CHAPTER FOUR
"We must have left it in the car," said Alan to Celia as they walked out of their flat towards the car.
They had reached the gate when suddenly Celia put a hand on Alan's arm to stop him going any further.
"Hang on a minute Alan. Look," Celia had lowered her voice so she was talking in a whisper, Alan struggled to hear her.
"Look at what?" He said wondering what was going on.
"Over there," she pointed towards the figure of Kate leaving Caroline's house.
Kate had not seen Celia and Alan watching her; she had walked straight to her car and driven away.
"That was thingy wasn't it?" Said Celia, talking in her normal voice now.
"Kate, you mean Kate," replied Alan, who had always been fond of Kate. He hoped Celia wouldn't make a fuss about what they had seen but he suspected that wouldn't be the case.
"What's she doing here," said Celia, not disguising the disgust in her voice.
"I don't know love. Can I go to the car now?" He had started walking before she could answer him.
"Do you think that means she is back on the scene, back with our Caroline," said Celia who had followed him to the car.
"I know as much as you," he said as he looked in the boot for their missing bag.
"I'm going to speak to Caroline."
"Now Celia, don't interfere."
"I'm not," she started walking in the direction of Caroline's house.
"So where are you going then?"
"I'm just letting her know we're back." She walked away from him intent on finding out what that woman had been doing here.
"Yes, whatever you say dear," Alan said as he locked the car and walked back to the flat. He knew that the meeting between mother and daughter was not going to be pretty, so he was going to stay out of the way and prepare himself for Celia's inevitable tirade when she returned from her visit to Caroline.
Caroline was sitting in her office; all thoughts of concentrating on her work had gone out of the window with Kate's unexpected visit. All she could think about was Kate's lips and how close she had been to kissing them. She closed her eyes and thought about the feel of Kate's fingers in hers. Her mind wandered to lovely memories of what those fingers had done to her in the past and how they had made her feel.
"Caroline are you in?" It was Celia's voice.
Caroline opened her eyes at the sound of her mother. Feeling sorry that she was being dragged from her thoughts of Kate, she stood up and said a silent prayer that her mother hadn't walked in five minutes ago.
"Hello Mum," she said as she bent down to kiss her on the cheek, "how was Halifax?"
"It was fine love," Celia was desperate to ask her about Kate but she couldn't do it straight away, she had to pick her moment.
Caroline served up the tea and after a few minutes of talk about Lawrence's party, how he was feeling and how everyone was, Celia could wait no longer.
"I saw that woman leaving just before I came in," she announced refusing to use Kate's name even though she knew full well what it was. "I thought she was long gone."
Caroline stared at her mother, her heart sank as she realised what she was doing, they were about to have one of those conversations they always had when Celia didn't approve of how Caroline was conducting her life. They had been here before the two of them, her mother dictating to her who she should see, who she should love. 'Keep calm,' she thought to herself before she responded.
"We met up again by chance," she tried to sound as relaxed as possible but inside she was anything but. In the space of half an hour she had gone from the euphoria of her encounter with Kate to feelings of inadequacy that her mother's attitude always brought out in her. She had a knack of making her feel like she was doing something wrong just because of her feelings for Kate. It was the most natural thing in the world to love someone and she was not going to let her mother do this to her again, not this time.
"So you are back together," it wasn't a question, "I must say I'm surprised after the way she treated you," Celia casually took a sip of tea as if she was talking about the weather.
"What do you mean the way she treated me?" Caroline knew she shouldn't engage in a conversation about this, it was playing into her mother's hands, but she could not help herself.
"She dumped you and never looked back, she used you, got what she wanted and left."
Caroline shook her head and was about to speak but Celia continued.
"You'd be mad if you took her back, she'd make you look like a fool."
"Okay that's enough," Caroline stood up, she couldn't listen to any more. "It wasn't Kate's fault we broke up. It was mine."
"Don't be silly, you moved her in here, gave her everything. She took you for a ride," Celia was not going to let this go.
"Mum I will not let you say that about Kate. You have no idea what went on between us. I'm going to say something and I expect you to listen and respect what I have to say. I love her and I want her back. I have been so miserable without her and I am going to get her back. I don't want to fall out with you but if I ever hear you talk about Kate like that again I will." Caroline was surprised at how controlled she was in the face of her mother's words.
"What about John?"
"What about him," Caroline scoffed.
"Does he know?"
"No he doesn't, nobody does. I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anyone," Caroline knew that she never would, she couldn't stand the embarrassment. "Anyway it has got absolutely nothing to do with John and since when did you care what he thought," Caroline could not believe Celia really cared what John thought considering her feelings for him, she knew he was just using him as an excuse to get to her.
"Okay love," Celia stood up and walked towards Caroline, "I was just pointing out what happened as you seem to have forgotten."
Caroline stood there with her arms folded.
"I do love you, you know. I only want what's best for you." She kissed Caroline and then walked out the door back to Alan.
Caroline was left to try and keep a lid on her emotions. She knew she would have to deal with her mother but she didn't think she would have to do it so soon.
oOo
Kate opened the door at four o'clock on the dot to be confronted with an enormous teddy bear that was twice the size of Flora. Caroline was holding him up in front of her. She poked her head over his shoulder to see a delighted looking Kate.
"Hello," said Caroline.
"Hello," replied Kate, "come in come in."
"This is for Flora," Caroline said holding the bear towards Kate, who took him and held him up.
"Oh my God Caroline, he's so cute." He had brown fur and a red bow was tied around his neck.
"He's lovely isn't he; as soon as I saw him in the shop I had to have him. I must admit I almost bought Flora something else and kept him myself."
Caroline took her coat off and Kate put the bear on the sofa in the living room.
"You can introduce them after dinner. Come and meet Flora." Kate led them both into the dining room where Flora was sitting in her chair, wondering where her Mum had got to while she continued to play with the beads on the front of her high chair.
"Hey sweetheart," Kate said as she stroked her head, "did you think I'd forgotten you?"
Flora made some indistinct baby noises at her which Kate took to be a reply to her question. Caroline deliberately stood back to watch Kate interact with Flora. She did not think it was possible to love Kate more than she did at this moment as she watched her talking to Flora. She was mesmerised by their interaction.
Kate glanced up at Caroline.
"I'm sorry; it's usually just the two of us. I'm so used to talking away to her I forget when we have company. Caroline this is Flora," Kate beckoned Caroline to come closer.
"Flora this is Caroline."
Caroline smiled at Kate being so formal, imagining that Flora was going to stick out her hand and say how do you do.
"Hello Flora," Caroline said softly, she took hold of Flora's little hand in hers and Flora squeezed her fingers as she giggled in delight. "Kate she is absolutely adorable," Caroline was struck by how much Flora looked like her mother.
"I think so but then I'm biased," Kate said as she dropped a kiss on top of Flora's head.
"I mean it, she's you."
"She has been worth everything."
Caroline wasn't quite sure what Kate was referring to, whether she meant the break up of their relationship or to something else. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind. She didn't want anything to spoil this day.
"So when does the party start?" Asked Caroline, who hadn't noticed anything in the house that would indicate there was a birthday.
"There isn't one."
"No cake and balloons?"
"No. To be honest I don't really believe in throwing big parties for one year olds."
"You've got to have a cake at least," Caroline said, surprised at what Kate was saying to her. She hadn't expected a big party but she did think there would be a cake.
"Why," said Kate, "Flora doesn't understand what day it is."
Caroline gasped in an overly dramatic way and put her hands over Flora's ears.
"Mummy didn't mean that Flora."
"Caroline," said a bemused Kate.
"Right, I'll be back soon," Caroline picked up her bag and made for the door.
"Where are you going?" Kate followed after her.
"We can't have a party without a cake."
"Caroline it's fine, we don't need one," it was no use she had gone.
An hour later Caroline returned with a box, she walked into the dining room with what she had bought, put it on the table and opened the lid so Kate could see. Inside was a cake with balloons on it, she then produced one candle from behind her back.
"I couldn't get any balloons but the cake has some on so I thought that would be okay."
Kate looked at what she had bought with delight and the look on her face made Caroline's spur of the moment dash to the shops worthwhile.
"Caroline you shouldn't have," she couldn't believe what she had done, she had been so thoughtful.
"Kate," she said tenderly, "you need this. You need to remember Flora's first birthday."
Kate looked at her and suddenly crumbled. She wanted to say how grateful she was but she could not get the words out. Instead the tears were falling down her cheeks and she could not stop them. Caroline immediately took her into her arms and held her tight. Kate was sobbing now, her head on Caroline's shoulder, making the top she was wearing wet through her tears.
Caroline was struggling to keep her own emotions in check but she had to for Kate's sake, but being this close to her was proving problematic. Eventually Kate's tears subsided. They stood just holding each other for a minute before Kate spoke.
"I'm just no good at this," her voice was right next to Caroline's ear.
Caroline pulled away slightly keeping her arms loosely around her waist so she could look in her eyes.
"That is not true Kate. You have done a great job with Flora, she's delightful and that is all down to you. It's hard at the best of times for everyone and you are doing this on your own." She swept her thumb across Kate's face to remove a stray tear.
"To be honest I never did anything for William and Lawrence when they turned one," she was hoping this would lighten the mood and it seemed to work as Kate smiled at her. "Right why don't we have some cake?" Caroline said with a hint of her headmistress tone creeping into her voice. She was taking charge but Kate didn't mind.
"I've made dinner, it's almost ready," she let go of Caroline and wiped her eyes.
"Do you need a hand?"
"No no, it's almost done. You stay here with Flora."
Caroline put Flora into her high chair and took the opportunity to get to know her. Kate brought dinner out and the three of them had their own, very unique, birthday party for Flora.
A few hours later and Kate was putting a very tired Flora to bed. After dinner and cake Kate had taken Flora into the living room to show her the teddy bear. Flora had taken an instant liking to it, giggling and babbling like mad. It had now taken up residence in her room. Kate kissed her sleeping daughter goodnight and went back downstairs. She stood watching Caroline sitting on the sofa with her feet tucked under her; she looked so comfortable sitting there. Kate's gaze was transfixed by this beautiful woman who she knew so well. How many times had she witnessed this scene, her heart ached when she thought about how much she missed her and how much she wanted her.
"You have made a friend for life with your present Caroline, Flora loves it already," Kate said as she sat on the sofa next to her.
"It's my pleasure," she said turning to look at Kate.
"Thank-you for everything else as well. You definitely made Flora's birthday memorable."
"We couldn't have a birthday without a cake could we? And that is not a reflection on you parenting skills," Caroline took hold of Kate's hand, "she is perfect. You're perfect." She leaned in to kiss her, this time Kate didn't pull away and they shared the tenderest of kisses. They broke apart and Caroline looked deeply into Kate's eyes hoping she could convey all of her feelings in her look.
"I've missed you so much Kate," she placed her hands either side of Kate's face and kissed her again, deeper this time and when they broke apart they were both slightly breathless. Suddenly Kate stood up and for a brief moment Caroline thought that she was going to reject her again. Instead she held out her hand and said simply, "let's go to bed."
oOo
Caroline woke up to the sunshine streaming through the window. For a split second she thought she was late for work but then she relaxed remembering it was Sunday. She also remembered where she was. Kate's bed. She could not keep the smile from her face thinking about the glorious night she had just spent with Kate. She stretched her hand across the bed expecting to feel her lover's body but all she felt was an empty space. She opened her eyes, Kate wasn't there, and she wasn't in the room. She must have got up to see to Flora, Caroline reasoned.
She walked into the kitchen and saw Kate, dressed only in a t-shirt, staring out of the window. Caroline watched her standing there, her thoughts filled with desire at the sight in front of her. Sensing Caroline's presence in the room Kate turned around.
"We can't do this Caroline."