Thank you so much for all of your feedback. It really is very much appreciated.

CHAPTER THREE

Sarah was sitting on the sofa in the living room trying to make sense of the notes she had made from her lecture today. She was having trouble concentrating as it was getting late. A couple of times in the last ten minutes her eyes had closed. She should go to bed; Kate wasn't expecting her to wait up for her, but she couldn't resist staying up, she wanted to know more about Kate's mystery person.

The front door opened and Caroline followed Kate into her house. Kate walked into the living room to speak to Sarah and Caroline hovered at the door, not knowing where to put herself. She felt slightly flustered to have a third person on this territory that used to be her sanctuary, a person she didn't know.

"How was she?" Kate asked.

"She's been fine," said Sarah as she stood up collecting all of her notes, "she hasn't made a sound. I checked on her and she was sound asleep," Sarah touched Kate's arm in a gesture of familiarity. Caroline saw this and felt a stab of jealousy. They had such an easy way with each other. Caroline was fascinated watching Kate as the concerned mother, a part of her she had never seen before.

Sarah looked up to see Caroline standing there with uncertainty etched all over her face. She walked towards her.

"Hello, we didn't meet properly earlier. I'm Sarah," she held out her hand and Caroline shook it.

"Hello. Caroline," she replied not sure how to react to this stranger.

"I have to say I've never seen Kate so flustered before," said Sarah as she leaned closer to Caroline as if she was telling her a secret, "it took her hours to get ready."

"Really," said Caroline, glancing at Kate who was looking mortified.

"Okay, that's enough Sarah," said Kate, walking towards them both.

"She tried on three different outfits before she settled on this one."

"Right, I think it's time you went to bed," Kate put her hands on Sarah's shoulders and started pushing her out of the room.

"Okay, I'm going. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye Caroline, it was nice meeting you," Sarah waved as she walked up the stairs.

Caroline watched her go, wondering why she was going up the stairs and not out the front door. Kate had told her she wasn't living here. She felt a flash of jealousy again.

"I'm sorry about that, I don't know what got into her," said Kate apologetically.

"No, no, that's fine."

They were still standing in the door way of the living room. So close they were almost touching.

"I'll put the kettle on," Kate walked into the kitchen to make the coffee, leaving Caroline to wonder how many more chances she would get to touch Kate tonight. She wanted to take her hand, she loved the feel of her hands, she had so many wonderful memories of those hands.

She walked into the kitchen with a new resolve. 'Don't miss another chance', she thought to herself.

Kate put the coffee on the table and they both sat down.

"Is Sarah staying here?"

"Just tonight, I'll take her home tomorrow morning."

"Where is she sleeping?" Asked Caroline as she took a sip of her coffee, trying to be nonchalant but failing.

"In my bed," Kate looked at her watch, "so if you don't mind hurrying up I'd like to go and join her."

Caroline stared at her stunned.

"Oh for god's sake Caroline, I'm joking. She is sleeping in the spare room, Flora is sleeping in her room and I will be sleeping in my room."

"Okay, there's no need to be so sarcastic. You sound like Goldilocks."

They both smiled as they drank their coffee.

"How's your Mum?" Asked Kate.

"She is fine."

"She must be happy now that the status quo has been restored. You and John living together, nobody knowing who you really are," Kate couldn't help the slight tone of bitterness that crept into her voice.

Kate's words were true but they stung Caroline. When Kate left she had done nothing to change her life. To the outside world she was still married to John, even though they were divorced. Two years after Kate had walked away she was still being a coward. She was annoyed with herself for allowing this situation to continue, she was still letting other people, like her mother, dictate to her how she should live her life.

Caroline reached forward and took hold of Kate's hand. Both of them felt electricity shoot through them at the other's touch. Caroline gently caressed the back of Kate's hand, rubbing her thumb across it over and over. They both looked at their entwined hands, they were transfixed at the sight, as if they had forgotten what it looked like to touch each other and they needed to commit it to memory.

"Caroline, we shouldn't," Kate eventually said.

"I've missed you," Caroline said softly reaching up to caress Kate's cheek.

Kate closed her eyes briefly, taking in the feeling of Caroline's hand on her skin again. But then she forced her eyes open and stood up ending their contact.

"I can't do this Caroline."

"What do you mean?" Caroline was standing now as well.

"It's not just me anymore; I've got Flora to consider."

They stood looking at each other, Caroline unsure of how to respond, thoughts were racing through her mind, she was shocked at how quickly things had changed between them. Suddenly Flora's cries could be heard over the baby monitor.

"I need to deal with that, I'll be back in a minute," Kate walked up the stairs to comfort Flora.

Caroline stood there for a moment; the realisation of how her life hadn't changed was just beginning to hit her. Kate had spoken the truth and Caroline could feel the tears starting to fall. She had to get out, so she put her coat on and left. She felt guilty that she hadn't told Kate she was leaving but she didn't want her to see her so upset.

A week had passed since Kate and Caroline had seen each other. Caroline had spent a week in turmoil about how she had walked out. She wanted to talk to her but stupidly she didn't know what to say. It was now Sunday, the morning after Lawrence's 18th birthday. Caroline walked into the living room to see John slumped across the sofa, the position he had fallen down in last night after having drunk too much at the party. Caroline wasn't surprised at the state of him, he had promised her he would keep an eye on things and not drink too much but when did he ever keep his promises.

She walked into the kitchen, which was an absolute tip. She shuddered at the sight of her beautiful kitchen and set about the long and laborious task of cleaning it up. She wished she had done it last night, but once the Halifax lot had left she had retired to bed, leaving the youngsters to it. John had volunteered to stay up and oversee things, she laughed at his vain notion that he was still one of the youngsters.

Lawrence had promised her that they wouldn't make too much mess but as it was his birthday she would cut him some slack. Of course she wouldn't tell him that, where was the fun in that. Although judging by the deep sleep he was in when she went up to check on him she thought it unlikely that he would surface much before midday and would probably be in no fit state to engage in conversation when he did.

She started organising the cleaning in the way that only she could. Two bags, one for general rubbish, one for recycling. She put the dishwasher on then got the next load ready to go in when that was done, then she tackled the work surfaces and soon it was starting to resemble the place she knew and loved.

Cleaning gave her a chance to think. Lawrence was now eighteen. A man, her baby was a man and he was going to university in two weeks. For the first time in twenty years she would have no children at home, unless you counted John. She smiled to herself again. Then there was Kate. She hadn't seen or heard from her since their dinner eight days ago. She didn't know what to do. That wasn't true she did know. She wanted to go to her house, tell her she loved her, how she never stopped thinking about her and that they should go for it and make a life together. But she knew she wouldn't do that, she was scared that Kate would reject her again like she did before and she could not let herself go through that again. It had undoubtedly been the worst time of her life.

She still did not know how she got through it, how she had managed to get herself up in the morning. She never knew she had that many tears in her. If she was honest with herself that is probably the reason she had walked out last week because she didn't want to hear Kate say that she didn't want her.

There wasn't a day that passed when she didn't think about Kate; it was as automatic as breathing to her. She had to do something, even though she was scared, but she had to try because what did she have to lose. Everyone around her was happy and settled; Gillian and Robbie were married and seemingly happy, although sometimes she couldn't tell. Her Mum and Alan were the same as they always were flitting between Harrogate and Halifax; both her boys would be away at university. Here she was still living with her ex-husband in the house they lived in as a married couple. It was out of necessity; she simply could not afford to buy him out. She felt like she was stuck in limbo, scared to live her life the way she wanted to live it. Punishing herself with thoughts of what might have been, of what a life with Kate might have been like, how happy they could have been.

A groaning John brought her out of her thoughts, as he shuffled into the kitchen just making it onto a stool at the island without falling over. She eyed him with a bemused expression.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" She asked.

"Caroline don't shout," he mumbled as he put his head in his hands.

"I'm not shouting," she flicked the kettle on.

"Does it have to be so bright in here? Can't you turn the lights off?"

"It's the sun John and I can't turn that off," she smiled at the absurdity of the conversation as she put a cup of tea next to him. He still hadn't looked up; she doubted whether he had opened his eyes since he sat down.

Later that day and John had gone out and Lawrence, who had surfaced briefly and was now back in bed again, which meant the house was quiet. Caroline was in her office trying to make sense of the architectural plans of the new building that was going to house the music department. The doorbell rang and Caroline took her glasses off, put them on the desk and got up to answer it. She thought it was John, so when she opened the door she was stunned to see Kate standing there.

"Kate," was all she could say.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Caroline," Kate said nervously as she fidgeted on the doorstep.

"That's, no you're not disturbing me. Come in," she pulled the door wider so Kate could come in but she didn't move.

"There's no one here, Mum and Alan are in Halifax, John is out and Lawrence is asleep upstairs," Caroline had seen the indecision on Kate's face so she sought to put her mind at rest.

It didn't seem to work as Kate made no attempt to move.

"No I can't stay. I've left Flora with Sarah while I went shopping so I need to get back."

"Okay."

"I just wanted to apologise for what I said last week. I mean I made you feel uncomfortable and that is not what I wanted." Kate felt very strange standing in this familiar environment again, this place where she used to live. She had decided to come over at the last minute; she had spent the whole week regretting how things had ended between them.

"I'm the one that should be apologising to you," said Caroline, who felt very touched that Kate would come over just to say sorry. "I walked out and I shouldn't have. It just all became a bit too much for me," she said honestly.

"Well I should…." Kate gestured to her car.

"Hang on Kate," Caroline stepped closer to her and held her hand out," Will you accept my apology? I mean we should shake hands shouldn't we."

Kate put her head to one side, a hint of a smile playing on her lips as she looked at Caroline.

"Only if you accept mine." Kate reached out and took hold of Caroline's hand. As soon as they touched heat raced through both their bodies, it was such a familiar feeling. Their eyes never left each other as they were drawn together, as if an invisible string was pulling them towards one another. They were so close; Caroline could feel Kate's soft breath on her face. She wanted to kiss her, at that moment that was all she could think about doing.

Suddenly there was a loud noise from upstairs. Lawrence had woken up and sounded like he was going to come crashing through the ceiling. Kate jumped back and let go of Caroline's hand in the process. Caroline felt like she couldn't breathe, the excitement she felt being in Kate's presence had got stronger in the months they had been apart.

"I should go," Kate said and turned to leave.

Caroline watched her, mentally cursing Lawrence for being so loud. Her desire to kiss Kate was increasing by the minute and they had been so close, but Kate had backed away from her again just like she had done last week. Kate was half way to her car when she stopped, turned around and walked back towards the house. Caroline hoped she was coming back to finish what they had started a minute ago, but she didn't.

"I was wondering," said Kate, "if you would like to meet Flora, properly I mean. You could come over next Saturday, it's her birthday. I didn't really have anything planned so I just thought it would be nice," Kate was rambling but she couldn't seem to stop the flow of words coming out of her mouth.

"I'd love to," Caroline thought how adorable Kate was when she was nervous.

"Come over at 4, no need to bring anything, just yourself."

"Okay," Caroline was smiling as she watched Kate get in her car and drive away. Maybe things were not as hopeless as they seemed.