Disclaimer: Don't own D. Gray-Man, never will.
Special Thanks To
The awesome beta-reader, All who reviewed, All who faved, All who subscribed, All who voted and All who reads
Happy Valentine's day! Wishing all the couples out there a nice day with lots of chocolates!
I had planned for this chapter to be published on Valentine's for the sake of it. XD
Now enjoy the story! I'll continue ranting at the end!
Desdemona sighed and brushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. She sat on the white Infirmary bed, practically naked except for her underwear. The Head Nurse jumped around her, operating the various machines that were attached to her via tubes and needles. Some drawing blood, some injecting fluids into her. She sighed again. She has no idea why the Head Nurse is so obsessed. This is the 5th time the Nurse did a 'Check Up' on her since the time three days ago when they used the Ark to return to Headquarters.
"Left arm up." The Head Nurse commanded. Desdemona obeyed. The Nurse narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized the newly formed scar on the left side of her ribs. She sighed. She had done everything to prevent scarring, but it was no use. It was treated too late and it was too deep to begin with. It's heartbreaking to watch. Even when the girl said she didn't care...she's still a girl. Normally, a scar this big would drive a girl her age into depression. But she just shrugged.
Desdemona lowered her arm when the Nurse turned away. She scribbled something down on the paper on the clipboard she was holding and read more numbers off more machines.
After ages, the Nurse finally started detaching tubes from her. Numerous cotton balls were pressed against her skin and taped after the needles were pulled out. When all the tubes were gone, Desdemona proceeded to put her clothes back on, which she found particularly difficult since the cotton balls kept on getting in the way.
The Head Nurse suddenly appeared in front of Desdemona's face, wearing a scary expression. The taller woman towered over the young girl as she swallowed in fear. "Listen carefully, you careless brat!" She said in a threatening tone. "Even though your test results are completely normal, it isn't normal to faint with no sign of life. Twice, may I add. So I sincerely suggest you to be careful and pay attention to your own body."
The Nurse pressed her face closer to Desdemona's, the girl stepped back a little. "Y-yes. I understand."
Barely satisfied, the Nurse turned around and waved her hand in a shooing motion. Desdemona slipped out the door quickly, closing the door behind her and sighed in relief. The Head Nurse is really scary...
Desdemona turned around and leaned against the wall, touching a hand to the left side of her ribs. Scar, huh? Why would I care?
...
Her other hand travelled up to her right shoulder, clutching her upper arm. She could feel the lump on her skin. Even when she tries to hide it, even when it can no longer be seen, when she touches it, she could always feel it. She despises that scar, just that scar. She wants to erase it. She wants to erase him from her memory. She wanted to erase his existence; pretend he never existed in this world.
But she can't. However much she wanted to deny it, her own existence is the indisputable proof of his. He exists in her mind, the endless hatred that carved him into her consciousness forces her to remember. She hates him, she hates him so much that she would never be able to forget he existed, forget what he did. He is in her blood, in her every cell. Her own body binds her to him in an unbreakable bond. No matter how much she struggle, it's futile.
If she could, she would pull him back out of his grave, then kill him, then revive him, then kill him. She would kill him a million times, she would let him die a million times. She can't just let him simply die, he can't die. That's too easy on him.
But she can't do that.
"UWWAAAHHHHH!"
Desdemona snapped out of her thoughts and looked towards the two double doors on the other side of the corridor. The left door leads to the room where the males were imprisoned through the duration of their experience in the hell known as 'Head Nurse', the right door leads to the room where the females are trapped through the duration of the hell known as 'Komui Lee'.
"UUUWWWAHHH! LENALEE!" Komui cried out loud, so loud that it could even be heard outside, in the corridor. Those double doors with red crosses on them are especially soundproof, the walls around here too. It's to ensure the patients get enough sleep, seeing as the Science Department liked to do their most dangerous experiments at night...
Desdemona heard the sound of footsteps from the door behind her. The Head Nurse might have finished packing. She needs to get back into the room before she comes out, or else the girl would be in a bit of trouble.
She walked across the wide corridor and lifted her hands to push open the doors.
"!"
Ok, maybe not. Desdemona looked back quickly at the door the Head Nurse was about to appear from. The handle turned. The girl acted quickly. She turned and sprinted to the end of the corridor where Komui's many blockades stood. They were to keep Bak from coming to visit Lenalee...since, unfortunately, his well-hidden feelings were finally revealed. She jumped over the blockades and the many Komui's life size cut outs and finally arrived – freedom.
She looked back, the Head Nurse was walking across the corridor. Desdemona kneeled down behind a Komui cut out and waited until the Head Nurse's footsteps disappeared into the room. She smiled and stood up, stretched and started walking away.
~x.X.x~
"UUUUWWWWAAAHHHH!" Komui cried, not only disturbing Miranda's slumber but also soaking half of Lenalee's bed in tears. The obnoxious Eurasian girl was not here, fortunately for Komui, because she would have thrown him out the window and let him fall for 400 km before landing head first onto the merciless ground beneath, successfully breaking all the bones in his body and rendering this life-size-Komui flesh clump lifeless.
However, at that particular moment, Lenalee had really wanted to throw her brother out herself. He was so embarrassing and he was disturbing everyone else...Miranda.
The Head Nurse came back into the room, she saw Komui's state and the state of Lenalee's bed linens and fumed. "You are quite the disturbance here, Supervisor. If you dirty the bed any further, I may remove you from the ward!"
"Head Nurse...you're horrible." Komui said, lifting his head up and revealing his face full of tears coming from his eyes and nose.
Lenalee sweatdropped. "I'm pretty sure you have plenty of work you should be doing, brother..."
With a syringe in one hand and a scalpel in the other, the Head Nurse loomed over Komui, effectively rounding him to the door.
"Oh by the way," Komui tried. "I made this robot of myself, it can sing a lullaby..." The scientist pulled out a mini mechanical Komui from thin air. It's mechanical mouth moved as it 'sang' "Go to sl-eeeep, go to sl-eeeep~ my sweeeeet lenaleeeeeeee."
The Head Nurse narrowed her eyes. "We have no need for it." Pulling the double doors together, the Nurse successfully shut the Supervisor out.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Lenalee turned to Miranda. "Sorry for all the noise, Miranda..."
Miranda shook her head, she had been watching the siblings with a smile. "It's alright, Lenalee."
Lenalee smiled apologetically. She looked up at Head Nurse, "Head Nurse, where is Dem?"
The Nurse turned around with a murderous glare. The said girl's bed was empty...
That brat...she ran away...
~x.X.x~
Lavi lay in his bed, completely defeated. Crowley's stomach is constantly growling loudly, destroying any chance of sleep the other exorcists have. The main problem is that Crowley is unconscious, they can't feed him anything. They can't move him to a different room either, the entire Infirmary is filled with people from the recent series of missions.
Kanda had got up and claimed he would go back to his own room, but that is forbidden by the Head Nurse. Marie told Kanda it was not allowed but Kanda was confronted by the visiting General Tiedoll. The two performed their own action drama in the ward. Chaoji and his friends were having a loud and touching conversation. Bookman was surprisingly deaf and was asleep.
Lavi sighed, there's no way he could sleep. He's hungry too. He should go eat something.
Eat...
Eat...
Allen. Allen hasn't been making a sound since ages ago. Lavi turned in his bed. "Allen, you want to go down and get some food with me?"
There was no reply.
"Allennn~~~"
Still no reply. That's when Lavi realised the shape of the lump in Allen's bed was unnaturally large and ...spherical.
"Allen?"
Lavi tried once more. When there's still no response, Lavi walked over and peeled back the sheets.
The sight that greeted his was appalling. A whole mountain of food scraps tumbled down from Allen's bed. It includes many hundreds of porcelain bowls and plates. There were two skeletons of two giant fish, their head and tail still intact. There was also a skeleton of a whole entire roasted adult pig. The spine, the ribs, everything was clearly visible. The only bits of flesh left on it was its tail, it's butt and it's head. The hollow eyes of the pig and the ugly nose made Lavi feel sick.
Although there's nothing in his stomach he could vomit up at the moment.
Desdemona smiled at herself proudly. She sneaked past the Science Department and was able to get inside the Ark. Those Science Department people are sure dedicated. They would barely take their eyes off the gate. She knew that if she was spotted by anyone, she would be sent back to the Head Nurse, where hell awaits...
That aside, she's now inside the familiar white town. The entire Ark's hers to explore!
She walked along the streets and alleyways of the Ark. There were a lot of doors, each of them had a number above it. Some of them had pieces of paper stuck on them, labelling their destination.
She arrived before a plain looking wooden door, 'Asia Branch' it was labelled.
There were still a lot of other doors, they don't have labels. She wondered where they led to...
She reached out for one of the unlabelled door's handle, twisted and pushed it open.
...
There was nothing there, just darkness and nothingness. Desdemona pouted childishly in annoyance. This is boring.
She closed the door and walked on. When she came across a junction between two streets, she saw something down the street that crossed the one she was walking on. She walked towards it.
Upon closer inspection, she saw food scraps on the ground. There was an empty porcelain bowl, a pile of bones, an empty pack of biscuits...Desdemona followed the food scraps with her eyes. The trash made a trail and seemed to lead somewhere. Out of curiosity, she followed it.
She soon arrived before a door, where the trail of rubbish seemed to end. She tilted her head to the side. What's behind that door?
She reached for the handle and pushed gently. When the door was wide enough, she saw that the wall of the room was white, the floor was white too. She slowly poked her head into the room, still not fully opening the door.
She froze. Sitting in the centre of the room, in front of a white upright piano, on a cushioned piano stool, crossed legged, a large sack of food before him on the floor, half a hamburger between his hands and mouth, staring at her with a shocked expression...was Allen.
"Hmph- Ack!" Pulling the hamburger out of his mouth, Allen started coughing while pounding his chest with his free hand, choking on his burger.
Desdemona blinked.
After Allen finished his coughing fit, he slowly lifted his head up, wiping his mouth. "Uh...Dem? What are you doing here?"
"That's exactly what I wanted to ask you." The girl replied while pushing the door completely open.
"Oh...haha...Aren't you supposed to be doing a check up with the Nurse?" Allen scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
"It's finished." Desdemona replied bluntly, crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Oh...then aren't you supposed to be in the ward? What are you doing in the Ark?"
Desdemona raised an eyebrow, why does it sound like he's interrogating her? "I've been meaning to ask you, exactly that."
Allen looked down. "Er...I think I sort of...ran away?"
Desdemona looked up in thought, "I guess I did too..."
She looked back down at the boy and saw him laughing. "Ahaha. Then I guess the Head Nurse must be really angry now..."
Desdemona uncrossed her arms and ran a hand through her hair. Then she suddenly remembered that she left her hair tie in the examination room...since she ran away too quick...
Allen smiled and shifted himself to the side, giving the girl room to sit down on the stool. Allen only found that stool a moment ago...it was hiding behind the couch, below that window/mirror.
Desdemona closed the door behind her and walked over to the piano. She looked to the side slightly and froze. There was a huge window to her left...only there's nothing on the other side to be seen so it acts more like a mirror. In the reflection, everything in the room could be seen, the piano, the stool, two other chairs, a couch and herself. Only Allen. Instead of Allen, sitting on the piano stool was a shadow. A shadow wearing a white coat. On his face, two glowing spots and a horizontal crescent shape could be seen. Their position suggested two eyes and an unnatural smile. Desdemona frowned. What's what?
"What's wrong?" Allen asked quietly. He followed her eyes and looked at the window panes too. His shoulders slouched. The shadow, it's still there...
Allen suddenly widened his eyes and looked at Desdemona's face again. Could it be...she can see it?
No, that's not possible. Master, Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda and Chaoji were all in here before. They never said anything. By the way they acted, it seemed he was the only one that could see it.
"Nothing." Desdemona replied simply and sat down on the right side of the stool. What is that? Allen don't seem to be able to see it...Am I hallucinating?
Allen didn't know if he was disappointed or relieved. She couldn't see it. He was worried that she would be able to see it. He didn't know why but he felt that shadow is dangerous, he has a bad feeling about it. For that reason he didn't want her to see it. He didn't know when it started, but recently, he had wanted to protect her...
But another part of him wanted her to see. He had wanted someone to see. He had felt that if someone else could see it, he could tell them about it. He wouldn't need to pretend everything is fine anymore. He wouldn't need to feel like he's facing this alone anymore.
It was always one of those times when he felt lost or confused, those times when he was suffering and he believed he was facing it alone. It was the times when even though he wanted someone to be with him, he locks everyone out of his heart and mind for fear of making them worry. It was always one of those times when she'd intrude into him, so carelessly barge into his most vulnerable times. She's so selfish, because he knew she never intended to do it. That makes him unable to get angry at her, while it takes away his right to lock her out at the same time.
Why is she so selfish.
Allen stared at the girl as she looked around the room. He was caught unexpectedly when she shifted her gaze to him.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Desdemona asked dully, tilting her head to the side.
Allen flushed and looked away. "N-nothing." He cursed inside his head. She had never looked like that before, when she tilted her head she looked...so...cute? The boy shook his head and quietly started munching at his hamburger again. "Er...so...how was the check up?" he tried to change the subject.
"Head Nurse says all my numbers are normal." She replied.
Allen nodded. "That's good."
"What about you?" She asked before she could stop herself.
He blinked.
She blinked.
"I'm not worried!" She sat up straighter.
He blinked more. And smiled.
She frowned and looked away.
"I'm alright. Thank you."
"I'M NOT WORRIED!"
...
...
"Stop eating!" She suddenly said in a commanding tone with a frown. "Even though you're that type of person with that kind appetite," She emphasized the words in such a way that it implied it's not a compliment. "You'll still get sick if you eat too much. Judging by the amount of rubbish you generated, I'd suggest you to stop eating."
Allen hesitated. She's really worried about him...
He shook his head. Don't be stupid, why would someone like her worry about him?
...
Is she worried? Could it be that she's actually worried?
Allen involuntarily hoped, he hoped she was worried. Then that means she cares.
He didn't understand why he would want her to care about him.
...
What is wrong with him?
Desdemona suddenly reached over for Allen's sack of food, snapping him out of his thoughts and gave him a heart attack. "I'm hungry, let's see what you have here..." She dug around the huge bag, looking for something to eat. Allen sighed as he watched her unrestrained long locks falling into the sack of food. He ran a free hand through his own hair. What to do with her... He absent-mindedly reached over and pulled her hair out of the way. He froze slightly, her hair...feels so good. It's cold and really silky. He quickly retreated his hands, fearing. He was scared, scared of that sensation that appeared in his chest, scared of his own subconscious will to run his hand through her hair more...
The girl sat up and looked at Allen with a frown. Allen pointed to the sack of food stiffly. "Your hair was falling in."
She heaved a sigh of annoyance before running her hand through her long hair and pulled it up into the usual ponytail. She hastily used a loose strand of hair to temporarily tie it up. Then she resumed her food hunting.
Allen frowned. Maybe he wasn't alright. There must be something wrong with him...
After a while, she re-emerged, holding a paper box.
Allen looked over and frowned. If he remembers correctly, in the box is...
Confirming his guess, Desdemona pulled out a chocolate muffin. She was smiling slightly, Jerry's muffins are always good. She peeled back the paper case outside the muffin, held it to her mouth with her right hand and was about to blissfully bite into it-
Allen's white head suddenly appeared in front of her eyes.
She blinked.
She felt Allen's hand on her right wrist, pushing her hand away from herself. She felt Allen's other hand pushing down on the cushion to the right of her thighs, trying to balance himself. She could feel him leaning in towards her as the cushion tilted down to her left. She felt him biting into that chocolate muffin in her right hand and pulling it out of her grip with his teeth. But mostly importantly, she felt her heart jerk. Just like that time in Edo. She was and is still convinced that she was suffering from cardiac arrests, frequent ones too.
Allen pulled his head back, successfully disarming the girl of her muffin. He released her wrist and used his now free hand to take the muffin out of his mouth so that he could speak. He turned to the girl with a frown. "Don't always eat so carelessly! You need other nutrients in your body!" Allen half-scolded her. He realized that on her face, there wasn't any anger. Rather, she looked shocked. There's also an unnatural red tint to her cheeks...Allen wondered if she wasn't feeling well...if she's about to faint again.
The boy, still leaning over her legs, returned to 'his' side of the piano stool and finished the muffin in two easy gulps. Pulling his sack of food back, he picked up a nutritious-looking sandwich and turned back to Desdemona. "Eat this if you're hungry." By that time, she was looking at him with accusingly narrowed eyes. Allen ignored the look, took a hold of her right hand again and placed the sandwich into the hand. He froze again, her wrist was so thin, so fragile, so breakable. He was scared. There was this sudden urge to protect her. And that strange sensation in his chest... He didn't know what's going on with him.
The girl sat up straighter. "What gives you the right to-"
"Just eat it!" Allen frowned, slightly frustrated. He was unconsciously screaming. "You need nutrients! You can't go on like this anymore! If you want to improve your health you need to change your horrible eating habits!" He's getting increasingly annoyed and he didn't know why. "We are fighting so much these days and everyone is straining their body! You included! If you want to keep your body working you need to eat more substantial things! And your constant fainting. You fainted with no sign of lif-!"
Desdemona put a hand in front of his face, telling him in an exaggerated gesture to shut up. She's been getting a lot of this 'no sign of life' recently. "If you're going to lecture me then-"
Suddenly Allen snapped, he grabbed her hand roughly and pulled it out of his face. He glared straight into her eyes. "Stop being so irresponsible! Stop being so selfish! You don't understand! Even if you think you are perfectly fine now, back then you nearly died!" He pulled on her hand so she could not escape as he pressed his face closer to hers, trying to emphasize the seriousness of her crime. "Don't act like as if it was nothing. It was really serious, do you not understand? I've felt death myself and it's a scary feeling. But compared to that it's even scarier watching you collapse suddenly. It was scary watching you get carried into the emergency room! And you don't understand that! To people who care for you, it's something that's scarier than dying themselves!"
Desdemona tried to shift backwards but Allen was pulling on her hand, making her situation inescapable. She was shocked. Is this really Allen? The Beansprout? The Allen that once avoided her for a month because she threw him into a bookcase? The Allen that couldn't look into her eyes for more than a mere seconds? The Allen that can't hold chopsticks?
Wait, no. That chopsticks one has nothing to do with this. And by the way, he still can't hold chopsticks.
Back to the actual problem. Desdemona frowned. Since when did he become so forceful? Since when did he find the courage to talk to her like that? And since when did he start to believe he has the right to tell her what to do?
Desdemona was on the brink of exploding anger: a mixture of her superiority-complex that would not allow her pride to be overpowered by this Beansprout (even though admittedly they were the same height, she only looked taller because her heels were 5cm), and a little bit of frustration at herself for not realizing when all these changes took place.
However, just as the girl was about to erupt, Allen's expression suddenly softened and he looked down sadly. Desdemona saw that and the anger building up within her was forcefully suppressed.
Damn. If he looked like that, there was no way she could be angry at him...
Allen sulkily turned to the front and hugged his previously crossed legs, burying his face into his knees. "You don't understand..." he muttered quietly, "...how scary it was..."
The girl looked at the boy, suddenly guilt came over her. Was it really that serious? If she gets scolded or screamed at she would argue back, but when someone's sad and looking hurt like that she doesn't know what to do. Seeing Allen like that, Desdemona suddenly didn't know what she should do. Was it because of her? He looks so hurt though... She's not sure, she doesn't know. Trying desperately to get out of this situation, Desdemona said in a teasing tone. "Oh, were you worried about me by any chance?" That always works with Kanda. He would get angry and then either verbal argument or physical combat would get her out...
"No! Why would I-" Allen started but stopped. Desdemona smiled as she waited. "...I was worried." Allen said, his quiet voice muffled by this clothes as he continued to bury his face.
Desdemona's smiled instantly disappeared. That wasn't according to her plan...She waited a few more seconds for him to say something else, but he continued to hide his face. She sighed. "You were supposed to deny it." She pointed out.
"I can't lie to myself." Allen muffled.
"Then at least lie to me to make this situation less awkward." She suggested.
"I don't want to lie to you either."
"..."
"..."
"Now what? Am I supposed to apologise?"
"No. I should. I'm sorry for screaming at you..."
Desdemona's eyebrow twitched. Is he suffering from bipolar disorder?
Allen looked up to her with tired eyes. "You should start eating that."
The girl glanced down at the sandwich in her hand and pouted. She sighed and slowly bit into it.
Allen smiled.
The two sat in silence for a while. Desdemona slowly forcing down the chicken and lettuce sandwich and Allen resumed with his hamburger slowly. She was right. He's feeling sick. He ate too much...
The girl noticed the obvious change in pace in Allen's food-eating. She didn't know if she's getting revenge at him or what, but she grabbed his wrist, pulled it towards her and wrestled the hamburger out of his hand. Still shocked, Allen watched as she called over Timcampy and threw it at the golem, who opened its mouth and finished it in one gulp.
The white-haired boy turned to look at the superiority-complex girl. She pointed a finger to the ceiling with a slightly triumphant expression. "I told you even you can get sick from eating too much."
Allen blinked. Then uncontrollably, he started laughing. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't stop laughing.
Desdemona's triumphant expression was instantly replaced by an annoyed one. He goes into hysteria often these days.
Allen's legs were now kicking at empty air, his back leaned against the keyboard and pressed a few notes. Desdemona sighed and extended a hand to push the boy off the stool. He landed on the ground with an 'Umph' and finally stopped his laughter.
"What was that for?" Allen shot up quickly.
Desdemona shrugged.
Able to do nothing, Allen sat back down beside her, feeling slightly defeated. On the other hand, the girl sat beaming proudly, swinging her legs around childishly. She was feigning it to mock Allen. He sighed. Her case of superiority-complex is sure serious.
"Hey…" He started again. "You remember what you said back in Asia branch?"
"I said a lot of things." She continued to slowly nibble at the sandwich reluctantly.
"You said I was just venting my anger towards myself…" Allen looked down to stare at the food. For the first time in his life, he didn't want to see food, so he quickly looked up instead. "I'm sorry."
She looked at him. "Do you have bipolar disorder?"
He laughed. "Not that I'm aware of."
She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Fine. Continue."
"You said I was angry at myself. You said I was just venting my anger, battling you and Fou…You were right. I was venting my anger on you. And I'm sorry. Back then I wasn't able to admit it, but now I see."
"That's wonderful." She said blankly, turning her gaze away from him to stare at the air, continuing her sandwich. "Congratulations."
Allen frowned at her. "I'm serious! At least say you forgive me or something."
"What if I don't?" She said without meeting his eyes.
He mentally facepalmed. This girl is impossible. He smiled slightly, he didn't know why. Maybe it was because of the idea that occurred to him. She hates..."Don't be so harsh~!" Allen said in a sickly sweet tone.
She visibly flinched, much to Allen's delight. "You're disgusting."
Allen smiled wider.
"Sometimes, it's useful to ask yourself why."
"And that time when you told me it's useful to ask myself 'why'?" He asked, she 'hm'-ed. He looked down at his hands. "I think I found the answer."
He glanced up at the girl, who stared straight ahead. "I know, that's why you are here." She answered simply without any hint of surprise.
"My left hand, I will use to save the akumas. My right hand, I will use to protect humans."
"Nothing for yourself? Everything for others?"
"No." He answered swiftly. She turned around in surprise; he's the idealistic, nice guy isn't he? She had expected him to say yes…but she guess he did change a lot. "I'm selfish. I'm selfish because I'm human. Everything I do is for myself. I wanted to save the akumas so I can keep my promise to Mana. I want to protect humans because I'm scared to lose the people I care about. They were all excuses."
She smiled.
He froze, it was the first time he saw her genuinely smile. Having a mix of Asian and European blood in her already elevated her aesthetic appearance naturally to a standard that's beyond average, but when she smiled, Allen's heartbeats abruptly sped into a frantic pace.
He cannot fathom to think what was wrong with him.
"For once, something useful came out of your mouth." she said arrogantly.
He ignored her words and looked away. He could feel the blood rush to his head, through his face. It must be visible...
His face was a little red wasn't it, does he have fever? She mentally slapped herself. Why should she care? Change the subject, change the subject. "...So I heard you can control this Ark?" she asked casually.
"Yeah...I think." he mumbled.
"How do you do it?" she looked at him.
He turned in his seat to the piano. "I play the piano and I think of what I want the Ark to do." he explained.
She nodded and sat silently in thought for a while. "So, you can play the piano?" she finally said.
"No, no. I just recite the lyrics in my head, the tune plays in my head and my hands moves automatically." he shook his hands in denial.
"Lyrics?" she tilted her head to the side. That, again. Allen was almost scared of that.
He called over Timcampy. "Tim, show Dem the sheet music."
Desdemona watched as the golem opened its mouth and projected a circular symbol. She frowned. "That's the sheet music? You can read that?"
Allen looked down to the floor. "You see, that's the problem. Master just threw me in here without any explanation. Tim showed me the sheet music and then I realized I can read it. I don't know why those symbols are here, but those symbols were made up by someone, with me as a children's game long ago." Before Allen could stop himself, he told her more than he intended.
"Who's 'someone'?" she asked gently. She could hear the distress in his voice...she wants to slap herself. Just because he's distressed, she doesn't have to be gentle with him. Just like back in Asia branch, he was about to break so she refrained from letting her anger out. What does his emotional state have to do with her anyway?
"My adoptive father, Mana." Again. Allen thought he would not mention Mana to her but...
His adoptive father? The one he turned into an akuma and cursed him? She, again, restrained herself from pointing that out because...she didn't know why. Mana... Allen was an orphan before so he must've taken his last name from this Mana person...Mana Walker? She was sure she has heard of that name before...
"I promised Mana I would keep walking down the path I choose until I die. But now I'm not sure anymore...why would these symbols be here when only Mana and I can read it? What has Mana got to do with this? And now I even doubt whether I'm walking down the right path!" he lifted his legs up to the stool and hugged them again. "Is this really something I chose for myself? But why does it feel like it was chosen for me? It feels like it's a path that was all planned out for me and I am just a puppet!"
She stared at him for a while. He dropped his head, shielding his eyes with his hair.
After a moment of silence, she smiled and looked back to the front. "Fate...it's such a mysterious thing."
He listened. She said something similar back in Asia Branch too.
"The small things that you think was unimportant at the time may become a large part of something else in the future, but you would never know that." she took another small bite of her sandwich and turned to him, who was staring at her with shining silver eyes, waiting for her to continue.
"Fate, it loves to toy with people's lives. It has no interest in one's wellbeing, it just likes to be entertained. Kind of like a spoilt kid. We are just its toys, like puppets, as you put it." She shrugged. "If you are talking about puppets, we all are. None of us chose to be compatible, none of us chose to be exorcists. The paths we walk down are often not our own choices."
He looked down. She was right. He never wanted to be compatible...but he never hated it either. He saw it as a duty he had to fulfill, for Mana's sake.
She turned to the front again with a sigh. "This is just me, but, I think no matter what kind of path I end up walking on, I won't ever regret the choices I make. Even if these choices were already planned out for me, even if my path was just something made to amuse a spoilt kid. If I live out the plan, the plan becomes my life. It becomes me. The choices Fate made long ago become my choices I make for myself. If I am a puppet, then be it. I'll be a puppet who lives out the script and makes the script its life."
Allen stared at her. She really is an incredible person...she's so...so strong. That kind of attitude to life that disregards any doubt and regret, takes all her own actions into her own hands. She must have quite a clear direction in life. He wished he was like her...
"I'm not saying I know exactly what I'm doing with my life." She said suddenly, completely contradicting Allen's thoughts. Can she read minds? "And it's not like I can actually live like that. It's just how I think I should live, the ideal perspective to life. My own personality just doesn't allow me to let Fate control my life without a fight. And when I struggle, I always realize that there's no way to defy Fate. But I'm not satisfied with that, so I still fight on anyway. Sometimes, when I get tired of struggling, I always think, why am I this kind of person. If I could admit defeat and let Fate take over, my life would be a lot easier."
Allen's eyes softened, that sounds very much like her.
"I would never regret anything I do, so I don't regret fighting back. But I do doubt. After all, I'm only human. Those moments I often blame Fate. So when I think about it afterwards, Fate may actually not exist, it may just be something we humans can blame when we are in distress. Fate just becomes an excuse for the weak. If it's like that then Fate is such an unfortunate existence, always getting blamed." She laughed at her own words, they sound quite absurd out loud.
His chest felt something weird, like a tightening sensation. Her laugh. He was sure this was the first time he heard her laugh... It was a sound he would not mind listening to for eternity.
He stared at her face. The usual coldness, distance was gone. Her eyes, they weren't as piercing as they were before...right now they have warmth in them. Gentleness.
For some reason, she just seemed a little closer. Not the hard-to-approach girl with extreme superiority-complex, or a strong person to the point of almost feeling distant. "Thank you." He said.
She turned to him with a frown. "What are you thanking me for?" She asked, before noticing a strange expression he was wearing while staring at her. He was smiling gently in a grateful way, but the strange thing was that it was also mixed with some sort of loving affection. She shuddered, that's disgusting.
"Thank you for what you said. It helped me a lot." He smiled a little wider.
She glared at him, though he seemed unaffected. "Who said I was intending to help you?"
He laughed, her eyebrow twitched. "Of course you weren't intending to help me." His tone was like that of an adult talking to a simple-minded child. "But it still helped me, so thank you."
"I don't accept your thanks, they are unnecessary." She said coldly and looked away dismissively.
He shrugged. "You can't reject gratitude."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I accept and reject whatever I want."
She glared at him for a little while longer and he smiled at her for a little while longer. He was the one to break the momentary silence. "Now I know."
She blinked, what is he talking about?
"Now I know why you are wrong."
Superiority-complex instantly kicked in, he's going to prove her wrong, huh? Bring it on! Though she doesn't even know what he's going to prove her wrong on...
"You said friends and comrades are unnecessary, escaping loneliness is just an illusion. That's not true." He looked down to the floor. She blinked, oh that. She did tell him to prove her wrong when he can but...she doesn't want to. "It is true that throughout our journey of life, we walk our own path by ourselves, no one can walk it for us. But it is possible for others to walk beside you, going through life together, just being beside someone is of much importance. If you trip and fall, they can pull you up. If they fall, you can pull them up. Loneliness is not the fact you have to go through life by yourself, it is when there's no one there to be beside you when you need someone, it is when you trip and no one helps you. That's loneliness."
She frowned. "Pull each other up? That's nonsense, you get up by yourself. You have to do it yourself."
Allen thought about it. "Ok, I admit. Maybe not 'pull each other up', 'help' is more correct. Yeah, you are right. The actual act of getting up depends on yourself. But others can encourage you, others can give you a reason to pull yourself up, others can show you the path in front of you is worth walking and others can threaten you with loneliness. If they walk on and you are left behind, you become alone. Using that fear, others can force you to get up. If there's no one beside you, you may fall and never get up when you can still go on."
Desdemona frowned. "What made you believe that?"
"You." He said simply and firmly.
She blinked.
"You helped me and made me realize I'm not going through this alone. Even though I am the one who has to go through this, what you said really helped. No, the simple fact that you are here helped." He flashed her a smile.
Her heart did another...thing it does. She looked away quickly. What is that? And what on earth is the he saying? She never intended to help him in any way!
When her heart returned to beating normally on its merry way, she thought about his words and smiled. "Still saying such unrealistic and idealistic things, I see. You haven't changed."
He laughed. "And just then you said I was saying realistic things. Just admit it, I am right."
"Shut up." She replied so quickly it was almost funny.
He watched as she finally, finally put the last bit of the sandwich into her mouth. He smiled and reached out a hand to pat her on the head. "Good work."
She lightly slapped his hand away, "Don't touch me." She warned with narrowed eyes. Why is he treating her like that? Is he even alright?
He just smiled, idiotically.
Ok, he is not alright.
At that moment, the transmitter Desdemona forgot to take off buzzed, followed by the sound of static noise, then the horrifying voice came through.
"Desdemona. Beast." The dreaded voice of a very angered Head Nurse pronounced the girl's name so clearly and sharply that the girl flinched. Out of a pure feeling of doom, some pretty colourful language came from her mouth.
Allen blinked, what did she just say?
"Do mind your language young girl." The Head Nurse said in such a sickly calm tone that it was even more frightening than her screaming.
Allen leaned into the girl and put his ear next to the transmitter. Desdemona frowned, can he stop getting so close to her? "I do understand you have taken refuge within the Ark. And the missing ALLEN WALKER..." The boy flinched. They were doomed.
"Oh! What is that?" Some faint voice in the background said. The two escapees frowned.
"Hey look! It's a trail of food scraps! Allen must have left it!" Johnny, it was Johnny's voice.
When the words finally sank in, the two turned to each other with fear in their eyes. They turned to the door, watching the handle intently, fearing for its movement.
Desdemona reacted first. She jumped up and grabbed Allen by the collar, he stumbled forwards and accidentally knocked over the bag of food. Her eyes were cold and her voice was commanding. "Destroy that door, right now!"
Allen looked at her helplessly.
"Go play your song thing and wish for it to disappear, you said it yourself, right?"
His face became more helpless. "I didn't figure out how to destroy a gate...yet..." He mumbled quietly.
She let go/threw him down to the ground and turned her back on him with an angered 'Hmph'. He continued to stare at her with a helpless look. She paced the room with frantic footsteps and turned back to him. Holding him up by his collar again, she glared into his eyes. "Then you can at least create gates, right? Create a gate to somewhere else so we can get away from the Head Nurse!" Accordingly, she threw him onto the piano chair.
However, before Allen could position himself and play the song, the door slammed open. Standing in the doorway, was the most frightening woman in the world...
Head Nurse.
Honestly speaking, this chapter is long but nothing much happened. They just sat there and talked. XD I tried to make it better but can't seem to do it...
Didn't tell you guys before but I changed my pen name. No longer Kami666 but Kavilene. The old one was too cliché. XD
Still, hope you guys liked it.
PLEASE REVIEW!
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