; she looked like she was going to burst into fits of laughter at any moment.
"Are you laughing at me Kate?" Caroline was getting annoyed.
"Caroline I would never do that," she stifled a giggle.
"You wanted me to be honest, don't sit there and laugh at me when I am."
"I do, I'm not laughing at you. You just reminded me."
"Reminded you of what?"
"You're still magnificent. Do you really still think about me?"
"Kate don't."
"Don't what?"
"You know what, you've moved on with this woman in your life."
"Caroline what are you talking about? What woman?"
"The one who answered the door."
Kate burst out laughing, she could not help it.
"I assume you must be living together, she seemed quite at home."
"That was Sarah; she's the daughter of a friend of mine. She's up here at University. She's also 18, what do you take me for Caroline, a cradle snatcher?"
"Well what was I supposed to think?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe you could've asked me." Kate was being sarcastic.
"I just did."
"You're so exasperating."
"So she is living with you, is she?"
"No she is my…." Kate stopped herself from saying babysitter. Caroline looked up from her pasta when Kate didn't finish her sentence.
"She's your what?" Caroline prompted.
Kate kicked herself for saying it. Well she was going to have to tell her at some point and this was as good a time as any. She took a deep breath.
"Caroline things have changed since we last met. There have been a lot of changes in my life. Sarah is my babysitter." Kate paused to give Caroline a chance to process what she had just said.
"Your babysitter," Caroline said as she tried to quell the uneasy feeling that was travelling up her body, "I'm sorry Kate, I don't understand."
"My daughter Flora is almost one, well she will be in a couple of weeks. Sarah babysits for me whenever I need anyone, although I haven't needed to use her that often. I have to be honest I don't get out much, you have no idea how much I've been looking forward to some adult conversation." Kate laughed. Caroline's jaw was hanging open. She closed her mouth and tried to compose herself.
"You have a baby?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"The usual way."
"Oh I know how, but how? Who's the father?"
"I used a donor, well a friend of mine agreed to help me."
"Whatshisname," the penny suddenly dropped for Caroline," I met him that time at the hotel."
"Yes. Greg."
"So you went through with it."
"Yes we did. You knew how much I wanted a baby we spoke about it remember. I always wanted a baby, and time was ticking."
Caroline let all this information sink in. She knew Kate had wanted a baby, but how did she not know she was pregnant.
"You knew you were pregnant before you left?" She asked, knowing what the answer would be.
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It wouldn't have made a difference Caroline. You didn't want me to have a baby."
"Now that is not true, I would have been thrilled for you."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," said Kate, her voice full of regret. She knew Caroline would have supported her. Maybe that is why she hadn't told her, it would have been harder to walk away.
"I didn't agree with your method of getting pregnant, but I would have been happy to know you were pregnant."
"Yes, well that is another conversation," Kate said not wanting to rake over old wounds.
"Okay, let's change the subject. Do you still like Tiramisu?" Caroline smiled a knowing smile at Kate who shook her head knowing full well that Caroline wasn't referring to desert but to the rather creative uses of Tiramisu they had found the first time she had cooked a meal for Caroline.
"It's always been my favourite," Kate smiled at her suddenly finding it hard to concentrate on the desert menu she had in her hand.
"How are William and Lawrence?" Kate thought it best to steer the conversation away from that particular memory.
"Oh they are fine. William is doing really well at Oxford; he's still seeing Roxy and Lawrence is 18 next week, if you can believe that. He is going to University in two weeks."
"Which one?"
"Bristol, he has put his head down and worked hard for the last two years, so I'm very proud of him. Of both of them."
"So you'll be on your own?"
"Yes, just me and John."
Kate looked up from her desert when she heard John's name.
"You still live together? She asked tentatively. Caroline had said it like they were still a married couple.
"Yes. No. Not together. But I could never afford to buy him out of the house so he stayed. Not ideal, but Lawrence likes having him around. We are divorced," she added. She wanted to make it clear to Kate that John was not an issue, although she could not be sure Kate was convinced judging by her expression when she heard his name.
Kate thought back to that day in Caroline's office, when she had dumped her, she told her then that she was putting her children first.
They finished their desert, paid the bill and made their way to Caroline's car. Caroline took a deep breath before she got in; she was so close to Kate her heart was beating hard. All she had to do was concentrate on the road. She pulled up outside Kate's house after a silent car journey. Kate turned to look at Caroline; it was dark so they couldn't really see anything, just the outline of their faces.
"Do you want to come in for a coffee?" She asked, hoping Caroline would say yes.
Caroline weighed this question up in her mind. Being inside Kate's house again, being enveloped in her world again. Did she want that? Of course she did, she couldn't say no.